ant
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Post by ant on Feb 7, 2017 10:43:25 GMT
Hi Everyone,
I'm new here and basically signed up as I'm not sure what to do.
Basically, my wife, who's a teacher, recently went on a course about Dyslexia where they also discussed ADHD. She came home basically saying she thought I had ADHD... I thought she was joking until I looked at the signs and just couldn't believe how perfectly that explained my life!
It also explains my wife's comments of 'I couldn't live in your head' when I've forgotten something/ been distracted for the 1000th time or doubting my decisions after just making it a second before and the fact I am currently writing on a forum instead of doing work that was due yesterday
My problem now is, is it worth looking to get a formal diagnosis?
I have read posts on here of people who have seemed to be more impacted in their lives than me struggle to be taken seriously.
I have always had this, looking back when I was a child but have no school records to hand. The main thing is, I have managed... I got my PhD despite it taking a FAR longer than it should have, I am able to make friends (although I never remember people's names / kids names / what they do / what they did on holiday etc... which makes me look rather self-centered), I have HUGE struggles with procrastination and on time delivery at work but have done OK despite that as my enthusiasm and energy seem to get me through.
So I just reckon a GP will just say ... well it's not done you any harm has it? now on your way....
But the idea that there are things out there which could help me focus, remember, not get completely drained of ANY energy at all when doing something mundane or that I'm not sure I'll do it well, seems amazing.
I was really wondering what some of you think... Genuinely! Does there seem like any point trying to look into this further as, from the outside, it looks like I haven't been impacted by it.
Many thanks in advance!!
Here are the symptoms I have from the list provided on the site:
carelessness and lack of attention to detail.
continually starting new tasks before finishing old ones.
poor organisational skills.
inability to focus, or prioritise.
continually losing, or misplacing, things.
forgetfulness.
restlessness and edginess.
difficulty keeping quiet, and speaking out of turn.
blurting responses, and poor social timing when talking to others.
often interrupting others.
mood swings.
irritability and a quick temper.
inability to deal with stress.
extreme impatience.
taking risks in activities, often with little, or no, regard for personal safety, or the safety of others.
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Post by vagueandrandom on Feb 8, 2017 10:38:01 GMT
Hi ant Ah ha! The eternal question ". . and what do you hope to gain from a diagnosis? " I was diagnosed at 48 and have always 'managed' I have an MA, but have never managed to hold down a 'proper' job. .I've developed complex organisational systems an coping strategies . . .yes, from the outside, I'm coping and people think I'm funny. . .it's hard to admit, even to yourself that you're really struggling to keep everything together . . .you sound like this . .and, on reflection you might find there are things you've crossed off in the symptoms list, which are there, but you're unaware of . .getting a diagnosis is a personal thing. . .just knowing for me has been a massive help! Medication might help you, but understanding why I am how I am, not being so hard on myself and learning new, more positive coping mechanisms has been really helpful for me. In the end, it's up to you.
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ant
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Post by ant on Feb 9, 2017 7:48:18 GMT
Thanks vagueandrandom!
I really do think just knowing has been a real eye opener. I'm listening to a book about ADD and hearing some of the cases and what people do, it's weird, stuff I thought was me being a bit rubbish is happening to other people. These things and traits I thought of as being very personal are a result of how my brain works and I am really finding it hard to get my head round.
I mean, I don't want to stop trying to overcome the problems, but then I don't know how to overcome them as it seems like it's not just a case of 'just suck it up and work harder at it'.
The thing is with getting official diagnose, is until I do, I feel like a fraud, especially in other people's eyes. I can just see them thinking... yeah, right, that's your excuse for being messy/forgetful. I haven't mentioned it to many people because I don't want people looking out for my slip-ups and therefore noticing them more. But my sister-in-law has already said 'you haven't got ADD, I had a boyfriend who had it an he needed medication'.... but then again... do I need people to know anyway?
vagueandrandom, knowing some of my major seemingly self-inflicted failings look linked to ADD does help with the guilts about it all.
I would like medication if it means I could focus and be more productive... which I genuinely want to be... but with the NHS as it is I doubt that will happen and my wife is the idea of medication as I am coping and managing in my way.
I think finding the new more positive coping mechanisms that you mentioned is really going to be the way forward.
Also... just posting this has been very therapeutic!! Thanks!
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Post by vagueandrandom on Feb 9, 2017 11:01:12 GMT
ant I'm glad this is your reaction. . .it's difficult to get your head round as the only point of reference we all have for how brains work is our own, and to suddenly discover the way that you think and react is so much different from the 'norm' takes some getting used to . . . getting to understand your brain and your strengths and weaknesses helps . . ADHD isn't an excuse and you shouldn't stop trying to . .not 'overcome' . . more work round and work 'with' . .accept that the way you were trying before was just setting you up to fail. . so either accept that you're not going to be able to do it the same way and try a different way, or set different levels of achievement. . I'm careful about who I tell as I've had some really negative reactions. .I'd like to be totally open as I'm not ashamed of who I am and ADHD makes me more intense and creative and fun and loads of positive things. .we so often dwell on the negative. . As regards getting officially diagnosed. .you may be lucky and live in an area with a great ADHD service, if so, go for it! I think it's always worth trying Medication because you'll never know if it helps unless you try and it helps a lot of people. . . I didn't respond well to stimulants so I'm trying self-help and trying to understand myself better. . .and campaigning for better awareness and services for everyone with ADHD and other neurodiversities . .
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jakk1e
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Post by jakk1e on Feb 10, 2017 23:46:21 GMT
Hi ant.
I just signed on here too. I actually had the diagnosis as a child and through school had medication but it started when I was quite young and I don't remember being sat down and talked to about it. Then I finished school stopped the medication and still noone explained.
