Post by Emily86 on Jul 12, 2017 23:29:21 GMT
I'm just looking to get this off my chest to people who may understand.
I am a 31 year old woman and I've always found things hard but I thought that's just how things are you know?
You watch TV and hear jokes and everyone talks about young people procrastinating or being easily distracted, you don't know what's going on in other peoples head so you don't know if what's going on in yours is unusual.
I've had a dyspraxia diagnosis since I was 14. My hand eye co-ordination is problem. I walk into alot of things, weave when I walk down the street and in general have to try really hard not to break things, walk into the road, get safely down stairs etc.
When I was 15 years old I got half an aspergers syndrome diagnosis. I grew up in an abusive household (Parents had problems with drug, alcohol, treatened us with knives etc.) and my mother insisted in going into every session with me. She would be nice infront of the doctor but when we got out she would talk about how she was going to have me put on medication to shut me up. I've always hated the thought of something else controlling me and as someone who had been bullyed at school and home throughout my life I hated that I didn't feel I fitted anywhere. I had a friend at school with aspergers syndrome and she lent me some books on it. I used them to fake the "normal" answers to the questions the doctor asked me and when I turned 16 he said that he would no longer deal with me as he only delt with children up to 16 and that since I would be going to college soon I would be OK. I got a diagnosis of mild aspergers syndrome and tried to deal with things as best I could, any issues after that I assumed were probably related to that.
The thing is that I've been working round problems as and when they appear. Most of the time I just kind of brace myself, dig my nails into my palms or bite myself and try to ignore the pressure and the noise in my head or the way my skin feel wrong but and as I'm getting older it's just getting harder to deal with. My focus has never been great, I lose days to stupid stuff that I can't stop focusing on, stare at a spot and can't drag my gaze away or get manic and start 100 different projects at once etc. Sleep is a problem for me I just can't stop thinking or my skin won't stop itching and feeling wrong and I can feel my toes and my eyelids etc.
All these things are getting to be alot you know.
I went to the doctors because I am so thirsty at night and after listing the stuff I've been dealing with I'm currently being tested for things. My local authority doesn't fund testing or treatment for ADHD, dyspraxia or any ASD but after seeing a mental health nurse and a GP they're applying for funding to get me checked.
It's frustrating for me though because I keep being asked why I waited until now, why I've never mentioned any symptoms. My medical records have nothing on them something has happened and they have nothing in my files.
Every time I see a new doctor they assure me that I'm just having a panic attack I couldn't possibly be like this all the time. I have had to drag my partner with me to the doctors because when I'm alone they just won't listen. Now I have to go for an MRI although the last doctor I saw (doctor number 5) said the scan wouldn't find anything. I don't know if I can sit still for that long.
I want to quit, I'm sick of it. I'm scared of the doctors and taking the time off work. Having to go to new places on buses and talk to people but I also don't think I'm going to be able to keep coping without help.
I am a 31 year old woman and I've always found things hard but I thought that's just how things are you know?
You watch TV and hear jokes and everyone talks about young people procrastinating or being easily distracted, you don't know what's going on in other peoples head so you don't know if what's going on in yours is unusual.
I've had a dyspraxia diagnosis since I was 14. My hand eye co-ordination is problem. I walk into alot of things, weave when I walk down the street and in general have to try really hard not to break things, walk into the road, get safely down stairs etc.
When I was 15 years old I got half an aspergers syndrome diagnosis. I grew up in an abusive household (Parents had problems with drug, alcohol, treatened us with knives etc.) and my mother insisted in going into every session with me. She would be nice infront of the doctor but when we got out she would talk about how she was going to have me put on medication to shut me up. I've always hated the thought of something else controlling me and as someone who had been bullyed at school and home throughout my life I hated that I didn't feel I fitted anywhere. I had a friend at school with aspergers syndrome and she lent me some books on it. I used them to fake the "normal" answers to the questions the doctor asked me and when I turned 16 he said that he would no longer deal with me as he only delt with children up to 16 and that since I would be going to college soon I would be OK. I got a diagnosis of mild aspergers syndrome and tried to deal with things as best I could, any issues after that I assumed were probably related to that.
The thing is that I've been working round problems as and when they appear. Most of the time I just kind of brace myself, dig my nails into my palms or bite myself and try to ignore the pressure and the noise in my head or the way my skin feel wrong but and as I'm getting older it's just getting harder to deal with. My focus has never been great, I lose days to stupid stuff that I can't stop focusing on, stare at a spot and can't drag my gaze away or get manic and start 100 different projects at once etc. Sleep is a problem for me I just can't stop thinking or my skin won't stop itching and feeling wrong and I can feel my toes and my eyelids etc.
All these things are getting to be alot you know.
I went to the doctors because I am so thirsty at night and after listing the stuff I've been dealing with I'm currently being tested for things. My local authority doesn't fund testing or treatment for ADHD, dyspraxia or any ASD but after seeing a mental health nurse and a GP they're applying for funding to get me checked.
It's frustrating for me though because I keep being asked why I waited until now, why I've never mentioned any symptoms. My medical records have nothing on them something has happened and they have nothing in my files.
Every time I see a new doctor they assure me that I'm just having a panic attack I couldn't possibly be like this all the time. I have had to drag my partner with me to the doctors because when I'm alone they just won't listen. Now I have to go for an MRI although the last doctor I saw (doctor number 5) said the scan wouldn't find anything. I don't know if I can sit still for that long.
I want to quit, I'm sick of it. I'm scared of the doctors and taking the time off work. Having to go to new places on buses and talk to people but I also don't think I'm going to be able to keep coping without help.