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Post by kw on Jun 4, 2017 19:34:15 GMT
Day 3 Today I took 3 x 10mg doses (like it says on the packet and I was told I could try) and things seemed a lot better. Not as much tiredness or as many attacks of the yawns as meds wore off compared to yesterday, though I did feel I was a lot more talkative than normal before the lunchtime dose was due. Then, an hour or two after the last dose, hubby mentioned he's not used to me talking quite so much. Again, no discernable effects during the day, and certainly no difference in my ability to spend money! Went to Gunwharf Quays outlet shopping in Portsmouth, and ended up spending more than I probably should have done. Just because it was payday 5 days ago, and I got a bit extra in tax back, doesn't mean I have money to squander. Did get some good bargains in the sales though . Definitely feeling sleepy now though, and have to be up early as the kids are back to school. Will be interesting to see how I fare at work compared to usual, as I've not been to this job while on the meds yet, and the other job was only after the very first pill. After seeing it being mentioned in a few places, I picked up a copy of Melissa Orlov's "The ADHD Effect on Marriage". Have only read the first few pages, and already things are sounding pretty familiar. Hoping it will give me, and the hubby, some tips on how to live with each other...
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Post by kw on Jun 3, 2017 17:13:52 GMT
Day 2 Managed to sleep ok, apart from it being a tad on the hot side when I went to bed, but woke up with a stonking headache . Didn't shift that until lunch time, even with a couple of paracetamol. So, dose 1, and didn't feel anything from it. Don't know if it's the positivity from finally feeling like I'm getting somewhere, or the pills did actually help, but took a loa of stuff to the tip that's been hanging around for ages, and then went to the shops to put some money in the bank. Popped into Waitrose to get some food, and a free coffee, sat on the promenade (I live in a village on the New Forest edge of Southampton Water), and then came home. Dose 2 - after some lunch. One good thing about the meds is that I've lost a lot of my appetite. Couldn't eat all of my dinner last night for the first time in soooo long! Then managed to get on with tidying some stuff in the living room - sorting out the tent that had been drying from the weekend, and sorted through a few other bits. In between having to play with the dog, of course. Felt a bit more lethargic than I had, but I'm used to being permanently tired. Dose 3 - felt VERY weary after taking this one, about the time I thought it should be kicking in. Hubby came looking for me (I was sat at the laptop drinking beer lol) and asked me what I was up to. Usual snappiness in feeling criticised for daring to sit down. Felt he's taking the whole thing as a joke, and now I've got pills I should be up running around doing everything yesterday like superwoman! I'm shattered! did manage to pull it together to put the camping stuff and Christmas stuff (yep, been at the top of the stairs since December) in the loft, so at least that is out of the way. Thinking of upping the dose to 3 x 10mg tomorrow, or at least for the first one, to see how it goes.
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Post by kw on Jun 3, 2017 16:00:29 GMT
Day 1 Had picked up Medikinet the previous day, and was takig 3 x 5mg doses to start with. Had to run the Slimming World group today. Apprehensively took my first dose before group, not having any idea how it would make me feel. The only thing I can consciously remember was a feeling of space in my head. That it wasn't filled with 'clutter', and I had a space to breathe. To me it was like when I got to the top of Sca Fell Pike in the Lake District and could see so far. The sheer hugeness of the place filled me with 'wow'. Really can't describe it lol, and it sounds really stupid, but that's how mu head felt. 'Bigness' and more room. Don't think it lasted long though . And everything seemed to go as normal - like me forgetting people's name's and not remembering what I was doing... Dose 2 when I got back. Didn't really feel much that I was aware of, but felt a little bit jittery for a short time. Nothing serious. Had my CBT session too, which actually went really well. My main problem is getting on and doing stuff. It impairs my Slimming World job and my home life. My relationship with my daughter is at rock bottom as I can't get on and tidy the mess up I created, so he 'made' me finally get rid of 2 charity bags I've been carrying around in the car for at least 3 weeks. The charity shop is just across the road from where I have my sessions! Found myself smiling all the way there and back lol. Actually felt good for the first time in ages on the way home. Medikinet? Or the prozac starting to kick in after 10 days? Dose 3 - didn't really feel anything after taking this one. Though all in all, I think I was a little less volatile, especially with the hubby. And luckily I managed to get to sleep ok, though it was pretty hot.
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Post by kw on Jun 3, 2017 15:49:26 GMT
Haven't posted for ages! Not much was going on really, just waiting, so forgot all about my ramblings.
