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Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2019 0:13:24 GMT
I've had quite a few instances lately where I want to scream at myself in the mirror, "WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN DOING FOR THE LAST 6 HOURS?!" People would probably describe me as confident but the thought of having to attend job interviews leaves me feeling kinda panic stricken? I suppose it could be fear of failure or fear of being judged? I suppose some of it is sheer exasperation from knowing I will be tested on memory recall in a way that is not representative of on-the-job performance. As an aside, if you deduct your son's age from your age then really you're only 20 What would you like to do?
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Post by neilsonwheels on Oct 27, 2019 20:11:26 GMT
SORRY FOR THE LONG POST AND IF IT DOESN’T MAKE MUCH SENSE IT’S TOOK ME ABOUT AN HOUR TO GET DOWN IN WORDS BUT I’M STILL NOT SURE IT’S QUITE WHAT I’M TRYING TO SAY. I DON’T HAVE ANYONE TO PERSONALLY SPEAK TO ABOUT IT SO I HAVE TRIED MY BEST TO WRITE IT... (Still on waiting list for assessment and has now went from a 12 month to an 18 month wait) I’ve read or heard a lot about people who keep losing jobs or change jobs a lot but my problem is actually getting a job. I’m 29 and I’ve never had a real job. It’s really starting to get to me now especially since I’m 30 in February. I have always had a fear of change, new things and especially interviews, because it involves going somewhere I don’t know, meeting someone new, speaking out loud, trying to pretend I’m something I’m not, worrying about saying the wrong thing and the fact that I’m just really bad with eye contact. I look for work all of the time but as soon as anyone replies I panic and make excuses or ignore the reply. If there is anyone else who is or has been in this situation I would be grateful for any advice or even just to know that I’m not the only one. I have felt pretty useless all of my life but now at the age I am and my son is now 9, doing a lot of things without me, I’m just lost with what I’m actually doing with my life. I’ve never felt as useless as I do now and when I think about working I just think who would want to hire me when I’ve done nothing. I’ve got absolutely nothing to offer at an interview. I’m hoping to get help with these issues once I get my assessment but the waiting and feeling like this is getting me down. Hi Lyalla, I feel for you i really do, i have definitely been there. What you are experiencing can absolutely be overcome. You just need a bit of help. Do you have a supportive GP or therapist? Do you have any other support at all?
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reg
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Post by reg on Oct 27, 2019 23:36:10 GMT
SORRY FOR THE LONG POST AND IF IT DOESN’T MAKE MUCH SENSE IT’S TOOK ME ABOUT AN HOUR TO GET DOWN IN WORDS BUT I’M STILL NOT SURE IT’S QUITE WHAT I’M TRYING TO SAY. I DON’T HAVE ANYONE TO PERSONALLY SPEAK TO ABOUT IT SO I HAVE TRIED MY BEST TO WRITE IT... (Still on waiting list for assessment and has now went from a 12 month to an 18 month wait) I’ve read or heard a lot about people who keep losing jobs or change jobs a lot but my problem is actually getting a job. I’m 29 and I’ve never had a real job. It’s really starting to get to me now especially since I’m 30 in February. I have always had a fear of change, new things and especially interviews, because it involves going somewhere I don’t know, meeting someone new, speaking out loud, trying to pretend I’m something I’m not, worrying about saying the wrong thing and the fact that I’m just really bad with eye contact. I look for work all of the time but as soon as anyone replies I panic and make excuses or ignore the reply. If there is anyone else who is or has been in this situation I would be grateful for any advice or even just to know that I’m not the only one. I have felt pretty useless all of my life but now at the age I am and my son is now 9, doing a lot of things without me, I’m just lost with what I’m actually doing with my life. I’ve never felt as useless as I do now and when I think about working I just think who would want to hire me when I’ve done nothing. I’ve got absolutely nothing to offer at an interview. I’m hoping to get help with these issues once I get my assessment but the waiting and feeling like this is getting me down. Lyalla, you need to drill into yourself that you can get a job. You have qualities and skills that are saleable. You can reply to emails. You can improve eye contact through practice. You can overcome any and every issue you face. Please tell all of this to a GP. They may suggest you try medication or refer to a specialist. Please read this web page: www.verywellmind.com/how-to-change-negative-thinking-3024843
