Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 6, 2014 21:46:17 GMT
Observation: after dx, my symptoms have got gradually more ADHD.
It's as if I've stopped pretending and/or using coping mechanisms/strategies to compensate.
Did anyone else notice this at the time?
|
|
|
Post by contrarymary on Apr 6, 2014 21:56:02 GMT
yes! it's a bugger, huh?! i think we might be stuck at the same stage just now.
(apart from the flaming writing, that is!)
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 6, 2014 22:11:41 GMT
Observation: after dx, my symptoms have got gradually more ADHD. It's as if I've stopped pretending and/or using coping mechanisms/strategies to compensate. Did anyone else notice this at the time? I did. I'm not sure what it is - it could be allowing yourself to admit it or increased perception due to the status change. My attitude definitely changed towards a lot of things. I still compensate for the benefit of other people but that's usually because they can't compensate for me - nothing to do with ADHD and more most people being unaware that they're so inelastic. I never, ever, noticed any hyperactivity at all before diagnosis - it was there. Looking back I find that I was seeing my life very differently.
|
|
|
Post by contrarymary on Apr 6, 2014 23:11:04 GMT
I never, ever, noticed any hyperactivity at all before diagnosis - it was there. Looking back I find that I was seeing my life very differently. today i was in a meeting. admittedly it was a fairly long and tedious huge meeting, lots of stuff to do with process. i found myself unable to sit still - fidgeting in quite an obvious way, plaiting string in order to keep my concentration, sighing audibly when voices droned on on a monotone, muttering "oh come on!" when things dragged, unable to keep still or keep my thoughts to myself or pay any attention. i've never liked those sorts of meetings, but i really don't remember being this bad. seriously - i was like kevin the teenager, only not kevin nor a teenager tho at least now i begin to understand why i was always volunteering for the little, mundane, practical jobs that would give me something to do rather than have to sit still - doorkeeper, coffee pourer, ballot collector...
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2014 7:08:22 GMT
Thanks both. I thought I was Allad Insane, but having rationalised it, it's blinkin' obvious that this would happen. Wife's noticed the change. Also a few things you and a couple of newbies have written have pulled all this together.
That reminds me (the chaotic Modernistic piano chords at approx 2.02 reflect exactly how I feel currently):
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2014 8:24:58 GMT
Last night my wife told me that I was incapable of blocking things out. She's right.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2014 10:06:32 GMT
Last night my wife told me that I was incapable of blocking things out. She's right. Of course - your executive functions are impaired with consequent filtering issues. Meds help - they have a skin thickening action (new, improved skin thickening action). Ooops - not the soapbox again!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2014 10:39:23 GMT
Last night my wife told me that I was incapable of blocking things out. She's right. Of course - your executive functions are impaired with consequent filtering issues. Meds help - they have a skin thickening action (new, improved skin thickening action). Ooops - not the soapbox again! Beautifully put LOL. Perhaps I need to a new thin-skin thickening agent. Traditionally it's always been C 2H 6O but Scarface Mr Liver must be rebelling by now
|
|
|
Post by mighty on Apr 9, 2014 11:03:25 GMT
KInd of.. After going back for treatment after a few years without, I was noticing all this shit in my life that could be put down to 'ADHD'. I think I was hating myself a little and dismissing many of the things I did, noticing them and attributing them to something that only meds would help (especially during the wait to get back on medication). I've since gone full circle and come out the other way I never really say 'I have ADHD' as I don't really like categorical psychiatric diagnoses anymore. Rather, I recognise that my concentration sucks sometimes and I can help that with hard work. Been off the medication for a while now, and although I'm perhaps not as grounded, I'm working well with who I am
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2014 11:17:46 GMT
That's encouraging mighty. I think the label's going to shift sooner than we think tbh, but any label's a start at coming to terms with personal behavioural and character traits, and understanding them in the context of real life - vis-à-vis diagnosis. That in itself was grounding for me, but is just the first part of the journey towards some sort of self-enlightenment as the tether once again weakens and I start to seek again for further solutions.