So, to bring you up to date - I've had my assessment!
Part one, went by myself as hubby had double booked with a work trip, and all she did was briefly go through the questionnaires I filled out. I was really nervous, and am never good with bigging up what's wrong with me. Usually play down everything and just get on with it myself, so feel I made a right hash of getting my point across. Didn't feel she asked me specific enough questions for me to bring up specific enough examples, and it ended with no conclusive outcome. She wanted to speak to my mum and husband in person to get their perspectives, and suggested I tried going gluten free for a month, before another appointment. This was because while she agreed I showed some adhd traits, she'd misdiagnosed someone in the past when it wasn't conclusive, and later found out this person had a gluten intolerance.
so off I went, less than an hour later, feeling pretty shit. I managed 2.5 weeks gluten free, and while it helped in a few other ways, it had no effect on the 'brain fog' it was meant to be testing.
Part 2 was 2 days ago now, and this time the hubby was able to join me. Though after getting annoyed with him for not being able to come before, I didn't know if I actually wanted him to come this time lol.
She asked how I'd got on gluten free, and chatted to the hubby about me. Asked me about my moods, and what was the biggest issue I had. Seemed more interested in what the hubby had to say! And apparently my mum thought my untidyness as a child/teenager was perfectly normal, which I wasn't impressed about. Dad would make us tidy our rooms on a Sunday, and I was often in tears at the overwelmingness of the job - the floor was often at least a foot deep in 'stuff'! And it would be just the same by the next week....
This time I just switched off, especially after she gave me suggestions on how to tidy more efficiently. I thought it was a good idea to get the kids stuff out of the loft and get rid of it. Over a year and a half later it's still making the living room unusable, and the job is so big I just don't look at it. If I on't go in the room it's not there. Dr Cubbin, I thought, was one of the leading voices on adult adhd, but didn't appreciate her telling me that I should just go and get 3 bags - one to put charity stuff in, one to put rubbish in, and one to put stuff to keep in. I'm 44 years old for heaven's sake!
So, still no conclusive diagnosis. Something to do with running marathons. apparently someone with adhd wouldn't be able to organise a weekend away camping to run a marathon. By now I've given up and didn't bother telling her how we're usually pitching the tent at gone 9 at night as it's taken so long to get out of the house, that I've had to run in the hubby's trainers before as I'd forgotten mine, that on more than one occasion I've forgotten to pack cooking pans, cutlery, plates etc, that we often forget to get the chairs out to take, and last weekend I luckily managed to remember to ask if my backpack was in the car only 5 mins down the road.
Not holding out much hope (she hinted about my low mood so assumed she was going to blame it on the self diagnosed dysthymia) I was a little surprised when she said she'd start me on methylphenidate. I did show some signs of adhd, but was apparently very orgnanised, and could work ok - one job involves working in a cafe, where we're pretty much left to our own devices to get on with it, where I'm often rushing in at the last minute, and regularly walk round in a daze trying to work out what I'm doing if I've not been given a specific task, and job 2 is a self employed Slimming World consultant, which I'm contemplating giving up as I'm letting everyone down by not being able to self motivate myself to do the job properly!
Follow up phone appointment in 2 weeks.
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Post by kw on Nov 10, 2016 14:18:02 GMT
Well, it's been a while!
It's been 5 weeks since I first went to the doc - 3 weeks where he contacted Dr Sally Cubbin (who I'd be referred to for an assessment), and another 2 between receiving the letter asking me to see him again, and actually being able to get an appointment!
Today I had that appointment. He mumbled and murmured a lot as he tapped away on the keyboard and clicked various things, but printed out the screening test thing so I could do again for him (took the copy I had the first time, but he didn't want it then, and couldn't find it today) and the funding request form. All filled out with what Dr Cubbin advised him to say, all signed, all stapled together, and in his out tray ready to send off to the CCG. They apparently meet monthly, so hopefully I won't have to wait too long, and doc didn't reckon there would be much of a problem with it being approved.
So, we're on the way. Don't know how long a referral will take to come through once funding has been agreed though. Asked about an asperger's assessment too, but was told Dr Cubbin should pick up on anything like that as there's a bit overlap between adhd and asd, so there is anything she will either refer me herself or send me back to the doc.
Relieved that things are in motion, but daunted by the whole idea of being defective. Also contemplating getting the children looked at, but wary as they seem fine to me lol.
