Post by serena on Oct 17, 2013 19:07:30 GMT
It's a bit of a long story, but I'm in a rut.
I've been taking driving lessons for a while. We're around the 20th lesson of a 30 lesson block. My instructor is fairly loud, but it's never been an issue. I've explained that I find it hard to concentrate, and that I have ADD. His response was that that I don't look hyperactive and that the doctors these days like to label everyone.
I am all too aware that there are so many things you have to process: boards, markings, people, other cars, the position on the road, where your feet, eyes and hands are, what order they all do things, your speed, your speed two seconds later, where your foot is two seconds after that, at what point in a turn you shift gear, how many mirrors you checked before, during and after a corner... All this information and more changes every couple of seconds.
It's challenging, but I'm working hard to get there.
Last lesson he went too far.
He was shouting a long list of instructions, details and criticism after criticism after criticism. He was shouting far faster than I could process anything, picking me up on things I'm 'supposed to not do wrong any more'. This kept going until I could no longer drive. I was so overstressed that I couldn't think, let alone find my gears any more or any of the other million and one things required to drive. He was doing the pedals and gearstick for me. My head hurt from the noise and I felt so small and incapable. It's a small car for such a loud voice.
After about 20 minutes of this madness we pulled over for a 'time out'. I understand that I'm not the best at long instructions, and I can't always keep up with a verbal array of information, but the next bit shocked me. He explained how he was trying to strain me, to see how far he could bend me before I break. To illustrate he made the gesture of bending and breaking something with his hands. He was aiming to stress me to the point where I couldn't take it any more. His reasoning was that I need to know what such a lesson could be like, whatever that's supposed to mean. I was so overstressed that I couldn't talk. Then we drove off again. More shouting, but less intense.
Next lesson won't be as overpowering, he promised.
It was one of the most stressful experiences I've had in two years. Something inside me broke. All I could do for the rest of the day was recover. I was completely drained and very sad. I cried all evening, and that's not like me. I'm still sad. I want my mojo back. Instead I've wilted like a flower.
I'm left wondering why he'd do this to a grown woman. What was his goal? What was I supposed to learn? Is this kind of driving lesson normal?
Is it worth trying to explain the difference between ADD and ADHD? It's disappointing that he doesn't believe it. Aside from the lack of respect, it comes down to him thinking that I'm using it as an excuse and I just need to try harder (how?). What I really need is recognition that I'm really trying. Does this sound familiar?
I don't know what to do now. My confidence has plummeted. I'm not sure I can trust him any more. He's a great driver, but why push a student to breaking point? Should I tell him I'm going to look for a different instructor or is it worth finishing off the next 10 lessons? Am I overreacting?
I was only diagnosed in my late twenties, and it's taken an immense amount of hard work and perseverance to get far enough and organized enough to be able to do lessons alongside a job. Now I feel very discouraged.
If anyone has advice, I would be grateful. Thanks for reading.
S
I've been taking driving lessons for a while. We're around the 20th lesson of a 30 lesson block. My instructor is fairly loud, but it's never been an issue. I've explained that I find it hard to concentrate, and that I have ADD. His response was that that I don't look hyperactive and that the doctors these days like to label everyone.
I am all too aware that there are so many things you have to process: boards, markings, people, other cars, the position on the road, where your feet, eyes and hands are, what order they all do things, your speed, your speed two seconds later, where your foot is two seconds after that, at what point in a turn you shift gear, how many mirrors you checked before, during and after a corner... All this information and more changes every couple of seconds.
It's challenging, but I'm working hard to get there.
Last lesson he went too far.
He was shouting a long list of instructions, details and criticism after criticism after criticism. He was shouting far faster than I could process anything, picking me up on things I'm 'supposed to not do wrong any more'. This kept going until I could no longer drive. I was so overstressed that I couldn't think, let alone find my gears any more or any of the other million and one things required to drive. He was doing the pedals and gearstick for me. My head hurt from the noise and I felt so small and incapable. It's a small car for such a loud voice.
After about 20 minutes of this madness we pulled over for a 'time out'. I understand that I'm not the best at long instructions, and I can't always keep up with a verbal array of information, but the next bit shocked me. He explained how he was trying to strain me, to see how far he could bend me before I break. To illustrate he made the gesture of bending and breaking something with his hands. He was aiming to stress me to the point where I couldn't take it any more. His reasoning was that I need to know what such a lesson could be like, whatever that's supposed to mean. I was so overstressed that I couldn't talk. Then we drove off again. More shouting, but less intense.
Next lesson won't be as overpowering, he promised.
It was one of the most stressful experiences I've had in two years. Something inside me broke. All I could do for the rest of the day was recover. I was completely drained and very sad. I cried all evening, and that's not like me. I'm still sad. I want my mojo back. Instead I've wilted like a flower.
I'm left wondering why he'd do this to a grown woman. What was his goal? What was I supposed to learn? Is this kind of driving lesson normal?
Is it worth trying to explain the difference between ADD and ADHD? It's disappointing that he doesn't believe it. Aside from the lack of respect, it comes down to him thinking that I'm using it as an excuse and I just need to try harder (how?). What I really need is recognition that I'm really trying. Does this sound familiar?
I don't know what to do now. My confidence has plummeted. I'm not sure I can trust him any more. He's a great driver, but why push a student to breaking point? Should I tell him I'm going to look for a different instructor or is it worth finishing off the next 10 lessons? Am I overreacting?
I was only diagnosed in my late twenties, and it's taken an immense amount of hard work and perseverance to get far enough and organized enough to be able to do lessons alongside a job. Now I feel very discouraged.
If anyone has advice, I would be grateful. Thanks for reading.
S