|
|
|
Post by contrarymary on Apr 9, 2014 11:50:19 GMT
Last night my wife told me that I was incapable of blocking things out. She's right. i was just thinking of this sort of thing this morning. recently i learned that tourette's symptoms - of physical and vocal tics - are largely environmental. in some people they are the brain's reaction/response to triggers which are wholly outside the brain: sounds, light, motion, movement, heat, touch even smells. the brain reacts in a split second and a word appears, a simple or complex movement simply "happens" before the conscious mind has caught on to what is happening. perhaps in simplest form, a tic in response to an itch before the brain has realised the sensation or the need to scratch, or in reaction to a sound before the conscious mind has processed it. if more than 70% of people with tourette's symptoms have adhd symptoms too, and both are thought to involve, or arise from, the region in the centre of the brain known as the basal ganglia, is it any wonder that adhd-type symptoms are a sort of thought / perception parallel to tourette's symptoms? somewhere online i read a description of tourette's (and indeed other similar, reactive/instinctive conditions) being referred to as the brain having "leaky brakes" when it comes to the ability to not move, not say, not react. i rather like that one. perhaps we have leaky brakes in response to attention. i was also thinking about how much i struggle with everything that is "new" - whether that struggle is an excited or an anxious reaction, it is still a reaction and rarely a response (unless i am deeply chilled through relaxation, meditation, mindfulness, yoga, sleep, medication, the rare relatively stress-less times, or simply alcohol). new is basically something that hasn't happened before as opposed to routine things which invariably end up a struggle to do rather than a struggle to react to. or maybe it is just me, and i am hijacking your thread (nay your corner) for parallel purposes.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2014 11:55:35 GMT
No, please "hijack" contrarymary. Interesting thoughts. I'll re-read and re-re-read to get a better handle on what you're saying
|
|
|
Post by shapes on Apr 9, 2014 18:51:31 GMT
Only just noticed this thread. Yes I do. But then friends remind me that I was like this before anyway. So I think it's at least partly just a case of perceiving things you already did. I do feel sometimes I give up a bit too easily. I put this partly down to the fact I'm in limbo regarding meds. It really does seem pointless battling to try and achieve things against the tide of ADHD whilst unmedicated. I just want to mentally put my feet up and wait for the back up to arrive.
That said I've actually achieved massively more since I discovered ADHD simply by playing to my strengths and not succumbing to self hatred and punishment. Being a bit more selfish isn't always a bad thing either as it's impossible to help others if you can't help yourself.
|
|
ozadd
Member's posted somewhat
Posts: 50
|
Post by ozadd on Apr 13, 2014 16:11:27 GMT
@addjourneyman , it seems to me you are dealing with things pretty rationally. Here's my thoughts about life just after recognition of my symptoms (awaiting diagnosis): I now keep "noticing" everything I do which I think is an "add-action" (or even non-action) and then analyse the crap out of it. Obsessive? Almost certainly, but I think I can live with it at the moment! I now look back over my life and suddenly start to "recognise" not only my add behaviours but also the behaviour of others towards me - even the more subtle ones (for example: getting-overlooked-for-promotion-but-nobody-ever-properly-explaining-why sort of problem). And, strangely, I actually don't feel quite as resentful now as I did prior to this. At the moment I feel that I will begin to cope better with my circumstances - knowing that I'm not simply a slackarse and that there is hope that I can anticipate some progress (whatever that is!). I wonder if there is a difference between the "direct" (is that the right word?) effect of ADD on my conduct and the cumulative, learned behaviours acquired over more than half a century. I'm sure that many of my behaviours have been learned out of how I've dealt with life generally - of which ADD is only one part - and the responsibility for adjusting them lays with me (Is this the CBT part? I don't really know). Not sure if this sound a bit pompous. In spite of always having a Libran tendency to see everyone else's point of view (and then never make a decision ), I have gone through a stage of feeling "fuck you all - I deserve a bloody life and I don't care what any of you think!!" Thankfully, it didn't go beyond a thought but it did make me jump that I should have such a childish attitude and feel that sorry for myself. I can't help but see an element of selfishness in my behaviours. shapes this is different to the "selfishness" you mentioned - when you are trying to get things together - I agree with you about the need for that. But, for a long time, I think I have been so heavily absorbed with myself and "how I view the world" and "why does this happen to me?" . "Why am I doing such and such?" "How am I ever going to . . whatever?" "How come they can . . . . and I can't?" And so on, ad nauseum. Is that a general problem with ADDers or is it just me? (I'm quite OK with either answer). I'm sorry for going on here quite so much - I have several decades of "stuff" pent up inside my skull and this is the first place I've ever felt comfortable letting it out (my wife is a good listener but I find family and friends easily get exhausted!) ]Thanks, @addjourneyman, for creating an interesting thread.
