Post by Monster Munch on Apr 14, 2014 10:45:43 GMT
Hi there,
Just sharing my experience, by doing this I aim to help others understand their issues and I find it helps on my down days to just talk about it to people who don't judge.
My problems started in secondary school although when in primary school I was fidgety it didn't start to become a real problem until high school. Anyway I was my parents worse nightmare, my first year I got put into a special needs class without actually being diagnosed as special needs and then got kicked out for throwing a chair at the teacher, my then second school I got kicked out for taking a knife to school and hardly attending and when I did attend I was causing havoc my third year my parents went to court for me not attending and I was branded "naughty" my third year in school I also got tested to see if the certain E numbers in food were making me hyperactive, but ADHD was hardly heard of so this was not an option also if you had ADHD you were really naughty and had to take medication all your life and I remember at the time people used to tell that someone who had ADHD had to be sectioned to control it as they were really bad so throughout my childhood I had quite a negative thought on ADHD.
As you can imagine from moving to several schools I have never had any real friends to the point where now I don't see anyone and have none. I have never really had anything that I have actually been interested in apart from having my own space.
A joke was made of "the way I was" as a child and I was always called the adopted child in my family as I was just so different, and overtime I started saying it about myself but it was turned around in a more positive way as I am the only one who has tried my very best to get somewhere in life, the others being on benefits and producing kids.
When I left school I wanted to work with children and left to do and NVQ in Early Years, which much to my surprise and the difficulty I had throughout, I just about passed it :-). I have always been in and out of employment and causing havoc when I'm there. Relationships have never stuck out although they have surprisingly lasted a few years they have still all failed, I get stressed very quick and it can be over silly little things and I do tend to throw and/or slam something it tends to usually be my phone or a glass I have never hurt anyone, however my current partner and fiancé has said I did scare him once because he thought I was going to hurt him, which I hate myself for making him feel like that as I never intended to making him feel like that. My temper growing up has always been a problem and when I was a child once ended up in my mum’s window being accidentally smashed.
I have started studying at university in September 2013, I am finding it very difficult, lack of sleep, lack of motivation, concentration, confidence, and up till January this year lack (when diagnosed) of support apart from off my partner. I have now found out that I did not make it onto my chosen degree although it is probably for the best at the moment it still feels like all my work and struggle has been for nothing and trying to get even more motivated to carry on till the end of my current course is proving to be even more difficult.
After the past 16 -17 years of struggling with school, personal and working life, I requested to be diagnosed so the university done that for me and in January I was diagnosed with Dyspraxia and characteristics of ADHD (which my report is now going thought the GP system to get medically diagnosed). Although I knew I had issues I never knew what and with very little knowledge of ADHD and no knowledge of Dyspraxia I never thought these would be the outcome I thought something along the lines of Dyslexia but these were more of a shock and harder to admit I have with the thoughts of how people judge ADHD.
Daily life now as an adult I find very difficult, I live with my partner and we have recently bought a house, I have a part time job and at uni so finding that I can't help with bills as much as I would like, plus with the behaviour and constant tantrums I have I feel such a burden on my partner and although he is absolutely amazing and very, very supportive I can't help the way I feel. With not paying much of the bills I have very little responsibility and although it’s hard not having any sometimes I think it’s a good thing as I get very stressed, my partner does try and give me some but I never seem to follow it through. I worry a lot about my moods pushing him away and him not wanting me, I worry about the constant stress I give him and him wanting someone else, I am just always worrying, I worry about having kids and them being the same as me and me not being able to help them as I can't help myself.
Most days I just want to spend living life and doing things that matter now and not having all the pressure and stress I have on my mind, most of which is "what if's". I think I have spent so long in a situation of doing things and not doing them how I want or not sticking them out etc that I have just got myself into a situation where I feel depressed and not going to succeed in them that I give up before I start and it is hard to get motivation. A majority of my daily life consists one way or another all ADHD symptoms and although I do have some very good days it’s the help I need with the others, I am just hopping that now I am able to get it :-)
Anyway!! Hope I have helped someone who may be living with ADHD :-)
Just sharing my experience, by doing this I aim to help others understand their issues and I find it helps on my down days to just talk about it to people who don't judge.
