Stewart North West England
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Post by Stewart North West England on Apr 13, 2016 16:30:21 GMT
Hi all,
First time on here. I've been struggling of late with a relationship that I'm in, but am happy nonetheless. My partner does have ADHD, but suffers with Dyslexia, depression, anxiety and addiction. To make things worse he is also in the closet. I can't imagine what life is like for him, and have always tried to just be there for him.
When I've met family members I'm just a friend, and they have asked me how I put up with him. (I like to think I'm the lucky one because I'm the one who he loves!). His brother recently asked me if he was bipolar because of how erratic he was asking... I don't have a clue how to work anything out... Anxiety and Depression go with Bipolar, and ADHD... Or is his erratic mood swings part of his ADHD.
I often feel lonely around him, he'll be up all night while I sleep and then when I get up he crashes and sleeps.. Or We'll sit to watch a film and he'll ask me by the end (having gone to do a million things) what happened, (even though I didn't want to watch, I'd seen it before! Haha).
I don't know how long a relationship like this can last (I've been over the moon for only 8 months!), any advice. Or any way I can help him feel comfortable around me. I have read not to go into parent mode, and never have, I only want to make him happy in this chaotic life!
Thanks everyone!
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Post by vagueandrandom on Apr 13, 2016 20:31:45 GMT
Hi Stewart Dyslexia, depression, anxiety, mood swings and addiction are sadly all too common with ADHD. Is he taking meds for anything, or just self-medicating? Erratic mood swings are very common and will probably be made worse with addiction to alcohol/drugs. ADHD and the associated comorbidities can all wreck self esteem, so I imagine coming out will be a huge thing to tackle. You seem to have read up and you seem to be doing the right things. Coping with a partner with addictions is hard enough on its own and you can't force someone to get help. Can you talk to him about how he feels and what he needs from you? I know that I can be a total nightmare in relationships, but the few that have been successful have been with someone who loves my erratic nature and supports me. I don't really have any more advice because I've wrecked every relationship I've ever had and I've not been in one since I was diagnosed. I wish you all the best.
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Stewart North West England
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Post by Stewart North West England on Apr 13, 2016 22:07:22 GMT
So the erratic mood swings are part of ADHD? I thought it was, but since his brother asked me about bipolar too, I thought I'd ask. Its not something I would directly ask him about, he's self conscience enough without the people closest to him talking about him openly behind his back!
He goes to meeting for ADHD, something he never talks about... Dunno what its about. I know he was given meds back in August, and he didn't like it. I don't think he has taken anything since... Self medication is the term! Haha. I read about it, he takes both weed and coke. The weed calms him down, and the coke I guess is some form of stimulant... Something to do with Dopamine...
I don't ever expect him to come out for me. That's a private and personal issue, and I'll never put pressure for him to do that. All I can do is tell him how happy he makes me, to be himself, and to remind him that I care.
I hope that you can find someone to be yourself around too! Thanks, S
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Post by vagueandrandom on Apr 14, 2016 12:50:19 GMT
Hi again!
Your last post is still only visible on the mobile site
As you're a guest (admin need to approve)
I'm the queen of the mood swing!
The main difference between ADHD swings and bipolar
is that bipolar ones are more extreme and longer lasting.
Saying that, they can also be comorbid.
Coke makes sense. . stimulants can calm us down and
give focus. . that's why legal stims are used
in treatment.
With a history of stim misuse, some drs won't prescribe
stimulant meds, which may be why he didn't get on with
his recent meds.
Be patient, but don't let him use ADHD or drugs as
an excuse. . you obviously love him, so keep loving him.
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Post by liverpoolpartner on Apr 14, 2016 15:51:49 GMT
Hey, its me. Decided I should join!
I know I need to have patience, always afraid to put pressure on him, but I do want to move things forward at some point! I'm happy for now!
He was given medication back in September, but he hasn't used them since... He didn't like how he felt on them, but I don't know if I should try and get him to try taking medication again. I don't want him to think that I want to change him, either way I'm there for him.
Any activities that you can recommend that he might enjoy? I don't like planning things, since he may get bored! Haha, I'm not sure a lecture on Inorganic Chemistry is gonna cut it for a date!
Thanks for your help and support!
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Post by vagueandrandom on Apr 16, 2016 8:26:53 GMT
Hi liverpoolpartner . . . Meds are not for everyone. . and everyone's different. . What does he like to do/ have an interest in? Sometimes I'm so indecisive I'm happy to have someone else to decide what to do (if it's something I like) and go along with it. I'm currently visiting a city I've never been to before, so everything's new and exciting to me! I'm quite happy to just walk around and look and chat, drink coffee. . . You'll have to address some of his issues at some point, but why not get to know him more deeply and spend time finding what he would like you to do together. . See if you can improve his self esteem. . .
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Post by liverpoolpartner on Apr 16, 2016 9:19:22 GMT
When are we going to get your self esteem up too? Haha, you don't have to stop having fun! Lol.
He loves music and films... He does rap, but because of his anxiety etc, feels like he could never do it in public etc. Which is a pity because he has a passion for it. I've just gotten him a Dictaphone so he can record stuff for me, (haven't given it to him yet, its a surprise). I'm not going to push anything for a while... Lets get the first year out of the way first!
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Post by vagueandrandom on Apr 18, 2016 13:52:30 GMT
Hi liverpoolpartner Stewart. . . how's it going? Got a bit of a self-esteem boost over the weekend, but am doing my best to pick it to pieces and bash it flat again
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