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Post by Deleted on Sept 29, 2015 13:44:21 GMT
“The first and most important thing an individual can do is to become an individual again, decontrol himself, train himself as to what is going on and win back as much independent ground for himself as possible”
― William S. Burroughs
“we are all alone, born alone, die alone, and — in spite of true romance magazines — we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. i do not say lonely — at least, not all the time — but essentially, and finally, alone. this is what makes your self-respect so important, and i don’t see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness”
― William S. Burroughs
“How long does it take man to realize that he cannot want what he wants? You have to live in hell to see heaven.”
― William S. Burroughs
The cat does not offer services. The cat offers itself.”
― William S. Burroughs, The Cat Inside
"Sometimes my life feels stuck in the place between life and death. Not quite living, not quite dead. Trapped for never ending repetitive days as my life flashes before my mind, fragmented, stuck on a loop where tomorrow never comes. I liken this place to a river. I can see it flowing, yet I cannot always master the currents, and the murky brown depths seem too deep to cross . Someday soon I'll write myself a guide on how to get out of here. On a clear millisecond between the cackle of inner disjointed chatter and body noise I can see others living, clinging on to a manufactured reality as if nothing else was possible. "
- Alec77
“It's my belief that history is a wheel. 'Inconstancy is my very essence,' says the wheel. Rise up on my spokes if you like but don't complain when you're cast back down into the depths. Good time pass away, but then so do the bad. Mutability is our tragedy, but it's also our hope. The worst of time, like the best, are always passing away.”
― Tony Wilson, 24 Hour Party People
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Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2015 7:39:20 GMT
ADHD is personal and different for everyone. We each have our own ADHD. I am very much a novice with mine. All I know is I have it. I had no idea. I thought I had something else.
I am not sure how this journal dairy section works. I am assuming I just reply to myself when writing?
I will attempt to explain my ADHD, How it looks from inside my head.
My mind is very much on all the time. My thoughts aren't at all clear. I think about doing stuff I need to do. Then I forget. I day dream. I miss things, social clues, body launguage. I missinterpret things. I very much want to be somewhere else by the time i get to where i initally wanted to be. My grammar is apauling. I have shedloads of unfinished projects, be it books on anthropology, astronomy , to my collection of guitars and a harmonica.
I get stuck on the same tv shows. I struggle to watch new stuff. Same with music. I fight with myself all the time. I feel I should be further on in life than I am. Then I look at the steps I'd need to take to get there. Then I kid myself I don't believe in it all anyway and in actual fact this is my form of non conformist rebelion for living in a society i don't believe in, It's not adhd.
Sometimes/all the time, depending on how ill i am, my brain seems to go too fast. Everyone else seem cognatively slow. Grrrrr Hurry up!
I'll add some more later...distracted! I should spell check....nah!
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Post by OLL on Sept 30, 2015 10:04:01 GMT
I could have written that!
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2015 9:25:58 GMT
It has been a funny few days, perhaps maybe a week, or more. About two weeks ago my asthma flared up. I was given steroid tablets from the Dr and a sick note for work as I had been of the week prior with it. The steroids give me a weird feeling. A melancholy high which resulted in my thoughts becoming more disjointed than usual.
I realized I had been in a state of high anxiety for sometime. It had manifest itself in my attempts to get back on track when starting Concerta way back in October 2014. I had started working again. I was working for m & s as a store op. Basically a store man, looking after chilled and frozen foods, and other food stores. I had just finished studying IT and had passed some quite complex exams, distance learning. Yet I had not the courage to see it through to its natural conclusion of a job in IT support. I just couldn't follow through.
The more I learned about ADHD the harder it became to cope. I also had a girlfriend of sorts which did not work out. I met her on website for mental health problems and although we lived at opposite ends of the country and rarely ever met we were there for each other, via skype and whatsapp. At the time I was studying and she was working her way around the festival scene and I being 13 years older opted to be sensible, finish my studies and hope to get a good job and that she'd be there at the end of it. Long story short, we split, remained friends, until I got jealous every time she had a new fella or interest in one anyway. In the end I stopped contact with her. It was for the best but it was an intense grieving process heightened by concerta tunnel vision.
