Post by juicer on Jan 4, 2014 16:53:29 GMT
Hi all,
1st post so go gentle with me please
Ive joined because i feel i need some help/giudance
im 40+ male and bringing up daughter alone who is 15.
Not sure where to begin with myself as it seems such a complex web.
All my life ive been super hyper to the extent social services thought i was being abused at home as i always had bumps, bruises, cuts etc None due to my parents actions, all due to my overactiveness and lack of attention.
My mum has admitted she really struggled with me when i was young and put a huge strain upon her.
At school i always used to fall asleep in class, had a very small attention span. Even the things i excelled at in school, like PE (sports), if i was in goal for football, id be seen sitting down, or doing hand stands. Just no attention towards something that meant standing, watching, waiting etc
If active in sport, ie gymnastics, i would excel, as long as i was active and burning energy.
Ultimately, my lack of attention and behaviour almost lead to me being expelled from school!!
I did say almost, 2 teachers recognised i was a good person, with a good heart and not a bully or your average naughty boy. So they helped me(via parents) to seek a psychotherapist who agreed to meet me on wednesday afternoons at school. This lady helped me direct my energy by giving me an outlet and i guess trying to balance me and organise me.
This was agreed in my final 2 years of school so was 13/14 by the time i was even recognised by a professional so many years had already gone by with my mum taking the rap as an abusive parent when in fact it was me that had an issue.
After a few months my therapist wanted to try me on a different diet and i and my parents were told i was hyperactive. This diet consisted of avoiding foods with known E numbers that cause hyperactivity. The diet did help a little as clearly additives like tartrazine(sp?) would send me out of control in terms of energy levels.
So i guess the diet helped me control outside intakes of extra energy by knowing and learning a better diet for myself.
Last couple of years of school and im not sure how i improved or didnt, i really cant remember those last couple of years at school very well.
I did leave with 3 GCSE's of Mathematics, Science and Computing - No real suprises with my results, low to mediocre results.
Leaving school, i found working hard to adjust to. 1st job as car body repair apprentice, i was found asleep under a car on a body trolly that slides under cars to work on easily. Gaffer pulled my out by one leg and sacked me, i can laugh about it as it must of been comical to see. However for me, that was the realisation that my lack of sleep/hyperactivity all through my childhood is going to affect my working life!!
Needless to say ive been through many jobs in my life!
Currently though, im employed and have been for 4 years with my current employer. Its not easy trying to juggle my own issues, being a single parent, working full time and controlling all the finances in and out of the household. My job is a Epos field service engineer, so quite a complex and demanding job mentally at times but i feel it stimulates me in ways that can keep me calm and collected mostly. Having to deal with clients and public as well as 'suits' from the higher order i feel i do ok and has certainly been a lesson in winding in my own neck in when issues arrise and customers need answers or parts to complete a job etc
Ive not been flawless as youd expect and a couple of times ive had to admit my own errors but feel this is more part of the job rather than issues affecting work.
My only issue i have of my own that affects my work would be my sleep pattern. It really is horrendous!!
I could sleep for 3 hours and do an 18 hour shift, feel totally whacked out but still only sleep for a few hours and same again. On the reverse if no work the following day i could easily go to bed at 11pm and sit there bored and anxious, as though if i sleep ill miss something!! 5am could still be sat in bed, tossing and turning till my alarm goes off, more often than not ill stop the alarm and sleep through till midday and beyond.
It really feels like my body needs 40 hours in a day to complete its natural cycle of sleep/work/play
I guess others are similar in terms of all this affecting their diet and eating times. Even though i eat reasonbly healthy at times im no Jamie Oliver. 3 or 4 times a week ill cook us an evening meal (Me and D), couple of times a week we eat out at local pub, reasonbly healthy meals. And on sundays the roast at my parents
So not complete trash in terms of meals but i usually skip breakfast as usually i consider myself unable to stomach much after little sleep so need a few hours awake before i can tackle a sandwich on the road when working.
More often than not ill find myself making a sandwich or bowl or cornflakes at 2am or even later!!
I thinks its clear to say i hve my issues but really dont know where to begin with it all.
So when young(1983/4) i was told i was hyperactive, would this be the equivelent of what would be described as ADHD?
My eating times are unhealthy.
My sleep pattern is unhealthy.
Depression? more than possible in the midst of it all. Ive been treated for depression in the past, mainly around '99 when the split of my family had quite an effect on me personally.
Ive been treated in the past for depression but always found myself back where i began so it makes me feel that my other issues are possibly causing me some depression.
Seeing my doctors in the past for depression and seeking support after the break up of my family, i really do feel unheard, misunderstood when talking to local doctors.
Ive never once expressed to a doctor about possible ADHD as i was never really diagnosed, so again i would feel that the doctor would think im clutching at straws or see me as some sort of hypacondriact(sp?)
Add to that a good level of anxiety all round, nothing for me to be anxious about, no impending doom for me, work is ok, Daughter is healthy, looked after and supported well. None the less, good lashings of anxiety.
So where do i begin?
Is the depression causing lack of sleep, eating unhealthily?
Is my lack of sleep/healthy sleeping time causing me depression and affecting my eating times/diet?
Or is my hyperactivity causing all of these?
Or is each separate from the other?
Itd be rather embarassing to go a doctor and say i might be ADHD when in fact it just a sleeping disorder causing depression or indeed, depression causing the sleep disorder.
I guess you can see why i just accept i am who i am at times as it seems much easier to accept than to try and untangle this web.
I hope most of this makes sense and maybe, just maybe, i can start to untangle the enigma that is me.