One thing I did become aware of while waiting - how much I fidget! Just as I got there someone was brought in having an allergic reaction, so my doc got caught up in initially helping her, and then had another 3 people to see before me. Had to wait 40 minutes in the end, but noticed I was nearly constantly moving something - wriggling mm toes in my boots, tapping my thumbs together, and even alternating bum cheek clenches! Don't really notice it at home, I'm usually moving around or on the laptop I suppose...
Sorry for the essay!
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Post by kw on Nov 7, 2016 12:27:01 GMT
i don't know anything about mindfulness, but am in a similar situation with you regarding the doc. Went about 5 weeks ago and told him my concerns. He didn't dismiss me outright, but wanted to get in touch with a specialist who I would need referring to so he could make sure he knew what info to get from me to make a good case for funding. He admitted he knew very little about adhd, only that the symptoms could be similar to depression - and he did accept I don't feel depressed. Anyway, going back on Thursday as he's heard back, and will see where we go from there. Good luck with it, and definitely go see them (or someone else depending on what they say!) if they don't get back to you
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Post by kw on Oct 3, 2016 20:15:39 GMT
In a similar situation here . No school reports that I can find (though I have kept ALL my exercise books from the whole 5 years!), and when I tentatively asked mum about my childhood (without actually telling her why yet,dad died 13 years ago), she said she had little hope of remembering much from so long ago (I'm 43), and also be able to separate between me and my 2 younger sisters. Good luck
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Post by kw on Oct 3, 2016 13:22:05 GMT
Ok, so I went to the doctor today. Was WAYYYY out of my comfort zone as I don't do things wrong with me at the best of times, let alone something like telling him I think I have adhd...
Not sure if it went well or not. Went armed with some info, the ASRS screening thing, and the email from Dr Sally Cubbin who takes NHS referrals and has a clinic only a couple of miles away, but was mainly asked about the practicalities and specifics of how I'm affected.
He didn't seem confident of getting funding for a referral, so wanted to show how badly I was affected in practical terms, so we ended up with might lose my job being the main issue. One room of the house being unusable thanks to my enthusiasm in wanting to clear out the loft rapidly disappearing, or the friction between me and the rest of the family because of it, or the worry that early onset dementia was setting in didn't seem to swing it in terms of securing funding.
As he said, it's like I needed an assessment to prove I needed funding for an assessment. He admitted he knew practically nothing about adhd, but enough to see that there was a lot of overlap with depression - though he accepted I didn't feel depressed, so I suppose it's good that he wants to make sure enough bases are covered so the ccg will agree to cough up.
So now I've got to wait 3-4 weeks as he's going to write to Dr Cubbin himself to see what specific info will be needed to make sure we get funding, and take it from there. He did forst mention a place called Anchor House (I'm in the New Forest/Southampton area), which I have found out is part of the adult mental health provision, but certainly doesn't look like it deals with anything like adhd, so hopefully he's rethought that idea after saying he'd contact Dr Cubbin direct for advice.
Still not talking to the hubby about it all, it's kind of a no-go area at the moment. Don't know if he'll even remember I had the appointment today lol.
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Post by kw on Sept 26, 2016 13:04:44 GMT
Thank you V&R Things weren't quite as chaotic in the house when we met over 6 years ago - I just threw everything, and I mean everything, in the loft, or the garage, and forgot about it as I couldn't face doing anything with it at the time. So when marriage came into the equation, and him moving in, I decided it was time to do something. So in full enthusiastic all or nothing mode, out it all came lol. So now we have no room, and he's seeing the other side of me in all it's full glory. Even I will admit my house is a horrible place to live in at the moment, I just need him to understand that however much I WANT to do something about it, it's not that easy. And the self help book will take time to read, but nowhere near as long as an assessment will probably take to come through, as long as I get one... As you say, knowing there is a reason behind it all will help, but it's such a shame when people refuse to accept or discuss it
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Post by kw on Sept 26, 2016 12:57:14 GMT
Loving the positivity , but so frustrating to have things written about you and be able to do nothing about them
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Post by kw on Sept 26, 2016 7:55:17 GMT