I struggled at M&S. I was just in the depths of despair. I was drinking too much anyway. Had some absences, confessed my ADHD to my manager. Probably because I didn't socialize and integrate myself fully with the lads, I was sacked and told i wouldn't be suitable for re- employment with them. Also because of the way they paid us, sort of strangely in advance, I was sent a letter saying I owed them £370.00.
I don't know about others with ADHD. But when I loose a job I panic. I'll look for the easiest, most likely job, where no questions are asked and they need people, desperately. The whole recruitment industry disturbs me greatly. Way too much has gone online, insist's on too many reference checks, which terrifies me as I am far from perfect employee and usually doubt that a previous employer would say anything positive about me. Therefor I feel I can't risk it. As you can see that rules out A LOT OF JOB APPLICATIONS.
In desperation I applied for a job at my local subway. I was greatful to be given a chance. It was awful. Serving people food just is not for me. Anxiety builds up as the queue does. I managed about two weeks before succumbing to the strong urge to walk. I thought the concerta would prevent this. It didn't.
I remember walking out the back door of subway. The snow was falling quite heavily. There was a temporary relief in that I had relieved the urge to walk by walking. But it was fleeting. Within minutes I was back to the horrific thought that I'd be reading all the online job sites again. So depressing.
Anyway I got lucky. Found an advert for a call centre,( work I'd done previously when I somehow held a job for eight years! But I also drank every day so something had to give) applied and got in. To begin with it was dead easy. All I had to do was take booking for taxi card holders for London Borough council. The customers got these card as they were impaired in some form or another, thus giving them a discount.
The customers were told in their taxi card booklet / guide that they shouldn't used the scheme for any important appointments as we could never guarantee a taxi at any given time, we would of course try our best, and mostly they got a taxi.
However inevitably folks never read this part and booked for very important appointments. Which resulted in disappointment. And as customer service agents we were never allowed to highlight this to them when they complained bitterly. Every other call was a complaint. They could also call to check where their taxi was as we tracked them by satellite. But more often than not it was a third party firm contracted to us and we had to cal to get an update.
Customers would then say, you told me that five minutes ago! i'll miss my appointment! what are you going to do about that! Suffice to say I left. But not before an embarrassing incident where I emailed my manager to say I was having a panic attack that apparently went to every manager and supervisor in the business.
In between these job fails, I try to pretend I still have a job as i hate conflict of any sort. This can be severely stressful. It involves going out of the house for the day when I have no where to go!
Inbetween all this I try to live a normal life by going on dates via dating sites. But I'll treat you to that wondrous world in another post. Suffice to say I am still single.
Also despite all this I have never miss a child payment to my ex since i Started working which is tremendous.
Anyhow. I got lucky again. There is a fish food factory near by and I had seen there vacancies appear a few times. I applied and got in. It's taken a while to get used to the physical labour involved, the 12 hour days and mixing with the predominantly eastern european workforce ( whom are really friendly).
But this asthma flair up and anxiety has cost me almost a month off. I still have a job. Just need to get another sick note to cover me and I should be good to go back.
My dad is recovering from prostate cancer. My sister has pancreatic nets, also cancer. My eldest was getting bullied a bit at his new school. The bullying was just a once off by the looks of it and he is happy again, he likes school?? Perhaps everything got mashed up in my head and I needed a rest.
It's just the weird game of survival when your ADHD get's out of hand.
Thank you.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2015 9:44:53 GMT
Did I mention I stopped my Concerta for a few days. Started them again this morning. I just didn't want withdrawal. Now I just feel sick and a little tense. Better than withdrawal, I think.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2015 10:13:14 GMT
My current reads. I do read a lot. Sometimes/most times I drift off from the pages and never really learn the full content of the book. Never the less I persevere. My kindle is full of stuff like this.... Tellin stories...Tim Burges novel Factory the story of the record label Patrick Moore's astronomy Lot's of SIgmund Frued Judaism....I am curious about religions and I figured i was least knowledgeable about this one. Stasis Leaked.....behind the scenes of Red Dwarf....( Ah listy listy listy! lol) Creative bass guitar...yep that's been sitting there a while High Rise J D Ballard 23 things they don't tell you about capitalism An introduction to philosphy Science and human behaviour B F Skinner Interzone...William S Burroughs ADHD the facts ...Mark Selikowitz And a few others. I finished Tim Burgess. And the ADHD one which was quite good. Right time to read. Just hope I take it in
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2015 16:34:30 GMT
I don't think my treatment is working. I am still all over the place mentally, and totally static physically. MPH is not good. I can't just stop. I have lost my Psychiatrist's appointment card.
