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Post by blaze on Apr 5, 2016 20:47:27 GMT
I think anyone can be a bully to be honest - certainly anyone can be perceived to be a bully (intent or lack thereof being the key?).
I can see both sides of the argument here (discussion, if you want to be polite, but it looks like an argument to me ).
definately just a disscussion to me- i tend to be totally straightforward about any issues, lack of impulse control and all that, so confrpntation isn't an issue. But just because i woould be upfront about it doesn't mean i am not aware that many others would have a variety of reasons for struggling with that, amd certainly in the workplaces i have beem in this comes up in supervision
nvc is excellent read for explaining the harm created by judgemental terms
On the one hand, from a personal POV, if someone had a problem with me I'd much rather they came to me about it. I hate being pulled up in front of the boss like a naughty school child, and dealing with the situation one and one means I'm clearer on what I've done wrong, and it can be resolved quicker.
On the other hand, if I had a problem with someone, I'd find it much easier to speak to my boss about it, because I kinda hate confrontation. Plus verbal communication is definitely not my forte, so I'd probably end up insulting/upsetting them by way of miscommunication.
I don't think there's ever going to be a concrete answer to this sort of problem - it very much varies with the circumstances.
Personally I think a combined approach would be best - organise a meeting, with the boss mediating, where Person A can discuss their issue with Person B. Person A is a lot less likely to go into 'rant' mode or be overtly rude with both their boss and their colleague there, and the boss can judge for himself how severe the problem is - offer impartial advice etc. At least that way it feels less like being sent to the principal, and more like a discussion between equals on how to resolve an interpersonal problem. Discourages a 'mob' effect, and Person B can (as in Merrial's case) bring up any issues they have in return (such as feeling bullied or ostracized).
But that's a personal opinion - might work for some situations, might not for others. And you might all just think I'm wronger than a wrong thing lol.
And tati - OP (as far as I'm aware) stands for 'Original Post-er' replied in post
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Post by easilydistracted on Apr 5, 2016 21:59:00 GMT
merrial (that 'at' sounds harsh and a bit 'off' to me, maybe I'm being oversensitive...) Hi Merrial Sometimes it's not anything we might have done. Sometimes people are pawns in other people's games, like the clique building that needs an outsider to define the inside. Sometimes people are the excuses to excuse another's behaviour, the he/she started it or 'well, if it wasn't for blah the skies would be blue and the flowers would bloom in winter.' Sometimes dogs get kicked, not for anything the dog has done, but just because it's there and someone just wants to lash out and make someone else suffer for their pain. Sometimes the above are done consciously, sometimes not. Either way it sucks to be the pawn, the dog or the excuse. It's hard not to take it personally when it goes on day after day, especially if you are already painfully aware of your own difficulties and awkwardness. Chin up and brave it out, Friday 5pm is only another 21 hours away and then it's our time. If it's really grim just remember, school was worse and we got through that! Writing as much to remind myself ( also having a rough time of it ) Take care and look after yourself
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Post by tati on Apr 5, 2016 22:24:57 GMT
blaze , This is the venting part of the forum. Merrial has complained about the behaviour she met in her office, and we are supporting her. We don't like the way her boss and co-workers behaved, and we are talking openly about it, saying what we think about their behaviour or sharing our feelings and experiences. Like you did too. But it's very uncomfortable for me having to defend and justify myself like this, even here and even in this section of the forum. So I move over. Sorry, this is very unconfortable.
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merrial
Member's posted somewhat
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Post by merrial on Apr 5, 2016 22:46:52 GMT
Hello again all...just thought I'd keep you posted on what's happening. I did write somewhere in another place on here.
I went to see a nurse at the ADHD clinic who specializes in helping people with ADHD with Employment and colleges. I discussed with her what was going
on at work. The colleagues who had now stepped things up a gear and were not speaking to me and just ignoring me. Laughing when I left the room.
My worries and concerns about those who I support and really only putting up with all this behavior because of them.
But I was advised that I myself am not well enough to cope with all of this and needed to go to my G.P, that my mental health is being affected.
As she pointed out this is Institutional and Historical and has been going on for so long that there was nothing I could do on my own to stop this without
support from my manager. So I went to the G.P and he has signed me off on the sick...and I truly feel exhausted by it all.
And yes it is childish behavior and I am not alone. So far 3 people have left because of this group of "people" and I use that term loosely.
I cannot go back, I don't think people realize what it is like having to put up with this kind of behavior everyday while holding down a very mentally and
physically demanding job does to a person....any person
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merrial
Member's posted somewhat
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Post by merrial on Apr 5, 2016 22:57:47 GMT
I think everyone's point of view is valid...but not particularly the reading of books about adhd. Only because at the moment I have the attention span
of a nat...however I would like to say that I am sad that after 11 years of working very hard and being told that I am very good at my job when
appraised. Having great rapport with those I've supported. I am going to have to walk away because this has made me ill
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Endymion
Member's not posted much yet
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Post by Endymion on Apr 6, 2016 9:32:46 GMT
Sorry to hear about your issues. Sounds like you and others are victims of harassment at work and have a weak manager who does not deal with it effectively. Have a look at the link below and it should help you with dealing with it, getting your employers to deal with it and as a last resort, how to have the matter sorted at a higher level i.e. employment tribunal. www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=797Essentially, if your co-workers have any complaints about you, your employer needs to tell you what they are and allow you to respond to these allegations. If they don't and also allow your co-workers to continue to harass you then they are breaking the law. Hope this helps and keep your chin up.
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merrial
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Post by merrial on Apr 6, 2016 9:45:28 GMT
blaze , This is the venting part of the forum. Merrial has complained about the behaviour she met in her office, and we are supporting her. We don't like the way her boss and co-workers behaved, and we are talking openly about it, saying what we think about their behaviour or sharing our feelings and experiences. Like you did too. But it's very uncomfortable for me having to defend and justify myself like this, even here and even in this section of the forum. So I move over. Sorry, this is very unconfortable.
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merrial
Member's posted somewhat
Posts: 63
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Post by merrial on Apr 6, 2016 9:52:09 GMT
Thank you Tati you have read and understood between the lines..that this is a group of people not an individual. I realize that anyone can
be a bully. I am not denying this. I just know this has not been the case for me.
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Post by tati on Apr 6, 2016 10:23:45 GMT
merrial a hug. I've faced a similar situation with two flat sharers, and I ended up with one of my worst depression crisis (and back to mom's house). And I was not the only one who flew away form that place. I had no similar experience before, neither I had when I finally went back to flat sharing... only with those two persons, I had that experience. Going to G.P. and seeking help for yourself is the best decision. I can see why you really need a break here.
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merrial
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Post by merrial on Apr 6, 2016 20:06:01 GMT
Thank you to all who have commented on this, and offered supportive advice. This has been a difficult time and I do appreciate you all taking the time to give me support.
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merrial
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Post by merrial on Apr 13, 2016 8:03:55 GMT
So angry yesterday after a phone call with my manager who said that everything was so much better at work now?? I asked if this was because I am not there she said "well you know everyone's pulling together covering shifts". I put the phone down on the BEEP!!!!!......I also wrote a 5 page email which I described my treatment at work. I sent it to her and two Area managers....They will be reading it now I expect and It should make very interesting reading. Infact it should send them into a frenzy of panic!!!!
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