Post by craftygrafty on Jan 14, 2017 19:08:09 GMT
I have so many thoughts running through my head right now that I'm just gonna be writing exactly what comes into my head as long as my fingers can keep up.
I'm 31 with a history of depression and anxiety, the depression hasn't affected me so much lately because I've been having help and support before I even realised what I have yet after speaking with my community leader today he told me he had an idea I had a learning difficulty (he doesn't like the word disability) despite being highly intelligent.
There's always been something not quite right, why did I always end up in bad relationships? why can't I follow simple instructions? why do I have problems with numbers but whip out an incredibly detailed story about any subject in a single day? Why do I keep making obvious mistakes? Why do I have zero confidence? What is wrong with me? Add in emotional, sexual, physical, and mental abuse and here I am today living in a homeless community after being homeless for the third time in my life.
I'd played around with the idea that I may have ADD or ADHD as there were a lot of similarities but I thought I was just being a hypochondriac until yesterday when I googled 'why can't I follow simple instructions?' and a test on ADHD popped up. I decided to take it answering yes on all but one question, the result was I have a common form of ADHD and the test recommended I get it checked by a doctor. It was then I remembered my Mum telling me several times when I was younger that I'd been diagnosed with hyperactivity after accidentally breaking toys at all three nurseries I attended and even broke non breakable toys.
I sent my dad a message on Facebook asking if he could remember if it was ADD or ADHD by any chance and sure enough he responded with ADD.
My dads words felt like a stab to my heart and even now I'm fighting back the tears, this was obviously back in the late 80's early 90's when very little was known and I've gone through life without any form of treatment and barely survived. Don't get me wrong though I don't blame my parents or the doctors back then.
I'm calling the doctors on Monday and getting a test to get a more definitive answer so I can look at treatment IF I need any but that really doesn't help how I'm feeling right now dipping and diving on an emotional roller coaster through rooms with giant speakers each one tuned into a different radio station. I'm terrified, angry at the numerous 'professionals' that have been in my life not being able to recognise it when it now seems so obvious, disappointed that I was the one who had to figure it out but the realisation that this isn't going away and going to affect me for the rest of my life and that I'm never going to be 'normal' is what hurts the most.
Tbh I'm not sure why I've come to this forum or why I'm writing this post I just felt the need to do it, maybe I just wanted to vent but I just don't know but there is one thing I know. The jigsaw pieces of my life, of me are finally fitting together and that gives me a lot of peace.
I'm 31 with a history of depression and anxiety, the depression hasn't affected me so much lately because I've been having help and support before I even realised what I have yet after speaking with my community leader today he told me he had an idea I had a learning difficulty (he doesn't like the word disability) despite being highly intelligent.
There's always been something not quite right, why did I always end up in bad relationships? why can't I follow simple instructions? why do I have problems with numbers but whip out an incredibly detailed story about any subject in a single day? Why do I keep making obvious mistakes? Why do I have zero confidence? What is wrong with me? Add in emotional, sexual, physical, and mental abuse and here I am today living in a homeless community after being homeless for the third time in my life.
I'd played around with the idea that I may have ADD or ADHD as there were a lot of similarities but I thought I was just being a hypochondriac until yesterday when I googled 'why can't I follow simple instructions?' and a test on ADHD popped up. I decided to take it answering yes on all but one question, the result was I have a common form of ADHD and the test recommended I get it checked by a doctor. It was then I remembered my Mum telling me several times when I was younger that I'd been diagnosed with hyperactivity after accidentally breaking toys at all three nurseries I attended and even broke non breakable toys.
I sent my dad a message on Facebook asking if he could remember if it was ADD or ADHD by any chance and sure enough he responded with ADD.
My dads words felt like a stab to my heart and even now I'm fighting back the tears, this was obviously back in the late 80's early 90's when very little was known and I've gone through life without any form of treatment and barely survived. Don't get me wrong though I don't blame my parents or the doctors back then.
I'm calling the doctors on Monday and getting a test to get a more definitive answer so I can look at treatment IF I need any but that really doesn't help how I'm feeling right now dipping and diving on an emotional roller coaster through rooms with giant speakers each one tuned into a different radio station. I'm terrified, angry at the numerous 'professionals' that have been in my life not being able to recognise it when it now seems so obvious, disappointed that I was the one who had to figure it out but the realisation that this isn't going away and going to affect me for the rest of my life and that I'm never going to be 'normal' is what hurts the most.
Tbh I'm not sure why I've come to this forum or why I'm writing this post I just felt the need to do it, maybe I just wanted to vent but I just don't know but there is one thing I know. The jigsaw pieces of my life, of me are finally fitting together and that gives me a lot of peace.