I'm so pleased since seeing a news report on adults with adhd that my life makes sense again but as with you, I am coping.... Or should I say functioning by way of bare minimum when it comes to important things anyway.
I'm actually slightly envious of your outlook. I personally will be looking for professional confirmation and help.
I don't want to feel like I'm dragging myself through every day any more though.
I don't want to cope, I want to be good or great even.
Maybe given time I'll get used to the idea and some help with coping mechanisms may put me on a path I'm happy with.
I guess you need to do what seems right to you.
There is no right answer.
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algenon
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Post by algenon on Feb 11, 2017 22:24:10 GMT
Hi Ant I'm 44 and was diagnosed with ADD around 4 years ago. I was prescribed Concerta and (after a few adjustments to the dose) it has served me well...sometimes amazingly so. Certainly, my wife noticed a gradual (and eventually, quite striking) improvement in my short-term memory and I came to realise this too. That's not to say it wasn't hard work. Whilst my "new abilities" were very welcome, I realised that there was no magic switch, although this should have been obvious. I was, after all, warned of this and that I would need to develop the skills that most people (i.e. those without ADD/ADHD) had learned throughout their lives (organisational skills etc) as I was, somewhat, "late to the party". I was also told not to be too hard on myself (who...me? ) and that the Concerta would merely serve to "level the mental playing-field", making development of these skills possible. That (as it's turned out) was a pretty accurate description. My advice, therefore, is "yes" it is worth getting diagnosed. Knowing is quite a comfort, although you may go through periods of anger and frustration too. You will also encounter varying levels of acceptance/scepticism from others, if you choose to divulge this information. I've largely kept it to myself, until very recently (more on that below). A word of warning, however. I've recently had something of "relapse", following a chain of stressful events (read this if you want more details...http://aadduk.proboards.com/post/103115) that sent me in a downward spiral over the course of about 6 months. This culminated in issues in both my personal and professional relationships and I was, eventually, signed off work for a fortnight (expiring on Monday). I have done an awful lot of searching (both online and in my head) to try to get to the bottom of it. On seeing my ADD doctor and talking through my recent troubles, last week, I have come to understand that (whilst the stress I was under definitely impacted the effectiveness of my medication, in the same way that stress affects everyone) I have an awful lot of unresolved issues around confidence in my ability and personal self-worth. These are deep routed in my psyche and (most probably) the result of a mixture of being told I was clumsy/lazy as a child and life-long feelings that I wasn't "getting it" when those around me were (at school and in work). These issues are making getting back to where I was exceptionally difficult - particularly as I had made so much progress, only to fall from the higher rungs of the "ability ladder". I didn't fall all the way to the bottom, you understand, but it hit me hard - once I accepted there was a major problem. So...back to work on Monday. Apprehensive doesn't even touch the surface of how I feel and I'm probably not going to be very nice to be around on Sunday evening, as zero hour approaches. This may or may not be amplified by the fact that I have told my boss of my issues for the first time. As much as I hated doing so, the decline in my productivity and equally dramatic increase in my amnesia made it impossible not to say something. I hope this will offer me some room to get back into the swing of things. Then again...who knows? Good luck...
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ant
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Post by ant on Feb 13, 2017 9:03:47 GMT
Thanks for your responses!!
Jakk1e... thanks for the advice... I 'm just not sure what seems right as I don't know how good it could be and how much of a fight it would be to get there.
Algenon... firstly... good luck getting back to work today!! Hopefully, once you're in and the initial anxiety of going back has subsided you will find it OK. and also thank you for sharing your experience (I read your other post). I'm a people manager Algenon and feel really sorry that you haven't got an supportive manager - I've had that an it is absolutely infuriating and demoralising. That's one big part of my job I feel could really be improved and has been affected by lack of memory/concentration. I really struggle to remember what my team have been up to. I take loads of notes about their work. But feel they would feel it a bit weird if I took notes about where they're going on holiday, their kids names etc... But if I could just retain that sort of info I feel like it'd really make me a far more impactful manager.
So I really feel that I could be a better husband, dad and worker. I have so many ideas etc... but, as I know I'm rubbish in seeing them through, organising everything that needs doing, I shy away from opportunities.
Thinking about it ... my main hurdle is that initial discussion with a GP who I feel sure will think I'm some over-reacting attention seeker. But I do have a thing at work where we have access to 3 'virtual' GP sessions, so might feel a bit less judged if over a videocall.... Just need to get the guts up to do it. But then I just think that I am doing OK and would the getting diagnosed and helped in the system just end up being another distraction for me that will take ages and be counterproductive if the help I get doesn't end up making things any better.
The above is the circle of thought I am basically stuck in ... which just leads me to do nothing.
But if I had help I could get out of these kind of loops and my main hurdle is the initial.... (repeat as above).
Thank you Jakk1e, Algenon and Vagueandrandom... Just having heard your thoughts and sharing mine has been great!
I will see if I can take the first steps and post any updates if I break the vicious circle of doubt I'm in.
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jakk1e
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Post by jakk1e on Feb 13, 2017 17:36:32 GMT
Hi Ant.
I'm glad you appreciated my thoughts because it was a total rant and new day means new ranty thoughts do it seems I myself am also going round in circles.
Looks like my insurance will only cover up to £1000 per year and won't cover prescriptions. I very much doubt that would give me the answers /help I'm looking for.... (a magic wand)
I mentioned it to my sister today who asked the right questions but her instinct was the same as my mid-term but very casual partner.... Your a grown up. Try harder.
Ho hum. I wonder what I'll think tomorrow?
