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Post by Kathymel on Jan 3, 2014 22:30:31 GMT
I think maybe you just hit the nail on the head - I have real trouble letting things go.
Wavey, it really sounds like you are doing some wonderful things to help her feel loved and valued. Just knowing that you love her and that you are trying to understand will go a long, long way towards helping her. Good luck. x
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Post by boo on Jan 4, 2014 4:27:05 GMT
For whatever reason, when I ask them why they do it, they don't know. This is illogical to me as it's quite simple - they don;y jump off a cliff because they know it will kill them, they don;t drink poison because they know it will kill them, they don't step in front of a moving car because they know it will hurt or kill them, so why do they hurt themselves??? I know that in certain situations it's a good thing to hurt in another place to take your mind of another place if your stuck half way up a mountain or something like that, the release of immune system cells helps, etc( I forget the science). But sitting up in their rooms cutting their sides above the hips (they're not trying to remove mass due to delusions of obesity either) initially my middle daughter did this, and my youngest found out and 'copied' her technique, but now I've found out she's moved on to her lady razor (Venus or whatever) to cut herself. This is really bugging me - not having an explanation for your own action when you have no excuse e.g. under the influence, like the high of it, etc. Does anything else have this about them - the inability to let go of something? IMO they don't know because they just don't! There is no direct correlation between the knowledge that self harming will hurt you and actually getting hurt! It is a totally illogical (and very temporary) release of pain and (as you have mentioned) does create the shift of hurt. It shifts from emotional to physical, taking the pain to another place, one that is perhaps easier to bear somehowthere can be such a build up of emotion and frustration that has no-where else to go and the brain doesn't think logically about whether or not it's going to physically hurt (or leave scars!) because the release of the emotional torment is at that moment all that is important I think it's also important to remember that all of us need to release pain, anger and frustration at some time, whether that be hitting a punch bag, over-doing it at the gym or screaming along with the favourite screamy angry song that currently fits the bill... self harm can be as much about not knowing how to channel that pain, anger and frustration as anything else and the feeling it's the only safe option left (after all, it's easier to hide a cut than it is an unharnessed angry outburst that has been witnessed by all and sundry, it keeps it away from the world and private, the veneer is intact!) and when i say that, it doesn't mean that family and friends aren't trying to offer help or support, just that somewhere along the way, if it is offered, it's somehow not reaching to the heart of the issue(s) for the self-harmer I hope I haven't spoken out of turn. It's an emotive subject and i have literally just "typed as i thought" (although to be fair, i have edited a couple of times now!) I don't know if i have helped at all but i have just tried to share my thoughts on this I truly wish you all the best. This is something that is so difficult for everyone involved, but please try not to think in terms of understanding it and instead think in terms of understanding them x
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Post by boo on Jan 4, 2014 4:30:38 GMT
sorry duplicated!
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Post by boo on Jan 5, 2014 0:00:58 GMT
If you go back 30 years for example, I never heard of self harming - I heard lots of fighting, bullying and acting out from kids, etc. I'm trying to understand this because it doesn't make any sense
I am 44 and self harming was around and very real when i was a teen ... and that's quite obviously going back 30 years!maybe we could agree that self harming (along with many other mental health issues) were simply more hidden (and buried and unspoken) back then as opposed to the theory that they just didn't exist!?
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Post by DKL - darkknightslover on Jan 5, 2014 15:03:09 GMT
Self harm doesn't necessarily mean cutting either. It can be putting yourself in harm's way with the intention something might just "happen" (which would be difficult to distinguish from ADHD behaviour in some), or intentionally subjecting one's self to extreme emotional turmoil (again, with the distinguishing from ADHD drama-seeking behaviours).
That book I mentioned earlier is "Helping children and young people who self-harm: An introduction to self-harming and suicidal behaviours for health professionals." by Armstrong, M., McDougall, T., & Trainor, G., published in 2010 by Routledge.
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Post by JJ not signed in on Mar 8, 2014 3:01:59 GMT
I hope you don't delete this. It's incredibly brave like the other posters and it's also incredibly enlightening - and the more the issue is spoken about and explained, the more those in distress can be helped. Xx
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Post by shapes on Mar 8, 2014 9:12:23 GMT
Yes it is a good post. I know what you mean about not really being able to explain despite being able to list reasons.
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