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Post by Kathymel on Mar 30, 2016 14:55:50 GMT
Haven't visited your page for ages, or indeed had time for anything at all outside of my dissertation.
How long until the builders sod off for good? I wish I didn't live so far away so I could come and provide distraction for you (if distraction would be useful).
Your comment about protecting other people from who you are struck a note with me. Jock used to tell me I should protect other people from myself. He used to get embarrassed about how I would get into heated discussions or be less than tactful at social events, or he'd complain that my forgetfulness and disorganisation impacted on others (him and Angus, mostly) and I should try harder - like I was doing it deliberately!
It's massively damaging to the self to not be true to yourself. It made me think I wasn't good enough and took away a chunk of self-confidence. Jock is a good person and I always say I'm a better person for knowing him, but it came with a price - the self-awareness he forced on me took away a lot of confidence.
I understand why you feel the need to protect others (and yourself) by having a bolt-hole to hide in, but it's great to hear that you are feeling a little more liberated. I hope it continues and grows.
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Post by Kathymel on Mar 29, 2016 15:45:25 GMT
Are you going to discuss the other issues with us? As a charity, you have a duty of care towards the users of this site. This is law - you can't just ignore it. You have repeatedly allowed a moderator to discriminate against members with several protected characteristics for at least two years. This is something you have to accept responsibility for and answer to: Instead, you have: - blocked members who have asked to discuss this on the forum
- deleted comments and threads which ask for clarification or question your methods
- anchored threads to move them off the first page of the Recent Threads list to prevent people from seeing them and, in the case of this thread, actually moved several older threads above it
Why will you not engage with us with this? This is a total failure to be transparent and is underhand in the extreme. Those of us who have concerns have deliberately kept it off the forum until now so as not to impact on it. I had taken a step back to concentrate on my degree, intending to resume trying to engage with you when I have finished, but Journeyman's post has re-ignited how angry I feel about your actions (or lack of) and I am not going to let this go, now. Do the right thing. I fully expect to be deleted and blocked now, as this has been your modus operandi when faced with complaints. In case I am, would the other members who share my concerns please let people know why I have left.
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Post by Kathymel on Mar 29, 2016 0:49:39 GMT
And how many people on here knew it was BST when they were supposed to, I wonder? Took me until 3pm the following afternoon to work it out.
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Post by Kathymel on Mar 28, 2016 20:14:40 GMT
And whilst I'm being blunt, let's be honest about the shoutbox, shall we? It sat there for years not bothering anybody. People would post in it now and then and sometimes it got quite busy. There was no need to remove it because it was incredibly low-maintenance, regardless of how often it was used. People liked it, though.
The only reason it got removed this time was because people were asking awkward questions in it, like where Pelargonium had gone after Dave banned her for complaining about his sexism.
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Post by Kathymel on Mar 28, 2016 18:51:17 GMT
Actually, having looked again at the Charity Commission's complaints form, I think some of the non-compliance with discrimination law that has occurred on here would fit into this heading:
- Serious non-compliance in a charity that damages or has the potential to damage its reputation and/or the reputation of charities generally
You may have sacked the perpetrator, but you have not addressed the issues nor given assurance, as repeatedly asked, that it will not happen again in the future.
So, as you and the other admins have failed to answer the concerns of the many members who have contacted you through private channels, I will ask you publicly this time.
Will you:
- make it forum policy that discrimination in any form will not be tolerated? - provide assurances that you will do your utmost to ensure this forum is a safe place for ALL members to visit. - stop deleting comments that complain about sexism and other discrimination? - stop banning and blocking people who post on this forum about the need for equitable access for all?
I'm sure other members will have their own points to add.
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Post by Kathymel on Mar 28, 2016 16:56:35 GMT
Unfortunately, the Charity Commission is only interested if a charity is financially insolvent, committing fraud or another illegal activity or is seriously harming people.
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Post by Kathymel on Mar 28, 2016 9:05:26 GMT
Quite a few of us would like answers to these questions and more, journeyman. Letters have been written several times to the admins. The last one asked them for a public statement that the site would in future be non-discriminatory and equitable and was signed by ten of us.
We did not receive a reply.
