Communication with ADHD sister Sept 28, 2021 17:57:36 GMT
Post by frank on Sept 28, 2021 17:57:36 GMT
apologies for reaching out, don't want to offend anybody, since my adult sister (60) has been diagnosed with ADHD and receives therapy but I’m burned out because of my sisters ADHD behaviour and a break up with a borderline (overlapping treats with ADHD).
I'm frustrated that I'm trying to make a point for 50 years and it seems like talking to a brick wall and always getting the short straw.
Since a young age and beyond I tried to discuss that the balance, perception and communication were not "normal". There were things ongoing in the background which were denied and lied about. I even wanted to emigrate and never have contact at the age of 18.
However, I kept contact but to this day I don't feel listened to or experience empathy. It feels that it's always what she needs with attention and money which has mostly been provided by my father (possibly ADHD/autism) till last year when he passed away
The continuous issues are with communication, empathy, money and taking responsibility:
1) No questions or sympathy that I wanted to cut off all contact at the age of 18. Only focussed on her own feelings/world.
2) before my father passed away he signed a document which could be interpreted that she would get a large sum extra instead of part of an inheritance.
I was not involved in the communication, spend chasing/correcting for 3 months. The only things my ADHD sister could say were "if you wanted something, you should have said something" and "we know how it is, so a signed document doesn't matter". Totally missing the point that this is sensitive when it was always denied that a lot of money was going her way and that legally this could work out differently
My father said "I have not thought about you, you have to wait". No empathy or taking responsibility.
3) I always get the impression that she wants to get things easy. It is preferred that somebody else does the work. Her argument is “I can do it, if needed but I like to make other people important”. For me that’s not mature, you can always ask help but as an adult you have the responsibility.
4) if it looks that you’re not using something: “Can I have it?”, with dividing stuff immediately “I want this, I want that”.
5) With my father’s inheritance we had the agreement that I would take care of things. What happened? I found out that shares were divided in her favour and she transferred money without communication. Perfectly normal in her eyes to transfer the money without communication and without having the full picture.
6) I have to support with attention and money to her and her children but get nothing in return. When I’m visiting I feel left out since they don’t make contact and literally speak a different language. If I don’t give in, I feel emotionally black mailed
I feel shit because none of my comments seems to stick / be understood and apparently my brother in law is not well. Therefore, I feel emotionally pressurised again to give in and loose what I believe in.
Sorry for the long story, It could have been longer, any advice? I get some therapy but don’t feel any support at this stage.
Thanks in advance.