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Post by mrsbarker12 on Feb 13, 2019 11:17:20 GMT
all,
My Husband was recently diagnosed with ADD. I was so pleased for him that he finally had answers as to why he does things a certain way and such. The problem in having is coping with the way he answers questions. I find he gets very confused easily and will sometimes over explain a situation, or under explain it. Or the worst one is he'll almost disregard the question you ask him and jump in with a different answer to what would have come from a different question.
I've witnessed him do this with Drs and such so it's not just me. I'm trying desperately to be supportive for him and not get frustrated but it's quite difficult sometimes as I suffer with anxiety which I'm getting help for but it sometimes feels like has trying to mislead me in some way. The logical part of me is sure he isn't and this is just part of his condition but other times the anxiety takes over.
I really want to be there for him but I'm just trying to find out if anyone else has this difficulty with their partners. Or if you yourself has ADHD if you find this a problem for yourself?
Any advice is really appreciated. X
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 13, 2019 19:18:30 GMT
1. “When faced with a difficult question, we often answer an easier one instead, usually without noticing the substitution,” writes psychologist and Nobel Prize winner Daniel Kahneman, in a new book. 2. Is it possible his mind is skipping ahead, answering several questions sequentially, then making a judgement of sorts on what he believes you are *really* asking? If you attempt to celebrate his positive traits, you may get a tiny window within which to ask him to help you with feeling acknowledged. You'll need to phrase it very carefully, probably in some sort of self-deprecating-yet-well-intentioned manner. Get him to rephrase your question in his own way BEFORE he considers answering. Make a game out if it, perhaps? Tell him all the coolest ADHDers do it. Another alternative may be to try and learn a language together. It's said that kids who speak more than one language are better at conflict resolution presumably because the translation introduces a pause in the cognitive flow? Perhaps someone else will have some ideas, too! Well done for getting this far
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craig123
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Post by craig123 on Jun 18, 2019 19:29:37 GMT
Hey, if that’s as bad as it gets you should count yourself very lucky! ADHD can create all manner of self esteem issues and emotional instability so definitely not the worst it can be!
It’s completely normal, probably one of the most core symptoms of ADHD.
Sometimes I can answer questions fine, but I’ve been told sometimes it’s like I answer a question, or go to tell a story, and in doing so I go over 5 subplots in a lot more detail then is necessary, stumbling g over my words dragging the person along, then forget what I was talking about for a while, before finally concluding and half the time forgetting about the question entirely or what we were even saying in the first place.
I find it very hard to keep up, as is normal, and often if someone says something to me I try very hard to concentrate. Then all of a sudden my brain says “Oh no I just missed that bit!” and then because my brain focused on the fact I missed ot I then miss more, and more, and more. Then all of a sudden it’s quiet and I realise you e stopped talking. But I can’t even remember what the first sentence I actually heard is. So, if I don’t know you well, I will just nod with a vacant look on my face and it will be very uncomfortable for both of us!
It’s not that we don’t want to hear though and we don’t want you to feel ignored!
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witsend
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Post by witsend on Jul 14, 2019 17:31:34 GMT
My husband does this a lot, I generally go into listening mode and let him get there, I'm not always patient though! I’m an introvert and sometimes he’s frustrated when I’m not as talkative as him, so when I’m tired but really trying to step up and talk more I can get frustrated at being interrupted or if the conversation spins off. I’ll be like “are you listening???” It is one of the “lighter” things we deal with so it doesn’t get to me or him like some other things. Hope you found a way through this with your husband.
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Post by wife2ofadhd on Dec 14, 2019 22:19:03 GMT
Hi my husband appears to have ADHD he has not been diagnosed but is not working right now due to his mental health and we are trying to understand how he for to where he is. He does not answer questions and his therapist identified this. I find it very hurtful which us not a helpful response. I have learnt to understand he often does not hear/process what I am saying. If I try and stay calm and ask the question in a more succinct way he often does reply to my request/ query. It drives my kids mad they get cross when he does not answer their question and my husband in response shuts down with stress feeling attacked so it is not helpful to show your frustration or upset but good to acknowledge that while it is not unreasonable feelfrustration/impatience and anger, it is better to give yourself time to keep communicating when he is ready and when you have got through your own hurt or frustration. Deep breath and think love and hope and it will help you keep you and your husband calm and help get an answer to enable you both to get through every day tasks where questions are a fundamental part of communication and need to be understood and answered.
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mamadedos
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Post by mamadedos on Jan 8, 2020 15:30:22 GMT
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