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My son
Dec 16, 2013 0:03:27 GMT
Post by Kesona on Dec 16, 2013 0:03:27 GMT
Yes my son is 9. A gorgeous boy really. Seems to make a genuine impression on people, just for being who he is. Which is part of the problem of not really knowing whether to take further steps with his problems with distraction, organising himself and struggling to concentrate. This is our 3 rd school and all the teachers say the same. Usually first thing - does he havea problem with his hearing. Because he isn't a difficult naughty boy things just tick along but I know he drives his teacher to distraction as he can't keep up with everyone else and struggles to take in more than one instruction at a time. He is getting told off a lot because he isn't doing what he should be when he should be. All this is effecting his self esteem now.
At this present school he was described as a child of low ability, poor him as this is totally wrong, he is very creative, imaginative, different and liked by most. But he does have problems, he is way behind his peers and the other night at the school play he was given one line to say. It doesnt do anything for his confidence. At times he was so zoned out it looked as if he had forgotten exactly where he was. It's very very apparent when you see him against other boys of the same age. We love him however he is, but he has to go through school and when he moves up at 11 such a lot more will be expected of him, I worry how he will cope in a bigger environment
i feel sure he has adhd, mainly an attentive type, with some learning, memory, coordination issues. Are there any parents out there that could advise. I have been doing brain gym exercises with him that definitely help, but nothing else. Is there much point in diagnosis if you would hate to take Ritalin or whatever other drug would be recommended? I hate the thought of a label on a child so young but on the other hand would it mean extra help for him and more understanding?
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Post by fuzzywuzzy on Dec 16, 2013 0:44:53 GMT
Hi Kesona i know exactly how you feel....my 9 year old is the same but with naughtiness added (pardon the pun) to the mix too..... From my perspective as an adult with it, all I can say is it only gets much, much worse, particularly at secondary school.... I had to go with ritalin for my daughter....if she stays overnight at her grandparents and my dad takes her into school the next morning but forgets to give the medication to her, I can tell IMMEDIATELY....it just puts her on a slightly more level playing field... if your son is struggling now, he is going to need so much more from school....and NOW.... I am going through statementing process to get my daughter the help she needs now but especially to get processes in place before secondary school just wondering if you have any classes for parents of children with additional needs in your area.....the school Senco found one for me in my area and it was from that moment onwards that I got all the support that I needed.... from fellow parents on the course going through the same thing...a Godsend....to knowing who to contact at the council, money advice unit (for Disability Living Allowance if you choose to apply for it) to learning sooo much more about the condition and how it affected my daughter...and importantly, how to get the school to listen i'm a bit overstimulated with all things Christmas at the moment, but pm me for more chat x
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My son
Dec 16, 2013 10:32:55 GMT
Post by Kesona on Dec 16, 2013 10:32:55 GMT
Thanks fuzzywuzzy, yes it's hard when you feel the teachers know much less about what is happening than you do. I'm glad your daughter seems to have got the medication that is working for her. We are at the starting gate with which way to go and my husband is a bit in denial at his only son finding the things he found easy as a child, difficult. I'm trying to work out how mild, or severe my son is, because his behaviour is ok, I'm in a half way house because no one who teaches him or has experience of him is urging me to do anything about it. They definitely definitely think he has problems that get in his way but no one is telling me to have him assessed. He also gets upset and asks why he is being treated like he has a disability, it's like he doesn't even notice that he has an attention problem. Funny eh the irony of not noticing that you are not noticing! I guess I must ask myself this question. Right now my son has the structure of school and supportive caring parents, what will happen when he is out there in the world.
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Post by JJ on Dec 16, 2013 13:47:39 GMT
Hi Kesona
Without a shadow of doubt, I think you should seek an assessment of your son's needs. He may have adhd as you've identified, and he may have other conditions as well as this - it's more common than not for adhd to present with comorbid conditions. It's important you know what issues he has so you can help him get the help he needs.
I know the reserve about having a label but he's already noticed he's different and this realisation will only become more pronounced as he grows. With a label, he'll know the reason for these differences and why he can't seem to do what other children find easy - school work, friendships, family life etc.
Without a label, and with everyone judging him against 'normal' children, he'll have no option then other than to conclude his problems are because he's just rubbish himself. Not knowing what's wrong and internalising the responsibility is one of the reasons so many undiagnosed adults have suffered depression their whole lives.
He's already getting into trouble with the teachers. With no label, they'll continue to blame him for his difficulties. With a label, they'll have to accommodate his issues, give him extra support and they'll have to not shout at him because his brain is unable to work the way they'd prefer.
Adhd makes life difficult in lots of ways and I would magic it away if I could. However, it just is the way it is for me. It's not something bad per se, I'm just wired differently. I'm impaired in this society with respect to being able to easily do the things that are expected of me, but I wouldn't be impaired if there were different requirements.
