adz04
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Post by adz04 on Oct 11, 2019 23:01:10 GMT
Hi, I'm still waiting for NHS diagnoses for ADHD but it's a case of I know I have it. Long story short I'm in trouble at work, possibly might be getting fired and it's stressing the hell out of me. Every job I've had I've been in some sort of trouble, I've been fired before for acting impulsively putting other people at risk, unintentionally, I also walked out on another job without a plan just because I was sick of it. Yesterday I snapped at another colleague. I was verbally aggressive, threw things off walls , got in this other guys face, and generally acted like a shit. Now the manager has given me 'cooling off days' and the other guy has put a formal grievance against me. I work for a government organisation so I dont fancy my chances. I'm not excusing my behaviour at all however there was a reason behind it (not that it warranted what I did), but I'm just embarrassed and ashamed I just snapped, I felt like I had no control at all which is a common occurrence in my messed up life. I'm 27, I've got a wife and child with a mortgage. I really don't know what I'll do if I do get the sack. I've been lucky in the past where as I've always got straight into another job but I'm worried I'll not be as lucky next time. Does anyone have any suggestions to what I can do in regards to try and keep my job. I can't say to them , oh I have un diagnosed adhd which is why I cant control my emotions, it's just not acceptable. I geuss this is me just trying to get some of my anxieties down in writing. I feel stuck in time at the moment not sure what else I can do. Adam
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2019 1:13:57 GMT
With all the Disability Confident nonsense they keep spouting, I would have thought you'd be fine at some government outfit? That's assuming you disclose which is something you should consider very carefully. I don't say this lightly. Been in this situation several times. I'm in this situation now, again. Family suffering because I can't hold down a job with idiots unless I'm tanked up on amphetamines... which the CMHT reduced, against my advice. When it all came to a head, on this occasion, I foolishly disclosed as there was quite obviously someone other than me responsible. Sacked two weeks later. Fuck you and your ADHD Ultimately, it's my own fault. Anyway! Blame lack of sleep. Apologise to whoever. Get your diagnosis and then put all your effort into figuring out where you belong in the business world. It's possible that humouring civil servants for 8 hours a day isn't actually your raison d'Γͺtre.
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adz04
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Post by adz04 on Oct 13, 2019 12:34:56 GMT
@boost, what did you do to be in bother at work if you don't mind me asking?
It's an odd feeling I don't think many people would understand, but I'll try to explain it anyway.
My job is mind numbingly boring and I've always hated it but it looked after my family, so I'm worried and stressed about not being able to support them so I need to keep my job. However here is the part I can't explain. This uncertainty and turmoil makes me feel alive and in a way and I'm unsure if I want it to blow over, I want the excitement? Who even thinks like that?!
I'm going to do everything I can to keep the job because it's not an option not to, but the feeling is contradictory and confusing. π¬
I know I sound ridiculously irresponsible and I'm wondering if I am to be honest.
Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels like this?
I'm screwed
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Post by speedy1 on Oct 13, 2019 13:41:35 GMT
Oh God yeah well put I know exactly what u mean
I hate to liken us to Dogs but I think it's a case of we need attention & if we're not getting good attention bad attention will do
Sometimes I think I prefer bad attention u kinda get an adrenaline kick from it
Think it's all to do with getting our dopamine hit
If you're getting praised or doing something you enjoy it releases dopamine from the reward center in your brain
If you're getting bollocked it releases adrenaline which inturn releases dopamine (for the fight or flight response)
So basically as soon as we get bored we're gonna find trouble my friends call it my self destruct button
It's usually activated when everything is running smoothly which to me equates to boring
Hope I explained that ok & u can relate
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adz04
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Post by adz04 on Oct 13, 2019 15:12:47 GMT
speedy1 - omg yes yes yes. I like that. 'Self destruct button'. This is me. It seems every time things settle down I self destruct and create chaos. While I'm revelling in the chaos everyone around me is stressing and worrying. I don't think most people will even to begin to understand that.
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Post by speedy1 on Oct 13, 2019 16:47:13 GMT
Yep that's the only reason I considered medication to save the ones I love from the stress
But they said they kinda like me as I am & my rollercoaster life provides them with entertainment
It sounds incredibly dull to be normal no crisises to avert no adrenalin seeking
Just sit on the couch & pop a pill to get all the dopamine I need
At the end of the day who aspires to be normal?
I wouldn't consider any of my hero's as normal
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adz04
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Post by adz04 on Oct 13, 2019 19:19:22 GMT
speedy1 . Absolutely! I'm at my worst when things are going "to plan". When things are up in the air and people around me seem to crumble, that's usually when I'm at my most stable. It's like I need to create a mess of my life to get into the 'zone'. Ofcourse all of this thrill seeking does not bare well for my family, or ultimately myself. π¬ I'm just glad I'm not alone with this. I've found my people ππ
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2019 1:50:10 GMT
I usually get into trouble when it dawns on me that the company I'm working for provides an absolute dog shit service to their customers.
I usually go to great lengths to rectify and raise awareness but I tend to get annoyed when there is no appetite, no budget or no autonomy to resolve.
I then tend to feel complicit in what I deem to be the provision of a subpar service. This means I'm basically part of the problem. This tends to make me hypercritical of those I'm working with in an effort, I suppose, to make *some* progress on behalf of the customer.
Meanwhile, the incumbents think I'm a twat for even mentioning that we should probably try and provide the service the customers are paying for.
When I've taken my full dose of elvanse, I can usually feign acceptance and bury myself in some aspect of the work.
Without the proper dose I either spend all day swinging on my chair, laughing at everything and nothing, day dreaming or working on stuff that isn't strictly relevant or worst case, helping (confronting) those who can't seem to do their jobs properly!
I'm basically a massive pain in the ass to normal people, I think?
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adz04
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Post by adz04 on Oct 14, 2019 9:59:16 GMT
@boost - I hear ya! We wear our heart on our sleeve. We are complex beings π€ͺ
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clbp
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Post by clbp on Oct 18, 2019 14:12:36 GMT
I completely get it, I remind of my rage when I see the smashed paving slabs at the end of my garden when I lost it a couple of months ago. The thing is whilst its like a light switch even with an ADHD diagnosis I imagine it still wouldn't get you of the hook..... does your work have occupations health and decent HR because if you already have the referral letter they can see that there is something in why you reacted the way you did. Also by communicating to person you trust they can help put things in place to support etc. I also understand (as a mum of 2 boy) parenting work and life stress make ADHD even harder because we are constantly forced to do all the shit we don't want to do so we end up in this vicious cycle.
Things that work for me 1. Ritalin (your not there until your diagnosis and doesnt work for everyone) 2. Exsercise (instense short burst workout when I get up) 3. A punch bag 4. Walking away saying f&*k a lot 5. I a bit sensory too so thing that are soft
Take some time but also give yourself a talking too chances are your children may have it too
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adz04
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Post by adz04 on Oct 18, 2019 18:05:21 GMT
clbp Hi thanks for your reply. Yes, my work have provided with face to face counselling before which was great but ultimately it never worked because it wasn't treating my actual condition. Work have been quite good tbh, it's just the pending disciplinary coming up after the other lad put in a grievance about me for being aggressive. π¬π¬ I just have to wait and see what happens. Just another episode in my chaotic life π
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