jamesm
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Post by jamesm on Mar 27, 2022 20:18:28 GMT
Hi all
Newbie here! After many years of trying to get answers, my son was finally diagnosed with AHDH last September, he's 14 now - currently on 45mg ConcertaXL as we strive to find the right dose. He often seems, to me at least, to use ADHD as an excuse for not trying his hardest.
Example, he has been given an English project to read with parents, a dystopian world novel (like 1984), for 30mins a day for a week, recording what he's read and doing a questionnaire at the end of the week, again, with parents. He is saying that he prefers non-fiction to fiction (as do I) and therefore "I guarantee, the way my brain works, I won't be any good at it because I don't like reading fiction".
I've always said to him and said again, I don't mind if he doesn't take well to something as long as he tries his best. "But I know that I won't try my best because my brain doesn't work like that - I'll switch off. You don't understand that I just can't do it"
I don't want to get into an argument with him about giving up before he's even tried if that's another feature of ADHD - because it's not his fault. I know a few people with ADHD who all are very successful, using their laser focus that comes with ADHD when it's something they care about.... but I've never heard them saying they can't be bothered to try something because of it.
So, interested in others' experiences - can teens with ADHD try hard at anything or does ADHD truly make some switch off completely and appear to not give their best???
Thanks in advance.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 30, 2022 13:33:46 GMT
You perceive his effort to be less than you would like to see. Why do you want to see more effort? Why does he not want to give it?
Explore this topic with him, perhaps.
You may need to be brutally honest. You may need to be vulnerable. If you normally play the servant leader, you may need a different persona for this conversation.
Who knows. Good luck.
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Post by Late 30s on Apr 2, 2022 12:11:36 GMT
Maybe just bare in mind that many with ADHD prefer to create forward planned avoidance tactics as a coping mechanism. This is not because we are lazy or defeatist, it’s because the shame and fear of not being able to do something others perceive as basic is something our brain desperately wants to avoid.
Can you just turn it into something fun, rather than something necessary? It’s the pressure that we should be able to do it, or that it’s quite straightforward so what’s the problem? That whole concept is pretty unfair to an adhd brain and if they sense that there will be shaming of that kind along the way - then of course they will want to just avoid it. He’s trying to make the space safer for himself - rather than trying to not do his homework.
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