trinabubs
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Post by trinabubs on Aug 17, 2015 7:16:26 GMT
Hi, my husband and I are pretty certain he has ADHD and has done since childhood. He was seen by medics as a child and when medication was suggested, his father refused. We now have 3 children and his distractability, unreliability, impulsive spending and memory issues are becoming a huge problem and causing marital strain. He won't go to his own GP as thinks if he starts medication, it will completely change the fun-loving, happy, popular guy he also is. How can I go forward from here? For example: we went out for the day yesterday and came home to find the front door open as he had forgotten to shut it!! I don't want to act like his mother and double check everything he does but unfortunately currently, it seems I have to! Please help
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2015 7:33:08 GMT
Well, I can't speak for other people, but I'm on 72mg of Concerta and yesterday I (a responsible adult of 36) texted my parents a picture of the bum of a plush donkey with the text... "Donkey! Stop messing with my phone and making cheeky selfies!" I don't think Concerta made me boring...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2015 15:28:18 GMT
People react differently to medications, so we cannot make any assurances on how it will be for your husband.
Add me to the group who have not suffered a loss of happiness/sense of humour from taking medication though. If anything, now I have my shit together a bit more, I actually enjoy more guilt-free fun than I ever used to. Edited to add: medication is not a magic wand though. It helps, IMO, but then there is also the work of accepting the things we cannot change, and working fricking hard to change the things we can.
I have read your other thread though, and it sounds as though a lot is going on in your family, and that not all of it is to do with adhd.
You ask what you can do to take forward your husband's suspected ADHD, and the answer, I'm afraid, is not a lot.
Ultimately, your husband will have to decide for himself whether he wants to take action. ADHD meds are not the only way forward, and they are not even all that easy to access, but many people find it helpful to seek an assessment to give themselves clarity and peace of mind, and then decide on treatment options as and when they are offered.
If your husband is motivated to change, then he can join this or any other forum, and research how he would like to take charge of his own future. Really, you can only support and encourage him, he has to decide whether or not to move forward.
With ADHD, I can kind of understand the unlocked door issue, that's something that needs to be managed but it does scream ADHD to me. The bigger red flag to me is struggle your husband is apparently having over whether he is willing to sacrifice a little of his fun-loving nature for the sake of taking joint responsibility for your family's financial security.
When one partner has ADHD, then it may well be prudent to allocate certain jobs to the nonADHD partner. But ADHD isn't an excuse or reason for selfish and immature behaviour. In the overall relationship, you both need to feel that the other is giving and taking from the relationship in a fair and sensitive way. If you want a discussion about financial security, but all you are getting is your own personal comedy show, then that's not fair, is it? And it's not funny either.
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