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Post by lyalla2019 on Nov 21, 2019 11:08:53 GMT
SORRY FOR THE LONG POST AND IF IT DOESN’T MAKE MUCH SENSE IT’S TOOK ME ABOUT AN HOUR TO GET DOWN IN WORDS BUT I’M STILL NOT SURE IT’S QUITE WHAT I’M TRYING TO SAY. I DON’T HAVE ANYONE TO PERSONALLY SPEAK TO ABOUT IT SO I HAVE TRIED MY BEST TO WRITE IT... (Still on waiting list for assessment and has now went from a 12 month to an 18 month wait) I’ve read or heard a lot about people who keep losing jobs or change jobs a lot but my problem is actually getting a job. I’m 29 and I’ve never had a real job. It’s really starting to get to me now especially since I’m 30 in February. I have always had a fear of change, new things and especially interviews, because it involves going somewhere I don’t know, meeting someone new, speaking out loud, trying to pretend I’m something I’m not, worrying about saying the wrong thing and the fact that I’m just really bad with eye contact. I look for work all of the time but as soon as anyone replies I panic and make excuses or ignore the reply. If there is anyone else who is or has been in this situation I would be grateful for any advice or even just to know that I’m not the only one. I have felt pretty useless all of my life but now at the age I am and my son is now 9, doing a lot of things without me, I’m just lost with what I’m actually doing with my life. I’ve never felt as useless as I do now and when I think about working I just think who would want to hire me when I’ve done nothing. I’ve got absolutely nothing to offer at an interview. I’m hoping to get help with these issues once I get my assessment but the waiting and feeling like this is getting me down. Lyalla, you need to drill into yourself that you can get a job. You have qualities and skills that are saleable. You can reply to emails. You can improve eye contact through practice. You can overcome any and every issue you face. Please tell all of this to a GP. They may suggest you try medication or refer to a specialist. Please read this web page: www.verywellmind.com/how-to-change-negative-thinking-3024843None of the GPs at my surgery have a lot of knowledge on the subject and the only sort of services are the ones who actually assess you so it’s just a waiting game. Sorry for the late reply I post things to get them out and forget to check for replies ha x
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Post by lyalla2019 on Nov 21, 2019 11:13:33 GMT
SORRY FOR THE LONG POST AND IF IT DOESN’T MAKE MUCH SENSE IT’S TOOK ME ABOUT AN HOUR TO GET DOWN IN WORDS BUT I’M STILL NOT SURE IT’S QUITE WHAT I’M TRYING TO SAY. I DON’T HAVE ANYONE TO PERSONALLY SPEAK TO ABOUT IT SO I HAVE TRIED MY BEST TO WRITE IT... (Still on waiting list for assessment and has now went from a 12 month to an 18 month wait) I’ve read or heard a lot about people who keep losing jobs or change jobs a lot but my problem is actually getting a job. I’m 29 and I’ve never had a real job. It’s really starting to get to me now especially since I’m 30 in February. I have always had a fear of change, new things and especially interviews, because it involves going somewhere I don’t know, meeting someone new, speaking out loud, trying to pretend I’m something I’m not, worrying about saying the wrong thing and the fact that I’m just really bad with eye contact. I look for work all of the time but as soon as anyone replies I panic and make excuses or ignore the reply. If there is anyone else who is or has been in this situation I would be grateful for any advice or even just to know that I’m not the only one. I have felt pretty useless all of my life but now at the age I am and my son is now 9, doing a lot of things without me, I’m just lost with what I’m actually doing with my life. I’ve never felt as useless as I do now and when I think about working I just think who would want to hire me when I’ve done nothing. I’ve got absolutely nothing to offer at an interview. I’m hoping to get help with these issues once I get my assessment but the waiting and feeling like this is getting me down. Lyalla, you need to drill into yourself that you can get a job. You have qualities and skills that are saleable. You can reply to emails. You can improve eye contact through practice. You can overcome any and every issue you face. Please tell all of this to a GP. They may suggest you try medication or refer to a specialist. Please read this web page: www.verywellmind.com/how-to-change-negative-thinking-3024843Lyalla, you need to drill into yourself that you can get a job. You have qualities and skills that are saleable. You can reply to emails. You can improve eye contact through practice. You can overcome any and every issue you face. Please tell all of this to a GP. They may suggest you try medication or refer to a specialist. Please read this web page: www.verywellmind.com/how-to-change-negative-thinking-3024843None of the GPs at my surgery have a lot of knowledge on the subject and the only sort of services are the ones who actually assess you so it’s just a waiting game. Sorry for the late reply I post things to get them out and forget to check for replies ha x Sorry I’ve wrote the wrong reply on the wrong post lol
