Post by Deleted on Aug 23, 2015 17:14:43 GMT
Aug 23, 2015 7:54:26 GMT @happypinks said:
My marriage has been a total disaster full of ups and mainly downs for the past 6yrs, drifting from one upset to another. Moving from one place to another in false hopes of a better life. Since finding out recently that my husband has ADD it's suddenly become very clear why my life has been so misrable, no comfort or support, no emotions, put downs, acid bitter sarcasm the list is endless. He refuses to seek professional help instead he has convinced himself that he can do this all by himself with my help. I have reached the stage where I hate my life, I am about as low as you can get. Family life is suffering and my children are on the receiving end as I'm finding my temper very short and I shout all the time. I have tried with him but there has been no change on his part, all his talk of trying to make things better has been just that..All talk.. I can no longer cope and feel I've become my husbands carer. I am not an uncaring person, I'm a nurse but I've given so much I've nothing else to give apart from divorce papers. I know this may sound all about me+yea I suppose it is, but how can you carry on loving someone who shows you nothing back but aggression how far can this condition push a person, cause right now I'm on the edge and all alone..
I'm sorry for your pain. So many women seem to come here with similar stories.
I feel a little heartless sometimes in the way I tend to respond, but I still feel it needs to be said: there is clearly a lot going on for you but my guess is that ADHD is possibly not the only, or even the main factor, in your current unhappiness.
You cannot force your husband to change but you can take responsibility for your own feelings and behaviour. You can educate yourself on ADHD and choose how to respond to your husband, up to and including the issue of divorce papers, if that is what you need to do. You can choose whether or not to shout at your kids. You can get help from MIND, Relate and other organisations, in your own right, if you so choose. As a nurse, you probably have access to counselling through your trade union and/or your employer.
Many of us here do struggle in relationships as a consequence of our condition, but we are by and large here because we take responsibility for our lives and we are choosing to work at becoming the best that we can be.
Whatever our brain chemistry, we all have the same basic choices in life and I think you too need to find your own line in that murky area between blame and responsibility.
I wish you all the best as you move forward. I hope you can find company to make the journey easier.
Edited to add: I highly recommend this very readable little book about a particular kind of counselling which helps us to examine our own role in our relationships with others. It really helped me to start taking charge of my life again, after a long period of depression.
www.amazon.co.uk/Counselling-Toads-A-Psychological-Adventure/dp/0415174295