Post by somewhatannoyed on Nov 10, 2017 21:27:37 GMT
Well, the assessment pretty catastrophic. I'm extremely disappointed. I had heard a lot from people that the process would not be easy, but I was actually rather alarmed at how awful this was.
The lady I saw, I got bad vibes from right away (in terms of the appointment). I don't want to slander someone who I'm sure is a perfectly nice human being, but all the way through, she was cutting off answers, putting words in my mouth, mishearing me, asking me to spell out simple words to clarify them for her, and clearly not comprehending things I was trying to communicate to her about my life. She didn't recognise the names of (well-known) locations that I referred to, or have any clue where they were in the country. I had to practically beg her to look at my school reports, where I had gone through and underlined all the many mentions from age 4-18 of working too slow, not being always being focused, missing deadlines... in the end she looked at one or two pages, seemed to read the first line of the first paragraph (which were always along the lines of 'a fairly pleasant student with a lot of potential') and then moved on, saying that they were all very positive.
Some of her conclusions were slightly baffling to me, and she wouldn't really explain how she reached them. I already saw someone whilst at university about anxiety problems, and she basically said that anxiety was my sole problem, not ADHD - even though I had tried to explain that my anxiety only started to manifest as the growing divide between my potential and inability to reach that potential in a non-chaotic way became apparent. Since a VERY young age I have been messy, late, a daydreamer, etc. I have always been different, very creative, struggled to finish any school work, had trouble conceiving time and dates... I wasn't anxious when I was 8. That didn't come until the structures that made it easy to coast by started to fall away. And it's only now in adulthood that the effects are starting to feel crippling.
She said it was my mother's fault for not being strict enough with homework.
She claimed that because my I had brought all my school reports to the session in a folder, I was clearly not a chaotic or disorganised person.
She said that because I was listening to her, I didn't have inattention. Apparently, inattention would mean I had been drifting off in every single lecture, all day, every week, during university. This was despite my explanation that I finally was able to do well in university and thrive and listen because I found a subject that really thrilled me, even though it took me changing my educational path multiple times to get there, with my foundation year only narrowly avoiding a fail grade.
She seemed to infer that because I could focus on things when I enjoy them, I clearly don't have trouble staying focused.
She said that because I had good exam results, I clearly haven't struggled. She didn't seem interested in how I got my results, or at what cost.
She said it was 'choices' that had led me to my current situation. There was 'not enough evidence' on the (very few) pieces of early years stuff she bothered to read, and that the teachers had probably only written the negative parts because they HAVE to say something good AND bad (also not true, which she would have seen if she looked further).
She said because nothing became a problem until secondary school, she would not consider a diagnosis.
I'm sure there's much more as to how it went down, but I can't remember at this time. I left feeling angry and embarrassed.
So, what now?
Obviously I should take some time to process this and calm down, though it's the last thing I feel like doing. Of course I will consider again whether or not ADHD is the right diagnosis to explore, but then... I didn't reach my initial conclusions lightly. The more I read from others (particularly female, and blessed with some natural intelligence) the more I feel like 'this is it, these are my people, this explains everything and more'.
Here's what I would like to do. Maybe you guys can tell me if this is at all feasible, from your experiences. I want to go back to the GP (and now that my mother is in the know, it can be my regular GP). I will request another referral, this time to the Maudsley specifically, or to another place with better facilities than where I was (which I have since discovered has some terrible patient reviews). I will stress to my GP that I don't think that my initial assessment was fair or in depth, and that my problems are persisting. And if I am lucky enough to get referred again, I will have another 9 long months to go in better prepared.
I want to cry and yell and run around all at once. Sorry guys.
The lady I saw, I got bad vibes from right away (in terms of the appointment). I don't want to slander someone who I'm sure is a perfectly nice human being, but all the way through, she was cutting off answers, putting words in my mouth, mishearing me, asking me to spell out simple words to clarify them for her, and clearly not comprehending things I was trying to communicate to her about my life. She didn't recognise the names of (well-known) locations that I referred to, or have any clue where they were in the country. I had to practically beg her to look at my school reports, where I had gone through and underlined all the many mentions from age 4-18 of working too slow, not being always being focused, missing deadlines... in the end she looked at one or two pages, seemed to read the first line of the first paragraph (which were always along the lines of 'a fairly pleasant student with a lot of potential') and then moved on, saying that they were all very positive.
Some of her conclusions were slightly baffling to me, and she wouldn't really explain how she reached them. I already saw someone whilst at university about anxiety problems, and she basically said that anxiety was my sole problem, not ADHD - even though I had tried to explain that my anxiety only started to manifest as the growing divide between my potential and inability to reach that potential in a non-chaotic way became apparent. Since a VERY young age I have been messy, late, a daydreamer, etc. I have always been different, very creative, struggled to finish any school work, had trouble conceiving time and dates... I wasn't anxious when I was 8. That didn't come until the structures that made it easy to coast by started to fall away. And it's only now in adulthood that the effects are starting to feel crippling.
She said it was my mother's fault for not being strict enough with homework.
She claimed that because my I had brought all my school reports to the session in a folder, I was clearly not a chaotic or disorganised person.
She said that because I was listening to her, I didn't have inattention. Apparently, inattention would mean I had been drifting off in every single lecture, all day, every week, during university. This was despite my explanation that I finally was able to do well in university and thrive and listen because I found a subject that really thrilled me, even though it took me changing my educational path multiple times to get there, with my foundation year only narrowly avoiding a fail grade.
She seemed to infer that because I could focus on things when I enjoy them, I clearly don't have trouble staying focused.
She said that because I had good exam results, I clearly haven't struggled. She didn't seem interested in how I got my results, or at what cost.
She said it was 'choices' that had led me to my current situation. There was 'not enough evidence' on the (very few) pieces of early years stuff she bothered to read, and that the teachers had probably only written the negative parts because they HAVE to say something good AND bad (also not true, which she would have seen if she looked further).
She said because nothing became a problem until secondary school, she would not consider a diagnosis.
I'm sure there's much more as to how it went down, but I can't remember at this time. I left feeling angry and embarrassed.
So, what now?
Obviously I should take some time to process this and calm down, though it's the last thing I feel like doing. Of course I will consider again whether or not ADHD is the right diagnosis to explore, but then... I didn't reach my initial conclusions lightly. The more I read from others (particularly female, and blessed with some natural intelligence) the more I feel like 'this is it, these are my people, this explains everything and more'.
Here's what I would like to do. Maybe you guys can tell me if this is at all feasible, from your experiences. I want to go back to the GP (and now that my mother is in the know, it can be my regular GP). I will request another referral, this time to the Maudsley specifically, or to another place with better facilities than where I was (which I have since discovered has some terrible patient reviews). I will stress to my GP that I don't think that my initial assessment was fair or in depth, and that my problems are persisting. And if I am lucky enough to get referred again, I will have another 9 long months to go in better prepared.
I want to cry and yell and run around all at once. Sorry guys.