It's a new Phych I have. Only seen her once. She said I was fine and that we'd have a little break( which means a few months probably more) then see where we are at.
I told my old phych about not going out ever, MPH making me feel bad or focus on crap. But then I thought well it's better than strattera. It was almost as if she was saying pick one.
She's gone now. Only ever saw her for about ten minutes every couple of months anyway. My fault I didn't really organize myself properly for going to see her.
New phych thinks I am alright.
Crap! I am screwing up my treatment. What a plonker!
My ADHD is laughing at Concerta now. It's like" really? Ya think this will work?"
The endless pointless chatter in my head. And not one bit of it makes sense.
Bugger.
I wonder where I will be in a years time?
Answer
Still sat here, same dose of MPH, asking the same questions, reading the same books.
Brillant
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Post by Deleted on Oct 4, 2015 7:46:39 GMT
Start again syndrome.
Does anyone else feel like they are continually starting again?
Trying to get somewhere. Feeling like you missed the starting gun?
I do. I often look at educational courses because I feel I lack the skills to have a good job, level of education, etc.
My brain is constantly nagging me to do better.
Problem is I don't know who, what, why, where and when.
And often I find myself in the wrong place, resulting in more failure.
Or I get intimidated by the smarter folks in the class.
I think it boils down to zoning out in the wrong places, loosing track, then not being able to zone back in.
I always want to start again.
Start again syndrome.
Continual loop.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 4, 2015 8:20:06 GMT
The end goal and far far away syndrome.
Also on the same token is the end goal.
You get an idea. You act on it. You start.
But you slip, procrastinate and fall behind.
The goal then becomes more distant. The steps too much.
All because you just want to get to the end. No time for the middle bit of doing and learning. Or at least when your doing and learning you become impatient and distracted.
The result is needed almost instantly.
Driven to distraction indeed.
This is good. I am learning more about myself.
So I get an idea. I act on it. The work involved becomes too much. Impatiences set in, frustration. Then I give up because the steps became boring, slow to obtain. I fall off the idea. Get depressed. Start again.
Interesting. Much working out to be done.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 4, 2015 8:29:53 GMT
Conflicts/ People pleasing/ Hiding it
I often lie when things are going wrong. Because I am in a muddle and don't wish to be taken to task for it.
I am also used to have my ideas analysed by other more grounded individuals, like close family. They very much believe in hard work and other Victorian virtues!
And because my ideas are often groundless I have no sound basis on which to argue for them, thus any discussion is rendered obsolete from the start.
So I lie, cover my tracks badly and get into scrapes. Interesting.
Over time this is a dangerous habit. Very dangerous indeed.
This is a deep exploration of my soul. Like looking into deep space and analyzing the past , what went before, and how it came to be in it's present state.
Patterns. It's all about the patterns.
Re configuring shall come later. I hope!
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Post by Deleted on Oct 4, 2015 12:07:10 GMT
The one kind thing I did for myself today was to go onto the Open University website. I discovered this open learning thingy. It means you can pick subjects of interest to study with out having to commit to one track. I think it's accumulative in much the same way as a Dergee.
I would need to do an access course first I think. I have emailed them to see what I can do.
I need to do something.
And I think my first step would be learning how to study, write essays and analyse books, news, etc.