Big argument with the hubby yesterday . When I excitedly sent him a text one night - ok, late, but it took a lot to admit to him I may be defective as I don't do anything wrong with me, I just generally ignore it and hope it will go away. But I had nothing in response. Next day I asked if he'd got my text in an email. He works away during the week. Again, no response, but then I don't always, so mentioned it on our nightly call. Just got fobbed off really... Last week I booked an appointment with the doc to start the diagnosis procedure. Oh good, you can get it confirmed and then find out how to get it cured. Right. All came to a head yesterday, as he's pretty much accused me of self diagnosing based on a load of claptrap I've read off the internet. And to stop making excuses as it could be any number of things, like depression. Oh, and going on what you've said, I could have it too! Am I wrong to be really hurt that he couldn't show any interest in the beginning? Even if he didn't believe me, and I certainly don't expect him to 'get it' straight away, but if it was the other way round I'd have read everything I could to see if what I saw in him backed up what he thought he had. And I'd be with him every step of the way trying to be as supportive as possible. Trying to sort out the mess I've made in nearly every room in the house, but have no idea which to do first, so switch off as it's too overwhelming. So I asked him to help by telling me what he thought I should start with. He made it all sound so easy, and so obvious he'd not listened to anything I'd tried explaining about inattentive adhd (why do I ALWAYS want to call it inactive??). If even my own husband (of 5 weeks) humour me and give me the benefit of the doubt, and support me unconditionally, who the hell will?! Think I'll go back to trying to read my book, while listening to the same bit of song playing over and over in my head (as I can't remember the rest of it), and having a conversation with 'someone' about something that happened yesterday at the same time! Wish it would all just shut up
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Post by kw on Sept 23, 2016 16:29:36 GMT
Have just rattled off an email to Dr Sally Cubbin's practice in the hope of some pointers on how best to get referred to her on the NHS. Fingers crossed.
Need to buy more printer paper so I can print off stuff for the doc, just in case I need back-up. No idea where the stash is I know I've got somewhere. Had a bit of a start on the tidying up last weekend and have probably put it away somewhere. Recipe for disaster actually putting stuff away....
Need to get on with the washing up too, but one of my friends is swimming the Channel today and it's fascinating tracking her pilot boat. Not far to go now before she touches France. Awesome.
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Post by kw on Sept 23, 2016 11:11:44 GMT
Work is getting worse. Or maybe I've been noticing it more lately... Last week my mind went blank when I was trying to talk to one of my Slimming World members. I knew who she was, I knew I knew her name, but do you think I could remember it? And this week I couldn't read something on the tablet properly which confused me. I seem to spend most of the time apologising for being so rubbish. I actually asked them if I was getting worse, but they kindly told me I'd always been like it! One even joked they only come for the entertainment lol. At least it's nice to know I'm good at something.... Really not relishing the thought of negotiating the diagnosis hassles. Haven't heard encouraging things about Hampshire and referrals so far. Can't believe it takes so long in most areas . Wish I could go private but a) I'm broke and b) I don't agree with having to, rather than it being a choice to. New book turned up this morning - You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy? Need something to show the hubby. Told him last night about the doctor's appointment, and think he's of the opinion that it's not real if it's not been diagnosed, so I just need to get a diagnosis and then get it treated or cured and life will be how it should be...
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Post by kw on Sept 22, 2016 15:32:02 GMT
I did it. Got my backside round to the doc and booked an appointment for 3rd October. Had to change my name with them too, and registered for online access, so I can book an appointment online now, and see an overview of my records. Fascinating to see how long ago some things were! Must see the doc once a year at most, so lose track of time lol.
Adhd or not, at least it's a starting point, I hope, to finding out whatever has been bugging me for all these years. Was surprised to see I have a 10 minute slot though. Didn't think you got more than a couple these days, and forgot to ask for a longer one so I could try an explain everything. One less thing to have to use the phone for lol. Might actually get my overdue smear done if I can book online....
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Post by kw on Sept 20, 2016 21:59:02 GMT
Just finished Driven to Distraction. Really insightful. Read it in 2 days, most of it, got bored 3/4 of the way through and flicked through the rest. Never had a problem with reading, always had my nose in a book as a kid, but was more aware of how I often have to read a paragraph more than once as I know I've read it but nothing has gone in.
Everything is now looked at in terms of an adhd brain, and not just mo normality. Not sure of that is helpful or a hindrance...
Have now ordered You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy?!
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Post by kw on Sept 20, 2016 20:13:25 GMT
So, I start off with good intentions...
A bit of background... I have 2 jobs. The first one I've been doing 4 and a half years - a Slimming World consultant. Self employed, working from home, recipe for disaster. In March I got another job working in a cafe at a local gardens. I love being sociable, and missed the interaction with people working from home doesn't give. apart from needing the money, I hoped having to go to work on my 3 free days a week would give me a bit more structure to my days so I'm not lost with having the whole day ahead of me. Maybe I would actually get something done if I had less time to fit it all in......
