keefy
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Post by keefy on Mar 15, 2017 22:51:12 GMT
Hi Peeps,
So, yeah, I've been doing some reading on ADHD and the more I read about, the more problems I spot that I have. I'm trying not to get obsessed and spend my whole conscious life researching the subject which is something I tend to do, if something actually gets my attention I can't seem to focus on anything else.
I am speaking with a Therapist tomorrow, my GP referred me to and told me if they think I have a problem then they will send me to see a specialist. But I want to get the ball rolling now. I feel I have lost enough of my life, 1 job a year, a failed marriage and chronic underachieving in education...I have literally had I lecturer tell me that I'm one of the smartest people he knows but I just can't focus to get the grades I'm capable of.
What are your opinions? Do you think I should go straight back to my GP and ask for a referral? I am quite nervous about the whole thing.
I have approached a few close people. My Mum just kind of batted it off, kind of in denial though I did mention a lot of evidence but she just wanted to blame it on anything else. I spoke to one of my best friends who basically said " Yeah, you tend to just zone out the room a lot or start a completely different conversation at random." A couple of other people have said stuff like "We all get like that from time to time." But I tried to explain that it's not a time to time thing it more often than not for me.
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Post by vagueandrandom on Mar 16, 2017 12:04:49 GMT
Hi keefy I hope your therapy appointment goes well! If it doesn't, go back to your GP and ask them to refer you for specialist ADHD assessment. It might be useful if you can find out if there's a local service. . .and if there isn't find one which you'd be able to travel to out of your NHS area and ask them to be referred there.
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keefy
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Post by keefy on Mar 16, 2017 13:38:10 GMT
Hi vagueandrandom
Thanks, hopefully it will!
I have been doing a bit of research and found there is a service literally a 5 minutes walk from my home.
I will speak with the therapist and explain that my problems tend to stem from lack of attention.
If not I plan to get a list of symptoms and write specifically how I'm affected daily. I plan on taking these to my GP with my school record that repeatedly says 'did well when he put his mind to it..'
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keefy
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Post by keefy on Mar 16, 2017 16:28:03 GMT
So, just had my initial assessment and after a long interview the guy mentioned the possibility of it being ADHD. I asked if I could get a referral to a specialist and he said that only my GP can do it so I have just been down to my GP and have an appointment for Monday to see about a referral.
The guy said I qualified for CBT on the scores I got on the depression scale. I pointed out that the things I scored high on were in fact trouble concentrating in work, trouble concentrating at home and social activities and trouble getting to sleep and waking up, which, obviously are symptoms of ADHD. Without these scores I would have scored a lot lower on the scale and probably wouldn't qualify for therapy.
I feel such a sense of relief, finally after so many years I might actually be getting some answers to problems I didn't even know were linked.
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Post by KC on Mar 16, 2017 22:29:39 GMT
So, just had my initial assessment and after a long interview the guy mentioned the possibility of it being ADHD. I asked if I could get a referral to a specialist and he said that only my GP can do it so I have just been down to my GP and have an appointment for Monday to see about a referral. The guy said I qualified for CBT on the scores I got on the depression scale. I pointed out that the things I scored high on were in fact trouble concentrating in work, trouble concentrating at home and social activities and trouble getting to sleep and waking up, which, obviously are symptoms of ADHD. Without these scores I would have scored a lot lower on the scale and probably wouldn't qualify for therapy. I feel such a sense of relief, finally after so many years I might actually be getting some answers to problems I didn't even know were linked. Thanks keefy. You described my life for me, too. Totally resonate with what you said, went to the GP today and stumbled on this. I just wrote a list if all the things, i.e. quitting jobs spontaneously, underachieving even though I had comments (similar to yoursrlf) of being really smart and the smartest the teachers ever knew, etc. But a lack of concentration and focus prompted me into a life of mediocrity. SInce then I've continued in college and had some really good jobs; I recently gor a good jon role in a huge organisation yet 6 months the job Im having problems maintainin the professional image, I can't sleep therefore am often underprepared each morning and have trouble organising,yet I'm in sales and absolutely killing it.. I tend to drift off mid conversation and can't stand small talk,,it kills me leading to bad relationships formed and I'm terrible at beating myself up after any criticism and lashing out in emotion, often leaving me looking very unprofrssional. I send off inappropriate messages in email and often say innappropriate things whilst at work or at home, it tarnishes my reputation but yet people still copenwith me (somehow!) Hahaha Organisayion? Get out of here. Ive got a million and one things on my mind at any one time yet can't quite focus on what it is I am particularly thinking about. I've also had bosses, friends and family members tell me I'm possibly right and my mother seemed to be a little in denial too, at first. When I told her the signs and how it added to basically all of my life, she's also started to recognised perhaps.. at 24, I might finally get some answers. Breathe of fresh air reading your comments and it being ever so relatable,;if you want to get in touch please feel free to do so and we can have a chat. Email me on karlcowell@live.com.
