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Post by Caitriona on Nov 3, 2012 23:39:37 GMT
Hi, My boyfriend has ADHD and also depression - I can't quite work out which of these is more of a problem for our relationship but it's bloody difficult. I've been searching for a support group for family members and partners of people with depression and/or ADHD (I mean a group that meets in person, not an online thing) and can't find anything. It seems really strange to me - isn't there anyone else out there who's struggling with a relationship with someone with mental health problems and would like to meet other people in the same boat? Does anyone know of any groups like this? (I'm based in London.)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2012 23:55:38 GMT
Sometimes partners come to the C London meet, on their own or with their other half. Just a thought....
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Post by Caitriona on Nov 6, 2012 18:12:25 GMT
Thanks, maybe I'll try that - when and where is it?
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Post by cab on Nov 7, 2012 14:24:03 GMT
I know exactly where you are coming from. 10 years ago, I thought my husband had depression and desperately tried to find a support group in the Cambridge area. Astonished to find absolutely nothing. Now I realise it is ADHD. Again, he is in complete denial about it, so no point trying to pursue anything on his behalf, but would like to find a group for myself. I woud prefer an online group as I travel a lot.
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Post by Caitriona on Nov 19, 2012 15:31:12 GMT
Good to know I'm not the only one! But maybe there aren't that many of us, as so few have responded to this. Maybe I'm just weird Online groups don't really work very well for me, I'd rather see people face to face... Where can I find out about the C London group??
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Post by Deleted on Nov 19, 2012 19:21:57 GMT
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Post by ivo on Dec 20, 2012 9:49:25 GMT
Hi, I too am near Cambridge and am pretty sure my wife has ADHD and although she was the one who first suggested it, now denies it. There are many things that are causing a strain on me but it seems she has an ability to just ignore big festering problems or me when it comes to communicating about them.
cab, if you've found others to talk to in the area or want to meet up please do, as I have lots of questions and am trying to understand what I should be prepared to deal with/ or should not have to deal with.
I have tried to register but it didn't work so will try again soon to post about our situation. Thanks
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Post by DKL - darkknightslover on Dec 22, 2012 12:31:25 GMT
There is a support group in Cambridge - look up Rebecca Champ on Google and you'll find it xxx Sent from my GT-I9000 using proboards
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Post by Non member on Dec 27, 2012 21:42:30 GMT
I have booked to go to the Expert Talk in London on 29 Jan. See www.simplywellbeing.com/adhd-effect-marriage for details. Maybe that will provide some pointers. Otherwise, would be good to try and touch base. Hi, I too am near Cambridge and am pretty sure my wife has ADHD and although she was the one who first suggested it, now denies it. There are many things that are causing a strain on me but it seems she has an ability to just ignore big festering problems or me when it comes to communicating about them. cab, if you've found others to talk to in the area or want to meet up please do, as I have lots of questions and am trying to understand what I should be prepared to deal with/ or should not have to deal with. I have tried to register but it didn't work so will try again soon to post about our situation. Thanks
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Post by ivo on Dec 28, 2012 11:21:39 GMT
Thanks for your replies. That talk looks good but I dont think I'll be able to make it. I'll get in touch with Rebecca Champ.
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Post by Sarah Todd on Jan 23, 2016 19:59:11 GMT
Hallo I would love to join a online support group. My husband has lost so many jobs through issues related to ADD. He is undiagnosed and in denial but everything I read suggests strongly he does have ADD. He is clever degree educated but can never finish jobs works such long hours has an awful memory says bizarre things that are lies and not necessary. I can't take any more so I am thinking of asking him to leave our relationship is a roller coaster but I have stayed with h thinking he will change ... He never does
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Post by Mags H on Jan 23, 2016 23:56:59 GMT
Hi Sarah, I would also love to join an online support group - my boyfriend has just been diagnosed with ADHD and I know exactly how you feel, I can really to relate to your comments. Roller coaster indeed.