I'm not trying to minimise your fears as a mother - I completely understand and sympathise with them because I've been there with my own child. But I'm trying to get across that it's not necessarily as devastating as it might seem at the moment, it's different and there are some pluses as well as negatives.
My son has ASD and there's no treatment for that - as in drugs. But he wouldn't be where he is today and with the self esteem he has without all the additional help and intervention he's received. He knows he's wired differently and we celebrate our differences to everyone else in our house. We laugh at the things we're rubbish at and love the things we're good at.
You've already said your son makes a genuine impression on people- just for being who he is. That doesn't surprise me, adhd'ers can be very charismatic - and the current thread on flirting shows a side of this charisma in action as an adult. There's other positives, like hyper focus or thinking outside the box and so on... You've just mentioned about his being creative, which is another plus of adhd. My point being that you can tell him 'who wants to be boring normal', you can make it ok for him and equip him with the ways to deal with people who do want to use his label in all the wrong ways. You can do this for your husband too while he's coming to terms with things.
It will be impossible for you to work out how mild or severe your son's adhd may be and looking at his behaviour isn't a reliable indicator as inattentive adhd doesn't cause 'bad' behaviour - that's the reason it's so much harder to recognise in school age children. Teachers will press for getting help much more quickly when the child is making life difficult for them and the class - inattentive children get missed.
With diagnosis should come behaviour programmes so you can understand more about adhd and learn how best to help your son - in lots of areas. He should be getting extra help at school and / or adjustments made, which will make life easier for him and enable his learning. If he is diagnosed then you can consider ritalin or other medications then. Obviously it's your choice, but I wouldn't dismiss them before you've had a chance to find out more. For example, aside from making school work easier, they can also have a profound impact on mood control, temper and depression - there's more to them that at first glance - and a lot of 'information' on the net isn't in keeping with accepted scientific evidence.
This is all so much to deal with and I remember well how overwhelmed I was when finding out about my son's problems. Your son is a lucky boy having you wanting to find out more and help him all you can - with that from you, coupled with professional support to guide you, he will have the best chance of emerging one day as the best man he can be....
Come back and ask as many things as you want xx
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Post by fuzzywuzzy on Dec 16, 2013 18:25:58 GMT
JJ
I just want you to know how amazing you are
x
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My son
Dec 17, 2013 14:25:44 GMT
Post by Kesona on Dec 17, 2013 14:25:44 GMT
Thankyou JJ. Everything you say makes a lot of sense. You are very wise arent you!? I have an appointment to see his teacher this afternoon and I need her to be frank with me. She did mention at the beginning of the term about taking him to the doctors, but I had a total knee jerk reaction to this thinking, it's a new school give him a chance, you don't know him etc etc. can I ask you this? What do I say to my son? I know he thinks his brain works differently and we have always skirted around the issues with regards to his learning, but he genuinely doesn't think he has a problem.? How do you tell a kid they have some issues if they don't think it's a big deal. He is a little older now so maybe we just need to be straight with him now and really spell out to him that his concentration, his inability to get organised and remember important things are things that will impact on his life. We all need to face it.....particularly his father......thankyou out there for all the valuable advice and experience that's offered up!
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My son
Jan 30, 2014 12:06:51 GMT
Post by maggiemoo8 on Jan 30, 2014 12:06:51 GMT
Hi, I completely get where you are coming from as I was in your position 3 years ago with my son, he was diagnosed with moderate ADD in year 4 of primary school. He is now in year 7 of secondary school.
We had much the same experience, being labelled as a “slow learner” and behind in much of his studies. We went through almost 5 years of our son being told off for not being able to keep up with his peers and it wasn’t until he got to year 4 that a SENCO specialist lady took my husband and I aside and suggested that we have our son assessed. We were reluctant a first but decided it wouldn’t do any harm and much to my relief he was diagnosed with ADD (something I had always suspected from an early age). Since then and after much badgering from me and my husband with the school he has got the help and support and I am happy to say he is in a good place and is progressing as well as he can be at secondary school. I think the thing is to keep badgering with regards to his school. They have a duty of care to look after all pupils, including those with special needs with regards to learning. If your son needs a bit of extra support in his education then he is entitled to get that help otherwise the school is not fulfilling its duty of care. My advice is keep asking for help for him. He sounds very much like my son and with lots of incentives in place and the need to keep him interested in work at school he will come through it, you just need to make sure you have that support system around you. If the school are not particularly helpful it might be an idea to remind them of their duty of care to pupils who have extra needs or ask to speak with a SENCO or inclusion specialist.
We decided not to go down the medication route with our son but if medication helps then that’s great and its not something that we would ever rule out for the future. I have heard quite a bit about pure fish oils and concentration levels so I think I will try that to see if there is any level of improvement in my son’s concentration. Worth giving anything a try I think.
Children like ours will always need a little bit of extra support with their education, its just something that some children need to help them get through school so don’t give up.
Good luck and I hope you get the help and support you and your son deserves.
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