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keefy
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Post by keefy on Mar 17, 2017 10:57:05 GMT
Hi KC,
I find I don't respond to criticism very well either. I've noticed this a lot but don't tend to snap at the person, I stew on criticism a lot and it gets me in a bad mood for a while and I tend to vent to anyone who will listen. I've had a friend mention to me that sometimes I get angry, though it never gets targeted at anyone. I would describe myself as quite a sensitive person who can easily get offended by criticism. My emotions dictate my world a lot.
The sleeping thing is another thing for me. I wake in the morning feeling exhausted. I am so bad with the snooze button its unreal. I have had complaints about this in the past with snoozing for an hour. I have even tried going to bed really early and my brain just runs over things, anything, and if I don't have something obvious to think about it'll find something totally abstract to overthink.
I get a lot of people tell me that I'm a laid back person, what they don't know is that while I may sit there for long periods of time, what they don't know is that inside my head is working overtime and I'm usually laid back as I have something to do that I'm trying to motivate myself to get started. When I do get started, I get distracted so easily. Washing dishes takes me an hour and most of that time is spent drying my hands so I can check twitter, facebook, instagram and snap chat or surfing the web to find out how much things cost to start my latest hobby or researching something totally irrelevant.
With work, I usually feel like I'm winging it and someone will soon figure this out. Though I tend to have left before this as not matter how hard I try I can't stand staying the the same job for long periods of time. Once it doesn't feel novel anymore I want to do something new.
Do you mind if we stay in touch via this message board? It's just if I start emailing then I will probably not get round to replying to you and then I will feel guilty that I haven't responded and then I'll feel bad and I will worry about it and then I will put off emailing you and then I will feel bad that I haven't emailed you. At least here, if I'm distracted I can come back and post when I can.
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Post by vagueandrandom on Mar 17, 2017 11:46:38 GMT
I'm also seen as very laid back, when inside I'm a mass of anxiety, indecision and
thoughts . .when I'm with people I go with the flow because it means I don't have
to make decisions. .where to go, what to do, what to eat . .
ADHD means that we tend to react emotionally and instinctively and it's hard to control.
Being super sensitive to criticism. .have a look at the recent thread on
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria . .
The more you write, I think you're doing the right thing going for ADHD assessment.
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keefy
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Post by keefy on Mar 17, 2017 18:59:19 GMT
Wow, rejection sensitive dysphoria, I just read that and didn't realise that that was a thing. But notice how much of a part it plays in my life. When I meet new people I tend to keep them at arms length until I'm sure they like me. In my initial post I said I thought I had a personality disorder a few years back, however it never really fit. Well, one of the things I spotted was that in BPD individuals have a severe sensitivity to abandonment and perceived rejection and that's one of the things I spotted. I hate criticism and rejection. I had a boss when I was younger who was a very assertive type of person and I used to find him really intimidating and I used to get worried as a few of my previous bosses had been really nasty to me. So when this guy used to approach me he used to say I looked like I was about to cry. I have also had feedback from coursework in uni and all I could think of was that they must hate me to treat me like this. Which, when you think about it could potentially be ADHD in a vicious cycle...couldn't focus on writing an essay and then getting negative feedback because I couldn't focus. It doesn't even have to be real rejection or criticism, people can say a slip of the tongue thing and I can ruminate on it for hours or even days and it will really affect my mood.
I am so glad I found this site. I'm linking load of things together about myself that I hated about myself on a certain level that are all linked. I don't hate them anymore as I am happy to accept that that is who I am and if people don't like it then that will have to be their problem as I never go out my way to upset other people because I wouldn't like it being done to myself.
I am glad that I have chosen to go for an assessment. I don't think it is a case of if really, now I think its a case of when I get diagnosed. I wouldn't change a thing about myself.