Some hope!
Friday was group day. I love seeing my members and hoe they've done, but last week the inability to remember names of people I see week on week was extra bad. The more I stared at her, the more the mind went blank. I've turned my rubbishness with names into a standing joke with them, but it's getting embarrassing now.
The job at the cafe is great, if it wasn't zero hours, and a really quiet time of the season. Apart from pushing the time I leave to the limit so as not to be late, I manage fine. I know what I'm doing, I can manage in that sort of social setting (though them talking about getting a group of us together down the pub to catch up with my recent wedding photos is worrying me a bit....), and I enjoy it.
Today I emailed my SW manager about my potential inattentive adhd. It's affecting my ability to get on and do the work I need to do during the week between groups. I've always struggled with this bit. Once I've done the face to face session it's out of sight, out of mind until next week. Two years ago I was on a last chance warning and managed to get my act together, do some promotion, and things got better for a bit. But I couldn't keep it up. Same as when our old manager left and a new one came along. I wanted to prove that I COULD do it, I wasn't just lazy etc, but again, it didn't last. Over the summer (pre adhd discovery) I took some time off to decide what to do. I know I could be really good, I've been told as much, but no matter how much I want to be good and successful, it doesn't make any difference to my ability to go after what I want. Awaiting her response.
Still trying to push myself to go get an appointment with the doc. Hate the thought of how long it could all take, worried that I have very little evidence from school, just generally worried about being taken seriously, so all this is stopping me from making that first contact...
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Post by kw on Sept 20, 2016 19:50:01 GMT
Wow, have just read through the whole tale! Well done for sticking it out, and hope the op has gone well. I'm about to start on my diagnosis journey (must get around to making the appointment to see my doc....), and am slightly scared about the length of time and all the difficulties people seem to be having. No adult ADHD service in Hampshire, so will need to be referred SOMEwhere . Like you - very little on the childhood evidence. Asked mum a couple of general questions the other day and all I got was "how the heck do you expect me to remember that far back (I'm 43) or remember which of you did what?!" - I have 2 younger sisters. Good luck with everything once you're well enough
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Post by kw on Sept 18, 2016 13:05:23 GMT
Was having a chat with my daughter (14) today. Doesn't happen very often, so make the most of it lol. But today I was looking at it through new eyes, having realised I identify with so many traits and characteristics mentioned on these pages (plucking up the courage to see the doc).
Anyway, she's talking away (when she talks, she can talk, and I remember her step dad once asking if she had verbal diarrhoea) about swapping rooms with her brother and pipes up with "I don't know how it happens, but my room is always messy even though I don't do anything". The she wanted to try out something as she was 'well motivated and want to do it it before I CBA*'.
I asked her if she got told to pay attention in school, and stop talking, and she said some times if it was a really boring lesson she'd count how long she could hold her breath for. She's always bored at home, saying there's nothing to do.
She does daft things too - once holding an aerosol on her skin and finding out it burnt her. Or touching the iron as a kid after I'd told her it was hot. There are other things she's told me she's done too, but I' can't remember off the top of my head.
For those with children, does this sound familiar? And would you suggest I take her to see someone? I'm not overly concerned, until now she was just like her mother and normal, as far as I knew, but she's just gone into her first GCSE year and I know she could probably do better at school if she put her mind to it, but so much of school is CBA and boring....
She did ask why I was suddenly asking her about school, but I didn't want to say anything. Any help appreciated thanks
* can't be arsed in case anyone isn't sure. Standard saying for everything it seems
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Post by kw on Sept 17, 2016 17:11:02 GMT
Thanks gc7, any experience is helpful at the moment. I've read much about the Maudsley on here and have looked over their website, so will have to wait and see. There are 3 NHS possibles within around 50-60 miles, but will ask about funding etc. If I get the confidence to actually make the appointment.... Will go armed with whatever I can find on here As for group therapy, yep, pretty worrying.... It was the practitioner I saw who will be referring me, not the gp. She did say it was possible it could be group stuff, or at least some of it, and asked if that would be ok. Told her I would give it a try and let them know if it didn't work out, but can see me just sitting there trying to hide in my chair as I would much rather listen to others than participate in any type of group stuff. As for blurting things out - I remember a few years ago I went to Slimming World (Still do, but this was the first time round). I'd lost a couple of stone and was so chuffed at a comment from my mum I told the whole room mum said I didn't walk like a fat person any more! Didn't think about it at the time, only afterwards do I cringe and wonder why the consultant paused. Probably wondering what the hell to say in response lol. I'm mortified now, but luckily go to a different group.