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Post by Sarah Todd on Jan 24, 2016 7:34:18 GMT
Thanks for your teply. I just don't know what to do anymore. It is the job losses that is effecting my whole family. He does so well to begin with he gets all the awards best employer etc and then it all goes wrong. It is like he just stops? Then he lies . He is such a risk taker too . What is your experience and how do you manage it all?
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Post by Sarah Todd on Jan 24, 2016 7:35:38 GMT
Thanks for your teply. I just don't know what to do anymore. It is the job losses that is effecting my whole family. He does so well to begin with he gets all the awards best employer etc and then it all goes wrong. It is like he just stops? Then he lies . He is such a risk taker too . What is your experience and how do you manage it all?
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namchampa
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Post by namchampa on Mar 4, 2016 10:39:03 GMT
Im in London and would very much appreciate a Meet Up. Happy to help organise it if there are takers?
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Post by phobbs1480 on Mar 23, 2016 19:54:09 GMT
Hallo I would love to join a online support group. My husband has lost so many jobs through issues related to ADD. He is undiagnosed and in denial but everything I read suggests strongly he does have ADD. He is clever degree educated but can never finish jobs works such long hours has an awful memory says bizarre things that are lies and not necessary. I can't take any more so I am thinking of asking him to leave our relationship is a roller coaster but I have stayed with h thinking he will change ... He never does Hi Sarah - what did you decide to do? We're in the very early stages, having just realised my poor hubby probably has ADHD. He is also frighteningly bright and has several degrees, works ridiculous hours and comes out with all sorts of farcical remarks which just leave me gasping like a fish. He's about to turn 47 and I just feel awful that he's been struggling with this his entire life; however that doesn't make it much easier on me, except that now I know his behaviour isn't because of me. Even worse, he clearly inherited it from his mother - his poor father has been living with it for 50 years! The more I read the more everything starts to slot into place. Recently we've been trying to work out how his (adult) son is managing to have money troubles when he gets paid well and doesn't have any significant outgoings. We also discovered he actually didn't finish his degree... All tell-tale signs. I too would be really keen to find an online forum. I swing between wanting to be supportive and wanting to walk away right now before children come into the equation - he's already awful with the animals. It's highly likely at least one child will also have ADHD. He seems to accept that he probably has the condition but is - inevitably - dithering about doing anything. I suspect he's hoping just appearing to accept my diagnosis will sort everything out. Everything I read would indicate that it's almost impossible to get a professional diagnosis in the UK, particularly outside London, so I'm nervous about pushing it in case he gets knocked back or patronised, which will really not help matters. I'm trying to absorb as much as I can online and working hard to implement changes in my attitude but I can't do it all. For his part, he has started chatting with a life coach, but I'm not convinced he will stick with it. I manage all the money, the house - everything. This plays to my strengths but I definitely recognise the increasing parent-child relationship developing and it's terrible for our marriage... Babies are unlikely to happen either way, if you get my drift. Really hoping someone on here will be open to listening and can offer some advice. Thanks
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anahavana
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https://www.facebook.com/groups/partnersofadultswithADHDlondon
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Post by anahavana on Jan 3, 2017 12:17:26 GMT
Hi there everyone, My partner has ADHD and regularly attends the London support group which he gets a lot out of. I have attended with him but there were no other partners and, whilst I know partners are welcome, not many seem to come along. I thought it might be a nice idea to set up a separate support group specifically for partners. I know I for one sometimes feel it would be great to chat to someone who has the same or similar challenges that I do in my relationship and to share advice on how to support our partners and ourselves - as well as maybe making a new friend or two! Is this something anyone in the London area might like to attend? I've set up a Facebook group so if you are interested in meeting up for a coffee and a chat you can join Partners of adults with ADHD HERE. Thanks and let's see how this goes!
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adhdwifey
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Post by adhdwifey on Jan 9, 2017 0:07:22 GMT
Hi, I would be very interested in being part of an online group for partners
I don't know why people don't post on here much?
