Post by mention on Oct 12, 2016 11:52:16 GMT
Hello all!
It has, after so many many years, just occurred to me that my ex may have ADHD. I knew something was wrong but I couldn't work it out.
It's been a very rough couple of decades, most of it he has blamed me for his actions. Asking him to do things made him stubborn and refuse
even if it was sensible, normal and beneficial to our family. Real basic things like making a phone call to someone he owes money to.
I want to move on with my life but I cannot, it's like I have an extra child I will always have to look after.
We currently still live together, been divorced for 5 years, because he cannot hold down a job for long or pay a bill on time. He does most of the childcare
however, but they are teenagers so it's not too much.
In the past he has lost our home, hidden bills until bailiffs came, lied about money... he sticks his head in the sand. I eventually took all control over such things
from him. But there were a few responsibilities that were his alone, but being married if he didn't fulfil them I would still be liable for his actions.
I tried a solicitor, to see if they could force him to do what was needed (there was a form he had to fill out). Turns out they cannot do this.
So I divorced him (he was also cheating).
Still due to living together there are some issues, he opened a bill a few months ago and failed to tell me. I had the money to pay it.
As I was unaware of this bill it was quite a shock when we got a summons.
Even though this has happened many times it finally persuaded him to seek help, I have begged him for about 10 years so this is a huge step forward. I do now understand his actions are not deliberate, he genuinely mis reads letters, mis hears things, he genuinely forgets boring adult things. He is able to remember fun stuff for his friends though!
I guess I am looking for some hope, he is going to see a counsellor soon, I may ask him to mention the possibility of ADHD but he'll likely forget to say!
I really want to be able to move out, knowing he'll be ok and keep a roof over his head. Unfortunately his mum lives too far away, but really a man in his 40s should be able
to cope with life by now.
Does anyone have ideas or tips to help him which in turn will help me to be free?
It has, after so many many years, just occurred to me that my ex may have ADHD. I knew something was wrong but I couldn't work it out.
It's been a very rough couple of decades, most of it he has blamed me for his actions. Asking him to do things made him stubborn and refuse
even if it was sensible, normal and beneficial to our family. Real basic things like making a phone call to someone he owes money to.
I want to move on with my life but I cannot, it's like I have an extra child I will always have to look after.
We currently still live together, been divorced for 5 years, because he cannot hold down a job for long or pay a bill on time. He does most of the childcare
however, but they are teenagers so it's not too much.
In the past he has lost our home, hidden bills until bailiffs came, lied about money... he sticks his head in the sand. I eventually took all control over such things
from him. But there were a few responsibilities that were his alone, but being married if he didn't fulfil them I would still be liable for his actions.
I tried a solicitor, to see if they could force him to do what was needed (there was a form he had to fill out). Turns out they cannot do this.
So I divorced him (he was also cheating).
Still due to living together there are some issues, he opened a bill a few months ago and failed to tell me. I had the money to pay it.
As I was unaware of this bill it was quite a shock when we got a summons.
Even though this has happened many times it finally persuaded him to seek help, I have begged him for about 10 years so this is a huge step forward. I do now understand his actions are not deliberate, he genuinely mis reads letters, mis hears things, he genuinely forgets boring adult things. He is able to remember fun stuff for his friends though!
I guess I am looking for some hope, he is going to see a counsellor soon, I may ask him to mention the possibility of ADHD but he'll likely forget to say!
I really want to be able to move out, knowing he'll be ok and keep a roof over his head. Unfortunately his mum lives too far away, but really a man in his 40s should be able
to cope with life by now.
Does anyone have ideas or tips to help him which in turn will help me to be free?