Treacle Mines describes my brain! I actually call my mind 'Brian' and after reading a post which mentioned 'brain mush' I've decided to give him a surname - henceforth my lovely brain is to be known as 'Brian Mush'
And come next year I will be adding letters after his name, to celebrate 10 years of diagnosis - PITA comes to mind as a first thought, but there will be others. I don't think it matters I have designated my brain as male even though I am female.
For some reason I read that as 'Cock-A-Blocky Mines' lol I've clearly been reading too much fanfiction
In the Discworld series they have treacle mines, where they mine treacle for use as a sweetener. Story is, it's sourced from extensive layers of sugarcane which were crushed and buried by the fall of the Fifth Elephant (it fell off the Great A'Tuin's back - the giant turtle that the Discworld sits on)
Today I woke up earlyish for a Saturday (5.40) and went in the kitchen and got that tidied and cleaned. (My heart sank when I first looked at it..)I thought I'd give Flylady techniques a go again - even if only some of it sticks. I put the radio on for company and just got on with it. ☺
I've been really lazy about looking for a new car - my current one, Mabel III is 17 years old. Lazy as in avoiding the stress of finding a new one without picking a duff one. But yesterday I was in an accident, when a young lad made a mistake and slammed right into the side of me - so now I have to start looking, and not looking forward to it.
On the funny side... I was only a short distance from home and as my car seemed driveable I drove it back. Parking is a bit limited by us and I made several manouvers to get tight into a low wall so I wasn't blocking the way, taking very great care, as I did so, not to scrape the nearside. Then I got out and realised I really needn't have worried about scraping it as my car is written off anyway! ☺
So maybe 'lazy' is sometimes apt. I still haven't managed to get dressed yet either, although I have been doing stuff, slowly.
Prompted by a post by The Lady of the Wonderings...
I'm a Leo, and when I'm trying to explain to NTs at work the issues caused by ADHD I wonder if they're thinking I'm unbearably self-centred and all 'Me, Me, Me'!! It won't stop me trying to get the message across though, even if I do get frustrated and cry, as I did on Thursday afternoon, after one of the most boring days at a really quiet office and being shown how to scan and mark up customer documents. I have to learn in my own way????
In my experience my ADHD has got worse as I've progressed through the 'Mean-opause' - spelling to reflect its hatefulness - and why I cry more.
I was sort of philosophical about having to get a new car but om Monday as I drove home I realised I had a real problem with the exhaust and Mabel isn't looking too good. As the car is a write-off there's nothing that can be done about it so until I new car I have to live with it.
And I had to find my V5... and I couldn't find it, of course. And I was STRESSED as my paper mountain, all things paper in storage boxes, plastic wallets, piles, but not in any order, obviously, resulted in me picking up one piece at a time in a slow and controlled fashion after the second round of rifling through everything in a panicked, maniacal, I'm losing my marbles, 'I must have thrown it out' way. Which is unlikely as the paper mountain is proof I tend to keep all things paper (except newspapers and pizza flyers).
I was in a hyperfocused state and oblivious to the passage of time and anything else until Kiki barked to let me know she needed a pee, urgently.
I gave up and went on line to find out how to get a replacement. DVLA advises it takes 4 weeks by post, quicker by phone, but doesn't say how quick.
After tea I went in the paper hole to finish looking, went to put a book back on the bookcase and put my hands on the V5. Must have put it there for safekeeping with my birth and marriage certificates. ????
On a positive note I can now sit down and put my paperwork in the pretty files I bought for the purpose a few months ago.
On a positive note I can now sit down and put my paperwork in the pretty files I bought for the purpose a few months ago.
The ones bought from the "I really am going to get myself organised" shop? There is a branch near me and the files are still pristine in their packaging. They work better that way, like cheese they need to mature a little.
Yes! That'll be near the one selling 'Round Tuits' - I know them well Every town should have one. I bought pretty ones so I'd be inspired to use them as the bright red ones hadn't worked and are now boxed up in the garage
Dry the washing I did yesterday but left in the machine.
Hoover downstairs. Sweep and wash tiled floors. 20 minutes
Sort out miscellaneous clothes for charity shop. 20 mins
Go into study and file paperwork. One hour or 20 mins x 3
Wipe black mark off front door frame. 5 mins
Iron the one basket of ironing ... an hour? But watch catch up tv while doing it.
