Post by ronniehall on Oct 8, 2020 12:50:55 GMT
My 7-year-old, year 3, son wants to wear a dress to school. His father and I have no problem with this, it isn't something we feel should be a problem BUT at the same time we realise that this is not commonly accepted in society and at best will draw attention and giggles, and at worst people laughing AT him, mocking him and making nasty comments.
He has never been interested in dressing as female characters for fancy dress, Elsa from Frozen etc but in preschool he asked for a party dress and a day dress. I offered him various costumes and a tutu type skirt but he wasn't interested. We got him some second hand dresses and he wore them around the house. He then chose a party dress (red tulle skirt with a sequined top and bow around the middle). Then he asked to wear one of the day dresses to preschool and we said that was fine, and didn't make a thing of it. The preschool were great about it and only a couple of kids made comments "only girls can wear dresses" a girl, reply from my son "that's not true in other places in the world men wear dresses and skirts and in the olden days they did here too". Then a boy laughed, pointed and said "he's wearing a dress". But neither bothered our son particularly. He wore a dress a handful of times and that was it.
Since then he's gone through spells of wearing a dress every now and again at home, and he still loves to spin in his party dress. When friends come over for play dates he'll often confide in them, like a secret, by showing them his party dress, and often putting it on to show them. They usually think it's funny, and he laughs too.
He's grown out of the dresses he had before and has recently asked if he can wear a dress to school. I asked him why he wanted to wear a dress and he said that he likes the way dresses feel and just wanted to. He wanted to know if this was OK? His father and I said that it is part of the school uniform and that if that is what he wanted to wear then that would be fine. We asked if he'd just like some more dresses and he said yes but that he wanted to wear one to school too. I said I would buy a school dress and he could see how he felt about it when he'd tried it on. He agreed this was a good idea and asked for some tights and leggings to go under it, to see which he'd prefer. I am going to pop and get these things for him to try.
His father and I have explained that although we think it's fine for him to wear whatever he wants, as long as it complies with uniform rules, and that gender shouldn't dictate your clothing, others may find it strange, unusual and uncomfortable. This is in no way hurting anyone else and so others opinions on the matter shouldn't have to be a major factor BUT it will attract attention, and some people will laugh or ask him why he's wearing a dress and if he is/ wants to be a girl. They may say unkind things and they may continue to talk about it and mock him even if he doesn't continue to wear a dress to school.
We don't want to stifle him or dictate what he can and can't wear (there is enough of this in society already) but we also don't want him to regret it or be bullied because of it - or it to follow him to secondary school in the future. He is a little embarrassed and nervous about it, but clearly excited too. He has said he will wear it at home for now and build up to it, he likened it to trying things out, "like learning to walk", before going ahead. We also said he could dress up as "The Boy in the Dress" from the David Walliams book for World Book Day or an event at school to see how he feels. We've also said that if he's not comfortable wearing the dress to school he could wear it with trousers underneath or just wear dresses when he's at home or off school. But he is adamant that he wants to wear a dress to school.
No gender issues have been raised, he doesn't want to dress as a girl, or be a girl he just says he likes dresses and wants to wear one. His sister was born when he was 4 years old, and he commented that she had loads of pretty dresses and no one had ever bought him one. We had offered fancy dress costumes and tutu's before this but he'd never been interested and he'd been to plenty of friends houses where he could choose from "girls" outfits for dress up but he never wanted to. We haven't pushed gender stereotypes on him - if anything we try hard not to impose them on either of our children.
I guess I want to know if other parents have experienced this with the sons? If your son has worn a dress to school and how it went? And if this is in any way linked to ADHD (he is possible ASD as he is suspected of having PDA). He definitely likes to be different, challenge people and push boundaries. He also likes to get laughs, but on the other hand he doesn't like a lot of attention and can get quite anxious. Thanks for making it to the end of this post.
He has never been interested in dressing as female characters for fancy dress, Elsa from Frozen etc but in preschool he asked for a party dress and a day dress. I offered him various costumes and a tutu type skirt but he wasn't interested. We got him some second hand dresses and he wore them around the house. He then chose a party dress (red tulle skirt with a sequined top and bow around the middle). Then he asked to wear one of the day dresses to preschool and we said that was fine, and didn't make a thing of it. The preschool were great about it and only a couple of kids made comments "only girls can wear dresses" a girl, reply from my son "that's not true in other places in the world men wear dresses and skirts and in the olden days they did here too". Then a boy laughed, pointed and said "he's wearing a dress". But neither bothered our son particularly. He wore a dress a handful of times and that was it.
Since then he's gone through spells of wearing a dress every now and again at home, and he still loves to spin in his party dress. When friends come over for play dates he'll often confide in them, like a secret, by showing them his party dress, and often putting it on to show them. They usually think it's funny, and he laughs too.
He's grown out of the dresses he had before and has recently asked if he can wear a dress to school. I asked him why he wanted to wear a dress and he said that he likes the way dresses feel and just wanted to. He wanted to know if this was OK? His father and I said that it is part of the school uniform and that if that is what he wanted to wear then that would be fine. We asked if he'd just like some more dresses and he said yes but that he wanted to wear one to school too. I said I would buy a school dress and he could see how he felt about it when he'd tried it on. He agreed this was a good idea and asked for some tights and leggings to go under it, to see which he'd prefer. I am going to pop and get these things for him to try.
His father and I have explained that although we think it's fine for him to wear whatever he wants, as long as it complies with uniform rules, and that gender shouldn't dictate your clothing, others may find it strange, unusual and uncomfortable. This is in no way hurting anyone else and so others opinions on the matter shouldn't have to be a major factor BUT it will attract attention, and some people will laugh or ask him why he's wearing a dress and if he is/ wants to be a girl. They may say unkind things and they may continue to talk about it and mock him even if he doesn't continue to wear a dress to school.
We don't want to stifle him or dictate what he can and can't wear (there is enough of this in society already) but we also don't want him to regret it or be bullied because of it - or it to follow him to secondary school in the future. He is a little embarrassed and nervous about it, but clearly excited too. He has said he will wear it at home for now and build up to it, he likened it to trying things out, "like learning to walk", before going ahead. We also said he could dress up as "The Boy in the Dress" from the David Walliams book for World Book Day or an event at school to see how he feels. We've also said that if he's not comfortable wearing the dress to school he could wear it with trousers underneath or just wear dresses when he's at home or off school. But he is adamant that he wants to wear a dress to school.
No gender issues have been raised, he doesn't want to dress as a girl, or be a girl he just says he likes dresses and wants to wear one. His sister was born when he was 4 years old, and he commented that she had loads of pretty dresses and no one had ever bought him one. We had offered fancy dress costumes and tutu's before this but he'd never been interested and he'd been to plenty of friends houses where he could choose from "girls" outfits for dress up but he never wanted to. We haven't pushed gender stereotypes on him - if anything we try hard not to impose them on either of our children.
I guess I want to know if other parents have experienced this with the sons? If your son has worn a dress to school and how it went? And if this is in any way linked to ADHD (he is possible ASD as he is suspected of having PDA). He definitely likes to be different, challenge people and push boundaries. He also likes to get laughs, but on the other hand he doesn't like a lot of attention and can get quite anxious. Thanks for making it to the end of this post.