Post by podrek on Dec 5, 2017 13:28:04 GMT
Hi..This is my first time here and after many years thinking whats wrong with me I beleive I have finally narrowed it down to ADHD.
Something thats been with me since childhood.
Chronology: Age 4-11 Primary school underachiever, always getting into trouble, unable to concentrate, slow to learn.
Age 11 secondary Education started in bottom sets for those with learning difficulties, but learnt how to do my shoe laces age 11.
Age 11 to 17 Started to get bullied so used to lose myslelf in the library with books.
worked my way up to top sets in biology and history. Not bad considering where I started out. I think depression and anxiety actually helped with this and I could focus
within these states.
Age 17 kicked out of home started to take various forms of substances (mainly Canabis & Amphetamines). Suddenly I had freinds, I was capable of socialising which I never could, I could hold conversations.
But I never saw this as abuse, I was always functional, free from anxiety ( I have only come to realise I even had serious anxiety and depression before then)
However I still went from job to job average lasting a few weeks, same with my girlfreinds, I just keep getting frustrated ,bored I could quit my job anytime and go on a long walkabouts (6months in India was my longest one). I went from working in IBM to cleaning toilets in Homebase all in a space of 5years..this was a real low!
I am now 46. 18 years ago I quit smoking. Afterwhich i remember friends persuading me to take 'stimulants' just to chill me out.
Up until 3 years ago I used to order a legal high just so at weekends i could focus on listing items onto my online shop. But since these were outlawed and closed down I could no longer focus and
to this day I have £100s of stock still in lock-up.
For years all i had left was alcohol, every night it would be half a bottle of wine and maybe two beers..this helped me to get to sleep.
Just recently i have managed to break this cycle and now having as much as 4 days off per week. But this may be down to taking supplements to help boost mental focus.
Two weeks ago I decided to go to my GP and told him I beleive I may have ADHD.(I did enquire a couple years prior I may have bi-polar as I was getting depressed and anxious between my ususal hyperactiveness and impulsivness). My GP basically said even if you did get diagnosed with ADHD there would be nothing they could do about it. So I have given up now.
I dont want to tell my GP about my history of substance use as I fear it could become a problem if recorded on my medical history. I also want to tackle this through life-style changes. All im trying to do right now is try remain positive, remain focused so i can finally progress with doing something positive with my life.
researching on ADHD I believe this is the cause of my problems. I do not see it as a Mental Illness but just a trait passed down paternally from father to son. My father was once admitted to an asylum and i can see the same traits in him as well as my half-brother.
so where does one go from here?
Something thats been with me since childhood.
Chronology: Age 4-11 Primary school underachiever, always getting into trouble, unable to concentrate, slow to learn.
Age 11 secondary Education started in bottom sets for those with learning difficulties, but learnt how to do my shoe laces age 11.
Age 11 to 17 Started to get bullied so used to lose myslelf in the library with books.
worked my way up to top sets in biology and history. Not bad considering where I started out. I think depression and anxiety actually helped with this and I could focus
within these states.
Age 17 kicked out of home started to take various forms of substances (mainly Canabis & Amphetamines). Suddenly I had freinds, I was capable of socialising which I never could, I could hold conversations.
But I never saw this as abuse, I was always functional, free from anxiety ( I have only come to realise I even had serious anxiety and depression before then)
However I still went from job to job average lasting a few weeks, same with my girlfreinds, I just keep getting frustrated ,bored I could quit my job anytime and go on a long walkabouts (6months in India was my longest one). I went from working in IBM to cleaning toilets in Homebase all in a space of 5years..this was a real low!
I am now 46. 18 years ago I quit smoking. Afterwhich i remember friends persuading me to take 'stimulants' just to chill me out.
Up until 3 years ago I used to order a legal high just so at weekends i could focus on listing items onto my online shop. But since these were outlawed and closed down I could no longer focus and
to this day I have £100s of stock still in lock-up.
For years all i had left was alcohol, every night it would be half a bottle of wine and maybe two beers..this helped me to get to sleep.
Just recently i have managed to break this cycle and now having as much as 4 days off per week. But this may be down to taking supplements to help boost mental focus.
Two weeks ago I decided to go to my GP and told him I beleive I may have ADHD.(I did enquire a couple years prior I may have bi-polar as I was getting depressed and anxious between my ususal hyperactiveness and impulsivness). My GP basically said even if you did get diagnosed with ADHD there would be nothing they could do about it. So I have given up now.
I dont want to tell my GP about my history of substance use as I fear it could become a problem if recorded on my medical history. I also want to tackle this through life-style changes. All im trying to do right now is try remain positive, remain focused so i can finally progress with doing something positive with my life.
researching on ADHD I believe this is the cause of my problems. I do not see it as a Mental Illness but just a trait passed down paternally from father to son. My father was once admitted to an asylum and i can see the same traits in him as well as my half-brother.
so where does one go from here?