I'm finding the whole thing very frustrating at the moment. I honestly felt like I could scream earlier!
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Post by marionk on Jan 13, 2017 8:54:28 GMT
Hi, I would be very interested in being part of an online group for partners I don't know why people don't post on here much? I'm finding the whole thing very frustrating at the moment. I honestly felt like I could scream earlier! Most people on here are ADHDers, so posting is quite sporadic, even by more 'established' members. I've been posting on here for almost a year now, and I've noticed that it goes in waves collectively too, a week or so goes by with hardly anyone posting, and then it's crazy busy for a week or so then it tails off again for a week or so. I think there is a section on here that is for partners and relatives but they all seem to post once or twice and never come back. Quite a few have very negative attitudes so wouldn't be any use for mutual support, but I think the real problem is that there just aren't enough non-ADHDers dropping in to get the ball rolling. It's quite a contrast to my local ADHD support group, where the first few times I went it was mainly parents, so I nearly gave up going. I feel sure there must be something online for partners and/or relatives, but I don't know where. I presume google came up blank? Maybe there's one on the dreaded Fb. Sorry I can't be more help, maybe someone else knows an active group though.
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adhdwifey
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Post by adhdwifey on Jan 14, 2017 22:53:15 GMT
Hi, I would be very interested in being part of an online group for partners I don't know why people don't post on here much? I'm finding the whole thing very frustrating at the moment. I honestly felt like I could scream earlier! Most people on here are ADHDers, so posting is quite sporadic, even by more 'established' members. I've been posting on here for almost a year now, and I've noticed that it goes in waves collectively too, a week or so goes by with hardly anyone posting, and then it's crazy busy for a week or so then it tails off again for a week or so. I think there is a section on here that is for partners and relatives but they all seem to post once or twice and never come back. Quite a few have very negative attitudes so wouldn't be any use for mutual support, but I think the real problem is that there just aren't enough non-ADHDers dropping in to get the ball rolling. It's quite a contrast to my local ADHD support group, where the first few times I went it was mainly parents, so I nearly gave up going. I feel sure there must be something online for partners and/or relatives, but I don't know where. I presume google came up blank? Maybe there's one on the dreaded Fb. Sorry I can't be more help, maybe someone else knows an active group though. Thank you for your reply marionk A quick google is I'm afraid all I have given time to so far. I joined an fb group but it was a regional one and I think moderated by someone who is working for a regional charity and as such I felt out of place not being able to turn up to the meets I visited my gp about a depressive episode I was having shortly after my dh got his diagnosis. I explained that I believed it to be due to 'holding the fort' emotionally while my husband was in turmoil waiting for his diagnosis. She did a quick google and told me that there was an ADHD support group in my area. The thing is, I don't want to go to a support group for people with ADHD. I don't have ADHD and I already have a relationship with someone who does. What would really help me is to have somewhere to vent to people who understand that I love my husband to bits, I understand his plight, I relate to many of his struggles, I see the amazing person he is and want him to see it himself. But sometimes his symptoms do my fucking head in, sometimes he explains irresponsible behaviour away because 'it helps my ADHD', when I know his symptoms wouldn't be half as bad if he just looked after himself better. Sometimes I'm just tired of the singleness of responsibilities; being the only one in the house who can drive, use a computer, manage money, cook. He is capable of all these things, and one day I hope he will get into it. Sometimes I feel like a controlling person because of the control I have of the finances. I have absolutely no desire whatsoever of controlling another person and yet there I am logging into my husband's account to check he hasn't gone over his overdraft I think it's really useful to hear from others with ADHD, but sometimes I really wish I could reach out to someone who understood where I am coming from, it can feel a bit lonely at times x
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adhdwifey
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Post by adhdwifey on Jan 14, 2017 23:37:04 GMT
I've tried starting a fb group called something like 'partners of adults with ADHD' if anyone wants to join x
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