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algenon
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Post by algenon on Feb 13, 2017 22:22:14 GMT
Evening Both First up... jakk1e - That is exactly the kind of sh*tty, ignorant attitude you don't need...and from those who (presumably) know you best. You must feel pretty lonely right now and I feel for you. I am exceptionally lucky. It was actually my wife who first suggested that I go to see someone about my issues. So poor was my short-term memory, she even suspected early on-set Alzheimer's. No joke. She also researched my symptoms online and was fairly convinced it was ADD (or similar) by the time I first went looking for help. I initially went to see my regular GP whose response was "Hey! I'm dyslexic, but you just have to get on with it, don't you?" Apparently, the fact I had reached my mid-late 30s, had a job and family (and hadn't starved to death?!) was proof that my concerns were unfounded and/or simply not worth NHS funding. Eventually, on my fourth appointment (with a fourth, different, GP) I was listened to and referred. My wife attended appointment no.4, but also appointment no.3, to stress the seriousness of the situation. Even with her testimony, GP no. 3 couldn't comprehend there actually was something amiss. GP no.4 was the youngest (and presumably, least experienced) of them all. He was, however, someone who was still of the opinion that he should listen to the patient (and his spouse). He was also enthusiastic about medical developments, stating that he had read something about Adult ADD in the BMJ. Lastly, he couldn't apologise enough for the attitude of GPs 1-3. Ant - Do yourself a favour. Listen to this: www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b011c0nnThere is a chap who has ADHD and was in trouble a lot from early childhood. I don't have the "H" so I didn't identify with his story, but I did with a lot of the rest of the programme. It also helped me to hear others (including Rory Bremner) have a laugh about some of the peculiarities of the condition. There is even reference to how good people with ADD/ADHD can be at certain things - that it's not all bad - that some traits are positive. You say "I really feel that I could be a better husband, dad and worker." Is that not reason enough to pursue diagnosis? I can tell you, I felt exactly the same and (my recent "blip" aside) I have been all three - a far better version of me - for the vast majority of the last 4 years. Pursuing diagnosis is, without doubt, the best thing I have ever done. It doesn't make it go away (and my God you have to work hard) but it is a huge step in the right direction. By the way...thanks for your good wishes for today. You know what? It wasn't half as bad as I thought it would be - largely thanks to a co-worker who not only kept things running for me in my absence, but made sure my return was as stress-free as possible. She didn't know why I was off work - just that I was having a bad time of things. I told her why today and of my ADD. She reacted really positively. She has huge anxiety issues, so we can probably help each other. Better than that, she also now understands why I have 1000s of emails in my inbox and will be less likely to nag me about it! That said, I am working to reduce these by allocating a set amount of time to them each day. I also have an appointment with my local MIND centre this week, to start working on those confidence issues. Two weeks on from my relapse and (probably my lowest ebb) I am feeling better than I have in months. I'm not going to kid myself it's all gone away this time and just need to keep up the momentum... Lastly...remember that people like me, jakk1e and vagueandrandom all get what you are going through. To that end, whether you seek diagnosis or not, you can be assured you are not alone.
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Post by vagueandrandom on Feb 14, 2017 0:02:44 GMT
Yes. . .in response to everyone else. .
if diagnosis will make you a better person. .why not?
If you want to know my extremely long and unresolved story, it's all on here. .
and I don't want to put anyone off . .just knowing has been such a help for me . .
would like more, but . . .it's not the end of the world, it's a beginning of a new and
more positive life . . .meds help a lot of people, but even if you're unlucky you can
help yourself . . .and diagnosis will stop your feelings of self doubt (a bit)
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ant
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Post by ant on Feb 16, 2017 8:29:25 GMT
Glad it went well on your first day back Algenon, and that you've found someone to talk to at work. (and thanks for the link... it wasa good listen!)
Jakk1e, sorry to hear about your sister's response. But was listening to an audiobook on ADD and apparently families are generally not too keen to accept the idea of ADD as it reframes the whole past relationship... and we fear change. I also think it's just that ADHD/ADD is still seen as just an excuse for being forgetful/badly behaved.
and Vagueandrandom, I've looked through your story and I don't feel it would put me off but just shows the reality of what the situation can be.
Well... I NEARLY called my private health guys to arrange a virtual GP call to discuss potential ADD. But wussed out of it. I'm working from home tomorrow so will call them/book an appointment then... The worst part is I have a lot of menial tasks to do at work these days which has mad things really hard to get done. I feel that if I had a full focused day, working like when I'm 'on it', I could get a week's work done in a day.
Algenon, you mentioned the positive side to ADD. Hearing that is also a bit freaky though as most of my string points in my job are that I'm innovative, imaginative, questioning of how things are done, enthusiastic, fun.... and now it's like, well that's your ADD. Which I'm not sure how to get my head round. On a good side... it does explain my inability to stay awake during dull meetings. I don't just mean drifting off... I mean eyes rolling not being able to physically stay awake (I looked up narcolepsy for it previously).
So, Friday I will have done something to move things forward, but I have no illusions it will be a quick fix seeing what people have said.
And Thanks for your support!! Nice to vent and get other perspectives without worrying about the skeptics!
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jakk1e
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Post by jakk1e on Feb 20, 2017 17:34:42 GMT
So... This morning I quite spontaneously decided to take the next very small step to being diagnosed.
I rang my doctor (who said categorically there was nothing he could do) and told him I'd found SLAM and that they take national referrals. He agreed to put forward a request for funding to ccg.
Having looked up this process I'm a little confused. How can he put forward a compelling argument to get me funding based on a 1minute "I think I've got" conversation??
This afternoon the occ hl team called me to discuss what measures they could put in place to assist me with work. I allowed my boss to put me forward to them purely because I work for an American company and they are based over there. Knowing that the US have diagnosed and treated adhd in adults for over 50 year's I thought they may have some tricks up their sleeves.
Anyway the woman asked me to give an example of how it effects my work and I was cringing while hearing my self explain that after psyching myself up to do something and getting started I would find myself in the kitchen 10 minutes later making a cup of tea I didn't even remember deciding I wanted.....
