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School
Nov 12, 2009 0:32:36 GMT
Post by .... on Nov 12, 2009 0:32:36 GMT
Why can't I put to the back of my mind the stupid things said by various members of my Daughters teaching staff?
They range from uneducated to obnoxious, and include judgements that seem based on tripe ranging from malicious local gossip to tabloid fantasy!
I feel bad because I feel I should be able to rise above it. ANd I'm failing miserably on that score. Its so upsetting that I can't spend time in company. I let it ruin my evenings and the household routine! What is wrong with me? Do I read more into the careless things they write and say to me than is meant by it? (I was brought up to believe 'the meaning of communication is the response you get' so it offends me either way.)
They've got me a good one this week. They know I wanted the local parent partnership officer in on the next meeting. But they have managed to engineer it so I look like I'm being neglectful if I don't attend the meeting they have just sprung on me!
Sorry for moaning but I can't take anymore of it to bottle up and there is nowhere else for it to go.
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School
Nov 12, 2009 9:19:36 GMT
Post by annie on Nov 12, 2009 9:19:36 GMT
Hi chrissallis
Sorry you're having such a hard time from the school. You are perfectly within your rights to have Parent Partnership there with you at a meeting - they are there to support parents.
Why is the meeting so urgent that it can't be arranged around her availability?
annie
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School
Nov 12, 2009 9:47:40 GMT
Post by fogetnotme guest on Nov 12, 2009 9:47:40 GMT
hi chrysallis did you get landed with the job of ok i have just reread your post and will answer that question myself, no. do you know who the parent officer is? do you have any specific questions you would like him/her to address at this meeting? can you talk things through with this person? I would have thought that would be part of their brief. if you have aq meeting sprung on you then then the answer is sorry but at such short notice I am unable to attend but I would like an agenda of the meeting(so as to be able to put your twopennoth in) I see no reason why if you felt like it you shouldn't be allowed to make a written submission. BTW don't think you should try tackling the snide and unhelpoful comments......Yet.
as for these comments i sometimes feel we are more aware of what we say unlike the rest of the population who just throw words away as if they are meaningless and worthless.
I'm sure you are not neglectful but a very caring and successful parent. carry obn your good work it will be very rewarding when your teenage monsters turn in wonderful caring adults. much like their parents. oh and where is your school gate I'd like to wave Annie's banner
hugs xxx
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School
Nov 12, 2009 16:24:06 GMT
Post by .... on Nov 12, 2009 16:24:06 GMT
Thanks Annie and Forgetmenot. I'm getting there slowly with the whole ignorance and mindless comments. I usually try not to get cross and to gently educate people instead.
I'm confident I can deal with the antics of the school. And I will manage to draft in help from somewhere if I have to. In the meanwhile though I'll become so upset I won't eat or sleep properly. I'll wonder if I should be homeschooling? I'll wonder if I should move her to another school for her last year and a half? And whether the emotional upset and upheaval is worth the benefit? It goes round and round my head. And sometimes I can't make it stop. It doesn't help me think straight and is damaging to my relationships with family and friends. I feel like they have me on a string and can yank it and cause havoc whenever they feel like it.
I don't want to post publicly what they wrote to me on wednesday, at least until it is dealt with. I need to go and see what they meant by it first. I just pray I can keep my temper if I'm understanding them correctly.
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School
Nov 12, 2009 18:45:07 GMT
Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2009 18:45:07 GMT
Hi Chrysallis, there's not much i can say to help, but i know how these things can take over your life, Just want you to know i understand & wonder if you should at least look into other schooling possibilities? Does your dd like her school, how would she feel about being h/ed? I've been told there are groups dotted around where parents share the cost of small group tutoring, i would phone up the home ed helpline & at least give yourself options, to give you some sanity if nothing else?
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School
Nov 12, 2009 18:48:30 GMT
Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2009 18:48:30 GMT
I'm pondering home-schooling one of mine at the moment, i'm going to phone & find out a bit more next week so will pm you with any interesting info i can get..i've got kids in 3 schools, one 17 miles away, so i end up drving 100's of miles per week on my school run. Its rediculous!
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School
Nov 12, 2009 19:34:41 GMT
Post by .... on Nov 12, 2009 19:34:41 GMT
Ye gods Simone! How do you cope without a helicopter?
My daughter wants to stay in school. There are other schools locally. I just have no faith that they are any better. There is a home schooling group 20 miles (heavy traffic tho) from here. I had all the paperwork sent out by the LEA whilst considering it all previously. If the situation gets any worse I'll chat to the high school she'll be going to, to make sure they will admit her if she is home schooled previously.
Did you know that children can have partial home schooling? on the condition that it is clear which party is responsible which parts of the curriculum + that the headteacher is in agreeance that it can be done.
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School
Nov 12, 2009 19:37:37 GMT
Post by .... on Nov 12, 2009 19:37:37 GMT
Ps. The national curriculum is not mandatory. When I say curriculum I just mean whatever it has been agreed the child will be taught.