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Annie
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Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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Post by Annie on Nov 27, 2019 11:09:19 GMT
I don't know if this will help, but with job interviews I can only say a few things that do help me: - Prepare for the worst. I try and find every scary question I can, and prepare a good answer for it. Most likely the night before in some state of panic But once I've created some answers, I feel a bit more confident. - Get excited about something. I find looking at a companies website and trying to get my head into some potential problems that company might be having and searching for solutions far more exciting than being in the interview. But when I'm in a sticky situation during, or at near the end of the interview, I get excited to tell them solutions and ideas I've had. I think it shows how keen you are, so even if you didn't answer some questions well, you'll probably stick out to them as a good candidate for taking interest. - If you're nervous during the interview, bring some water. Before you answer a question, take a beat to breathe, sip of water etc. It's an attempt to calm myself a little. Not fool proof but can help a little. I know this might be late as you wrote in September, but maybe it will help in a future interview
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2020 19:11:46 GMT
Job interviews are where I fail. I get good marks I can work harder then everyone else get completely absorbed and still at my age have got no where. I like thinking of this because the game of life feels over and you cannot change it all but you can choose to fight for something.... We must never forget that we may also find meaning in life even when confronted with a hopeless situation, when facing a fate that cannot be changed. For what then matters is to bear witness to the uniquely human potential at its best, which is to transform a personal tragedy into a triumph, to turn one's predicament into a human achievement. When we are no longer able to change a situation-just think of an incurable disease such as inoperable cancer-we are challenged to change ourselves.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2020 19:32:55 GMT
I think if someone deletes their first post, the entire thread should disappear?
As it stands, it looks like *I* created this whingefest
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Annie
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Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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Post by Annie on Jan 30, 2020 11:43:08 GMT
I didn't even realise you could delete posts! Maybe there's an option to delete the thread somewhere? Is that Sept 7th post not the first post? I can still see it if so!
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mamadedos
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Post by mamadedos on Jan 31, 2020 13:04:03 GMT
Hi, lyalla2019. Might I suggest that if you are in need of some counseling therapy, you might be willing to go to your gp to request counseling for depression or anxiety. The times that I have gone in for help via NHS with those concerns, I received a response within two weeks and was seeing a therapist within the month. It could give you some support and help you gain some coping skills while you await your ADHD appointment. It is very sad to say that there is an obvious discrepancy on the part of NHS in the prioritisation of various mental health conditions, though understandably, as the national budget for the NHS is woefully below a fit standard.
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mamadedos
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Post by mamadedos on Jan 31, 2020 13:06:33 GMT
I think if someone deletes their first post, the entire thread should disappear? As it stands, it looks like *I* created this whingefest @boost, goodness, thank you for this clarification! I have been wondering why I was unable to see a fair number of original posts... [And, I did initially think that yours was the OP!]
