ozadd
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Post by ozadd on Jul 4, 2021 11:50:48 GMT
I’m 72 and was diagnosed with ADHD at 65 (after a confident, initial self-diagnosis). I wrote a fair bit about my experiences some years back on this forum - but it's been a while.
The professional support I’ve received has been primarily for medication. After pursuing a private diagnosis, my subsequent experience with the NHS service was rather poor for the first 2-3 years (seemed more to do with the individuals than the overall service) and caused me a lot of stress at the time. Nowadays, the service seems to be there mainly to review my meds annually.
I have been taking Atomoxetine 120mg for over five years - which my wife observes improved my temperament. However, it does not help me deal with being disorganised (which I sort of understand).
I sought private counselling/guidance (online) for 2-3 years but this wasn't very effective. It was great talking to someone about ideas/strategies - but once on my own, putting those ideas into practice did not work. I have a good grasp of the approaches needed to overcome “overwhelm” etc - but “knowing” is not “doing”.
As a senior, what I have discovered is that this condition is really complicated by long-established negative psychological behaviours. And as these developed over my entire lifetime, they have, inevitably, often been (mis)represented as simply laziness, unreliability, stupidity, incompetence etc.
I don't want to spend whatever is left of my life having “given up” on managing ADHD. Since diagnosis, I have not deliberately put myself through the stress of constantly failing to overcome this problem, just to become some sort of martyr. But I have still not found a service that might be suited to my needs. There is more to my personal circumstances that is relevant to this problem - but this post is not the place for it. I would be here forever!
I have tried to express this as concisely as possible (!!!) and without too much emotion. However, the feeling of isolation (in spite of access to this website) is awful. Family are caring but don't really get it – and I have all but exhausted my wife with my frustration.
So, I come back to my question: is there any effective support for a senior with ADHD? I am at a loss as what to do.
Apologies for the length - I have so much more to say/ask!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 4, 2021 12:33:02 GMT
I'm going to try and sum up for you:
Your wife realises some benefit from your improved mood but you feel like that's where the positives end.
You're as disorganised as ever and you have no friends. None that stimulate you anyway.
Is that a fair summary?
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ozadd
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Post by ozadd on Jul 4, 2021 13:38:46 GMT
Thanks boost, for the focus.
Re my wife - pretty accurate (we are on good terms!).
Disorganised as ever? - yes. Stimulating friends? - none that produce a constructive result in me. Some are motivating for me to keep going in some matters - but none result in me finding effective solutions to improve.
When I am repetitively “lamenting” about the same issues, year ofter year, it does sound pretty dire - and there is only so much a good friend can tell you. After a while, it feels fairly pointless to continue wearing them down with those worries.
It isn’t simply that people “don’t understand” - more that their views of remedial strategies don’t chime with my personal circumstances.
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ozadd
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Post by ozadd on Jul 6, 2021 10:53:52 GMT
I’m really disappointed not to have any responses to my question (even if it’s just to say “No - there doesn’t seem to be any help around” ). Has anybody else looked for support, later in life (late 60s onwards)? Any success? If not, what problems have you encountered? My particular challenge is that, no matter what ideas I attempt to implement, I never get into a routine that gives me some sense of getting stuff done. - In the end, it boils down to: there are “things to do” (usually far too many) and, mostly, they don't get done. And if I don’t record them, tasks are forgotten (very quickly!) Which means I have to have a list!!! Which means, eventually, lots of bloody lists!
- I’ve worked on creating useful lists for decades. I designed one daily list that I was particularly proud of (from various ideas that I picked up) - but the procrastination, the desk mess, the pile of lists and general confusion all remained.
- I have used sheets of paper, notebooks, planners - and a host of digital ideas, too.
- I know that breaking things down into simple tasks is a great idea - but it doesn’t work for me (or I don’t work it!) - I struggle terribly with consistency in most task management. Whether it’s getting some essential paperwork done or working on a history project – or doing the washing up after dinner - it doesn’t matter.
I have ideas about what might be happening in my brain – but I can't translate that into a useful explanation which helps me find a solution. If there's anyone out there with a helpful response, I would really appreciate it. Attachments:
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2021 17:57:53 GMT
I hope you find something.