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School
Nov 16, 2009 23:11:49 GMT
Post by .... on Nov 16, 2009 23:11:49 GMT
Update on the school situation- -storm in a teacup, all dealt with
In answer to your question about why they needed the meeting Annie..... (shortened version I promise......)
My daughter had to go without her meds for one week this month. We'd requested them in good time but, for whatever reason, the clinic that issues her prescription couldn't get hold of anyone that could do it. The GP couldn't issue it (think a shared care agreement is needed with the specialist first?), but he did help chase it up and get it sorted and will be able to prescribe it in future.
The school were kept fully informed of what was happening at the time, but later sent a note home saying they'd like me to come in to discuss the situation.
I've had various staff markedly over-stepping boundaries in regard to ADHD medication previously and have to say I didn't like the way the note was worded.
I asked the teacher to clarify their reasons for wanting a meeting - and as implied by their note, they said they weren't happy with the 'explanation they had been given about her not having them that week'.
I re-iterated the facts they'd been given previously, for the teacher to then point out she'd found it difficult to believe they'd leave her without it, and that it wasn't acceptable for a child not to have her medication issued on time. In the end I politely explained I had sympathy for her, but that under the circumstances I'd done all I could do, and suggested she take it up with the primary care trust.
So hopefully the matter is closed. It is as far as I'm concerned at least!
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School
Nov 17, 2009 18:48:31 GMT
Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2009 18:48:31 GMT
Glad its sorted chrys. Schools uyy!
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School
Nov 17, 2009 20:32:41 GMT
Post by .... on Nov 17, 2009 20:32:41 GMT
Aye! Bloomin cheeky tho isn't it? To demand I come in and 'explain myself' on account of them disbelieving the explanation given to them in the first place. I'm proud of myself for not losing my temper over that! They spent alot of time impressing upon me me how detrimental and unfair it is for my daughter to go without meds! Anyone here think that I'm not aware of that already? Didn't think so lol.
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School
Nov 17, 2009 22:12:38 GMT
Post by andy12345 on Nov 17, 2009 22:12:38 GMT
Lol, can we be sure that schools as a collective (like the borg) are not ADHD? ie random, lack of structure, standardised policies..
I am sure I read a month or so ago on here , that one school was not keen about giving meds to the ADHD child? Once they realised the perils of no meds........aarghhhhhhh, they were quick to change their minds.
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School
Nov 30, 2009 0:08:57 GMT
Post by .... on Nov 30, 2009 0:08:57 GMT
Good news, speech and language assessment found my DD's communication difficulties are down to the ADHD and not to any different/co-morbid condition! Next problem -
I requested a SEN review in July, as had not had one in a year. I had hoped it would double up as a handover meeting to this years teacher. The school requested I wait until Oct when the Speech and Language assessment had been done. I agreed on the proviso that this years teacher would be briefed by the SENCO at term start - So I was unimpressed when this didn't happen. I also requested extended notice of the meeting date so my parent partnership officer could attend.
Having managed to avoid being hauled in for a meeting with the full complement of staff that teach my daughter on less than 24 hrs notice for an impromtu review, on rather flimsy grounds! I can now organise a proper SEN review with the PP Officer along for support. So I need to make sure I understand what happens next.
She is falling further and further behind in maths, but they refused a request last term for her to have help with it. According to her school report she made zero progress in maths over the whole academic year. (Her SATS dropped and then came back up to previous level - which is way way way below expected for her year group anyhow). What will happen now the speech and language service signed her off? Will I be able to get her some help in school with her maths now? She is still on school action plus, unless they say otherwise when I go in.
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School
Nov 30, 2009 0:17:45 GMT
Post by .... on Nov 30, 2009 0:17:45 GMT
Ps. Its not the case as they say that she just isn't very smart like they say btw. Her logical reasoning is good enough to convince a teacher of thirty years that she can't see, can't work. Even though I've been in twice to assure them her vision is near 20:20 and her glasses are corrective (and in her school drawer to boot!). And I can give her hell about running rings round them all, but I can't do more than hold their hand over it - because I'm not in the classroom with them.
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School
Mar 21, 2010 13:54:49 GMT
Post by Deleted on Mar 21, 2010 13:54:49 GMT
Had same problem with my son in primary school ! On School Action Plus and not good with Math but school refused extra help for him ? Its all to do with funding ! Keep fighting but only selective battles depending on your stress levels and priorities ! Best thing I decided to do was not play the game by their rules but by my own ! Use your intuition and never dismiss gut feelings ! x
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School
Apr 21, 2010 22:05:41 GMT
Post by Mouse on Apr 21, 2010 22:05:41 GMT
"Its all to do with funding"
Have they told you how much it would actually cost to fund the extra help. An acquaintance of mine recently had a v interesting conversation re there being no funding available. Sshe said 'fair enough, how much would the support have cost?' They couldn't tell her, which made her feel that no one had been bothered to look any further or think laterally about the funding issues, Stock answer -no funding, end of story.
