duckster
Member's posted somewhat
Posts: 97
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Post by duckster on Nov 24, 2019 1:38:09 GMT
Hello everyone. Apologies for the unfinished subject name but I was unsure how to word it. I am unsure if anyone here knows about Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) but I am having psychotherapy because of my mental health diagnosis's and my childhood has been something that I am struggling to deal with. Throughout my childhood I was the one that wouldn't do as I was told / argue etc. I was diagnosed in my early 20s with ADHD so my parents, as well as me were totally oblivious to why I behaved the way I did. During my childhood after some heated arguments my dad would sometimes go for days without talking to me because I did something wrong- which although I did do something wrong it was so difficult to deal with. I would try to apologise and talk to my dad and I would get upset but he would just ignore me and at the time it was so hard to deal with. My mum would take my dad's side so when he was around she wouldn't interact with me. I know this is a long shot but I am hoping I can find someone or some people that can relate. I am sure that I can't be the only undiagnosed adhd kid that was emotionally neglected.
For anyone unsure on what CEN is here is a link which will help give you an understanding of the subject:
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Post by speedy1 on Nov 24, 2019 11:48:09 GMT
No sorry dude I don't think so
Permanently in trouble parents just didn't understand what was the problem
Neither did I
Almost got sent 2 Canada 2 live with my aunt coz parents thought I was out of control & thought I was on drugs (I was but not big time)
I ran away several times but only 4 a night at the most
Throughout my childhood my parents developed strategies 2 deal with me
One was 2 tire me out with lots of exercise( I still use that 1)
Another was to ignore undesirable behavior
Do u c where I'm going with this?
My parents did the best job they could & I love them 4 never giving up
nowadays the only trust issues I have is that I trust everyone too much
and I often get taken advantage of
I've got very close patient friends who tell me what's what
I'm pretty sure I can't blame my childhood 4 my choices as an adult
If I'm ever unhappy with an aspect of my life I just change it
I have a hard time understanding why everyone doesn't just do that??
What use is dwelling on the past looking 4 some excuse for why it's all gone wrong?
Things go tits up on a regular basis it's just part of the rollercoaster called life
Enjoy the ride!! Don't suck the joy outta it by analyzing every dip & curve
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2019 20:05:28 GMT
That sounds awful. Not sure I can relate in the same way. We had a wicked step mother who beat, starved and humiliated us occasionally but we were always showered with attention from our 'real' family. I always felt like I had someone in my corner, so I'm very lucky in that respect. I hope you manage to get your issues ironed out
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Post by vagueandrandom on Nov 25, 2019 18:30:12 GMT
I had a counsellor who told me that there was always an element of childhood emotional neglect
in cases of ADHD . . . this, and other things they said which led me to believe they didn't know
anything about ADHD, meant this was the last time I saw them.
I didn't have a great, or particularly bad childhood and both parents are northerners,
so didn't do outward emotional displays. I don't think I was neglected though.
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Annie
Member's not posted much yet
Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Posts: 20
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Post by Annie on Nov 28, 2019 12:47:27 GMT
Hey Duckster!
That sounds really tough. I had something similar with my mum - when things got bad enough she would shut down and ignore me. It was never for days though - usually max of one day. But it was very distressing; sometimes she would shut me out of her room in silence while I cried on the other side of the door saying sorry. For hours. But I think she has issues too, so it's hard to blame her completely for it. She never says sorry to this day! But hey ho. I don't think I suffer from many of the issues mentioned - maybe worrying too much what others think of me, even if I logically tell myself, "who cares?!". I luckily had my dad who was always a lot more supportive emotionally. And my mum wasn't entirely non supportive, it just depended on her mood and how crazy I was being.
Sorry I can't relate anymore, but at least you're in a good place to find support here - I recently joined the Facebook group, so if you like you can try reaching out there <3
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Post by Imples on Dec 10, 2019 9:29:39 GMT
Hey Duckester I can relate to what you are saying. My 10 year old daughter has anger outbursts on a daily basis and in an attempt to help her, I've been researching ADHD. I now believe that I also have undiagnosed ADHD and I really relate to what you say about your childhood
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garyh
Member's not posted much yet
crackin up
Posts: 2
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Post by garyh on Dec 18, 2019 19:17:58 GMT
I definitely relate to this,!!!! i was the epitome of the troubled child of the 80s before anyone called it adhd it was called being a naughty little fucker.. i was kicked out of three primary schools, one high school all for outbursts an my inability to lisetn to teacher or anyone else (BUT I EXCELLED ACADEMICALLY??? AT LEAST WHEN I WAS ALLOWED IN THE HALL TO DO THE EXAMS, ID DO THEM AN LEAVE BEFORE MOST HAD STARTED BUT TEACHER DIDNT LIKE IT IF I COULD EXPLAIN HOW I WORKED STUFF OUT "i can see the answer in my head" just was not acceptable to my maths teacher!!!!!! My parents just stonewalled it and ignored it, rather they carried on working late all time an just leaving me alone ot do what i wanted. Given house keys at 9 an being told to stay out of the way was not helping.. i ended up kicked out of school, my mum disappeared saying she couldnt cope and i ended up in jail by 17, parents never even came to see me in four years, got out an rebuilt my life a bit. didnt ever speak to mum again.. 10 odd years on, id been sacked time after time for anger issues, then turned to weed to manage my as yest undiagnosed issues..got bewtter an able to work, held down good jobs, promotions to team management allsorts!!!! now 20 years on i had a huge mental breakdown due to my ex neglecting my child.. i lost my whole world, then get diagnosed an now im a single dad trying to raise a 2 year old girl while managing my adhd issues an bipolar too i have no meds, no support, no idea where to turn now or whats going to happen but i DO NOT want my children to go through what i did so i am trying to learn all i can in case my kids have what i have.. Id be grateful for any insight or supprort anyone can offer any input appreciated?
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