Post by mgrace on Jul 28, 2017 22:09:09 GMT
Hi everyone,
I've been trying to figure out what happened in the last seven months of my life and I think this community might help. More than two years ago I met the most wonderful person in the world. I immediately loved all his little oddities. After knowing him just for three months I considered him my best friend. He showed me different kind of friendship, more deeper than I had experienced before. He really liked that I was listening to everything he had said and remembered almost all of it. I didn't mention when he was telling some story he had already told me couple times. I loved listening to him, talking to him, just being with him. I was going through difficult times then. And he was there for me. He wasn't always perfect. He had his moods, ups and downs, his obsessions. The way I saw my role in his life was that I was giving him a different perspective. And so did he. We showed each other our world and then we started sharing one.
After one year of friendship we became boyfriend ang girlfriend despite all things that were against us. We didn't fall in love with each other. I think I found out the difference between "falling in love with someone" and "finding that you love someone" back then. I don't know how to describe the transformation of our friendship into a relationship. It just happened and it was amazing, crazy and sometimes scary. I did quite a lot of changes in my life because of him. He made me a better person.
I knew from the beginning that he was different but I didn't mind. I even liked it. There were things I had problems with from time to time. His impulsiveness, his inability to plan, risky behaviour, his strange behaviour when things didn't go the way he wanted. I think that I'm extremely understanding person, some people say that I care too much. So I took the things the way they were.
Eight months ago he planned and drew the dream house he wanted us to have one day. He told me he considered me family. This moment made me finally think "He wants to keep me. There might be a future for us." But I didn't take it as a commitment because I knew there was a long way ahead us.
But then he started having problems. Emotional, at first. He thought he needed more time for himself. I agreed because I thought that was what he needed. Then he had problems that he wasn't spending enough time with me. And not just with me, with his family, sister and friends. And then he started having physical problems. At some occasions he would just "zone out", I sometimes thought he would faint, he had irregular heartbeat, he was sweating and feeling anxious. I felt helpless. After one of those moments I made him go to see a doctor. She made some tests, send him to cardiologist, but nothing. Then she said that it could be psychological. He loves psychology and the idea of going to the psychologist wasn't strange to him. But I took him time before he went. In that time he broke up with me twice. One week after the first breakup we met, we talked (as friends I thought) and then he suddenly started to behave like we didn't break up. The second break come month later. I was looking into his eyes when he was telling me things that really hurt. And then I saw something. Like it wasn't him, like he switched off. I left his flat, came home and cried because I hurt so much. The reasons he gave me. For example that he doesn't want to cheat on me in the future. Two hours after that he came to my flat and cried that he didn't know what just happened, that he had no reason to breakup with me.
At that time we both knew that there was something wrong. He made an appointment with a psychologist, but he had to wait for more than a month. In that month he broke up with me for the third time. It hit me hard. The whole time I was trying to stay sane but I cracked. I started having problems with basic things (sleeping, eating, being at work,...). He wanted to stay friends. I so did I, because at that point he was so important to me that I would do everything so he could be still part of my life. But then he went to see the psychologist. He told him that he is okay, he just need to make sure that the breakup is permanent, take a rest, make more time for himself and stop seeing me. That made me furious. I'm glad that I have never that person. One day the love my life told me that he doesn't want to see me ever again that I have to understand it, that I'm causing his condition and he wants to be okay again and start new phase of his life. I stood there listening someone I wasn't recognizing anymore.
I started having panic and anxiety attacks and I was affraid of what was going to happen next. I had problems with everything and I didn't know who to ask for help (my family isn't very helpful in crisis). After throwing my phone across the room instead of simply hanging it I wrote an e-mail to a psychiatrist I wanted my boyfriend to see (instead of that psychologist he went to). The doctor wanted to see me the next day. I really don't like doctors and just the idea of going to the psychiatrist was very odd to me. But it was probably the best decision in my life. I don't know how I would describe his approach to me. I wanted to run away after five minutes. He was so impertinent I wanted to slap him. But he made me laugh. Somehow he made feel better. He also gave a book to read. I thought that he gave it to me just to engage my mind in something else. It took me a while to read it because I didn't find it relevant to my state or anything I was experiencing. The book was called Fast Minds: How to Thrive If You Have ADHD (Or Think You Might) by Tim Bilkey. And there I have finally found my answers. That book perfectly described struggles my ex-boyfriend had, the things he did. Long before I completed reading that book I wrote him a note with contact details of my psychiatrist if he ever wanted to go to see someone competent.
It's a long story I know. He went to see my doctor. He got diagnosed and started taking medication. He still doesn't want to see me. He says he doesn't want to jeopardize his treatment. I'm trying to understand. I still struggle with myself, with my emotions, with loss of a partner and best friend, with inability to help him.
But I still love him, I still care... I don't think we will get back together. Not because of me, but because of him (that he doesn't want to that I'm history to him). I guess I just wanted to say what ADHD taught me. It taught me what unconditional love means. And also that sometimes you have respect someone else's decision concerning you even when they were made without you.