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Post by kw on Sept 15, 2016 18:31:14 GMT
SymptomsI still doubt very many of them. It's been this way so long it's normal. At least I thought it was. Nothing a good boot up the backside wouldn't solve. I'm just lazy, utterly disorganised and forgetful. A few lists broken down into small chunks, and notes left to remember stuff. That's all it takes, right? Anyway: * my overwhelming problem is everything is overwhelming. I procrastinate for England and after putting things off and not getting around to them for so long, they just get bigger and bigger. I start something with all good intentions and loads of enthusiasm. Current project was to clear out the loft of the kids stuff. It's all gone up there, just in case, but the youngest is 12 now, I'm 43, my new husband has had the snip, there will be no more little bundles using or wearing it all so I may as well give it to someone who will use it. Only we don't have a lot of space, and I want to make sure all the toys match up into sets etc, so it's all been piled in the living room. This was months ago. It's not been touched since as I have no idea where to start. I've even put the 6 person tent up in the garden to put all the clothes in so I can sort into ages and sexes etc. That was weeks ago.... Which leads me to - * prioritising. I can't do it. I make lists. Oh, I am a list queen. Everything is written down, bug tasks broken down bit by bit. Everything I would love to get done. But do you think I can actually cross things off? Practitioner I saw today (for a later post) reckoned I should start every list with 'write to-do list' so I can cross at least one thing off. Anyway. I need to sort the living room as it's currently unusable and the rest of the family are getting pee'd off. But the bedroom needs clearing out too as my new husband is moving in in a few weeks once he's worked his notice, and I need to make room for his stuff. Which is more important? And then there's the kitchen, and my piles of paperwork that needs sorting as it's hiding all sorts of important letters.... Sorting all this would be simple. They may be tedious tasks, but it's easy. Get rid of the rubbish, file the paperwork, sort the clothes/toys and bag up for charity or sell on facebay.If only it wasn't for the lure of the internet.... * distraction Thing is, I can't see the mess. Self preservation kicks in and I've blocked it out. I have a table in the kitchen I use as my desk (I work from home most of the time) and I sit there. Problem sorted
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Post by kw on Sept 15, 2016 18:07:51 GMT
I love writing. Hence starting this. But not sure how long I can keep it going for... I start lost of things, including various diaries, but I get bored and don't get around to updating. One day I would love to write a book. I've started so many times, but it doesn't sound right, or I doubt my ability (who are you kidding playing at being an author?), and no-one would read it anyway... So, what led me here? A chance comment in a facebook group. A week ago. I'd written a few things as I was soon to have an assessment with a local low level MH provider and I wasn't sure if I should go. Someone asked if I'd been tested for adhd. No. Last thing I would think of. Cue much internet searching (and not much else!) and I landed here. With so many lightbulb moments! It all sounded so familiar. Going to break things down to make posts more readable
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Post by kw on Sept 15, 2016 16:19:51 GMT
Had a face to face assessment today with a low level MH services (thanks to the inability to use the phone) that deals with mainly CBT for anxiety, stress and depression. Went pretty well, she was easy to talk to and I got most of what I wanted to say out. Told her I didn't think I was depressed, as such, any more, and when I asked for the appointment I was feeling bad as a reaction to running out of thyroxine and not managing to get any more. Untreated underactive thyroid = depression.
Anyway, brought up the adhd idea (after wanting to pretty much regurgitate everything I've so far read on here that fits), but she admitted she doesn't know anything about it, only that she's heard it's really hard to get an assessment. So I need to talk to the doc and plead with him. He's so far been really good, and didn't laugh when I went to him saying I eat too much (binge eating disorder), so think he might listen to me. Practioner I saw today is writing it all in a letter for the relevant people, though she did keep stressing the overlap between symptoms, and thought that CBT would help anyway, even without a diagnosis.
Upshot is - see the doc for adhd, and she's referring me for higher intensity help. Not just general CBT (that did bugger all as I was doing it anyway), but more specific, and with counselling stuff too, which has a 3 months waiting list and could be in a group. Not overly enthusiastic, but will give anything a try. Not relishing the idea of trying to convince the doc to refer me out of area either, as Hampshire has no NHS services.