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Post by tessaract on Oct 4, 2015 12:34:40 GMT
I call my self the bridge-burner. I have walked out of countlesss jobs, literally walked away without saying a word. I have always struggled to intergrate with co-workers, except for a couple of times. I cause chaos wherever I work because everything gets too intense. I was diagnosed in April at age 35 and there are a lot of similiarities for all of us here, the same things pop up over and over again: Jumping form job to job, social problems etc. I was given strattera and it sucked but I just got a prescription for ritalin. There are other practical things that can be done manage the ADHD. Dont get me wrong, I just sit there and imagine all the amazing things I could be doing but cant because I'm unemloyed and unable to hold down a job, on average 2-3 months and if I stay longer it is absolute torture. I had to leave London and move back home to Ireland because I couldnt hold down a job! WEll.. held one down for a year and left after an arguement with my co-worker, no interaction with the staff. I was just the quiet wierdo, so uncomfortable! Anyway...... What I really wanted to say to you (rambling) was the meds aint gonna do much without managing the behaviours snd habits we have learned from a lifetime of dealing with ADHD. Usually bad habits, some amazing ones too though that need to be appreciated. The waiting list in Ireland is crazy long too so I decided to find an ADHD coach, because I never have money I worked out a payment plan with her and pay her €22 a week until the cost of the appointment is met. Then I see her. The thing is, she has ADHD too so she was willing to accomodate my strange request to pay in installments. MY opinion is that we have to learn new skills to manage the ADHD after we are diagnosed. Have a look for an ADHD coach in your area and see if its something you are into. What I want to get from it is to be able to live a normal, healthy life.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 4, 2015 13:13:40 GMT
Thank you very much for posting and sharing your thoughts.
I totally relate to your experience and I think the ADHD coach is a fantastic idea.
I am inattentive type.
Your job situation is similar to mine in that it's an anxiety that makes us go. A build of of pressures that to others wouldn't occur or seem that much, yet to us it builds into a great big pressure ball. It's a build up of little things that our mind focuses on. Which in turn builds and builds, becoming unbearable and we relieve the pressure by just going. I find making mistakes at work, then having absences, then berating myself inevitably leads me to walking. I want that perfect start!
I have worked in many industries, from Call Centre, cleaner, factory op, bar work, chef, painter/decorator, plumbing, welding, baker, And many many more.
I do have a rebellious streak in that I can't abide any one in authority. Well not all, I have worked with some amazing managers, etc. I struggle with change or anything that breaks the routine I try to get into in a workplace. I may need to rework what I am trying to say. It may not be authority. Perhaps jealously ? I also read somewhere if you struggle with authority in the work place you may have " Daddy issues" this is highly possible in my case. I do have a good relationship with my Dad however.
I find time an issue at work. If your having a very frustrating adhd day and work pressures are kicking in, then time slows to a point of ticking backwards and it just becomes hell.
When I was younger I used to just dissappear off job too. But I have been sacked quite a few times too.
Your ADHD coach is a brillant idea and if you can, keep me posted.
There is something for everyone in life. I just think us with ADHD may take a little longer to find it.
I work in a seafood production factory at the minute. My anxiety does get to me there. I find if i have something to do that will kill a few hours I can get on and be ok. It's when there are moments of inactivity as we switch from one product to another, or if i am given something new, and i have zone out during instructions, I panic.
All I have ever wanted really is to be well educated. Having day dream through primary school, absconded through secondary, then spent a life time trying to make up for it. But I have always choosen courses for others, as opposed to myself, perhaps looking for forgiveness, that maybe, only myself is looking for.
Thank you
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Post by Deleted on Oct 4, 2015 13:34:31 GMT
A Higher state of Concertaness.
I don't think my tritation period is over nor being managed appropriately by my phyc.
My old phyc left. And I have only seen new one once.
When I went to see the new one, she had no idea I was coming and had to frantically read my notes before seeing me.
I think she thinks I am tritated.
I most certainly am not.
Yesterday I took 36 mg xl in the morning and 18 mg xl in the afternoon. Felt Like it just wasn't working.
I am concluding that this is not enough and I have room to move the medication levels up a bit.
Today I did 36 mg xl in the morning and 36 mg xl in the afternoon. I feel better. Apart from a headache.
Tomorrow I must try to contact phyc as this needs getting on top of so i can move onto the next stage of dealing with ADHD.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 5, 2015 9:00:30 GMT
I got another sick note to cover this weeks anxiety related absence.
I can go back to work tomorrow.
I won't tell work I am coming back. I shall just go in.
Feeling very nervous about going back. A bit scared.
Chatted with GP about my anxiety and how it's been the at the root of all the jobs I have quit or been sacked.
Explain a year on from diagnoses, and despite telling specialist's I am not living, merely hiding away in my parents house, I don't socialize or go out.
I have had Four jobs already this year.
Just not grabbing the gift of life at all.
Concerta just makes me feel spacey. It's a bit like this. Imagine there is some one you really like. Imagine they are about to give you a big hug. Awesome! Yet it's the person behind you they go to hug. Nooo! Concerta picks you up, gives you a bit of hope, then fades away.