1st post so go gentle with me please
Ive joined because i feel i need some help/giudance
im 40+ male and bringing up daughter alone who is 15.
Not sure where to begin with myself as it seems such a complex web.
All my life ive been super hyper to the extent social services thought i was being abused at home as i always had bumps, bruises, cuts etc None due to my parents actions, all due to my overactiveness and lack of attention.
My mum has admitted she really struggled with me when i was young and put a huge strain upon her.
At school i always used to fall asleep in class, had a very small attention span. Even the things i excelled at in school, like PE (sports), if i was in goal for football, id be seen sitting down, or doing hand stands. Just no attention towards something that meant standing, watching, waiting etc
If active in sport, ie gymnastics, i would excel, as long as i was active and burning energy.
Ultimately, my lack of attention and behaviour almost lead to me being expelled from school!!
I did say almost, 2 teachers recognised i was a good person, with a good heart and not a bully or your average naughty boy. So they helped me(via parents) to seek a psychotherapist who agreed to meet me on wednesday afternoons at school. This lady helped me direct my energy by giving me an outlet and i guess trying to balance me and organise me.
This was agreed in my final 2 years of school so was 13/14 by the time i was even recognised by a professional so many years had already gone by with my mum taking the rap as an abusive parent when in fact it was me that had an issue.
After a few months my therapist wanted to try me on a different diet and i and my parents were told i was hyperactive. This diet consisted of avoiding foods with known E numbers that cause hyperactivity. The diet did help a little as clearly additives like tartrazine(sp?) would send me out of control in terms of energy levels.
So i guess the diet helped me control outside intakes of extra energy by knowing and learning a better diet for myself.
Last couple of years of school and im not sure how i improved or didnt, i really cant remember those last couple of years at school very well.
I did leave with 3 GCSE's of Mathematics, Science and Computing - No real suprises with my results, low to mediocre results.
Leaving school, i found working hard to adjust to. 1st job as car body repair apprentice, i was found asleep under a car on a body trolly that slides under cars to work on easily. Gaffer pulled my out by one leg and sacked me, i can laugh about it as it must of been comical to see. However for me, that was the realisation that my lack of sleep/hyperactivity all through my childhood is going to affect my working life!!
Needless to say ive been through many jobs in my life!
Currently though, im employed and have been for 4 years with my current employer. Its not easy trying to juggle my own issues, being a single parent, working full time and controlling all the finances in and out of the household. My job is a Epos field service engineer, so quite a complex and demanding job mentally at times but i feel it stimulates me in ways that can keep me calm and collected mostly. Having to deal with clients and public as well as 'suits' from the higher order i feel i do ok and has certainly been a lesson in winding in my own neck in when issues arrise and customers need answers or parts to complete a job etc
Ive not been flawless as youd expect and a couple of times ive had to admit my own errors but feel this is more part of the job rather than issues affecting work.
My only issue i have of my own that affects my work would be my sleep pattern. It really is horrendous!!
I could sleep for 3 hours and do an 18 hour shift, feel totally whacked out but still only sleep for a few hours and same again. On the reverse if no work the following day i could easily go to bed at 11pm and sit there bored and anxious, as though if i sleep ill miss something!! 5am could still be sat in bed, tossing and turning till my alarm goes off, more often than not ill stop the alarm and sleep through till midday and beyond.
It really feels like my body needs 40 hours in a day to complete its natural cycle of sleep/work/play
I guess others are similar in terms of all this affecting their diet and eating times. Even though i eat reasonbly healthy at times im no Jamie Oliver. 3 or 4 times a week ill cook us an evening meal (Me and D), couple of times a week we eat out at local pub, reasonbly healthy meals. And on sundays the roast at my parents
So not complete trash in terms of meals but i usually skip breakfast as usually i consider myself unable to stomach much after little sleep so need a few hours awake before i can tackle a sandwich on the road when working.
More often than not ill find myself making a sandwich or bowl or cornflakes at 2am or even later!!
I thinks its clear to say i hve my issues but really dont know where to begin with it all.
So when young(1983/4) i was told i was hyperactive, would this be the equivelent of what would be described as ADHD?
My eating times are unhealthy.
My sleep pattern is unhealthy.
Depression? more than possible in the midst of it all. Ive been treated for depression in the past, mainly around '99 when the split of my family had quite an effect on me personally.
Ive been treated in the past for depression but always found myself back where i began so it makes me feel that my other issues are possibly causing me some depression.
Seeing my doctors in the past for depression and seeking support after the break up of my family, i really do feel unheard, misunderstood when talking to local doctors.
Ive never once expressed to a doctor about possible ADHD as i was never really diagnosed, so again i would feel that the doctor would think im clutching at straws or see me as some sort of hypacondriact(sp?)
Add to that a good level of anxiety all round, nothing for me to be anxious about, no impending doom for me, work is ok, Daughter is healthy, looked after and supported well. None the less, good lashings of anxiety.
So where do i begin?
Is the depression causing lack of sleep, eating unhealthily?
Is my lack of sleep/healthy sleeping time causing me depression and affecting my eating times/diet?
Or is my hyperactivity causing all of these?
Or is each separate from the other?
Itd be rather embarassing to go a doctor and say i might be ADHD when in fact it just a sleeping disorder causing depression or indeed, depression causing the sleep disorder.
I guess you can see why i just accept i am who i am at times as it seems much easier to accept than to try and untangle this web.
I hope most of this makes sense and maybe, just maybe, i can start to untangle the enigma that is me.