Mind kept going blank, I couldn't remember the word volatile for the second time in 2 days when describing my relationship with my dad, and couldn't give a straight answer without embellishing it with a 'story'. A week ago I wouldn't have paid any attention to any of it, but since reading so much on here, and having so many lightbulb moments, I was continually analysing the whole session in light of what I'd read.
Now it's wait and see what happens with the referral, and work up the oomph to go get an appointment with the doc
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kw
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Post by kw on Sept 15, 2016 12:37:53 GMT
Thanks V&R . Have just read through your diary, so know the troubles you've been through . Think I'm with you on CBT. I know the theory and how to apply it etc, but it doesn't help. And I really don't feel depressed, except in reaction to something, same with anxiety (have just scoffed a whole tub of ice cream for lunch as the anxiety about this afternoon is creeping up), and any stress is more frustration at not being able to get my arse moving and do stuff, and having the hubby on at me telling me to just get on and do something! So not really sure how they can help me, but it's somewhere to start, it was easy to make the appointment over the internet, and I don't have to try and make myself get to the doc for an appointment there. Currently living on this board reading everything I can wavering between so many lightbulb moments and then doubting myself as I'm fine, just lazy and forgetful with a stupid phone thing, so how can I convince a doc there is something wrong when nothing was brought up as a kid. Not that I can remember much about primary school, it was so long ago now...
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kw
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Post by kw on Sept 14, 2016 8:20:12 GMT
Working up to emailing her. I don't do the phone, unless it's the usual call with the hubby in the evening. And I live too far away to pop round. Trying to find the right words.
Definitely the inactive type. Don't want to be this way, but don't know any different. Don't know if the other normal is any better. I've tried many times to convince the OH getting caught up in some new interest and forgetting everything else for a while is normal, don't other people do that? And doesn't everyone have endless conversations about things in their heads, either with themselves, or imagining what you could say to certain people about things (past, present or future), or even faceless people, and situations you probably never find yourself in?
Sent him a text last night saying I might have found a reason for my inability to get on and do what needs doing, disorganisation, and all sorts of other things, but not had a reply. Need to go to work now, but would much rather go back to bed. It's easier when I'm sleeping, I don't have to face anything. And I could sleep for England lol.
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kw
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Post by kw on Sept 13, 2016 17:16:16 GMT
Still new to all this and trying to find my way through all the info...
Being 43 it's a long time since I was younger than 12 (isn't that the age they want to see evidence younger than for a diagnosis?), and I don't remember much about my primary school years, though I don't remember being disruptive, full of energy, constantly on the go etc. I do remember feeling a bit different to my friends, but have always put that down to being on the tubby side (I've had a life long weight problem and have always felt bigger than most of my peers). My mum has said in the past I would always say I'm bored as soon as I got home from school, but not sure if that was primary or secondary. It's going to take a bit of working up the courage to ask her about it without her asking questions. Too used to getting on with my issues by myself and dealing with them on my own, I'm not sure I want her to know :/
And if there's not a link with childhood, what other conditions could explain things? I'm just so fed up with wanting to do so many things, easy things that anyone should be ale to get on and do, but I just can't do it, and I can't explain why. Things get too overwhelming and I don't know where to start, so I just bury my head.
Feel I'm floundering, trying to find answers, but always doubting there is anything wrong as it's the way I've been for years....
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kw
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Post by kw on Sept 12, 2016 22:34:16 GMT
Hi gc7, thanks for the welcome Thyroid meds are fine, they're checked yearly and after a bit of a fiddle with the dose, I don't feel it's not high enough. When I remember to take them regularly and don't run out lol. There's only my mum I can ask about my childhood. I don't appear to have any school reports handy, and can't really remember what was said about my behaviour. I know I didn't have many friends and have never been good at knowing how to make them. My bedroom was an absolute tip and my dad would make me spend Sunday morning in there tidying it up. I was always bored - mum says I'd get home from school, dump my stuff, and say I was bored. Yet I remember once spending a whole day reading a book she bought me. I don't remember having trouble with work - usually left homework to the last minute, but did ok in my exams without putting much effort into revising. It was when I went to college I came unstuck. Loved maths at school, but had no hope in my A-level! Don't necessarily remember very impulsive, though I did once jump off the roof of the downstairs extension, and I threw a cup of tea at my dad (we had a rather volatile relationship as I was growing up - he worked abroad, he drank, didn't fit in well when he was home as mum and I got on with looking after my younger sisters). I was probably told at school that I could do better if I put my mind to it. Will see if I can pluck the courage up to talk to mum. I'm not good with admitting there's something wrong, and always keep things to myself to just get on with. Not even told the hubby about my concerns, even though it's causing trouble between us . More delving required...