|
|
|
Post by contrarymary on Apr 13, 2014 16:21:34 GMT
In spite of always having a Libran tendency to see everyone else's point of view (and then never make a decision ), I have gone through a stage of feeling "fuck you all - I deserve a bloody life and I don't care what any of you think!!" Thankfully, it didn't go beyond a thought but it did make me jump that I should have such a childish attitude and feel that sorry for myself. Them's both ADHD. (also libran? i'm gemini and there are a bunch of capricorns and tauruses here too - think it might be adhd)I can't help but see an element of selfishness in my behaviours. ............ But, for a long time, I think I have been so heavily absorbed with myself and "how I view the world" and "why does this happen to me?" . "Why am I doing such and such?" "How am I ever going to . . whatever?" "How come they can . . . . and I can't?" And so on, ad nauseum. Is that a general problem with ADDers or is it just me? (I'm quite OK with either answer). This would appear to be a general problem with ADDers. You'll read about it a few zillion times on the forum.Thanks, @addjourneyman, for creating an interesting thread. Yes, thank you @addjourneyman - you do a briiliant job of creating interesting threads, and this is up there with the rest of them Hope you are feeling better x (And thank you ozadd - lovely spacing )
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2014 15:52:49 GMT
Thanks all, back in the land of the living again, arguing the toss - for the right reasons I hope, and trying to fight THE corner!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 28, 2014 13:22:23 GMT
There's a bit in John Williams's novel I finished on Sunday, " Stoner", about the protagonist's observations as a boy during the 1930's "Depression" which really struck me about everyone when they lose hope: “ He saw good men go down into a slow decline of hopelessness, broken as their visions of a decent life was broken; he saw them walking aimlessly upon the streets, their eyes empty like shards of broken glass; he saw them walk up to back doors, with the bitter pride of men who go to their executions, and beg for the bread that would allow them to beg again; and he saw men, who had once walked erect in their own identities, look at him with envy and hatred for the poor security he enjoyed as a tenured employee of an institution that somehow could not fail” At times I've been in this sort of despair but seemed to have always gained hope before the above became permanent. And I've noticed how people, even close to retirement age and beyond, continue to fight against the above, by coming on here with renewed vigour, albeit uncertain at times, and with a deep sense of hope that one day they'll get a diagnosis that will lead to a positive intervention - which might be medication, realisation, closure on a life fraught and so on. But how many of us don't make it here to share their pain and sorrow, to end up walking the streets of life as broken souls having given in to an existence of drudgery where expectations have eluded them and acceptance of the status quo has destroyed any hope? I'm thinking of those people today.
|
|
|
Post by computermandan on Apr 28, 2014 13:32:35 GMT
I'm not DX (yet- i think??) but since becoming 'aware' of ADHD - i'm scarily MORE ADHD... My Wife says it's me using it as an excuse now I can see it. I think I've given up the whole pretending to be on the ball when my mind's been elsewhere amongst many other frantic running around compensations. I like that others have noticed similar
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 28, 2014 13:41:55 GMT
I'm not DX (yet- i think??) but since becoming 'aware' of ADHD - i'm scarily MORE ADHD... My Wife says it's me using it as an excuse now I can see it. I think I've given up the whole pretending to be on the ball when my mind's been elsewhere amongst many other frantic running around compensations. I like that others have noticed similar Interestingly, my wife thinks she can see it more since DX but hasn't, as yet, outwardly expressed any criticism. I've definitely stopped compensating. Yesterday my wife literally had to call me back from going out shopping to go through my list; 1a) House keys 1b) Car keys, 2) Wallet. 3) Notebook 4) Sunglasses (photophobia) and 5) Phone. She didn't say anything, but I could see the concern in her expression given that I hadn't remembered a single thing on that list.