Take some pictures of and admire new raised beds in my garden... the work done yesterday almost wholly by the man who lives here ... I stood on the sleepers while he cut them and handed over tape measure, etc, as required Several more of them to be made. Also got to dig out an area to extend patio, dig out and widen path around the house with a sleeper wall to hold lawn back, new fence on one side to match the others. Path to lay from house to back gate. Paved area to side with 1 or 2 raised veg beds.
My house is a modest one which I bought because it was the one I could afford. There were compromises made.
It's tucked away and doesn't have a front garden - only a path leading to what looks like a candidate for the narrowest house. But it opens up when you're inside and has a large garden. More importantly, it has a high degree of privacy - which I didn't think I'd find. It's all down to the layout of the houses. So the compromise at the front is more than made up for once through the door. Great for the anti-social hermit side of me!
I also hate feeling 'watched' - it makes me want to retreat inside. I totally love this garden for that reason; my last one had lower fences and the risk of having to talk to neighbours when I wasn't in the mood to chat. I'd put earphones in (not connected to anything) to avoid chit-chat.
So this morning I have been counting my blessings and feel content and calm. However, that will all end tomorrow when I get in the car for work.
And still haven't sorted out a new car though. The thought of looking is paining me.
Had one foray to a dealer's forecourt. My dad went with me as he feels it is safer buying from a proper dealer. My budget won't stretch to that though, but I felt I must look and I love my dad and didn't want to hurt his feelings!
Anyway, we stepped inside and were approached by a lovely lady who asked what we were looking for. Dad explained we were 'looking for a car for my daughter' at which point she asked whether said daughter was looking for something small and youthful like an xyz (can't remember the name) but basically a model suitable for a twenty-youngthing who wanted a car she could park in her handbag! What I call a 'two front seats and six inch boot space'. I said 'actually it's for me'.
There was a fair degree of confusion / embarassment on her face as she realised I wasn't 'wife' but 'daughter' LOL until I thought, 'I'd better start using that youth cream'.
omg I bet she was mortified ... is there anything specific you like the look of car-wise? Gumtree sometimes has some hidden gems, and theres always auto-trader too if you don't like wandering around car showrooms, or if your anything like me and walking around car showrooms is very dangerous grounds!
I've been extremely lucky with my car. I went, on a whim to have a 'look', the sales place was opposite the gym where I had just been. Id been saving up, had about 3000 i think it was but was aiming for 4/5000. Anyway... spotted a shiny red corsa and half an hour later had all the forms signed, 1000 on finance (which isn't loads but never planned for finance) and my old car down as a deposit.
I didn't even take it for a test-drive never mind look under the bonnet or anything (not that id have had a clue what I was looking for). But its passed its MOT twice now with minimal work needing to be done - Thank God.
Thanks Smogz for your advice, much appreciated! I think I will be going down private seller route, anyway. I have an aversion to narrower cars and hate not being able to flex my arms upwards/outwards at the elbow when sitting in traffic. I'm a fidgetty sitter. Most cars on forecourts will be out of my range. Trouble is I want garden to be sorted too otherwise I'd expand the budget☺ I won't go for finance even on impulse... too tight! And definitely would have a test drive as I have Ducks Disease - ie my bottom's near the ground (low slung bum) and many cars were uncomfortable with my short legs, when I last looked. Mind you expect cars have better drivers seat adaptability these days.
Well I did achieve something today. I paid my council tax and must look at the rest tonight.
Curry for supper this evening and will have to put the Chinese bits and pieces in the freezer - touch of confuddlement in Sainsburys.
I find myself watching other shoppers. Apparently I stare at people. I don't mean to - it's just fascinating watching!
A few weeks' ago I watched a woman trying to reach one of the last four-pints of semi-skimmed, right at the back and the bottom of a milk cage. She was performing all sorts of contortions to reach it. So I said, 'You want to watch it - I'm not sure Sainsburys approve of gymnastics in the aisles! Can I give you hand? ☺ As I deftly flipped up the empty shelves and reached for the bottle I had a quiet smile and wondered if she might be an adder too. She said she hadn't realised they did that. And tbh neither had I until after I'd performed a similar routine a few years ago.
Worst nights sleep last night. Felt like I only got short sleeps in between a lot of restlessness. Brain is so weary I'm buying ready meal for tonight and going to bed at 7.30 after I've changed the bed.
Got to sort out insurance for car (bought drive it home insurance yesterday which runs out this evening).