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kw
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Post by kw on Sept 12, 2016 21:05:10 GMT
Thanks Annie My GP referred me to them for help with binge eating disorder a couple of years ago. As I'd used them before, earlier this year I was emailed about the free online CBT, so I thought I'd give it a go as I thought I needed help with depression and mild anxiety, but it told me nothing I'd not already tried or knew, so when the course was over and they asked if I needed more help I said yes. Will see what they say on Thursday, but after reading everything here and on other sites, I'm thinking I will definitely go back to the doc. Just assumed it was all normal, so a bit weird to think there may be an underlying reason
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kw
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Post by kw on Sept 12, 2016 12:37:48 GMT
Hi all. Just found this place, and it's my first post... It was a comment on a post in a facebook group that found me here. A few weeks ago I was doing an online CBT course that wasn't helping, and asked for more help, so have been waiting for a face to face assessment (I loathe using the phone), which is next week. I was only musig about whether I should still go, as I was feeling a lot betetr. The service deals with stress, depression and anxiety, and while I was showing signs of depression I think it was partly running out of pills for my underactive thyroid, and the stress of my looming wedding. And it didn't feel the same as when I was depressed as a reaction to life events a few years back. Anyway, someone asked if I'd been tested for adhd, and I have to say that would be the last thing to cross my mind as I don't remember my childhood being anything like the representation. But the more I looked, the more I thought 'that's me!'. Even more so after finding a list of typical traits for add sufferers and could relate to s many of them. Currently my inability to get things done, no matter how badly I want it completed, is causing trouble with my husband. A few months ago I pulled all the kids stuff out of the loft to finally get rid of it all (youngest is 12 now!), and it's still piled up in the living room as I've lost enthusiasm. It's such an enormous job to decide what to sell, what to charity and what to throw. Now he's given his notice in at work he's moving in in a few weeks (lives 50 miles away and only here at the weekends), but the house needs sorting out to accommodate him and his stuff. Even though I'm on a deadline, I'm still not motivated enough to clear space. There are pies and piles of stuff all over the place . I so want to do so many things, but find it's time to cook dinner and I've been on the internet all day, when I'm not working. Washing up is still piled up from the day before cos I can't be arsed to do it. Even the kids are complaining, but I can't explain why I can't do it. After all, it's easy enough to do, I just need a kick up the backside... I've never really had friends, and at school was often left out. I spent most of my 20's trying to fit in somewhere, and even now, in my mid 40's, I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up as I enjoy so many things, but never stick at anything long enough. I feel I'm looking at life from the inside of a glass box. I can see it and want to join in, but don't know how to, and the few times I have been given the opportunity I've tried making excuses. I only go out with my husband as I don't have any friends that aren't in the computer. Down the pub is ok, as it's me and him, but when he took me to a friend's wedding reception I hated it when he went off to chat to people he knew and was glued to the bar nursing a drink hoping no-one came to talk to me. A couple of weeks ago I had to sign my married name for the first time - in front of the hubby and someone else, and I chickened out as I felt so stupid! Then I felt rubbish because I'd signed my old name which I wasn't any more. Sorry, have rambled on... So I'm going to this assessment on Thursday, but really not sure how they can help now. Finding out about add has been eye-opening and explains so much, yet the service I've accessed is limited, so that means going back to the doc. And I'm so used to getting on with stuff by myself, rarely needing medical help, and not feeling anything is ever bad enough to need help (it took me wanting to walk in front of a car so I could spend time in hospital away from all the problems to realise I needed a few pills to get me through the short spell of depression), so to go and try and put into words all this stuff, after reading how hard it is to get help.... I've typed and deleted a post about 4 times now as I feel silly for even thinking this is why I've always felt the way I have, I thought most of it was normal. Sorry, just wanting to connect with other people who understand and don't remind me of how much I should or could have got done if I'd really put my mind to it, or point out your award winning procrastinating tendencies. If anyone has any help on getting a diagnosis in Hampshire/Southampton that would be fab. Not that I know what I'd do with it afterwards, would just be nice to have an explanation
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