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School
Apr 22, 2010 17:02:21 GMT
Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2010 17:02:21 GMT
I have resorted to a solicitor who provides free assistance re children with SEN as he has some funding from comic relief if legal aid wont pay ! My son is not in school at all at the moment ! He tries bless him but goes back for a day then we are back to square one again ! He says there are too many people ! I think he would be better in a smaller school ! Need to get a statement so keep your fingers crossed ! He went to a mentoring day to discuss his performance and set himself 3 targets 1. try not to get distracted 2.listen carefully 3.work faster He talks of being away in his own little world and not listening or being distracted by others ! To try and achieve his targets he is going to pretend he is in his own little world and just listen to the teachers !BLESS !
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School
May 1, 2010 23:40:40 GMT
Post by Deleted on May 1, 2010 23:40:40 GMT
Well I've had enough of being told that my son does not need a statement of education purely as we all know that the money the school gets for school action plus can be used for whatever the school decides whereas the money for a statement has to be assigned to that one child ! He is not in school and has totally lost interest in going ! Have applied for a statement of education via a solicitor who specialises in Education so wish me luck ! I have the support of a couple of very knowledgable friends who have been through this process and am very grateful to them ! My son has stated that he gets bored and his mind wanders off in to his own world !Also he is easily distracted by others in the classroom re whispering and talking and teasing him ! I'm done with picking up the pieces after he comes home from school all upset and trashes something ! As I told the SEN its ok for them as they can go home and forget about their pupils but us parents have to pick up the pieces and put our children back together again as best we can ! Anyway the process has begun !LET US PRAY !!!!!
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School
May 23, 2010 17:31:14 GMT
Post by redneck on May 23, 2010 17:31:14 GMT
Yeh what is wrong with you? You KNOW your daughter ... their hands are tied by the outdated and ridiculous education procedures ... just forget what they say .... put it to the back of your mind .... sticks and stones etc. And actually, yeah, tabloid fantasy is just about right hang on in there - similar probs here
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School
Apr 10, 2012 15:46:16 GMT
Post by Addrsmum on Apr 10, 2012 15:46:16 GMT
;D my eight year old son has ADHD, ASD and ODD. It has taken me five long years to complete the diagnosis-es and I applied for a statement for him last November. I did this as a parent as the school said to me every time I raised the idea of a statement "we have children with greater needs than him". I went against their opinion and started both a statement process and a complaint against them with the LEA. Suddenly they were putting 1:1 support in place for him for the fifteen hours a week they should provide up to on school action plus. I was then Told the statement wasnt likely to go through as this all had to be in place for at least six months before applying for a statement! I pushed on regardless and today received a final statement for my son of 30 hours special support each week, evidently the ASD specialists, ed phsycologists and and his doctors didn't agree with the school. So my point to all parents out there considering a statement for their child, it's not that difficult to do, you can get the help your child needs and what have you got to loose, other than a few hours of your time? And after all, never forget you know your child the best- its about time schools realised this fact.
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School
Apr 11, 2012 10:40:21 GMT
Post by twix on Apr 11, 2012 10:40:21 GMT
Fantastic, shows the value of keeping at it.
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Post by Notlonelyinacrowdnow on May 13, 2012 20:03:51 GMT
Hi Simone
My daughter is yr 10 she has struggled through 2 changes of high school & each time we found her statement wasn't being adhered too and she wasn't coping at all.. To many in class lots of distractions ect She was not what they termed 'appropriately disabled enough to go to a Special School so she now attends a Hospital school 12.30 till 3-30 not ideal but the emphasis is on Nurturing & worgb relaxed teaching and more importantly small groups only 39 pupils each time she is very settled now and they are aiming to increase to full time hours 3 days a week .. We've just excepted that she will probably not come out mega grades that's not important what she will have is the remaining 18 months of happy schooling .. Parent Partnership were quite helpful to us during all the upheav of her school issues ( at one stage she was off for 6 months .. Also we got An Educational Social Worker who was really supportive too ..
I hope you get support & your daughter finds a place she can settle Xxx
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Post by Notlonelyinacrowdnow on May 13, 2012 20:17:23 GMT
My Daughter was denied a Statement of Needs Twice at one stage. As a result she struggled through 2 different High schools in the end she had over 8 months off school just refused point blank to go anymore she just had a melt down.. Too big too many pupils to much distraction too noisy she couldn't cope with the work and basically just went through the motion of being there but would come home and explode.. We had parent partnership & an educational social worker that helped we secured a statement however school didn't adhere and she now attends a part time School unit it's not a Special School it's called A hospital school it was mainly for children who had been off school for illness or through some emotional issues she was going just 12.30 till 3-30 but now they aim to open 3 full days as well which is Great . She a lot more settled there the emphasis is relaxed and nurturing she's in small groups with other teens and comes home Smiling theses days .. We were lucky the area in which we live has this facility and I understand the perils parents have to go through fighting for statements and for Schools to understand .. Xx
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