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Post by Col on Jul 6, 2021 23:23:24 GMT
I've just been researching available support as part of my studies and there seems to be very little out there to be fair apart from information about the disorder. However, I have come across this directory which may or may not be of use to you. Life Coach Directory www.lifecoach-directory.org.uk/articles/adhd-coaching.html#whatisadhd Offers ADHD coaching - a structured process to help people with the disorder develop a new element of control, order and structure in their lives. The directory provides a specific area dedicated to ADHD and provides details of specialist ADHD life coaches. Hope it helps
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Post by vagueandrandom on Jul 13, 2021 21:47:41 GMT
Honestly, there’s little support beyond meds for anyone dx with ADHD, regardless of age.
Any kind of MH issue tends to be ignored as you get older and put down to your age.
It’s not right or fair, but it’s what happens
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violet
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Post by violet on Jul 21, 2021 14:40:44 GMT
All of the above is very familiar. Im not sure about it being age related though. I have been diagnosed and medicated for approx 16 years, im 50 now. In that time it has seemed like being pulled through an orbit around my adhd brain encountering seasons of dispair, depression, rebirth and a v short season of routines. It all requires masses of energy, and its hard to know where to to start looking for help. Sometimes I check into this forum ( its been years since today visit) and though i might not find anything specific for a current crisis, I can see so many struggling and that makes me feel a little less alone. The CBT I intially had was excellent but its very hard to keep going in practice without help from a therapist . But I have been able to hold onto the thought that even when i cant spin a single plate I can still take comfort from knowing deep down there will be a way to help myself. I might start by being a bit kinder to myself and telling myself completing just one small thing i didnt get done yesterday will be a massive achievment. I have lowered my expectation of one day having a serene,organised and simple life for sure... It would propbly be unbearably boring anyway! I came here looking for medication advice, but here i am sending a hug to you 🤗 I hope you are having a good day - swing your pants and b*****s to the neurotypicals
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ozadd
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Post by ozadd on Aug 4, 2021 15:06:54 GMT
All of the above is very familiar. Im not sure about it being age related though. I have been diagnosed and medicated for approx 16 years, im 50 now. In that time it has seemed like being pulled through an orbit around my adhd brain encountering seasons of dispair, depression, rebirth and a v short season of routines. It all requires masses of energy, and its hard to know where to to start looking for help. Sometimes I check into this forum ( its been years since today visit) and though i might not find anything specific for a current crisis, I can see so many struggling and that makes me feel a little less alone. The CBT I intially had was excellent but its very hard to keep going in practice without help from a therapist . But I have been able to hold onto the thought that even when i cant spin a single plate I can still take comfort from knowing deep down there will be a way to help myself. I might start by being a bit kinder to myself and telling myself completing just one small thing i didnt get done yesterday will be a massive achievment. I have lowered my expectation of one day having a serene,organised and simple life for sure... It would propbly be unbearably boring anyway! I came here looking for medication advice, but here i am sending a hug to you 🤗 I hope you are having a good day - swing your pants and b*****s to the neurotypicals Thanks for responding, Violet - apologies for the delayed reply: I hadn't realised there had been an answer! For me, "helping myself" (i.e. having some "oomph" to actually get things done) without some degree of close support to get me into a routine is central to the whole problem. I can usually get "something" done - but, when that is just a small part of a larger purpose or goal, it invariably ends up being an ineffective effort. There will be so much more that needs to be completed. I realise I can't afford the luxury of a live-in mentor but I know I need at least to have periodic extended access to some form of guidance/support. But the message seems to be that, if I don't get off my bum and "do something for myself", then I'm out of luck! I used to have the sneaking (and embarrassing) idea that I was lazy in some way. I know I'm not. Given the right prep, I'm a hard worker. But, when I get lost in the mire of trying to plan or work my way through a task, I generally don't get to finish it. One thing I have done successfully in recent times has been to build my physical fitness. I have my weight under control, my body is getting toned up (relative to my age! ) and I have more stamina. So how come I can do this? I have two motivations: 1) I would like not to be a fat slob for my wife and 2) I follow a specific exercise video clip on YouTube. Sadly, the first factor is not enough by itself for me to achieve the goal. However, when I follow the detailed instructions on the video every day, I get the training done. If I were to simply write down the exercises and then just follow the list, I know I would not complete the task. (I'm speaking from experience). So, when I feel reluctant to do the exercises, factor 1) gets me started. But to get the job done, I need factor 2) - the "presence" of someone guiding me. I've been exercising solidly for over a year (excluding a short covid break) and the results have been really satisfying. But, if I were to step away from the video, I know I would struggle to keep up the discipline. Perhaps this doesn't make sense to some people? Good - 'cos it confuses the hell out of me! As far as age goes, lets say I have ten years of life left. I would like to finally feel that I can get a grip on some of the things I want to do. But, hang on! Suppose I've got 20+ years left? That's a lot of time left to be "useful". I realise I'm not the only one in this situation but I don't like the idea of sitting silently in despair for the remainder of my days. I can't believe that there isn't some reclusive researcher, hidden in a cave somewhere, who has worked on this aspect of ADHD in old buggers like me!