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keefy
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Post by keefy on Mar 20, 2017 15:55:28 GMT
I went to the GP and they asked met to sit in with a student for about half an hour who asked me a few questions. I then went in to see the psychiatrist who asked me a few questions. They are referring me to specialist mental health services in the same place as the ADHD specialists to see if I have any underlying conditions. In all honesty I have left feeling a little deflated and misunderstood, hoping the referral will leave me feeling more optimistic.
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Post by vagueandrandom on Mar 20, 2017 19:39:33 GMT
Hi keefy I wouldn't be too worried. . .it costs quite a lot for a full ADHD assessment, so it's quite usual to see a general psych to rule out other mental health issues before referral to a specialist . . I know this must be frustrating, but your GP's taking you seriously and there's an NHS ADHD service locally, so it's all moving in the right direction. .
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keefy
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Post by keefy on Mar 20, 2017 21:31:03 GMT
Thanks Vagueandrandom,
I think I was just a little frustrated that there didn't appear to be any questions asked that I initially thought where associated with ADHD.
The questions that stood out were..
Do you has trouble with anger. I said I did but never target anyone with it, I tend to go and vent to someone.
Do you suffer with Anxiety. I said it's not a major issue but I am reluctant to speak to new people as I fear rejection and it's something that is always been there kind of in the background.
Do you suffer with obsessions or compulsions. I said I tend to check the iron and things like that a few times but that is because I have forgotten to turn the iron twice in the last year before leaving the house.
Do you hear voices or see things that others can't and I said I've heard my name called a couple of times but nobody has shouted me but it doesn't distress me or anything. I think everyone gets that from time to time.
Then I was told they would refer me to be assessed to see if I had any underlying mental health conditions.
When I think about it I do think I was taken seriously, the student asked me a lot of questions that I feel were relevant.
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Post by vagueandrandom on Mar 21, 2017 9:51:18 GMT
Apart from hearing voices. . .all those examples seem relevant to ADHD,
although they can all occur as part of other MH issues . . .
You might not recognise symptoms in yourself because they're
'normal' for you. For example, I would always insist that I Wasn't generally anxious,
I'm just anxious in particular situations. . .it was only when I was trying meds
and my general 'normal' anxiety disappeared that I became aware of it through it's absence.
Anger's a big one for me, but it's anger and frustration at myself. .and it's emotions in
general. . I feel things deeply and quickly and have little control of them . .
Obsessions and compulsions are also quite common. . .hyperfocus can seem like an obsession
and impulses are are difficult to distinguish from compulsions.
Anyway. . .these things need to be untangled before they can refer you for ADHD assessment.
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keefy
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Post by keefy on Mar 21, 2017 23:42:51 GMT
Yeah, I recognised a little while after the meeting that a lot of these things are linked to ADHD.
It also seems apparent that they have taken my concern seriously and aare going through a process of elimination.
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keefy
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Post by keefy on Mar 28, 2017 17:39:47 GMT
So, just spoken with my mum and explained that I have been to ask for a referral and explained to her that they will be looking for a kid who was a day dreamer and stuff like difficulty focusing on tasks such as reading and organizing my homework in school etc and she said "You've always been like that though." So hopefully now she is starting to acknowledge what I've been trying to tell her.
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keefy
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Post by keefy on Apr 10, 2017 13:12:13 GMT
Just met with my GP again briefly. She called me to make an appointment for my mental health screening, although it didn't seem to be mentioned today. She asked me was I feeling depressed and I said no and then she asked me did I feel anxious and I said no. She said I could have CBT if I wanted and I told her I was already in CBT and that the Therapist is banging on about anxiety although its not the anxiety that I went to the doctors about it was the lack of concentration and day dreaming and constant procrastination. She then said I could have meds for my anxiety and I told her I don't need them. She told me that I came across as anxious and asked me how I was feeling and I told her I didn't know, I felt restless in sitting there. I noticed she had Anxiety Disorder NOS on her screen. But then he just said to continue with CBT and come back in about 4 weeks and see how you feel.
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Post by vagueandrandom on Apr 10, 2017 22:15:59 GMT
I'm sorry you're going through this keefy . . we both know that CBT/depression/anxiety are the easy and tested ways to go for the GP . .can you see someone else? You're going to have to get more assertive (easier said) . .
