nickyw
Member's not posted much yet
Posts: 19
|
Post by nickyw on Jun 5, 2017 11:26:07 GMT
Hey Cyber-friends.
My partner of 7 years and wife of 3 years has decided that she wants to leave me and our two kids (2 and 4 years old). I got diagnosed a few weeks back as having ADHD and Autism. I know that it can make me difficult to live with (e.g. snappy/blurting out, difficulties remembering to pick the kids up from school / crèche, etc.). But she basically said that she got married because she wanted to be part of a team, when in fact she feels like she is having to raise three kids. I think she feels that having had the diagnosis she recognises that things will never change (I have had CBT, so think things have got better, and could continue to do so).
Does anyone have any experience of this. I'm kind of shocked and bewildered and not sure what to do next. The poor working memory, poor executive function and extreme procrastination that comes with ADHD means that I really really dont know what to do.
x
|
|
|
Post by marionk on Jun 5, 2017 14:18:36 GMT
Geez, whatever happened to comittment?! A diagnosis doesn't make you any different! So, she is leaving you because she sees you as not able to be responsible? I wonder what she thinks of herself, leaving her two very small children in the care of someone that she considers irresponsible!!! Forgetting to pick kids up from kindergarten is trivial compared to that!! She sounds like the kind of person that will change her mind about leaving the kids with you when she realises that it makes her look bad. On a different note, has the medication not helped with procrastination, or perhaps you haven't got that far yet? Diagnosis -> medication -> potential for change, so if anything (as she wanted you to change), diagnosis is a good thing. :S Bottom line is you have my sincere sympathies, and I wish there was more I could do for you.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2017 1:00:55 GMT
Tough times I'm not sure there are any words to help this situation but I do seem to remember it took me at least 12 months to get my shit together after the dx. 12 months of medication. 12 months of accelerated learning of how to actually conduct myself in the real world. If you're on the tablets and noticing improvements, she may have left a little prematurely. However, I guess we have to remember the burden we place on loved ones. It's no small burden. Perhaps be supportive of her 'break' and make sure you haven't accidentally milked the ADHD card to infinity and beyond, without realising it. No one in their right mind would sign up to a lifetime of us on an 'off' day, I suspect. Rest assured, great things are coming your way regardless, especially for your kids. Everything you learn from this point on is basically gold if one or both of them is also afflicted. Keep us posted, perhaps
|
|
igymrat
Member's not posted much yet
Posts: 3
|
Post by igymrat on Jun 27, 2017 19:30:45 GMT
You are who you always have been I am sorry to say but as a guy that's only dated I have never had a relationship honestly she either sees you as inferior and she hates the idea or other hidden reasons ie affair or feelings have changed etc. Honestly tell a girl you're ADHD and you're dog shit, they're so quick to judge people and you are who you always have been and haven't changed I see this happen to my friend and honestly it's more like projection. if she saids you can look for someone else don't be a fool because of your autism and think you have to stick with a moral code, that's a good cue it's ended she might word it like I'm not going to be looking but you can, that means she's keeping safety nets etc women don't have to look.
I have only had bad experiences but it has let me see people from another angle they tend to not want to work for commitment, saying it's going to be hard is not an excuse I hate that I have had depression, people want easy they think they deserve easy, if she doesn't want to work with you she's not worth your time although I'm sure having a relationship blurs that for you for me it's become the normal thing to expect. You are not a problem, she can feel she wanted you to be a team, maybe she should feel more love being a team is catching them when you fall not only you catch her, sometimes the other works 10% the other 90% till you get there, if she can't do that she's not a team player.
|
|