Anyway she's going to send me an email with some info but I'm not holding out hope for a magic fix.
Despite going through these processes I still don't think I've found the answer to your question though.
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algenon
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Post by algenon on Feb 20, 2017 22:04:12 GMT
Evening All jakk1e...you're right. Everything takes so damn long. You are further down the road than you were, however, so try to stay positive. It will come...eventually. Hang in there. ant - How did you get on last Friday? Any luck? It sounds like we do similar jobs. If you're anything like me (and if it hasn't already) it will occur to you that getting treatment/medication for your ADD might do away with the useful skills it affords you. Despite my shortcomings, I like quite a lot of my characteristics...presumably, some of them are what attracted my wife to me in the first place (as well as friends and acquaintances) after all. I was concerned that taking my medication would change me completely...turn me into someone else. I was assured this wouldn't happen and that the meds would simply put me on a more equal footing to those who don't have ADD. It turns out this was pretty accurate. I am very much still me...just more focused than I used to be...most of the time, anyway. All of the above said, I had a hard day at work today. I had quite a busy weekend (mentally) and I had difficulty concentrating, but I did find that some of the new strategies I have adopted saw me through. It's not rocket science, but I have to be seriously determined. I log every single task I have to do there and then - before I forget. If I'm away from my desk, I write it down and log it as soon as I get back to my desk. I then review at regular intervals and tick things off as I complete them. Gives me something to show for my day, which is a great help when you know you've worked hard but can't (for the life of you) remember actually what you did. I also have an app on my phone now called "aTimelogger". It's pretty straightforward...you simply press a "button" to activate the timer as you start a task and do the same when you finish. It allows you to categorise your tasks. It also produces reports (I believe) but I don't use them. It is more about keeping me aware of what I am doing at the time (and how long I've been doing it for) which seems to be enough to keep me more on track. We'll see if it lasts...it has to, if I'm going to stay where I am at present (psychologically). It's quite a novelty to view my phone as something that helps me, rather than merely distract me - bit of a love/hate relationship until now. I went to an appointment with MIND towards the end of last week - the third element of my battle to sort myself out. As my Specialist advised, my issues are as much to do with personal confidence and self-esteem as they are ADD. Both are, of course, largely the result of a lifetime of struggling and the criticism that came/comes with it. The lady I saw was probably half my age, but she was great. She gave me a chance to talk (I'm good at that) and really listened. It was nice to speak to someone completely devoid of my daily life/situation. She also suggested attending some group sessions for people with confidence issues, which I'm considering. I'm due back again this week for another one-to-one and quite looking forward to it. Onward...and (hopefully) upwards!
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ant
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Post by ant on Feb 23, 2017 9:34:22 GMT
Well done Jakk1e... you've taken the first steps which takes a lot of courage! You should be well chuffed with that.
Algenon ... thanks for the insight into medication and hints on time management. I've downloaded the app to hopefully help me see just how much time each day I am actually productive. Trying to get that up as high as possible could be a great way of motivating me to work... writing this is being logged as 'internet' just now.
It also sounds like talking to someone is helpful... I suppose it is like writing on here is helpful for me at this stage.
So ... from my side... no progress. I chickened out of calling the docs... Why? uhm... good question.... I haven't really thought about why I''m putting it off so let's see:
1) I'm worried the doctor's will think I'm a hypochondriac looking for attention/excuses. I have had a few minor things I have been to the doctor for which they have basically said 'It's nothing ... just need tto wait' (knee injury being the latest)... So I feel my card is marked and if I need to go back for something that might not be urgent, I am kind of keeping my powder dry for my knee injury as it's still not improving after 6 months, but the docs said just wait about 1 month ago... so might need to go back.
2) After a chat with my wife, she reckons I'm not 'bad enough' to be prescribed anything and even if I was to get medication, she'd feel uncomfortable me taking that kind of medication. She was the one that made me aware of adult ADD and 100% thinks I have it. Just that she sees me as doing fine in life.. But I suppose she doesn't see when/how I struggle....
3) The effort of the battle... I am struggling to get everything done in my life between work and life stuff. Shower needs fixed, car MOT, work to be done, kids to look after, holiday to book, cattery to find etc... I just don't think I have the battle in me to fight for help, especially due to 1+2 above i.e. I probably won't be taken seriously and am probably not outwardly bad enough to get anything.
4) being very honest... I do worry about the perception of ADD. Either people thinking I'm a fraud or thinking I'm 'not right in the head'. Would I have to mention it when taking out insurance, to my employer? Would work stop giving me opportunities if they knew?
... looking at that, it does seem my main blockers are other people's perceptions. I'm worried what doctors, my wife, family, work and the rest of the world will think. Not sure if that 's really a good reason to not do anything... but I hadn't really thought about it before today.
Algenon, hearing how talking to someone 'outside' the daily life seemed to help... maybe I can phone my works helpline. It's basically a confidential line that people can discuss work/persona/health issues with. It's the same provider as our company's health insurer... so could maybe advise without looking like I'm after something.
AA new Friday target then... not make a docs appointment - but call that helpline and see what comes out of it. Algenon, the 'She gave me a chance to talk (I'm good at that)' made me smile as it's just like me.
Thanks again for all of your support. Just having people to write this stuff to helps. Jakk1e - I'll use your brave first steps as inspiration to actually do what I reckon I should this time.