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ozadd
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Post by ozadd on Aug 4, 2021 15:12:29 GMT
Honestly, there’s little support beyond meds for anyone dx with ADHD, regardless of age. Any kind of MH issue tends to be ignored as you get older and put down to your age. It’s not right or fair, but it’s what happens Thanks for the input - but if this is the case, then I feel it deserves to be worked on, as well as for other age groups. Unless my relatives have other plans for me, I don't intend to shuffle off for some considerable time yet. I see that, rather than become an even bigger drain on social support, it makes sense to empower seniors to overcome these issues - equally as much as younger folk.
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Post by Whatever on Aug 25, 2021 20:18:32 GMT
Hi Ozadd, your Question (& the replies) has been VERY useful to me. I'm 63 awaiting diagnosis/whatever and realise now that it's mainly a waste of time. Treatment is a myth really for ADHD.
I've managed to work hard at times and my fixation on a cure/help would only lose me time rather like the people who actually want to win the lottery before life continues/starts.
I can make it happen on my own.
It's disgraceful the system is so dishonest.
All the best with your quest.
On a positive note, could you; Cultivate new friends, I find "sparky", alternative ones more stimulating.
Don't do stuff you don't enjoy
Cut down on future projects as they can weigh you down and if in the the future can be stale by the time you get to do them.
The exercise thing you do is great build on it.
Examine what you do and plan to see if you actually enjoy it and it's still relevant. eg. I liked car stuff but now it's just old guys on deck chairs next to cars they rarely drive and I feel irresponsible driving like I used to ( and not safe on a track either) I may go back to motor cycles as I drive sedately.
A good book if you can do lists is Getting Things Done by David Allen (Just look up a summary) but I get buried in lists,
I'm now on my own but partners are a good source of "extended cognition" as they often have capabilities we lack.
For failsafe mechanisms use as many automated systems, direct debit, reminders, multiple tape measures. phones to look for phones. Labels for all losable items, keys, bags, hats etc.
I like glass fronted cupboards and multiple labelled draws.
NEVER put things in "natty" places whilst distracted or hide things in a similar manner! lol.
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Post by PtolemyTheMapmaker on Aug 27, 2021 4:03:31 GMT
I have read these comments with great interest ... and thanks to all of you for your posts. I don’t have ADHD [at least not that I’m aware of ] but I am providing care, and have done on and off for the best part of 10 years, to an undiagnosed friend of senior years ... he often has meltdowns and explodes for no reason ... and the most trifling of things, almost always of his own making ... an apology or any kind of remorse is never on offer ... and he becomes unapproachable and retreats to deal with the shame that I am certain he feels. At all times I treat him with great care, concern and compassion ... appreciating and doing my best to understand the challenges he faces. I would love to get some insights into how I might handle these increasingly-fraught «incidents» that are impacting my well-being ...
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2leftfeet
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Post by 2leftfeet on Sept 3, 2021 20:10:51 GMT
I too haven't been on for years (although I spent 30mins on a "quick reply as a guest but it never appeared and neither did another one off "Col" some days before.) I won't try to post it again as I dislike typing and can't remember what I said I'm indebted to vagueandrandom as well as ozadd as I think it's better to be realistic and expect minimal help off the nhs if that's the situation. It's not right though especially when one compares Nice guidelines to actuality. I'm 63 and undiagnosed but self diagnosed about 6 years ago. My sister identified with my ADHD and got a diagnosis but I can't see it's of any use. Thank you both once again.