Yesterday morning I got a call from my dad. He'd arranged for a car to be dropped off so that I could have a look at it. He'd done that to take the pressure off me. If the car was right then job done. Unfortunately, it wasn't the one. It felt all wrong when I was inside it, plus it was an automatic.
I've driven automatics when I was young but I actually like the gear changing etc. It helps my mind which is contrary to probably every other member of my family's experience.
The price was just right too. I felt awful saying it wasn't the car for me but it did give me a kick up the backside to go out
8 mins past time I should have stopped being on here.
Didn't hang washing up last night. Nothing suitable to wear for work... will try ironing it dry. Stuff it stuff it stuff it.
Usually trousers are my issue. I buy them but don't get around go shortening them... Too stressful so I put off doing it. I know I'm prone to exaggeration but, seriously, I have 13 pairs of trousers and jeans hanging up ready to be shortened. So I alternate between two identical pairs - both of which are 'going home' and tatty.
Then on days like this I find myself seriously considering wearing an unshortened pair and then imagine shuffling and lurching into work. I haven't worn a skirt for years - and I mean 20 years plus. Stopped when I put weight on.
I must lose weight but sabotage myself everyday. And that's another reason for trying meds and hopefully some therapy to help my self esteem.
If celebs & successful people don't take meds because they're afraid of being normal and losing their spark/uniqueness then I am the opposite.
I just want to experience something like boringly organised and regular routines.
The man who lives here is medicated and has routines. He gets himself out of the house on time. He eats breakfast.
In theory I should be stick thin considering the number of times I'm up and down the stairs in the morning... in pointless circles.
It has also been pointed out I don't get enough sleep. Which is true, but as I am the only one who does any cooking of meals - which stresses the 'chuff' out of me - I don't have 'me' time. I feel it's all hopeless. I made a total cock up of the meal last night and cried. That's when I wish things were different.
The only time I've been slim since leaving home was was when I lived alone. I was out and about and I had a social life and I didn't have the chore of cooking or having to think about what to cook - none of the pressure. Or the unshared sheer effing boredom of shopping for food.
I have been told I think too much about food. Which is true. I do know I need to eat regularly or turn ratty. Yes, I do comfort eat, but that's done without thinking. But I am also 'obliged' to think about food, so much so, I feel chained.
I can't be fat and unhappy for the rest of my life.
I have to make a few small changes to start improving things.
1. Create a launch pad for the morning exit routine.
2. Eat breakfast.
3. Stop eating bad snacks.
4. Get more sleep.
These are basic things and in theory are 'easily achievable'.
These are what I will concentrate on.
And 5. Doing the ironing early Sunday mornings.
Ooh, a plan of action. Which sounds good as I'm the only one who can stop me feeling sorry and pathetic.
Today I must also phone clinic and find when appt for meds is. Think about it everyday but forget.
Now... if I can find a bra, I will be truly happy!
Bra found. Call made to clinic. List made at weekend of jobs.
FAIL: forgot to take bag with my mum's shoes (been in my old car for about 8 months' and found when clearing out the boot) around to mum and dads. The same bag with my sister in law's present and birthday cards in it (mislaid and found three times- now over a month overdue.:(
Another day at work. I don't want to go.
I have no hope of bettering my salary as I am unable to exceed the criteria on which we are appraised. And never will be able to! So I plod on.
Which is why I am pinning a lot of hope on meds and trying not to think about if they don't help. I am at a loss re finding strategies to assist because I don't have the time to think clearly at work and don't want to think about it at home.
When I moved house I signed up at local GP. Wish I hadn't done so. My GP must be the only one in our area who does not support shared care. I rang my clinic to see when I might expect next appointment for meds assessment but was told my GP had declined to get involved in shared care.
I was going to post this in the thread about stalled careers. Stalled?? LOL (not). T
Stalled implies take-off has occurred. I've only experienced a complete lack of direction, in any direction, since the 'career' word first slapped me on the chops at school. There's been no plan. No burning desire. No real confidence I could be a success at anything.
Current situation - my job which used to be straightforward has turned into a messy, bitty, chaotic thing of many parts over which I have no autonomy - so I cannot organise my own time to get the work done or to even make it near achievable and I am feeling sick.
Chopping and changing tasks at no or little notice without the slightest element of control over my work is draining. Things get left undone or overlooked. My once lovely-ish job is now my nightmare. I have zero sense of achievement. But there are no accommodations. No glimmer of hope. The business needs don't allow it.
I dread my journey in. I look forward to escape. But can't think when I get home as Brian is too tired - can't just relax and be.