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algenon
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Post by algenon on Feb 26, 2017 0:45:25 GMT
Hi Ant I’m glad my experiences are of some use to you. Stick with the app. I’ve mainly used it at work thus far, but I’m going to trial it tomorrow (Sunday) to see how I get on. Remembering to use it is the tricky bit, of course...! So...to your points... 1) If your Doctor thinks you're a hypochondriac, see another Doctor...and another...and another...until you find one that will take you seriously. I don't like troubling the NHS, but (equally) I don't get a rebate on my NI contributions or a pat on the back if I don't. You have to be a little selfish. You have only one life. 2) I'm sure your wife loves you every bit as much as mine does me. The thing is, whilst she is an external witness to your issues, she cannot see inside your head. No one knows unless they have it. Imagine trying to understand someone’s PTSD, without having seen what they have. You just couldn’t. Don't forget that, no matter what the impairment, humans develop ways to cope and (in doing so) make these impairments less obvious to those around them. Blind people aren’t born with better hearing than sighted people...they simply learn to focus on it more, giving others the illusion it is better. I guess what I'm saying is that you make the best of what you’ve got to get through each day. Some call it "coping". Others call it "surviving". We all deserve better than that though, don't we? What about "living"? As for my medication...I am under no illusions, They are stimulants...amphetamines. If my wife took them, she would get a major rush...but that's because she doesn’t need them. I need them and they help bring me to a level where my concentration is more on par with "normal" people. They don't make me psychotic and I don't see pink elephants...only the occasional purple one. Christ...morphine is heroin (give or take the odd extra molecule) but you'd take it if you were in pain! 3) The effort...the unending effort! I've worked so hard this week I am absolutely shattered. Even with medication it's hard and there are so many things to be done, but I have a better chance with it than I do without it. I go through phases of doing DIY, but then I go completely off the boil again. Good days and bad days...just like anyone else, but for different reasons. I am a master of starting things, only never to finish them properly, but I do far more than I ever did, in my pre-medication days. It doesn’t stop at DIY either. If a book doesn’t grab me by the balls in the first few pages, I don’t finish it. I’ve probably only ever read 10 books from cover to cover in my life. That said, I would happily read one of the 10 again. I like the familiarity...plus my memory is so bad, I would have forgotten half of it! There's a positive for you...I've probably saved £100s, not buying books! I have to sort out the Car Insurance tomorrow. My wife usually does that stuff, but I am going to do it. Why? Because I think I can. I wouldn't have even attempted it before. Lastly... 4) I get it. I really do. I have no idea what my boss really thinks. Do I care? I guess I must, as I'm going all out to show her how capable I am, so telling her has made me more determined, if anything. You worry about not being considered for promotion? If you don't get help, is that likely to happen? Do you actually want it to, particularly if you are struggling already? In any case, you don't have to tell either your current or future employers, if you don't want to. I don't really want to climb above where I am now. Not so much because of the effort, but more the intrusion into my home life...but that's just me. My current ambition is to find a job suited to my ADD skills. So long as it doesn't pay a lot less, I'd do it tomorrow. I have recently discovered that you must to tell the DVLA (by law) if you are diagnosed and I have done so. As I am having treatment it doesn't affect my premiums. (I have already run some quotes, both with my ADD declared and without.) I'll close with the below, in the hope some of the detail helps you with some further self-diagnosis. Many of the below feelings persist in me...in my mind. They are, largely, the consequences of a lifetime with undiagnosed ADD. Now I have got through my most recent issues, I am tackling each of these "side effects"...slowly, but surely. Without diagnosis and without my medication, I wouldn't have have had a hope in hell. With both, I have every chance of reducing (and maybe, even eradicating) at least some of them. See what you think... Frustration, self-doubt, feelings of inadequacy...never feeling truly comfortable in the company of men my own age. How come they all seem to "get it" when I don't? Interrupting conversations. Something has just popped into my head...if I don't say it straight away, I'll forget. Sometimes making inappropriate comments. Feeling like an utter fraud...wondering if (as I walk into the office) today will be the day I am finally "found out". A few have come close over the years. What if I lose my job? Wondering what people (my peers, my boss, my team, my parents-in-law) think of me. What they must think when I forget the simplest of things...if they think I am incompetent, uninterested...that I don’t care...lazy. Do they talk about me behind my back? Phrases from school reports: “...easily distracted.” “would do so well, if only he would apply himself” “...a fool for wasting his schooling” "...the class clown".
I could go on...
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ant
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Post by ant on Feb 28, 2017 17:38:25 GMT
Thanks Algenon! Your post are really very helpful indeed... both for learning from your experience and also relating to a lot of the things you say ... but most of all you make a whole lot of sense!!
So, called my health insurance as they have specialist guys for mental health, but , unfortunately, they do not cover adult ADHD... balls.
Anyway, there is another line I can call which might be able to help. But looks like I'll have to stick it out with my GP... I know one (not my usual one) who is generally very understanding. I also have an appointment booked for my knee... so might just ask if they could let me know what to do at that point. Well, that's my plan.
You're right... I manage to do stuff... rather well at times (especially with my special ADD way of thinking about things). But I am fed up of worrying about what I forgot and feeling rubbish because I forgot to answer YET ANOTHER email (I have apologized more than enough times for forgetting to respond for at least 3 lifetime careers!).
I didn't know that about the DVLA.. oh well.. if it means I do have to spend a bit extra .. so be it. As long as I feel better and in control it'll be worth it.
Your bits at the end are just plain scary!!!! how have you got in my head? Seriously freaky. Things like: .never feeling truly comfortable in the company of men my own age. .. damn ... that is something I feel but have never told ANYONE! But all of it, feeling a fraud, butting in before I forget what I was going to say, constantly worrying about what others are thinking about me... I mean CONSTANTLY.
Thanks again Algenon.... giving me the 'sod what others think' perspective to actually do something about it and hopefully improve things. It won't be all fine and dandy ... but I'll take plain old 'a bit better' at this stage. If you hadn't shared all your thoughts and insight - I'm pretty sure I'd be planning to do bugger all about it right now.