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 26, 2016 14:14:06 GMT
Back to the 'little girl' inner child thing. I told him that I found it weird and uncomfortable for him to refer to it as a 'little girl' because most of the time I feel and act like a child and there is no 'hidden long time ago' child to find. . . and it's exhausting trying to behave like an adult. . . so he asks me in what way do I think that I behave like a child and I say that I find it hard to control my emotions and that an extreme example would be that a middle aged woman doesn't normally have a temper tantrum in public and that I do (not as often as in private, obvs) and I know it's ridiculous, but sometimes I can't keep it in. This is when I start to get a bit angry. . he explains how a child learns from their parents how everything's not the end of the world and everything's OK and through this they learn that they don't need to react so extremely. . . I can't believe (and frankly drifted off a bit while he was talking) he's pretty much accusing my parents of neglect so I say I don't know what he's getting at and he explains again and I interrupt when he says 'end of the world' because I use the exact same phrase to describe my feelings of devastation that I have NEARLY EVERY DAY for the slightest of things and I'm trying to talk about this and perceived criticism GRRRRR! At this point I think I would have to point out to him that people with ADHD are emotionally labile and suffer moods swings almost to the extreme of people with bipolar, but with swings occurring several times a day, rather than several times a year. I would also have to inform him that the fashion for blaming parents for everything is lazy thinking and becoming a bit passe these days. As to his point about learning from parents - if the parent also has ADHD, you're going to grow up with extremes of emotion. I know this is a counsellor, rather than a psych, but they should educate themselves about the specifics of ADHD and treat accordingly. The main specific being that, as these emotional extremes are the result of an executive function disorder, they can't be 'counselled away', the only treatment is to learn coping strategies. I'm really quite annoyed by this.
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 26, 2016 13:15:36 GMT
I think I remember that it is around 80% heritable.
I am one of those women who discovered my ADHD when my son got diagnosed. Finding out that you don't have to have been bouncing round the classroom was a lightbulb moment.
Looking at my father's checkered past leaves me in no doubt as to where I've inherited it from. His mother also sounds as if she had issues ...
It would be extremely unlikely for you to be the only person in your family with it.
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 26, 2016 13:03:21 GMT
I just read the summary of the briefing, JJ. This on its own would be enough to convince me, given that the government are forcing through legislation to limit the power of unions: Employment
An EU exit could foreshadow significant change to UK employment law, much of which flows from Europe. The Government would face pressure from employers’ associations to repeal or amend some of the more controversial EU-derived employment laws, such as the Working Time Regulations 1998 and Agency Worker Regulations 2010.
But trade unions would probably strongly oppose any perceived rowing back on rights originating from the ‘Social Chapter’.
Withdrawal from the EU would allow for change to the following areas of employment law, which stem largely from Europe: annual leave, agency worker rights, part-time worker rights, fixed-term worker rights, collective redundancy, paternity, maternity and parental leave, protection of employment upon the transfer of a business and anti-discrimination legislation.Wavey75, all of the above rights would be affected for the worse.
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 26, 2016 12:53:44 GMT
I just noticed the attachment button, so I've uploaded the pdf, JJ. It's only a short briefing, this one. Will have to take a deep breath to look at yours. Attachments:SN06577.pdf (237.32 KB)
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 26, 2016 3:07:50 GMT
I have done my time at the lorry driving and now I'm a white van man.. Not a great job for someone who has various mh conditions.. I don't have any favourite type of music even though I'm a 90s child. You would be surprised what you would listen to in the early hours of the morning when there's nothing else on the radio.. You find at certain times of the day listening to radio shows.. Though when ever a certain song comes on you always had a wee sing along! Driving can be stressful, long days, late nights, early starts. When a song came on you have to have a sing along there's no else about!! It can really lift your mood every time.. As someone pointed out to me, you listen to crap! Lol It's how I keep myself awake when I'm driving. Bellowing songs at the top of my voice all the way to Preston and back. Not crap, though. Has to be Elbow - absolutely the best songs for bellowing.
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 26, 2016 2:42:05 GMT
I've got loads of opinions on this, but too tired to comment right now. But, (re Kathymel post) just mentioning here that the Human Rights thing is nothing to do with our membership of the EU, they're separate things and we would still be signed up to the European Convention on Human Rights whether we were in Europe or not. Yes, I wasn't clear. They are separate, but a condition of becoming a member of the European Union is that countries must have ratified the ECHR. Therefore, if we leave, we would no longer have to abide by it. This research briefing clarifies the EU position on the ECHR and describes some of the wriggling that MPs have been doing to try to work their way round it. The quote attributed to QCs Faulks and Fisher at the top of page five seems either breath-takingly naive or willfully blind, given the UN had already declared the Bedroom Tax to be in contravention of human rights legislation and, less than five months later, launched an investigation into disability rights violations.