That's a poor analogy, but it will do.
He gave me details for a counselling practice locally who might be able to help.
Perhaps with Concerta focus, and a guide to my feelings, I will be better able to Learn what they may teach in regards to anxiety control, etc.
I can't help but be cynical, After all the practice is run/ managed and possibly owned by the wife of the head Dr of my local Dr's surgery.
Haha!
Still It's £15.00 an hour, and the Councillors are all qualified.
Might give it a go.
I didn't tell him I have upped my meds.
Hmmm
This is because of past addiction to alcohol, which means your not really supposed to get stimulants.
Although that attitude is old hat. And it's been proven that you are less likely to abuse substances whilst on Concerta. It has stopped me drinking. And stuffing my face impulsively.
Also may be useful in treating cocaine addiction
Tomorrow will be tough. It's just getting through the factory door. Once I am in, and working, I'll be ok/ish.
In other news, I hope to hear from OU soon, and perhaps look to join a group for some social interaction. I joined meetup a year ago, but haven't gone to anything on there....yet.
Winter is coming. A chance to hide from the sun, enjoy the quieter streets, and plan, baby step my way to some sort of stability.
Thank you all.
***I do read all the posts on here, well as much as I can. I think you are all very brave and doing brilliantly where ever you are on your journey to understanding the self.
I am a bit too nervous to reply to all in case i Get overwhelmed. But I am rooting for you all.
I hope rooting means what I think it means, backing you all.
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Post by vagueandrandom on Oct 5, 2015 13:02:29 GMT
Hi @alec77 I've been reading your posts too, but have been too busy/tired to post much myself recently. Concerta's not doing for me either. I'm on 36mg for . . . until I move house, get a new GP and then wait for referral to new specialist. . . I'm also thinking of trying to up it a bit on my own. Keep writing
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Post by Deleted on Oct 5, 2015 14:57:03 GMT
Thanks vagueandrandom. Good luck with the move. I hope you'll write about it. Second day of 36mg xl in the morning and 36mg xl in the afternoon. I have been a wee bit more productive. But not much. I wouldn't recommend uping it a bit on your own. However my previous pych said I could experiment. So I shall. But please you be careful. I have read some of your posts. You are extremely clever. Two degrees! I want a Degree. Actually I am thinking about re doing my GCSE's, well It's Scottish something or other up here. I am just curious to see if I could get a good mark now I am older and wiser (38). I did note you are going to Manchester. I have a strange fixation with Factory records and all that! Anyway I did email some folks to see if it was indeed possible to re do the old school exams, just for fun. I expect I'll forget about doing the above. But it's today's fascination. And I certainly am not doing anything else.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 5, 2015 21:17:49 GMT
It's strange to think that some people have a good healthy mind.
Wouldn't be nice to just have focus, drive, ambition, determination, self value.
Spent years making excuses, I couldn't get on with so and so, they were annoying me, the work didn't suite, I was not getting anywhere, It was giving me anxiety and several other excuses.
It were never the people, the job, the culture.....It was me.
Every one is gone now. The so and so's, The annoying ones, the work that didn't suite, were I wasn't getting anywhere, with the anxiety.....
Yet it was a million times better than this.
The deficit isn't too noticeable when you are younger, Everyone is still trying stuff out.
As you head into your late thirties, you look around and see it.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 5, 2015 21:55:09 GMT
Time is jumping forward in big chunks. I have lost an hour somewhere.
Always the same when you don't want tomorrow to come.
Stop the clock. Just give me a little time to figure it all out.
I wander how they live their lives.
How do they do it.
Moving ever forward.
Working, buying, consuming, participating, believing, saving, planning, dreaming.
Ambition, goals, achievements, milestones, appreciation.
So much time behind me now.
Way much more than what's left to experience.