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Post by vagueandrandom on Mar 1, 2017 0:14:24 GMT
Hi. ant I agree with most of what algenon says, except You only have to tell the DVLA if you feel your ADHD 'affects your ability to drive safely' I don't know about you, but I passed my test when undiagnosed with ADHD and I haven't had an accident that was my fault. I feel that I'm safe due to my hypervigilance. The only thing you might want to disclose is if you're taking dexamphetamine or lisdexamphetamine as it shows up in drug driving tests . . again, you need to have been stopped for a driving offence for these tests to be required. . up to you. . . You're right to be worried by other people's perceptions. .this is why we need more general awareness of ADHD . .it's real, and a real problem and would be less of an issue if people were better informed.
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algenon
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Post by algenon on Mar 1, 2017 1:09:06 GMT
Apologies for any confusion about the DVLA. I've just re-checked and it does state... "You can be fined up to £1,000 if you don’t tell DVLA about a medical condition that affects your driving. You may be prosecuted if you’re involved in an accident as a result."As Vagueandrandom correctly states, they do need to be told about certain medications, however. I am always one to air on the side of caution, despite being 100% confident that my driving isn't affected. I also spoke with my ADD Specialist about it and he agreed it was a good idea to disclose, rather than not. He confirmed he would receive contact from the DVLA and would respond that my ADD does not affect my ability to drive safely. Better safe than sorry, in my opinion, but a personal decision for each of us. Also, to further clarify, applications for quotes both with and without my ADD declared have returned the same results, so it appears not to have an adverse impact on premiums either way. Let me know how you get on, Ant. I wholly understand your dilemma, as it wasn't too long ago that I was in the same position. Work appears to be continuing in the same vein, since my return. It's quite a stressful job by design, but I have noticed feeling far more relaxed since I told my boss. I feel as though a huge weight of guilt has been lifted from my shoulders. I don't know about you, but less stress = better performance for me and I feel more confident now than ever before. I'm going to give it another couple of weeks and will then ask my boss if she has noticed any difference. She's not one to give positive feedback, as a rule, so I won't hold my breath!
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ant
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Post by ant on Mar 3, 2017 20:44:31 GMT
Thanks for clarifying that. I don't reckon I'd be considered a danger on the roads. Don't think I have that extreme risk taking side. Having kids has made me go the other way really. ... as for parking, that's a different matter.
So, my docs appointment is next Friday (for my knee, but will ask for the referral for assessment at the same time). Looked at the NICE guideline thingy mentioned on the site.
It does mention: The symptoms should be associated with at least moderate or severe psychological and/or social or educational or occupational impairment. ... I'm going ahead with the plan - just can foresee an issue with the 'Impairment' side.
Not sure anyone from the outside would say I have an impairment - but that's the problem with any mental issue... but we'll see.
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algenon
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Post by algenon on Mar 3, 2017 21:58:05 GMT
If you're anything like me, most people will probably think you're just a bit absent minded, disorganised, scatty...
Anyone assessing you will be able to tell. Even at my first interim appointment (years ago, whilst I was awaiting proper referral) the Dr said how he could see me "zoning out" after only talking to me for a few minutes. I apologised. He said, don't apologise...it's a sign of ADD.
Good luck on Friday.
Try not to back out this time. If you do, it will only delay your reaching better times.
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ant
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Post by ant on Mar 6, 2017 14:56:52 GMT
Thanks Algenon...
Yep... that's what people would think. Nothing wrong with you, just a messy/disorganised/forgetful... Had a chat with my mum who says she believe s me but reckon she's not overly convinced ADD is a 'thing'. I pointed out that I was taken for an assessment when I was young cause teacher's thought I had a learning difficulty - the assessment person said I was very bright... just immature and couldn't follow sequential instructions. That my mum should colour code things to help me out... Which I mentioned was exactly the sort of thing they say to about ADD kids. She just blamed it on the fact I was always one of the youngest of my year.
The thing is, I'm not asking for the doc to diagnose me, I'm asking to be referred to be diagnosed. But will go prepared, in case she asks why I'm asking.
We'll see how it goes...
Knowing if I bottle it I'll have to tell you I did has added an extra motivation! Cheers!!
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algenon
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Post by algenon on Mar 7, 2017 21:33:43 GMT
Yes mate...go prepared.
Get a list together of the issues you are experiencing. A bit of history wouldn't go amiss either...the examples you mention about colour-coding etc. Old school reports could also help. They actually ask you to take them along to any referral appointments, as they refer to them for the assessment.
If nothing else, it will show your GP you've given it more than a passing thought and it will make it more difficult to send you on your way without a referral. You also don't want to come away from the appointment only to realise you left something important out, as you forgot to menton it.
I, too, was assessed at school. I'm not sure how old you are, but (in my day) the assessment took the form of not much more than a bunch of general knowledge questions. Not being a complete idiot (I'm confident there's at least one piece missing!) I was deemed to be reasonably intelligent and therefore, just classed as a bit lazy.
As for your Mum, I understand it's quite common for loved ones to be resistent to accepting there was/is a problem that they didn't spot. It's a guilt thing, apparently.
One of the worst reactions I have had to my diagnosis was from my parents in law. They are in their late 70s and my mother in law used to work in a primary school. Her whole attitude was that ADHD and the like were "made up".
She's an intelligent lady, but was a cleaner for the school, so I never understood what made her think she was some sort of expert.
ADD aside, I've always got on well with them both and I have to say that they were a lot more accepting and interested in learning more about it, after my medication made a difference even they couldn't explain away.
My wife has always been very supportive, despite the difficulties my condition has caused. She knows instantly if I have forgotten to take my pills.
Her sight isn't the best and she mistook my pills for vitamins tablets the other day. She said she only realised when the stripes on the cat started walking across the room without the cat! Took her about 18 hours to come down off her "trip". Hilarious.😂
I spoke to a trainer at my work about my ADD today. We have a session coming up when we discuss specific traits of our individual personality types. I was terrified at the prospect a few weeks ago...before I told my boss. Now I'm looking forward to it.