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 25, 2016 2:25:01 GMT
All those crossed out things look very satisfying. I must try it. Soon.
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 25, 2016 1:48:06 GMT
Of course you don't deserve it. The whole system is set up for people who fit into boxes, not for people who think differently. Society does not treat us well.
However, the world would be a poorer place without the different ones - almost every person who ever made a startling, world-changing difference was either ASD or ADHD (OK, there may be some that weren't, but who wants to know about them?).
Obviously, not many of us find ourselves in the right environment to be those awesome few. But, I think it's encouraging to know that there is a place if you can find your way to it, even if it's in quiet spot doing something you are passionate about. And we are very good at being passionate, even if it's only for brief periods of time.
I hope you go to the group. It's a really positive experience for most people. I hope you'll find out you're not alone with this. x
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 25, 2016 1:26:43 GMT
Here's my thoughts:
The European union was partly formed to bring countries closer together and reduce the probability of war between European nations. We have had the longest period of peace in this area, partly as a result of this. This is a good thing.
Yes, you could say that, at the moment, there are neo-liberalist movements throughout Europe who have their own agendas and who are putting the needs of ordinary people at the bottom of their priorities. However, we have one of the worst governments in that respect and leaving the EU would put as completely at their mercy. (At least until 2020, anyway.)
Some within the EU are working to water down the impact of the TTIP agreement with the US. At the very least, the socialist elements of the EU will try to stop vast corporations getting hold of services like the NHS (and stop them suing the governments who try to oppose that). If we leave, Cameron and his cabinet will create a new agreement which sells everything wholesale with no protections.
The Conservative government are trying to distance themselves from human rights laws. They want to do away with the European Bill of Human Rights and introduce a British Bill which reduces the rights of workers and just about everyone else.
You can't change something from the outside. If we stay in, we will have the opportunity to be a force for change.
I'm not saying the EU is great, just that the alternative is unthinkably awful. I would rather have the additional human rights protections that the EU affords people with disabilities, than put myself at the mercy of an unencumbered Conservative Party who have shown themselves to be greedy, merciless and unfeeling and who put corporate profit at the top of their agenda, over the needs of desperate families and people with disabilities.
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 24, 2016 0:26:06 GMT
Really feel for you, Craig. It sounds like you are so at the end of your tether.
Have you considered going to the group? You will find people there who will understand and listen. It is a revelation, finding yourself in a room with people who share your traits and issues and understand your frustration. You sound like you need that understanding more than anything.
If I could just say one thing. It would make it easier for people to get to know you and respond if your posts were on less threads. This is not a criticism - I get that you are desperate to find help and support - but at the moment I can't remember what else you've said about yourself and I would need to look at all the others to remind myself, it would make it easier for us to support you if you were mostly in one place.
I hope we can make a difference.
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 24, 2016 0:10:55 GMT
"One good way to start is to create a filing system. But you must take care to keep it simple. Otherwise, you will soon create new piles .........." Well Mr Hallowell, you ain't from my planet or else you're just repeating what your "chunking" therapist told you. The creation of simple filing system in the world us ADHDers live in is like asking a pig to fly to the moon. My psych advised me that I might find myself more able to cope if I decluttered my home and attended to time management and organisation. I was like, you know why I'm here, right?
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 23, 2016 21:19:32 GMT
Hey, we're here if you need to talk.
Has something bad happened today?
Kathy x
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 21, 2016 17:58:59 GMT
If I might be forgiven for being an unbearable show-off, this is who I had lunch with yesterday. Totally unplanned and unexpected, just four of us from Aberconwy Labour, Jeremy and his two staff, sitting in the local Mind cafe. He was just as charming, intelligent and lovely as I'd imagined (with just a tiny bit of flirty). I was a fan before, but now ...
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 21, 2016 2:55:53 GMT
An opportunity presented itself to me today that I grabbed with both hands. I was at the Welsh Labour Party Conference and the Welsh Health Minister was there.
