Post by jacobg on Dec 28, 2017 17:27:22 GMT
Hi
This is a post about my story really and how im struggling with ADHD.
I grew up in a little village classic picture postcard in oxfordshire.
I muddled through primary school getting sent out told off distracring others etc etc.. I was put through tests as a child I can remember slight bits and pieces. I was diagnosed withsome sort of learning condition and they thought I should have some medication to help me concentrate at school.
My father iss an old school man and didn't want his son medicated so this was refused at the time much to my mothers dismay, She took me to a few different people for mental health and a alternitive medication specialist doctor know as jan de vries,or something like that he got kind of well know as time past. But all I got out of that was tons of omega 3 capsules not much else. I carried on struggling now into secondary school my grades were quite good at primary so I started off in high sets couple years later in all bottom sets apart from subjects I was interested in like I.t amazing at that. As school went on I struggled and but I did spend less time on report in the later years a bonus. But was always know as a problem child. I came out of school with nothing really Ds E.s pathetic grades even I.t I only managed a B- having beem predicted an A*. Lol. That's what coursework does for you when you put it off and leave it to the night before ADHD problems haha. Well from here unlike other teenagers I didn't have a clue what to do or a plan set out for life up to this point I hadn't been even thinking about life goals. I was only interested in what fun today or fun tonight. Short tearm easy way outs. I tried to get into I.t failed and became sort of a waster hanging around with waster friends smoking weed escaping from reality. I went from job to job sticking at nothing failing at everything I was always told when I was young I would grow out of it!. I was waiting for the day when things would become clear un muddled that perfect day when I had motivation in the mornings worked hard concentrated worked out a plan got things done be normal....That day never came.
I soon found out I was never going to be normal. Luckily a few things changed in my life as the years ticked by I realised my friends were not good for me even though they were my best friends small little village everybody knows everyone. They were good guys, we were not complete wasters many of them had real plans and good things going for them and did not have a mental illness like me.
Things aligned out of my control that led to our family moving to the midlands. I was about 20 in 05/06. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise I had a warehose job was doing ok. Many older people used to say why are you here what are you doing your so smart you should not be working in a warehouse. I Knew this of course. I had always been a very good worker succeded at every job I had been in even if I had not stuck at it for long I had been made supervisor within about a year was making reasonable money. Lukily for me the rent in the closest town that was near to work was astronomical £700 for a 1 bed studio apartment wich basically means you sleep in your kitchen lounge and bathroom. That did not include any bils. I was only earning just over a 1000 so staying down south with my friends was out of the question. I would have just carried on the same lifestyle anyway..
I knew something was wrong with me but I was young and working and enjoying myself so getting away with it really. Deadlines bills and life stuff suffered though anything to do with paperwork or boring stuff just didn't do it.
We moved I struggled and suffered with depression badly went from temp job to temp job. Could not organise could not stick a job. I was determined to cut off my previous friends even though they were my best friends and make a fresh start I really was struggling and felt alone. Was in trouble with the tax man in arears with the bank. I lived with my sister which was better not being still with parents. Things started to pick up I startes working with my brother inlaw as a window cleaner. For a couple of years I was interested in garden and garden maintenace as I had previously worked as a lanscape gardener and liked being outside I could never hack being in an office. So a few years cleaning windows which I enjoyed being with my brother in law. But I still struggled with organisation and motivation bills etc. But I could just about muddle through life. My brother inlaw wanted to downsize as he was doing other things so tried to encorage me to get my own work etc. But I found this hard as I liked going to work coming home and that beingbit for work. So the day came when I had no work also my sister got married and moved out. Not being able to afford to rent the place on my own I had to move back in with parents. Sigh. Depression followed days of not wanting to leave the house sucidal thoughts, I tried to get help then and had done many times tried allsorts of anti depressants that never helped I felt ignored by the doctors as I tred ton expalin my depression was caused by ADHD.I had been having it pretty sweet before had some more friends doing the usual things you do when your young. But now I felt I had got nowhere. Days turned to weeks to months of emptyness. Stuck on the dole having the potential for more but (could do better) like reading my old school reports. Anyway finally managed to get a job at screwfix..part time lol lol.. but I used this as a spring board for another job as it showed I was willing to work even though it pretty much worked out being better to stay on the dole money wise. I ended up getting a groundsman job at a holiday park/golfcourse and It was here I did well I worked hard and moved on to another job also I did well but I got injured and was off work for a long period off time. In the meantime I had got engaged and married which was brilliant and things were looking up. We were helped by family and managed to get a house together rented off the father inlaw. It wasa brilliant time but problems are never far away. I ended up leaving that job. I had other plans and the freedom of being self employed was attractive having been a windowcleaner before. I managed to get a gardening round off sombody that was retiring Things went well at first but I find it very hard organising and gettingbout of the house. I Felt like I was throwing it away by procrastinating and falling into depression. But this time I was determined to get the correct help that I needed after Another year of being on every antidepressant under the sun and being passed from pillar to post I had to fight and fight and make appointments with doctors over and over and explain