Time.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 8, 2015 7:33:57 GMT
Another Job bites the dust. And I know it's Me. I recognize now that 99% of my thoughts, my inner voice, babbles utter nonsense. I suppose the concerta is meant to slow this down. I just can't decide if concerta works. Everything is just really muddled up And to others who can't see in my head I just look like I am being selfish, awkward, etc. And because of this insane muddle I can't explain it either, so I end up sounding like a bag of excuses. I just wish my brain would shut up if it hasn't got anything good to say. And I am torn between meds or no meds. I thought the meds where part of an overall treatment. seems I am just being given meds.....well that's certainly been the case since starting. What NOT a difference a year makes. Living with this condition is punishment enough without family punishing me on top of it. It's like I am being punished for an illness because it pisses people off. Weird.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 8, 2015 8:05:22 GMT
I note to myself that often when it all goes adhd I lie to cover my tracks.
Anxiety makes me do silly things, ie , leave a job, then I lie for a bit, to save hurting others, then I get caught out.
So under pressure I try to get another job, but, perhaps I should sort out the adhd first?
I'll try 36mg + 18 mg concerta.
See if it stops the mad ramblings, or slows it down a bit.
Also need to chase up my phyc, I need help with this.
It's hurting everyone, and they have every right to be disillusioned with me, after all I am nearly 40. I got two years to try to become a typical 40 year old man.
But what to do first.
Be nice if I could just work out what went wrong at last job? what made it unbearable? Hmmm.
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ladybug
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Post by ladybug on Oct 8, 2015 9:24:46 GMT
Oh man, I so identify with this. Am going to counselling and was trying to explain about losing time. More noticable now I have abandoned my meds. Where does the time go?! Time is jumping forward in big chunks. I have lost an hour somewhere. Always the same when you don't want tomorrow to come. Stop the clock. Just give me a little time to figure it all out. I wander how they live their lives. How do they do it. Moving ever forward. Working, buying, consuming, participating, believing, saving, planning, dreaming. Ambition, goals, achievements, milestones, appreciation. So much time behind me now. Way much more than what's left to experience. Time.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 8, 2015 12:15:38 GMT
Hi Ladybug. I think the time goes when we are in an adhd fog/muddle/anxiety attack and don't know which problem/s, which occurred during this adhd fog/muddle/anxiety attack to deal with first. Never an easy thing to deal with. And it all gets muddled when we are under pressure. I read a little of your personal account thingy. It's tough not knowing if the meds are any good. Or what to try. Keep us all posted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 8, 2015 13:51:00 GMT
A stroke of luck. In my muddled and anxious state I had assumed I'd lost my job. Emailed them to check. A weird thing to do admittedly. Long story short I am back tomorrow. I really need my job. Deep breathes and in I go. Wish me luck Also reading up on anxiety tips.
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Post by contrarymary on Oct 8, 2015 16:21:41 GMT
l-theanine for anxiety there's a thread on it here somewhere finding it v helpful indeed good luck
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Post by Deleted on Oct 8, 2015 17:27:00 GMT
Thanks. I'll go see if I can find some in the massive tescos up the road.
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Post by contrarymary on Oct 8, 2015 21:35:28 GMT
i got some powder initially but found it too much of a faff to mix it in with a drink so used to skip it but i got some veggie capsules from amazon these(other capsules are available) and i think you can get it from Holland & barrett. but there's a useful thread somewhere... try running a search in the box at the top? no, get some sleep instead - far more useful good luck tomorrow! we'll be rooting for you
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Post by tessaract on Oct 9, 2015 11:50:17 GMT
Oh I've experience that scary feeling of going back to a job after one of my episodes. And its never as bad (hardly ever :/) as I made it out to be in my head. Brave of you!!! The anxiety was intense to the point where I felt like I couldnt even move or think. Frozen in fear. Remember anxiety is actually fear. We have to face our fears.
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Post by vagueandrandom on Oct 9, 2015 23:24:46 GMT
You write so much it makes my head spin!!!!!!!!!!
I'm moving to Hull, not Manchester (that's where my evil sister lives) but currently in the midlands with my parents - look at my diary 4 the trauma!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by Deleted on Oct 10, 2015 6:39:39 GMT
I think I'll get some l theaine when I get pain contrarymary. I couldn't find any in tescos. But they do have a health shop in there, same idea as holland and barret.
Episode. That's a perfect way to put it when it gets out of hand tessaract. You are right, face we have to face our fears.
Ah vagueandrandom saying I write so much it makes your head spin only encourages me more. Because it makes me feel like I am being cheeky or annoying and it appeals to me. I shall indeed check your diary.
Thank you everyone
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