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Post by NOx on Mar 4, 2020 0:22:42 GMT
I think if someone deletes their first post, the entire thread should disappear? As it stands, it looks like *I* created this whingefest Why is this a Whingefest? Lyalla is a young person with a specific problem, and sharing it has brought some useful replies. Kind words, please?
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Post by NOx on Mar 4, 2020 0:38:37 GMT
Hi Lyalla, Hi All, I came across a great project, offering mentoring to people with various challenges... do you happen to be in the UK, and near Oxford? Check: buckproject.org It would be great if anyone else knows of anything like this, in other parts of the UK, and the world!
Good Luck!
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Post by NOx on Mar 4, 2020 0:47:33 GMT
Hi again, Lyalla, amd Thread Readers,
Could I make a couple of suggestions for you to think about?
To enjoy work, it needs to fit you, as much as you fit in with the job, and any people you work with.
Maybe try going for a simple job, to build some experience, and find out what does - and does not - suit you? Maybe go to a temping agency? They can help you think about what fits with your family responsibilities, as well as what might fit your from your previous schooling, or you hobbies or interests.
Temping can be factory work, warehouse work or other practical work, not just office-based admin or reception duties.
Shop work might be another area, with some roles that might be good if you like people, and some behind the scenes.
And maybe start with a few hours... 3 to 5 mornings or part days, and build up.... don’t overload yourself. I now have to be careful, since I suffered illness, at the same time as becoming a parent... I reached a point of overwhelm, so that my ADD-type difficulties showed up much more clearly...
I have a degree, and experience as an engineer, but I wouldn’t manage to go back to work that required alot of planning and organising, or managing other people. I now suit something where showing up and being/doing is what matters. And I can’t take on work involving stressful periods, such as work on projects, which have cycles with periods of busy activity.
I got lucky. But if I hadn’t, I would be trying care work, classroom assistant, shop work, cleaning, packing/factory work, and admin/office work. (But not telesales!)
And sticking with employed, not self-employed or contracted, or running my own business... too complicated, at the moment.
I’m learning what works, since realising how my brain works. (I am also waiting for an assessment... just starting my wait (18months-2years).
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Post by lyalla2019 on Aug 13, 2022 20:16:32 GMT
I didn't even realise you could delete posts! Maybe there's an option to delete the thread somewhere? Is that Sept 7th post not the first post? I can still see it if so! I didn’t delete the post I did however take 2 years to get around to the comments I missed 😄 typical 😂 to be honest I couldn’t remember what the site was at one point and I find it a bit confusing to navigate on my phone. Thank you for your replies I appreciate it. And I have now been diagnosed for a year.
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Post by Rossall on Aug 13, 2022 21:11:50 GMT
I’m 29 and I’ve never had a real job. It’s really starting to get to me now especially since I’m 30 in February. I have always had a fear of change, new things and especially interviews, because it involves going somewhere I don’t know, meeting someone new, speaking out loud, trying to pretend I’m something I’m not, worrying about saying the wrong thing and the fact that I’m just really bad with eye contact. I look for work all of the time but as soon as anyone replies I panic and make excuses or ignore the reply.
If there is anyone else who is or has been in this situation I would be grateful for any advice or even just to know that I’m not the only one. I have felt pretty useless all of my life but now at the age I am and my son is now 9, doing a lot of things without me, I’m just lost with what I’m actually doing with my life. I’ve never felt as useless as I do now and when I think about working I just think who would want to hire me when I’ve done nothing. I’ve got absolutely nothing to offer at an interview. I’m hoping to get help with these issues once I get my assessment but the waiting and feeling like this is getting me down.
Hi, I'm 51 and in the same boat. I've worked 5 years total but been out of work 22 years. meds haven't helped my concentration so I'm stuck on benefits.
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