why I am deppressed and what is causing it. Finally I made it through to a mental health team I have cbt therapy but this was depression based which was all wrong about ups and downs of moods etc.. I contined the appointments and asked and asked for an adhd specialist. I Don't know why I had to fight so long for the help adult ADHD is a taboo subject and I was often brushed off with anti depessants. I finally made it through to a specialist but it was hard to prove that I had an ADHD diagnosis whem I was younger. As I was in a little village and we had a village doctor No records were available from well over a decade ago. I Brought my mother and wife to the appointments and with my their help they were able to explain my history as a child and growing up and what Im like to live with now and how it impacts out everyday Life. I was diagnosed with ADHD. again. I first had to try another cause of antidepressants the doctor wanted to treat my depreassion first. Somtimes its like hitting your head against a brick wall. These tutned out to be the worst antidepressants I had aver been on venaflaxine. As well as not helping me at all they had awful sideffects moodswings problems with labido headaches and tremors. I came off them but the discontinuation sydnrome was terrible aswell. I was finally perscribed conterta it was a revelation in my life and helped me from day to day organise and work and stick at a task. That was november of 2016. It was a fight to get here things are better but it is still a long fight against myself everyday. I mainly have the inatentive type of adhd I am the king of procrastinators and at the moment I am struggling this is the reason for my post today. I have recently took on alot of work I have to organsise and do the work I have failed in the past to do this and lost work that I have bought off others. I have hit a plateu with ADHD. I feel like it is winning at the moment and depression is here. I am on the max dose of concerta and I cannot go any higher 108mg per day. It does not have the same effect as at first obviously but It does help me not with that first push of motivation. Which has always been my downfall. I cannot fail at this. I have a wife and life ahead of me I am scared to fail again. I have the chance of finally breaking free and moving on feeling normal and possibly a good future last couple months I have been dwelling on past failures and I was messed around with medication and a few other things. I went on holiday and din't take it regularly enough and my appointments were rearranged. This new work is the key to a good future for my family. I don't want to fail but its on my shoulders again. The fault will be my own again. I have a bad daily routine and I am scared of work in the morning at the moment staying up late been over tired and feeling like a prisoner again and the door to the house is a barrier I am behind organising my new work there is a chance I could lose it all..
Does anybody have any tips how to manage a daily routine and how to be motivated to do the things I really need to do? Anybody who is self employed and is a success I can do the work. I just cannot organise or motivate myself.
Struggling but willing to fight.
I appologise for the babbling post and the ridiculous length. I am huper concentrating on it. Haha. Also sorry about the bad spelling and grammar.
Jacob
This is a post about my story really and how im struggling with ADHD.
I grew up in a little village classic picture postcard in oxfordshire.
I muddled through primary school getting sent out told off distracring others etc etc.. I was put through tests as a child I can remember slight bits and pieces. I was diagnosed withsome sort of learning condition and they thought I should have some medication to help me concentrate at school.
My father iss an old school man and didn't want his son medicated so this was refused at the time much to my mothers dismay, She took me to a few different people for mental health and a alternitive medication specialist doctor know as jan de vries,or something like that he got kind of well know as time past. But all I got out of that was tons of omega 3 capsules not much else. I carried on struggling now into secondary school my grades were quite good at primary so I started off in high sets couple years later in all bottom sets apart from subjects I was interested in like I.t amazing at that. As school went on I struggled and but I did spend less time on report in the later years a bonus. But was always know as a problem child. I came out of school with nothing really Ds E.s pathetic grades even I.t I only managed a B- having beem predicted an A*. Lol. That's what coursework does for you when you put it off and leave it to the night before ADHD problems haha. Well from here unlike other teenagers I didn't have a clue what to do or a plan set out for life up to this point I hadn't been even thinking about life goals. I was only interested in what fun today or fun tonight. Short tearm easy way outs. I tried to get into I.t failed and became sort of a waster hanging around with waster friends smoking weed escaping from reality. I went from job to job sticking at nothing failing at everything I was always told when I was young I would grow out of it!. I was waiting for the day when things would become clear un muddled that perfect day when I had motivation in the mornings worked hard concentrated worked out a plan got things done be normal....That day never came.
I soon found out I was never going to be normal. Luckily a few things changed in my life as the years ticked by I realised my friends were not good for me even though they were my best friends small little village everybody knows everyone. They were good guys, we were not complete wasters many of them had real plans and good things going for them and did not have a mental illness like me.
Things aligned out of my control that led to our family moving to the midlands. I was about 20 in 05/06. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise I had a warehose job was doing ok. Many older people used to say why are you here what are you doing your so smart you should not be working in a warehouse. I Knew this of course. I had always been a very good worker succeded at every job I had been in even if I had not stuck at it for long I had been made supervisor within about a year was making reasonable money. Lukily for me the rent in the closest town that was near to work was astronomical £700 for a 1 bed studio apartment wich basically means you sleep in your kitchen lounge and bathroom. That did not include any bils. I was only earning just over a 1000 so staying down south with my friends was out of the question. I would have just carried on the same lifestyle anyway..