She was great...divulged that she has anxiety issues and is naturally an introvert. You could have knocked me over, as she always seems completely in control and really confortable around people. Just goes to show that you can never tell.
Knowing that about her and that she has been successful despite it is a quite an inspiration.
Come on, Ant. You can do this!
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ant
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Post by ant on Mar 10, 2017 10:17:56 GMT
Well... I mentioned it to the doc. She was very knowledgeable about it... but as I thought might happen... when I mentioned I had a good job and got a PhD she basically said that if I do have it it must be mild. In which case thee is nothing really they would do for it on the NHS and therefore is there any point really getting diagnosed properly for it?
The thing is... that is what I thought might have been the outcome all along which is why I started this thread.. She mentioned that if I had even had moderate ADD I would not have been able to do a PhD and the fact I have a job and a good relationship shows that it is not having a significant impact on my life.
I felt listened to and she did say she'd be open to looking at getting me an official diagnosis if I had a think about it and strongly felt I wanted to get one. However, if I'm not likely to get anything that will help then I suppose there really is no point.
I'm happy I actually talked to someone about it (thanks Algenon for the support as I don't think I would have without an extra bit of motivation), so at least I don't need to think 'what if' and I can maybe look at more trying to improve things by getting advice from the forums and online to try and minimise the downside and maximise the positives of ADD.
Also, just the fact my wife knows has helped as she doesn't think I don't care about what she's saying... on the flip side, I am more aware of drifting off and am working harder to stay with her during conversations.
Suppose it's not a great neither a bad outcome from it all.... Will try this more mindful approach and see if I do want to take things further in future as I know I have a doc who understands and knows about it and won't just tell me to piss off.
Thanks again Algenon, Jakk1e and Vagueandrandom... you've been a great help!
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Post by vagueandrandom on Mar 10, 2017 10:48:40 GMT
Hi ant I'm glad your GP had some understanding of ADHD. However . .they probably come across it mainly in children and the difficulties and treatment seems aimed predominantly at behaviour and academic achievement in school. There are other people on this forum who have academic success and good jobs, it can be easier to manage ADHD symptoms in a structured environment in an area that you're interested in. You've said that it does affect your work. .taking longer to do things, attention to detail, prioritising . . I have an MA and find that my ADHD mainly affects my personal life. I've developed strategies and systems for remembering important things, timekeeping etc If it's affecting your personal life and possibly your mental health, is that not reason enough? It's up to you. .you can continue without a formal dx and try self-help coping strategies or you could push for assessment and try medication (it didn't work for me, but it does for a lot of people) This is interesting about the difference between taking and not taking meds If you have a formal dx you could get coaching www.simplywellbeing.com/adhd-business-services/access-work-funding-adhd-coaching/I'm glad that talking here has helped you, whatever you decide to do.
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ant
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Post by ant on Mar 10, 2017 11:20:19 GMT
Thanks Vagueandrandom.
I did mention it was impacting my work and that ADD does cause stress as I am always worried about what I've missed next. I did also mention that I did take 2 year longer to do my PhD than was normal.
But I think that even if diagnosed, the basis they go by if it is bad enough to get help is how your life is being impacted. I've done well at work (but could be doing much better) and have been at the same company for 5 years, my personal life has no major issues... So am I bad enough to get meds even if diagnosed. The doc was basically saying that even if diagnosed, I wouldn't get meds as the side effects would be too risky considering the lack of impact of my ADD on my life, as others see it.
I did mention the jumble in my head, the inability to remember anything that isn't prompted by association etc...
Hadn't thought about coaching... I assume that would look at coming up with ideas on how to add structure to minimise the impact of the ADD further.
Honestly, I'd like to try meds to see the impact they do/do not have on me... but doubt I'll get them on the NHS...
Ho hum... will try to go the DIY organising route to see how that works... give it a couple of months (without worrying what to do next).
Then revisit how I feel and what I want to do. So will need to look through the forum for ideas on how to help.
Thanks again Vagueandrandom!!
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Post by vagueandrandom on Mar 10, 2017 12:21:57 GMT
Hi antI promise not to go on too much. . Only a specialist can prescribe ADHD meds and know if you might benefit from them. If you're affected enough to get a diagnosis, medication is the first thing to be suggested. Some NHS services also offer occupational therapy and counselling. 'Impairment' is subjective . . .is not being able to work to your full potential an impairment? From my experience talking to people who have been dx in adulthood, they've 'managed', hidden and overcompensated for their ADHD BECAUSE they ARE highly intelligent . . As for side-effects . .'risky' . .some people have no side-effects . .it's a personal thing. . most of the side-effects are headaches, tiredness and stomach problems, which may wear off. Stimulant medication doesn't stay in your system for long, so you can stop taking it if you don't like it and be back to normal in a few hours. I've had worse side-effects from antidepressants! I haven't tried atomoxotine, but have heard that unpleasant side-effects are more common (but some people find it really helpful) There are too many scare stories about stimulant medication. . .along with all the headlines about parents 'drugging' their children and ADHD being made up by big pharma to sell drugs . . They help by rebalancing brain chemistry which stops or slows down the constant search for stimulation and leaves space for productive thought. They don't change your personality and they're not legal speed. NHS waiting times can be really long, even if there's a local service. I'm not trying to push you in any direction. . .this has just become a rant about the general ignorance people can come up against when it comes to ADHD.
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algenon
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Post by algenon on Mar 11, 2017 2:55:42 GMT
Hi Ant
I'm glad you got to see your doctor. Well done. Seriously...it's a brave thing you have done.
Only you can make the decision of whether or not to progress matters. It's your life, after all. No one on here wants you to have ADD or persuade you that you have. Don't dismiss it too readily, however.
