Post by LouiseL on Jan 20, 2017 1:36:00 GMT
Hello everyone,
Thank you in advance for reading and responding.
I have a been friends with a lovely woman living with ADHD. I care about her deeply and value our friendship. I sincerely love her exuberance, energy and playful spirit. I appreciate her sense of organization and how attached she is to her label-maker I think she is great, and I appreciate her strengths and challenges. Although our temperaments are very different (I'm calm and present, my metabolism and lifestyle are slower and less hectic, I have been blessed with a nearly photographic and auditory memory, etc.). I didn't know that much about ADHD when we first met, and she has helped me to understand and appreciate how her non neuro-typical brain works. We seemed to have found a "groove" that works for us.
Her ADHD takes up lots of space in our relationship and it is something that we talk about openly. Most of our conversations are about how I can understand, accept and accommodate her. It's helping me grow by challenging the "normal" narrative, my own assumptions, and certain capacities that I take for granted. That is the positive side.
The flip side is that it seems very hard for her to understand that there are some instances when I need for her to show some sensitivity and consideration when I experience her words and actions as deeply hurtful. Her responses have been so dismissive and completely self-centered. I don't know how to get her to understand that she sometimes has to offer the same understanding, acceptance and compassion she wants in response to her ADHD. How do I get her to see a larger perspective where all humans (even the ones we assume are "normal') have issues, illnesses, challenges, and vulnerabilities. How can I get her to understand that her ADHD doesn't automatically erase my health and mental health challenges? How can I elicit some compassion from her?
I feel like she is interpreting my kindness as an invitation to treat me like shit...how do I change my perspective so that we can take things less personally and mend our friendship?
Again, thank you in advance for your insight and suggestions.
Thank you in advance for reading and responding.
I have a been friends with a lovely woman living with ADHD. I care about her deeply and value our friendship. I sincerely love her exuberance, energy and playful spirit. I appreciate her sense of organization and how attached she is to her label-maker I think she is great, and I appreciate her strengths and challenges. Although our temperaments are very different (I'm calm and present, my metabolism and lifestyle are slower and less hectic, I have been blessed with a nearly photographic and auditory memory, etc.). I didn't know that much about ADHD when we first met, and she has helped me to understand and appreciate how her non neuro-typical brain works. We seemed to have found a "groove" that works for us.
Her ADHD takes up lots of space in our relationship and it is something that we talk about openly. Most of our conversations are about how I can understand, accept and accommodate her. It's helping me grow by challenging the "normal" narrative, my own assumptions, and certain capacities that I take for granted. That is the positive side.
The flip side is that it seems very hard for her to understand that there are some instances when I need for her to show some sensitivity and consideration when I experience her words and actions as deeply hurtful. Her responses have been so dismissive and completely self-centered. I don't know how to get her to understand that she sometimes has to offer the same understanding, acceptance and compassion she wants in response to her ADHD. How do I get her to see a larger perspective where all humans (even the ones we assume are "normal') have issues, illnesses, challenges, and vulnerabilities. How can I get her to understand that her ADHD doesn't automatically erase my health and mental health challenges? How can I elicit some compassion from her?
I feel like she is interpreting my kindness as an invitation to treat me like shit...how do I change my perspective so that we can take things less personally and mend our friendship?
Again, thank you in advance for your insight and suggestions.