adz04
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Post by adz04 on Dec 10, 2019 22:45:32 GMT
Where do I start...
I'm self destructing like I have never before and I can't stop it. Infact I might be best describing it as sticking dynamite on every bridge I've built recently. The initial buzz of the self destruction soon wears off and I'm quickly back in some black abyss, until I find something else to destroy.
I've been seeing a therapist regularly for a few months and also someone from the mental health team through NHS for Tourettes and ADHD and recently had an appointment with him and the trigger for me was he mentioned PTSD could be another possible cause of my problems , due to childhood sexual abuse.
I wasnt ready for this, and it's destroying me, I just can't deal with anymore potential diagnosis and the uncertainty of it all. I've cut all contact from the therapist, cancelled all appointments and also cut all contact with the mental health team. I'm still in trouble at work for gross misconduct which tbh I kind of want to get sacked as ridiculous as that sounds.
I'm drinking every night to numb everything and it's only a matter of time before I destroy a bridge I know I'll regret.
To the normal person this sounds childish and stupid but I know I won't be judged or preached here so if you've read this, thanks.
Adam
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reg
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Posts: 33
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Post by reg on Dec 11, 2019 10:10:46 GMT
Where do I start... I'm self destructing like I have never before and I can't stop it. Infact I might be best describing it as sticking dynamite on every bridge I've built recently. The initial buzz of the self destruction soon wears off and I'm quickly back in some black abyss, until I find something else to destroy. I've been seeing a therapist regularly for a few months and also someone from the mental health team through NHS for Tourettes and ADHD and recently had an appointment with him and the trigger for me was he mentioned PTSD could be another possible cause of my problems , due to childhood sexual abuse. I wasnt ready for this, and it's destroying me, I just can't deal with anymore potential diagnosis and the uncertainty of it all. I've cut all contact from the therapist, cancelled all appointments and also cut all contact with the mental health team. I'm still in trouble at work for gross misconduct which tbh I kind of want to get sacked as ridiculous as that sounds. I'm drinking every night to numb everything and it's only a matter of time before I destroy a bridge I know I'll regret. To the normal person this sounds childish and stupid but I know I won't be judged or preached here so if you've read this, thanks. Adam Hey Adz, please stop drinking and go back to your therapist. Do it for the people you don't want to hurt. They deserve it and so do you.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2019 1:24:09 GMT
I'm sure we all flirt with despair, occasionally? You're not broken, the rest of the world is! We are anchored by our jobs, our ability to provide. If someone takes a crucial piece of Jenga from level 2 (security), what happens to level 3 (belonging) and level 4 (esteem)? It goes to shit very quickly but very predictably. You probably didn't need that therapist anyway. The truth may be that ADHD actually saved many of us from our horrific childhoods. This snip from Good Will Hunting sums it up nicely: Oppositional defiance. Keeping ADHDers sane since forever? I think you should continue doing whatever you want to do. Burn bridges. Plant trees. Whatever you feel is right. Things to consider which may or may not help: 1. Get yourself and your missus schooled up on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. 5 levels of prepotency. Forearmed is forewarned and forewarned tends to elicit more empathy than you (seemingly) randomly telling her to pack her shit and get out. 2. Use the hierarchy to understand all human weakness. Bask in the accompanying glow of empathetic superiority. Forgive all transgressions against you. 3. Your kids deserve the amazing future that only an ADHD Dad can provide. Make sure they get it.
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mamadedos
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Post by mamadedos on Jan 8, 2020 15:02:42 GMT
You are obviously hurting. A good place you could go for immediate human support is an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. They are offered everywhere, and you will probably be able to find one to attend even today. There is no commitment or membership requirement, and if one meeting doesn't suit, go to another. These meetings helped me during some of the darkest times. www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/AA-Meetings/Find-a-Meeting/
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Annie
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Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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Post by Annie on Jan 30, 2020 11:29:08 GMT
Hey Adam, I'm so sorry it's been such a rough time for you. I have to say, probably would be a good idea to go back to a therapist, but if that one isn't the right fit, try someone new. I think therapy is very personal for everyone and different therapists have different schools of thought, so it could be that a different one might be able to help in a way that suits you better. I know this is late compared to when you posted this - but just wanted to say, if it IS PTSD, I wonder if "Cognitive Processing Therapy" might help? I heard about it on an episode of "This American Life" podcast - www.thisamericanlife.org/682/ten-sessions. I found it really interesting as it seems like no other therapy I've heard of and really seemed to help the woman in the episode. She lets you "listen in" on the sessions and her progress. Anyway, I just thought I'd mention it in case it helps. Unfortunately I don't have any personal advice on how to knock yourself out of a self-destructive cycle; I can't think what it is that knocks me out of them to be honest. But I hope you know there's support on here for you at very least, you're not alone.
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