My problems started in secondary school although when in primary school I was fidgety it didn't start to become a real problem until high school. Anyway I was my parents worse nightmare, my first year I got put into a special needs class without actually being diagnosed as special needs and then got kicked out for throwing a chair at the teacher, my then second school I got kicked out for taking a knife to school and hardly attending and when I did attend I was causing havoc my third year my parents went to court for me not attending and I was branded "naughty" my third year in school I also got tested to see if the certain E numbers in food were making me hyperactive, but ADHD was hardly heard of so this was not an option also if you had ADHD you were really naughty and had to take medication all your life and I remember at the time people used to tell that someone who had ADHD had to be sectioned to control it as they were really bad so throughout my childhood I had quite a negative thought on ADHD.
As you can imagine from moving to several schools I have never had any real friends to the point where now I don't see anyone and have none. I have never really had anything that I have actually been interested in apart from having my own space.
A joke was made of "the way I was" as a child and I was always called the adopted child in my family as I was just so different, and overtime I started saying it about myself but it was turned around in a more positive way as I am the only one who has tried my very best to get somewhere in life, the others being on benefits and producing kids.
When I left school I wanted to work with children and left to do and NVQ in Early Years, which much to my surprise and the difficulty I had throughout, I just about passed it :-). I have always been in and out of employment and causing havoc when I'm there. Relationships have never stuck out although they have surprisingly lasted a few years they have still all failed, I get stressed very quick and it can be over silly little things and I do tend to throw and/or slam something it tends to usually be my phone or a glass I have never hurt anyone, however my current partner and fiancé has said I did scare him once because he thought I was going to hurt him, which I hate myself for making him feel like that as I never intended to making him feel like that. My temper growing up has always been a problem and when I was a child once ended up in my mum’s window being accidentally smashed.
I have started studying at university in September 2013, I am finding it very difficult, lack of sleep, lack of motivation, concentration, confidence, and up till January this year lack (when diagnosed) of support apart from off my partner. I have now found out that I did not make it onto my chosen degree although it is probably for the best at the moment it still feels like all my work and struggle has been for nothing and trying to get even more motivated to carry on till the end of my current course is proving to be even more difficult.
After the past 16 -17 years of struggling with school, personal and working life, I requested to be diagnosed so the university done that for me and in January I was diagnosed with Dyspraxia and characteristics of ADHD (which my report is now going thought the GP system to get medically diagnosed). Although I knew I had issues I never knew what and with very little knowledge of ADHD and no knowledge of Dyspraxia I never thought these would be the outcome I thought something along the lines of Dyslexia but these were more of a shock and harder to admit I have with the thoughts of how people judge ADHD.
Daily life now as an adult I find very difficult, I live with my partner and we have recently bought a house, I have a part time job and at uni so finding that I can't help with bills as much as I would like, plus with the behaviour and constant tantrums I have I feel such a burden on my partner and although he is absolutely amazing and very, very supportive I can't help the way I feel. With not paying much of the bills I have very little responsibility and although it’s hard not having any sometimes I think it’s a good thing as I get very stressed, my partner does try and give me some but I never seem to follow it through. I worry a lot about my moods pushing him away and him not wanting me, I worry about the constant stress I give him and him wanting someone else, I am just always worrying, I worry about having kids and them being the same as me and me not being able to help them as I can't help myself.
Most days I just want to spend living life and doing things that matter now and not having all the pressure and stress I have on my mind, most of which is "what if's". I think I have spent so long in a situation of doing things and not doing them how I want or not sticking them out etc that I have just got myself into a situation where I feel depressed and not going to succeed in them that I give up before I start and it is hard to get motivation. A majority of my daily life consists one way or another all ADHD symptoms and although I do have some very good days it’s the help I need with the others, I am just hopping that now I am able to get it :-)
Anyway!! Hope I have helped someone who may be living with ADHD :-)