14 years with ADHD husband May 11, 2011 12:11:49 GMT
Post by melanie on May 11, 2011 12:11:49 GMT
Dec 15, 2010 10:10:12 GMT @looking up said:Hello Lissie
I am rather late joining in this discussion. I totally sympathise with what you have experienced in your relationship, someone commented to me recently that the girlfriend of an ADHD sufferer she knew was less of a girlfriend and more of a life coach. That's me! I have had a good long look at my relationship and realised that I focus all my attention on my partner's needs and very little on myself, sadly I find his needs often get in the way of what is best for my children too. I am starting to put some boundaries around my time and what I am prepared to do for him, I am putting myself and my children more into the foreground of our own lives. I can do this because my partner is taking responsibility for himself and his condition and is willing to try and do more than he has done up until now.
I want to ask a question though as it is something that is really bothering me and I would really appreciate any comments from other partners. Does your partner take responsibility for his part in emotional problems like arguments or hurtful comments? I have found that often my partner will get in a mood and make comments that I find very hurtful or insensitive, I respond by telling him I don't like it, if he continues I will remove myself, this is rather than losing my temper as I used to do. My partner will then often get angry with me and tell me I caused the problem and he hasn't done anything wrong. If I try and explain what happened he completely denies events and his part, it is so confusing. At times I have doubted my own sanity, when angry my partner can be very cruel, playing on my emotional weaknesses and vulnerable areas so I can begin to think it is me that is the problem. At first I thought he was just deliberately refusing to take the blame because he hates to feel criticised but I am honestly starting to think he can't see what he's done, almost blotted from his memory, certainly minimised to the point he doesn't seem to have done anything.
I would be really grateful if anyone else has experienced behaviour like this as I feel like I'm going nuts at times!!