|
|
ozadd
Member's posted somewhat
Posts: 50
|
Post by ozadd on Apr 30, 2014 11:37:43 GMT
If you've been doing these behaviours for a lifetime due to ADHD - then that is a reason, you can't be accused of using it as an excuse. And, just 'cos you know what causes it hardly means you're going to have a "Damascas moment" and suddenly change. I've now been diagnosed for 2½ weeks and I think what is already happening is that my wife and I are now both noticing, analysing and interpreting more of what I do (she is fairly gentle with me!). Since taking meds, I no longer seem to get agitated quite so much about my forgetfulness and other cock-ups - more often I just look what happened and think about it - and sometimes even laugh (now that is bizarre!) I think you are dead right - accepting who and what you are at this moment. And, if there is anything you can see the funny side of, def go with it. I feel most grateful that I'm not getting angry (as much) - that alone is almost life-changing. But it would be nice if everything else did just suddenly slot into place. My frustration now is wanting to become "Super-organised Man" right now. Sort of hasn't quite happened yet. The learned-behaviour changes will need to come from some psychological support, I guess. I feel tempted to start ringing up coaching services immediately but I've reluctantly decided to wait until my first review in a couple of weeks and see what the psychiatrist says. Maybe there's an app for it
|
|
|
Post by computermandan on May 2, 2014 9:37:17 GMT
at the moment it all feels a bit "well this is it then" suddenly feeling that you probably won't be able to push the career on that step further without extra effort compared with others is somewhat demotivating. couple that with being married to someone who now seems to be so much the opposite to you (get it done and get it done yesterday style) that all the times you've been told and tried to battle with "you're not listening" and "you're not interested" accusations it's disheartening... right now I'm not really sure where to turn. I've tried to explain that it seems silly to pretend I was listening and guess what was said now that I'm aware of "it" But saying "sorry I was distracted can you say it again" in an honest attempt to refocus seems to go down much worse than the pretending ever did So the person closest is really not having any of it... as are the folks... they seem to listen but don't make much of it and generally seem more interested in making sure I don't take too much medicine. Friends appear to understand but ridicule the whole concept at the same time... and as for the so-called mental health professionals... well - "here have a higher dose of something that probably wont do much" is the general response and I don't ever seem to get past that stage - "you are anxious Daniel".... I've had good advice here but dont ever seem able to action it in a scaredy cat kind of way... oops just realised this is way off topic sorry. toyed with deleting but decided to post anyway.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 2, 2014 10:08:39 GMT
oops just realised this is way off topic sorry. toyed with deleting but decided to post anyway. Please don't ever delete. Always cut and paste to another thread if you feel thread hijacking (and I don't). Having expended the energy, always much valued experiences welcomed
|
|
|
Post by astraka on May 2, 2014 12:18:29 GMT
Must remember to come back to this thread when my attention is not jumping about. Really good stuff what I've managed to read
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2014 7:15:47 GMT
Had an ADHD moment last night. Misread the signs. Currently been hyperfocussing on some community action and have been helping local residents on a few matters which means knocking on doors and gathering information and feedback forms. When people promise, for instance, to supply letters to influence local council consultations they might say, "Come back tomorrow and I'll have that letter/form you requested". So you go back as "agreed" and they still haven't done it, and as the end of a period of consultation looms you remind people of this and re-arrange another time and so the process continues. There are those that say these thing genuinely and those that BS to get you off their doorstep in the hope you won't return. I don't mis-read the latter that often, although sometimes I do, but I think I see abject disingenuousness as a betrayal and confront them by going back anyway.