I don't know how long you have been married. I'm guessing (and it is a pure guess, of course) that you have young children and have been married for, say, 6 years? Don't ask me why...I just get that impression. If I am right (or close) please be careful. I have been married 18 years and it wasn't really until 6(ish) years ago that my issues really became a problem in my marriage. It was very gradual, but what was a bit of an irritant for my wife for years, suddenly became a huge issue. Your comment about how your wife feels you don't listen resonates like you would not believe. She has also complained of feeling lonely in our marriage, because she feels she cannot hold my interest like somethings do.
When I last went to see my specialist (with my wife) he mentioned that most of my issues were confidence based, rather than ADD related. In effect, he said my medication had the ADD in check, so it wasn't such a problem. I found out, this last week, that this has had a very detrimental effect on my relationship with my wife, in that she took his comments to mean that my ADD is all but cured (so long as I continue with my tablets). Consequently, my wife has reverted to her previously held beliefs that I am simply not interested in her and don't listen to what she says - characteristics she had come to terms with, as part of my condition and not my fault.
It didn't occur to me at the time of the appointment, but I wish I had said something. I often find it is not until I have thought about things for a few days that I realise something I have been told has confused me or just doesn't sit quite right. For example...my medication works for about 8-10 hours. This is a fact. As I take it about 30 minutes before I head off to work, it has all but worn off by the time I return home. One of my wife's biggest complaints has been that I often go upstairs to get changed when I get in, only to not re-emerge for anything up to an hour later. The reason for this is that (more often than not) I am shattered - a combination of working hard and my medication running out of steam. With this being the case, I am pretty much the same as my pre-medicated self for the majority of time I am at home, save for weekends, when (my wife admits) I get far more done.
I have tried explaining this to my wife and whilst she sees the logic in what I'm saying, she is not convinced. Consequently, I am gravely concerned for my marriage and particularly, as there are other contributing factors, such as the stress of 16 year old twins and their hormones.
I guess my message is, "Be Careful" about merely accepting what your GP says. I would add that you are entitled to a referral if you want it.
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ant
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Post by ant on Mar 17, 2017 11:48:46 GMT
Thanks Vagueandrandom and Algenon! I wrote a whole reply earlier this week... then started doing stuff for work before I could click 'post'... so didn't save .. .D'Oh! Thanks again for both your insights. Close Algenon... we'll have been married 10 years in June. The warning about getting complacent and thinking 'everything's fine' is really helpful and I'll definitely keep that in mind (as much as I can keep anything in mind ) I know the stress that kids can put on a marriage so this ADD thing on top doesn't help. So I can only imagine what it'd be like with twin teenagers!!!! As soon as kids are involved, you have so much less time and patience for each other (no-one mentions THAT in the baby books) It sounds like you are in a hard situation, trying to do what you need to get better but that changes expectation and therefore is actually making things harder for you! (must be very hard on you... getting better yet things at home getting harder seem unfair) I have no idea how much you need the medication as soon as you are at work or what freedom you have to schedule your day, but could you delay taking the meds till an hour (or later) after you are at work? Maybe schedule that time for your more 'interesting'/creative tasks?... would that give you some time at home when it does work? (I know this is coming from a very uninformed place, but just thought I'd say it anyway - but am sure you have probably run through every permutation already). It does sound like she does need to understand that what you are saying is a reason for your behaviour not and excuse for it. From my side it is a struggle when the doc and my wife are both wary of getting any meds. But that's just their view, and I think it is something that I'd definitely consider still trying to look at. But, for now anyway, I think my wife is understanding and accepting that I'm not just being a selfish git and I'm more aware of drifting off when she's talking and blurting out something completely off topic that springs into my mind (a lot more saying 'sorry, you were saying about work...'). I've also realised that my frustration at her sometimes longer explanations about stuff that happened (internal monologue for me being 'yes.. ok... get to the point') is something I have to learn to deal with. Currently trying to ask questions about bits before the main bit of the story so my brain feels more involved and interested... not easy though! My plan is to basically take a little bit of time to see how understanding ADD and that I have it changes things (as well as my wife understanding that!). It hasn't been long - just a couple of months since the lightbulb moment of seeing just how much ADD has shaped my life. I'll see how I can add structure to my life and use some apps etc.. to help. I'm also looking at maybe getting some coaching (this was my wife's idea). She saw a thing about Kara Tointon (in 2010 who got helped by coaching - albeit, her short term memory stuff was associated with dyslexia - but sure the same techniques might be able to help). So might see if that is in any way affordable or helpful. So.... will see where that takes me and re-evaluate in a few months. I've lived with it for my whole life and coped OK (but have been rather lucky as well). So, just being aware, looking for techniques/advice/coaching and just understanding more about ADD and being less hard on myself seems like a good start. If that doesn't change anything and I feel it is impacting my relationship with my wife/kids or my work ... I'll go back to the doc and say I would like a formal evaluation. I won't be as worried about doing that as I have already taken the first step and discussed it with her already and she did say that I could get a formal evaluation if I felt like I needed one. Because, if I do feel like I'm not enjoying life or succeeding as much as I could in a significant way because of ADD, it would mean it is not just mild and so would be appropriate to get more help and potentially the meds. And it wouldn't be for my GP to decide but a specialist. I know this is a bit of a ramble. But I am happy that I have got an avenue to move forward with things if I do need to - but have a plan to try a more personal approach first. Then, if that doesn't work, I'd feel better saying I've tried without and it just doesn't work... I need more. You have all been amazingly helpful (and so open with your own situations which has been so helpful and am sincerely touched that you shared such personal thoughts with me!). I am sure that without this I'd have done nothing at all, have no plan and feel disheartened about finding out about ADD rather than rather up-beat about being able to take control and be able to improve my life. so a huge huge huge THANK YOU!!!!!
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