Be strong. And ask for help if you need it.
I've been trying to figure out what happened in the last seven months of my life and I think this community might help. More than two years ago I met the most wonderful person in the world. I immediately loved all his little oddities. After knowing him just for three months I considered him my best friend. He showed me different kind of friendship, more deeper than I had experienced before. He really liked that I was listening to everything he had said and remembered almost all of it. I didn't mention when he was telling some story he had already told me couple times. I loved listening to him, talking to him, just being with him. I was going through difficult times then. And he was there for me. He wasn't always perfect. He had his moods, ups and downs, his obsessions. The way I saw my role in his life was that I was giving him a different perspective. And so did he. We showed each other our world and then we started sharing one.
After one year of friendship we became boyfriend ang girlfriend despite all things that were against us. We didn't fall in love with each other. I think I found out the difference between "falling in love with someone" and "finding that you love someone" back then. I don't know how to describe the transformation of our friendship into a relationship. It just happened and it was amazing, crazy and sometimes scary. I did quite a lot of changes in my life because of him. He made me a better person.
I knew from the beginning that he was different but I didn't mind. I even liked it. There were things I had problems with from time to time. His impulsiveness, his inability to plan, risky behaviour, his strange behaviour when things didn't go the way he wanted. I think that I'm extremely understanding person, some people say that I care too much. So I took the things the way they were.
Eight months ago he planned and drew the dream house he wanted us to have one day. He told me he considered me family. This moment made me finally think "He wants to keep me. There might be a future for us." But I didn't take it as a commitment because I knew there was a long way ahead us.
But then he started having problems. Emotional, at first. He thought he needed more time for himself. I agreed because I thought that was what he needed. Then he had problems that he wasn't spending enough time with me. And not just with me, with his family, sister and friends. And then he started having physical problems. At some occasions he would just "zone out", I sometimes thought he would faint, he had irregular heartbeat, he was sweating and feeling anxious. I felt helpless. After one of those moments I made him go to see a doctor. She made some tests, send him to cardiologist, but nothing. Then she said that it could be psychological. He loves psychology and the idea of going to the psychologist wasn't strange to him. But I took him time before he went. In that time he broke up with me twice. One week after the first breakup we met, we talked (as friends I thought) and then he suddenly started to behave like we didn't break up. The second break come month later. I was looking into his eyes when he was telling me things that really hurt. And then I saw something. Like it wasn't him, like he switched off. I left his flat, came home and cried because I hurt so much. The reasons he gave me. For example that he doesn't want to cheat on me in the future. Two hours after that he came to my flat and cried that he didn't know what just happened, that he had no reason to breakup with me.
At that time we both knew that there was something wrong. He made an appointment with a psychologist, but he had to wait for more than a month. In that month he broke up with me for the third time. It hit me hard. The whole time I was trying to stay sane but I cracked. I started having problems with basic things (sleeping, eating, being at work,...). He wanted to stay friends. I so did I, because at that point he was so important to me that I would do everything so he could be still part of my life. But then he went to see the psychologist. He told him that he is okay, he just need to make sure that the breakup is permanent, take a rest, make more time for himself and stop seeing me. That made me furious. I'm glad that I have never that person. One day the love my life told me that he doesn't want to see me ever again that I have to understand it, that I'm causing his condition and he wants to be okay again and start new phase of his life. I stood there listening someone I wasn't recognizing anymore.
I started having panic and anxiety attacks and I was affraid of what was going to happen next. I had problems with everything and I didn't know who to ask for help (my family isn't very helpful in crisis). After throwing my phone across the room instead of simply hanging it I wrote an e-mail to a psychiatrist I wanted my boyfriend to see (instead of that psychologist he went to). The doctor wanted to see me the next day. I really don't like doctors and just the idea of going to the psychiatrist was very odd to me. But it was probably the best decision in my life. I don't know how I would describe his approach to me. I wanted to run away after five minutes. He was so impertinent I wanted to slap him. But he made me laugh. Somehow he made feel better. He also gave a book to read. I thought that he gave it to me just to engage my mind in something else. It took me a while to read it because I didn't find it relevant to my state or anything I was experiencing. The book was called Fast Minds: How to Thrive If You Have ADHD (Or Think You Might) by Tim Bilkey. And there I have finally found my answers. That book perfectly described struggles my ex-boyfriend had, the things he did. Long before I completed reading that book I wrote him a note with contact details of my psychiatrist if he ever wanted to go to see someone competent.
It's a long story I know. He went to see my doctor. He got diagnosed and started taking medication. He still doesn't want to see me. He says he doesn't want to jeopardize his treatment. I'm trying to understand. I still struggle with myself, with my emotions, with loss of a partner and best friend, with inability to help him.
But I still love him, I still care... I don't think we will get back together. Not because of me, but because of him (that he doesn't want to that I'm history to him). I guess I just wanted to say what ADHD taught me. It taught me what unconditional love means. And also that sometimes you have respect someone else's decision concerning you even when they were made without you.
Be strong. And ask for help if you need it.