I must have been talking to one resident over a few weeks and thought I was being engaging, thoughtful and generally well received. Well, evidently not it seems. Last night he basically told me to get out of his face. Of course, typical thin skin of ADHD meant I hit back with a paraphrased version of:
"You people get what you deserve. You try knocking on doors listening to people moan but promise to do things and never do them and who can't be bothered to help YOU improve THEIR environment for the betterment of everyone, but can't wait to stick the boot in when nothing happens. I shan't bother in future after this is over and you'll get what you deserve when the council steamrollers its maladministration over your lives. Do it yourself in future. Either that or do nothing as usual. Sorry I bothered to expend my energy, time and money while you sit in front of the gogglebox blah, blah, blah, blah......"
Effect? Woke up this morning depressed and upset. Hyperfocus over.
|
|
|
Post by astraka on Jul 1, 2014 8:07:58 GMT
Yup, this is me constantly. Like rah (that's me roaring) we need meaningful user involvement, good communication, support from professionals etc, followed by lack of engagement, organisations doing what they planned to do all along and personal meltdown. Rinse and repeat until breakdown and complete change of focus.
I completely sympathise with your need to tell this person what you think of them. I hope you don't get into trouble...
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2014 10:07:53 GMT
Had an ADHD moment last night. Misread the signs. Currently been hyperfocussing on some community action and have been helping local residents on a few matters which means knocking on doors and gathering information and feedback forms. When people promise, for instance, to supply letters to influence local council consultations they might say, "Come back tomorrow and I'll have that letter/form you requested". So you go back as "agreed" and they still haven't done it, and as the end of a period of consultation looms you remind people of this and re-arrange another time and so the process continues. There are those that say these thing genuinely and those that BS to get you off their doorstep in the hope you won't return. I don't mis-read the latter that often, although sometimes I do, but I think I see abject disingenuousness as a betrayal and confront them by going back anyway. I must have been talking to one resident over a few weeks and thought I was being engaging, thoughtful and generally well received. Well, evidently not it seems. Last night he basically told me to get out of his face. Of course, typical thin skin of ADHD meant I hit back with a paraphrased version of: "You people get what you deserve. You try knocking on doors listening to people moan but promise to do things and never do them and who can't be bothered to help YOU improve THEIR environment for the betterment of everyone, but can't wait to stick the boot in when nothing happens. I shan't bother in future after this is over and you'll get what you deserve when the council steamrollers its maladministration over your lives. Do it yourself in future. Either that or do nothing as usual. Sorry I bothered to expend my energy, time and money while you sit in front of the gogglebox blah, blah, blah, blah......" Effect? Woke up this morning depressed and upset. Hyperfocus over. There is a charity local to me (battered wives). I have a shortlist of charities I support - they're not on it. JWs knock on my door. I'm not interested but I try to be kind. How do you swerve without causing offense? If you live in society you need social grease (A.K.A. social lies) to get through without friction. These aren't real lies, intending to deceive for gain, or excuses for laziness. There's just too much in life to get involved with everything so my local charity, worthy as it is, doesn't get my cash or voluntary time - they're finite and go to other worthy causes.
|
|
|
Post by astraka on Jul 1, 2014 22:11:07 GMT
But there's a difference between a polite excuse and saying you'll do something and then just not.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2014 22:33:52 GMT
No - it's a polite lie so they don't have to be impolite and tell you to **** off.
We tend to be literalists when the rest of the world isn't.
|
|
|
Post by astraka on Jul 1, 2014 22:45:21 GMT
Ok. So I have trouble getting this one...
|
|
|
Post by computermandan on Jul 2, 2014 11:36:38 GMT
we get JW's a lot down our street - I think there's a meeting house or something nearby. I've developed the "i'm not going to waste your or my time" line to seem like I'm doing us both a favour and quickly follow it with a "thanks bye" and close the door.
although I did come home once and found a windows salesperson with his foot wedged in the door with my OH clearly trying to get rid of him.
chased him down the street insisting he give me his employers name etc etc - lost it a little bit there.
|
|