jojo
Member's not posted much yet
hi i love my life but im really struggling living with my husband who has adhd .
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Post by jojo on Apr 11, 2014 21:31:57 GMT
THIS IS MY FIRST TIME ON HERE , HI
I FEEL LIKE PULLING MY HAIR OUT WITH MY HUSBANDS EMPTY PROMISES . I KNOW HE WHATS TO COME HOME AND SPEND TIME WITH ME AND OUR CHILDREN BUT HE JUST CONSTANTLY WORKS. HIS MEDS WHERE OFF SO HE JUST FORGETS THE TIME , HIS BATTARY DIES ON HIS PHONE AND I JUST GET SO WOUND UP.
HE WORKS SHIFT WORK , THEN IN-BETWEEN DOSE OTHER JOBS . I NEVER REALLY SEE HIM
WE TALK ABOUT IT AND HE SAYS IM RIGHT HE WILL MAKE EFFORT TO GET HOME ,BUT SAME THING HAPPENED.
HIS EXCUSE THIS WEEK IS HES RUNNING OUT OF MEDS .
I FEEL LONELY, TIRED, AND PUT ON "(
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2014 22:42:47 GMT
JoJo
Please please please turn your caps lock off.
If he's working too much it's either because he doesn't want to come home or he doesn't realise he's doing too much.
I can't tell him to take his meds. I'm afraid you'll have to do that.
Sorry - ADHDers aren't easy to live with.
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Post by TakingABreak on Apr 12, 2014 9:40:58 GMT
THIS IS MY FIRST TIME ON HERE , HI
I FEEL LIKE PULLING MY HAIR OUT WITH MY HUSBANDS EMPTY PROMISES . I KNOW HE WHATS TO COME HOME AND SPEND TIME WITH ME AND OUR CHILDREN BUT HE JUST CONSTANTLY WORKS. HIS MEDS WHERE OFF SO HE JUST FORGETS THE TIME , HIS BATTARY DIES ON HIS PHONE AND I JUST GET SO WOUND UP.
HE WORKS SHIFT WORK , THEN IN-BETWEEN DOSE OTHER JOBS . I NEVER REALLY SEE HIM
WE TALK ABOUT IT AND HE SAYS IM RIGHT HE WILL MAKE EFFORT TO GET HOME ,BUT SAME THING HAPPENED.
HIS EXCUSE THIS WEEK IS HES RUNNING OUT OF MEDS .
I FEEL LONELY, TIRED, AND PUT ON "( Professor Barkley refers to ADHD as "Intention Deficit Disorder", so we intend much but deliver less - sometimes much, much less. I've got projects around the house that have been going a decade or more, with excuses to match and I feel so sorry for my own wife....and so I feel sorry for you... SORRY
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Post by fuzzywuzzy on Apr 12, 2014 15:57:02 GMT
Hi jojo just wanted to say hi and welcome you to our lovely forum I'm sure it must be very frustrating, so feel for you.... please keep popping in for updates, hopefully some from others with ADHD partners.... ......and have a look around at other threads too x x x
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Post by arabianchiseler on Jun 28, 2014 20:50:43 GMT
Is there any chance he could get fast acting meds , that perhaps last for a shorter amount of time, then use alarms to remember when to take them?
Perhaps once a week (or month depending on when you two encounter one another) you could meet and look at a calendar and intricately plan when and where he takes his meds.
You could then use his smartphone to set regular alarms or calendar reminders far into the future.
He could be between jobs and then get the helpful reminder pop up that "oh I need to take my meds now because I promised my wife I would do such and such with her and the kids.
It may seem time consuming in the short term and he won't be perfect straight away but perhaps, over time, it could work out.
You might even find that he starts to anticipate it a little and can make small adjustments if things don't go quite according to plan.
Anyway just a suggestion. Such things work for me, so they may work for him too. Best of luck!!
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mlevin
Member's not posted much yet
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Post by mlevin on Nov 19, 2014 5:33:32 GMT
You aren’t my wife are you?
Your husband sound just like me. I too work shifts and they are hard, if he is like myself, it’s hard to leave things for someone else to pick up. For a standard 9-5 job you go home and can pick up from where you left off the following day, not so easy working shifts. As the shift gets near to the end you realise you haven’t achieved all the tasks you set out to do, but you will never complete as you overload yourself with jobs on the to do list, but you don’t want to leave them undone. I found getting a hobby helped, one that was home based that I enjoyed, I did programming even though I was sat in front of a PC at home I was at home ad nearby for the kids to talk to me. I have a real struggle taking my medication, on a night I place them on top of my clothes in a large tub, so I can’t miss noticing them and take them before I get dressed, but it does require a reminder from wifey to do this the night before.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Nov 19, 2014 18:15:29 GMT
WE TALK ABOUT IT AND HE SAYS IM RIGHT HE WILL MAKE EFFORT TO GET HOME ,BUT SAME THING HAPPENED.
HIS EXCUSE THIS WEEK IS ...
Ultimately, the same rule applies to both of you: you won't get a different outcome unless you DO something different. When you next sit down to talk about it, perhaps you could prepare in advance what you want to say and put the main points in writing on a piece of paper that you can give to him. One of the points might be that you want to think through with him how he can follow through with his intentions and that you want to write down together some concrete things you can do to help him to focus and remember to act on his plans. What you decide will be between you and him, and will need to be things he is willing to try himself, but you could research with him the kinds of things that other ADHDers use to get themselves on track, eg, signing up to a repeat prescription service at a pharmacy near home or work, using phone apps to set reminders, setting alarms, agreeing to answer the phone when you ring or text to remind him to leave work for home. Then you need to consider what concrete actions need to happen in order for him to follow through on the plan, and who is going to do those actions, by when. Eg, which local pharmacy will you use and which of you needs to complete and deliver the repeat prescription form? Does he need a new phone battery if his old one is not holding a charge for long enough and can you quickly buy one on ebay if you have the funds? Does he need a routine to be in place whereby you remind him to put his phone on overnight and then switch it on in the morning? A sign on the front door? You also may need to ask yourself what you need to do if he continues not to take action to change. There is a possibility that he is comfortable in his rut and doesn't feel motivated to change. Can you put up with it? Don't make rash threats but give some serious thought to how this is impacting you and the kids and lay it out for him so that he is clear about the current and potential future consequences of his behaviour.
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