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ozadd
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Post by ozadd on Sept 15, 2021 15:10:22 GMT
I have read these comments with great interest ... and thanks to all of you for your posts. I don’t have ADHD [at least not that I’m aware of ] but I am providing care, and have done on and off for the best part of 10 years, to an undiagnosed friend of senior years ... he often has meltdowns and explodes for no reason ... and the most trifling of things, almost always of his own making ... an apology or any kind of remorse is never on offer ... and he becomes unapproachable and retreats to deal with the shame that I am certain he feels. At all times I treat him with great care, concern and compassion ... appreciating and doing my best to understand the challenges he faces. I would love to get some insights into how I might handle these increasingly-fraught «incidents» that are impacting my well-being ... PtolemyTheMapmaker Sorry for the delay in responding - I simply haven't looked here for a few weeks! I'm not sure about making suggestions regarding handling the person you are caring for. I do know me fairly well but I'm not sure that ADHD sits in each person exactly the same way - and so their reactions may be quite individual. Plus, for adults, I'm convinced that their upbringing and other individual experiences will have a huge impact on their perception of themselves. I have an "ex" relative who (in my view) is more profoundly affected by ADHD than I am - and he is a lovely man but is quite incapable of managing his life and taking on responsibility. In the best part of 15 years, I never once found a way to successfully discuss the subject with him! Personally, I can certainly identify with the anger in the person you refer to when he blunders (as you say: the most trifling of things, almost always of his own making). For me this anger is always directed at myself - although I realise it can be rather confronting to encounter. Simply, (in my own case) it is the sheer exasperation with the fact that something so silly just happens and happens and happens - and I never seem to have the capacity to overcome such a rudimentary blunder. The fact that it's not life-threatening, or such, is inconsequential in relation to the fact that I don't ever seem to maintain some sort of control over whatever that "mistake" is. I do find that I can talk about it (with my partner) once I'm calm - but I also realise that I have quite exhausted her with all the conversations we've had! I feel for your challenge and your need to care for your own well-being is really important. My thought is that, if the person you are caring for will not discuss the matter candidly, then you may be pushing the proverbial fecal matter uphill.
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ozadd
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Post by ozadd on Sept 15, 2021 15:29:59 GMT
I too haven't been on for years (although I spent 30mins on a "quick reply as a guest but it never appeared and neither did another one off "Col" some days before.) I won't try to post it again as I dislike typing and can't remember what I said I'm indebted to vagueandrandom as well as ozadd as I think it's better to be realistic and expect minimal help off the nhs if that's the situation. It's not right though especially when one compares Nice guidelines to actuality. I'm 63 and undiagnosed but self diagnosed about 6 years ago. My sister identified with my ADHD and got a diagnosis but I can't see it's of any use. Thank you both once again. I got my formal diagnosis privately, to begin with (yes, I was lucky we were able to manage the cost). I was really pleased! I did get a subsequent NHS diagnosis but that hasn't been entirely satisfactory (up to now). Personally, the experience of the formal diagnosis was massively important to me. I still recall almost walking on air as I left the doctor's practice. The important thing for me was that I could now make sense of so much throughout my entire life (certainly since being a teenager) and see that I wasn't just "thoughtless", "stupid" or "irresponsible". It was as if I now had some "self-belief" (OK, even if it was rather late!). What I did not anticipate was the effort needed to correct/adjust 5-6 decades of learnt behaviour. Nor the lack of support that exists to achieve this! However, I can't accept that there is nothing to be done. That approach means I have to put up with the same crap for the rest of my life and I really don't think that is reasonable. I am presently striving to do something about it but I don't know how successful it will be. I have asked for support and I'm waiting to see what is offered. I'm not expecting miracles - just ideas to put into practice and then review. The fact that there seems to be little info around about managing seniors is all the more reason that it needs investigation. I'm happy to be a guinea-pig! I will let you know what happens.
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Post by Maz on Oct 1, 2021 16:12:15 GMT
Hey there. I just wanted to write to you and tell you that I really empathise with your struggle, and commend you for your commitment to improve. I'm not a senior but did let diagnose much later in life so completely understand the struggle of overcoming deep seated psychological "coping strategies". I do agree that a mixture of trying AND self acceptance is key. I'd like to offer my support as some sort of accountability buddy if you like. It can feel lonely I know. My offer is made with all sincerity. If you want to connect on this forum we can stay here. We could do a weekly check in if you like.
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