I knew something was wrong with me but I was young and working and enjoying myself so getting away with it really. Deadlines bills and life stuff suffered though anything to do with paperwork or boring stuff just didn't do it.
We moved I struggled and suffered with depression badly went from temp job to temp job. Could not organise could not stick a job. I was determined to cut off my previous friends even though they were my best friends and make a fresh start I really was struggling and felt alone. Was in trouble with the tax man in arears with the bank. I lived with my sister which was better not being still with parents. Things started to pick up I startes working with my brother inlaw as a window cleaner. For a couple of years I was interested in garden and garden maintenace as I had previously worked as a lanscape gardener and liked being outside I could never hack being in an office. So a few years cleaning windows which I enjoyed being with my brother in law. But I still struggled with organisation and motivation bills etc. But I could just about muddle through life. My brother inlaw wanted to downsize as he was doing other things so tried to encorage me to get my own work etc. But I found this hard as I liked going to work coming home and that beingbit for work. So the day came when I had no work also my sister got married and moved out. Not being able to afford to rent the place on my own I had to move back in with parents. Sigh. Depression followed days of not wanting to leave the house sucidal thoughts, I tried to get help then and had done many times tried allsorts of anti depressants that never helped I felt ignored by the doctors as I tred ton expalin my depression was caused by ADHD.I had been having it pretty sweet before had some more friends doing the usual things you do when your young. But now I felt I had got nowhere. Days turned to weeks to months of emptyness. Stuck on the dole having the potential for more but (could do better) like reading my old school reports. Anyway finally managed to get a job at screwfix..part time lol lol.. but I used this as a spring board for another job as it showed I was willing to work even though it pretty much worked out being better to stay on the dole money wise. I ended up getting a groundsman job at a holiday park/golfcourse and It was here I did well I worked hard and moved on to another job also I did well but I got injured and was off work for a long period off time. In the meantime I had got engaged and married which was brilliant and things were looking up. We were helped by family and managed to get a house together rented off the father inlaw. It wasa brilliant time but problems are never far away. I ended up leaving that job. I had other plans and the freedom of being self employed was attractive having been a windowcleaner before. I managed to get a gardening round off sombody that was retiring Things went well at first but I find it very hard organising and gettingbout of the house. I Felt like I was throwing it away by procrastinating and falling into depression. But this time I was determined to get the correct help that I needed after Another year of being on every antidepressant under the sun and being passed from pillar to post I had to fight and fight and make appointments with doctors over and over and explain why I am deppressed and what is causing it. Finally I made it through to a mental health team I have cbt therapy but this was depression based which was all wrong about ups and downs of moods etc.. I contined the appointments and asked and asked for an adhd specialist. I Don't know why I had to fight so long for the help adult ADHD is a taboo subject and I was often brushed off with anti depessants. I finally made it through to a specialist but it was hard to prove that I had an ADHD diagnosis whem I was younger. As I was in a little village and we had a village doctor No records were available from well over a decade ago. I Brought my mother and wife to the appointments and with my their help they were able to explain my history as a child and growing up and what Im like to live with now and how it impacts out everyday Life. I was diagnosed with ADHD. again. I first had to try another cause of antidepressants the doctor wanted to treat my depreassion first. Somtimes its like hitting your head against a brick wall. These tutned out to be the worst antidepressants I had aver been on venaflaxine. As well as not helping me at all they had awful sideffects moodswings problems with labido headaches and tremors. I came off them but the discontinuation sydnrome was terrible aswell. I was finally perscribed conterta it was a revelation in my life and helped me from day to day organise and work and stick at a task. That was november of 2016. It was a fight to get here things are better but it is still a long fight against myself everyday. I mainly have the inatentive type of adhd I am the king of procrastinators and at the moment I am struggling this is the reason for my post today. I have recently took on alot of work I have to organsise and do the work I have failed in the past to do this and lost work that I have bought off others. I have hit a plateu with ADHD. I feel like it is winning at the moment and depression is here. I am on the max dose of concerta and I cannot go any higher 108mg per day. It does not have the same effect as at first obviously but It does help me not with that first push of motivation. Which has always been my downfall. I cannot fail at this. I have a wife and life ahead of me I am scared to fail again. I have the chance of finally breaking free and moving on feeling normal and possibly a good future last couple months I have been dwelling on past failures and I was messed around with medication and a few other things. I went on holiday and din't take it regularly enough and my appointments were rearranged. This new work is the key to a good future for my family. I don't want to fail but its on my shoulders again. The fault will be my own again. I have a bad daily routine and I am scared of work in the morning at the moment staying up late been over tired and feeling like a prisoner again and the door to the house is a barrier I am behind organising my new work there is a chance I could lose it all..
Does anybody have any tips how to manage a daily routine and how to be motivated to do the things I really need to do? Anybody who is self employed and is a success I can do the work. I just cannot organise or motivate myself.
Struggling but willing to fight.
I appologise for the babbling post and the ridiculous length. I am huper concentrating on it. Haha. Also sorry about the bad spelling and grammar.
Jacob