itwayne
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Post by itwayne on Oct 13, 2014 7:30:07 GMT
Okay, the topic is a bit off, but not really sure how to better explain it
The OH and I are having a bad time of it right now. Probably due to my inattention - I have interests in pretty much nothing, and so conversation has dwindled off to almost nothing. The things I do have interest in I tend to obsess over, and obviously the one thing I have most interest in is the OH!
The thing is though, I mentioned to her last weekend that I think I have adult ADHD, and she just gave me a raised eyebrow and said "Self diagnosis eh?" meaning "stop talking rubbish!"
So, we are actually spending time apart just now (her decision, not mine) but we still chat - we even work together. Do I tell her the progress of my journey with the GP, psych etc, or just keep quiet about it until I actually get somewhere?
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Post by KGeorge on Oct 13, 2014 18:31:02 GMT
hi Wayne
How badly do you want to keep her?
I'd recommend never mentioning it again and adopting a very positive demeanour despite whatever you might be going through.
Some women don't know how to deal with our confused / distressed state but to be fair, it probably ain't easy.
Something I feel compelled to say, however, is you should think very carefully about committing yourself to someone who has dismissed you so easily.
This kind of behaviour invokes a very strong negative reaction inside me... it removes my ability to feel any empathy for that person thereafter and fuels my need to 'be right' under every circumstance. I am overly empathetic, generally.
The relationship is more or less a game, with no winners, after that point.
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itwayne
Member's not posted much yet
Posts: 26
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Post by itwayne on Oct 13, 2014 18:50:16 GMT
Thanks KGeorge, but is that not perhaps just our negative way of viewing everything?
The OH and I have had a really good relationship for 6 years, with the core being a shared humour. While I dont laugh, I do find humour in pretty much everything (probably my way of coping, but it works for me). We take the micky out of each other all the time, in a gentle way - we both expect it
I think I'll take your advice just now though, and keep quiet. Hopefully I'll get the appointments and diagnosis - and treatment! - soon enough to be able to start functioning normally, so those things which are... "weird" get somewhat suppressed and I can act like a normal person at least some of the time
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Post by KGeorge on Oct 13, 2014 19:19:25 GMT
Probably! 6 years is a long time so well since there!
I can't relate to not laughing so we are probably a bit different there. I am the annoying guy who finds everything funny and laughs at everything. I'm already laughing at the 'serious story' before my best mate has finished telling it.
The joke in my mind bears little resemblance to the tale of woe he was unfolding either!
I guess you are much better than me at managing your partner's emotions. My jovial nitpicking (which they seemed to enjoy) in my mind is what turned the relationship sour eventually.
Hope it turns out alright for you both!
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itwayne
Member's not posted much yet
Posts: 26
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Post by itwayne on Oct 14, 2014 7:11:20 GMT
Actually, I've been giving this some thought and reckon I should tell her - if and when I'm diagnosed, and what I'm diagnosed with (suspect ADHD and depression, but let's wait and see) - for 2 reasons
1. Honesty. We both hate dishonesty, and hiding things is as good as lying in our book 2. I went to an extremely dark place about 3-4 years ago, ended up in the nut house for a few weeks, and then ended up speaking to a psychologist for a few weeks after that. The OH knew all about it and supported me, even if she didn't understand it, and I guess that's all we can ask for - you only understand it if it's happening to you
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