A couple of years ago, I wrote to him about the lack of adherence to NICE guidelines for Adult ADHD in Wales (no specialists in my Health Authority) and was very disappointed to get a response that was the exact duplicate of the reply I'd already received as a result of a complaint to my Health Authority:
"While we expect all of Wales’ Local Health Boards to take full account of NICE guidelines, the position is that treatment should be delivered according to clinical need and that all psychiatrists delivering secondary care services are mental health specialists, broadly expected to have the competencies and expertise needed to diagnose and treat common mental illnesses which would include ADHD."
At the time, cynical and stressed, I left it.
Today, I met the man and was thoroughly surprised to find that he seemed to genuinely care about the issue. He had very little knowledge of ADHD, but listened and was surprised and concerned. I'm going to follow it up with a letter and hopefully, this time, it will meet a response other than that fed them by the HA.
I also had a chat with Jeremy Corbyn which touched briefly on ADHD in the criminal justice system. He seemed aware of the link between ADHD and undiagnosed/untreated ADHD in youths and adults.
Have to say I am fair buzzing from the day.
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 19, 2016 22:30:45 GMT
... you realise at 10 o'clock in the evening that you haven't eaten since breakfast and put on some toast. You go to put the butter to soften in the microwave, whereupon you discover the pack of sausage rolls you defrosted at 9 o'clock when you realised you hadn't eaten since breakfast ...
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 19, 2016 19:49:35 GMT
I've also heard tales of people with big drinking habits who stopped almost overnight when they started stimulant meds. It seems when some people find something that works, their body stops demanding that they self-medicate.
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 19, 2016 19:42:12 GMT
I mean, sometimes I've asked for help of people and I haven't wanted the help by the time the words have left my mouth. All the thoughts. This reminded me of the couple of times when I was a lot younger when I have told people I loved them (and honestly thought I meant it) but almost straight away realised I didn't and then wanted to be as far away as possible. Awkward! Sometimes the bad thoughts hang around. Like, I think I'm not the only one, I walk into a bank and I think, it'd be cool to rob a bank. I might even start planning one. I'd never do it, but I'm at fault for thinking about it? At what point is it bad? Thinking about it, mock planning, buying a balaclava. And this reminded me of something funny my ex once said. We used to walk quite a lot and sometimes, when we were both lost in our own thoughts, he would suddenly speed up. He wasn't aware of it and it always amused me to ask him what he'd thought at that moment. Usually, it was about mountain biking or something similar. One day, during a particularly irksome time with crap landlords, he answered that he'd just imagined bursting into their house and machine gunning them. Anyway, everyone explores dodgy ideas. You're only actually bad if you act on them.
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 19, 2016 18:43:47 GMT
Oh Kathymel, That list makes me feel utterly unwell. Poor you. There has to be a better way for us. It did when I first saw it - I was horrified. But then it worked. Now I just sit down and get on with it every week because there's no choice. If I'd written it for myself I would have ignored it. Also, I would have stayed with the same chapter until it was 'perfect'. This way I am forced to leave each one for a week or two, so I come back to it with fresh eyes. I've never been happier writing an assignment.
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 19, 2016 2:07:07 GMT
These are the deadlines my tutor gave me. My submission date is a couple of weeks before yours. I copied them in indelible pen on to this cupboard because I sanded it down 3 years ago and haven't got round to painting it yet. I figured I might do it when I finish this dissertation hell.
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 18, 2016 21:09:47 GMT
If they're not complying with your requests for adjustments, I would be starting to consider a complaint fairly soon. It's not asking much is it? They need to put it in your notes that you don't do phone calls. They already have to make these adjustments for deaf people, so it's not like it's something new.
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 18, 2016 21:02:55 GMT
Right. I've seen your post, now.
Not sure what you hope to gain by coming on a forum populated by ADHDers and insulting everyone by telling any NTs who happen to be passing to run for the hills. If you genuinely want advice and answers, don't you think a different approach might help?
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 18, 2016 19:47:32 GMT
Hi Penny. Just wanted to say there are people aware of your post here, but until it gets approved, we can't see the body of it to answer it. We're not ignoring you.
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 18, 2016 15:46:14 GMT
I've got a vague idea that I've had this realisation before. There's been something poking my brain since I wrote that saying, 'You knew this before, you've just forgotten it again, pillock'.
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