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keefy
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Post by keefy on Apr 11, 2017 8:35:04 GMT
vagueandrandomI was thinking this to myself yesterday. I need to be more assertive next time I go. She told me to come back in within the next 3-4 weeks to see how I'm doing. I think she was a little confused that I seemed restless as last time I probably came across as quite subdued. The difference between last time and this time is that last time my attention was wondering around the room and this time I had been sat in a busy reception for quite a while with the noise of a constant telephone ringing and people talking. I think my main problem is that when I first went to the doctors I said "I separated from my wife recently. A few of the things she said stood out for me and I was wondering if I could get help with them. She complained I couldn't hold a job down, was always starting new projects and hobbies and giving up on them really easily. I was constantly forgetting what I was doing when I was supposed to be doing things around the house because I got distracted so easily and I am terrible with finances as I forget to pay things and spend money on things that seem really important one day but not the next." I get the feeling I was listed to when I said "I recently separated from my wife." Do you think it would be beneficial if I wrote a list of problems down and took it with me?
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Post by vagueandrandom on Apr 11, 2017 10:42:25 GMT
Hi keefy I've just read back over this thread and you said your GP was referring you. . is this for general MH screening? As I've said before, your GP can't say if you do or don't have ADHD and they and the CBT counsellor probably know very little about it and are putting you into boxes they are familiar with (and which ADHD can look like) and they're all so keen to prescribe antidepressants and anti anxiety meds!! Even when you say you don't need them! They will probably be the same people who'll be wary of prescribing ADHD meds, which IMO are much less harmful . . One important distinction from mental illness is that you've experienced being like this FOR YOUR WHOLE LIFE! You may have had periodic depression/anxiety. .probably due to difficulties related to undiagnosed ADHD, but the underlying 'symptoms' don't change. Maybe this is something you could explain to the GP . .and maybe do one of the self-report questionnaires you can find online to take with you. Is there another GP you can talk to at your practice? Your primary objective is to be referred for specialist ADHD assessment. If you can get a GP to do that, they really don't need to have any further involvement until you've assessed.
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keefy
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Post by keefy on Apr 12, 2017 11:59:38 GMT
vagueandrandom Yeah, they said they were going to send me for a screening for MH. The GP did mention something about it but I wasn't paying attention. They are completely wrapped up in MH (sorry, this bit is off topic but I'm finding I'm deleting a lot here because I'm writing random stuff) I have never told them I suffer long term with low moods. I told them I get occasional really low moods and I also said I feel anxiety as a background noise kind of thing. But these are not my concern. This is my concern and what I'm going to tell them next time I go..My concentration is very bad. It's like it's due to my brain running over time and I'm constantly deep in thoughts of different kinds. When I wake in the morning my brain is usually already working over time. Its like its picking up on random ideas, potential conversations and then whizzes through them. But at the same time as I'm waking up I feel really groggy and foggy to the point my head can hurt. Throughout the day its like my brain is constantly running at this really fast tempo. If I put my stuff down like my phone I often tend to forget where I put them because I was distracted by my thoughts. I find it very difficult to start tasks around the house, my house can get messy and the only time I get around to sorting it is when I start feeling embarrassed by the state of things, bits all over the carpets/piles of paperwork and letters I didn't read properly left out on sides. When I do start doing the dishes or hoovering then I get distracted very easily by my thoughts and end up wondering off. If I start a task and tend to something else then I usually forget to return to what I was doing before, again because I'm usually deep in unrelated thought or ideas. Like I can iron my clothes then take them into my bedroom and forget to turn the iron off or today I washed some clothes and put them in the dryer but didn't switch it on. To the outside world this would appear to be day dreaming, as I fall into thoughts of something else. This can be hard in conversations because I start listening and then feel my mind wandering onto something else. I have also noticed lately that I can either split my attention in conversation, zone into something completely different or I just totally change the topic of conversation half way through someone else talking. But its like this all day, everyday, a fog of thinking. And if I get interested in something then I get obsessed, researching new hobbies for hours on end, needing to buy things for a new hobbies is a problem, I get really bad urges to buy things and can't stop myself most of the time. But then the excitement fades and I couldn't keep my enthusiasm up even if I tried my hardest. All the while I have this feeling/thought in my head telling me to give up because I will just fail again, I always do. That's how my days are spent, in this torrent of random thoughts and ideas until I go to bed where I usually can't get to sleep until I'm really tired and then I tend to fall into this extremely deep sleep.
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