Post by Shortypie on Jan 8, 2018 14:42:48 GMT
Hi there,
I'm 35. I'm pretty sure I have ADD. Not sure whether it is worth pursuing a diagnosis though, but I do feel it effects my life in many ways.
I have twin boys of 11 who have both been diagnosed with ADHD as well as ASD and learning difficulties (we always thought due to their prematurity. I then found out ADHD is hereditary and then always thought my ex-husband may have had ADHD/ASD). One is medicated and finding it really beneficial, he says he hates it if he ever misses a dose. The other one has issues swallowing tablets so we haven't and besides it seems to affect him less.
A few years ago, when I was first getting my boys' diagnosis and I was reading literature about ADHD I started realizing a lot of the symptoms sound familiar, bar the hyperactivity. Recently, the school Inclusion Manager mentioned she thinks my 7 year old daughter (born at term) may have ASD traits. I don't think she does but have thought for around 6 months that she may have ADD. She reminds me a lot of myself when I was younger, although much sassier than I was She is clearly bright but is "lazy" with regards finishing her work, unwilling to join in games/group work/dance classes etc as she fears rejection/humiliation (she's actually a great dancer, but refuses to let me sign her up to a dance class, although she will dance at events/parties sometimes. She has always refused to join in party games like pass the parcel etc. In her words "I only came for the food").
I was quite academically able but school reports said I was a "dreamer", my handwriting was terrible, I could never revise for exams, always "crammed" in the last 2 days although I got fair results including A* in French and German at GCSE and A's at A-Level. Anything requiring course work would always drag my grade down though as I lost interest. By some miracle, I scraped a 2:1 degree in Egyptian Archaeology, despite only starting my dissertation one week before we had to do an oral presentation. I feel addicted to my phone, particularly social media. Before smart phones, it was reading; my ex used to tell me off when we went to his parents' house as after a while I would zone out of the conversation and find something, anything, to read. My house is constantly untidy, it takes me twice as long to cook meals as I get distracted (usually I think about quickly looking something up on my phone and spend ages then on it), my work space is messy.
I happened to read an article today about ADHD and "rejection sensitive dysphoria": (RSD) is an extreme emotional sensitivity and emotional pain triggered by the perception – not necessarily the reality – that a person has been rejected, teased, or criticized by important people in their life. RSD may also be triggered by a sense of failure, or falling short – failing to meet either their own high standards or others’ expectations.
When this emotional response is internalized, it can imitate a full, major mood disorder complete with suicidal ideation. The sudden change from feeling perfectly fine to feeling intensely sad that results from RSD is often misdiagnosed as rapid cycling BPD.
1. They become people pleasers. They scan every person they meet to figure out what that person admires and praises. Then, that’s the false self they present. Often this becomes such a dominating goal that they forget what they actually wanted from their own lives. They are too busy making sure other people aren’t displeased with them.
2. They stop trying. If there is the slightest possibility that a person might try something new and fail or fall short in front of anyone else, it’s just too painful and too risky to even consider. So, these people just don’t. These are the very bright, capable people who become the slackers of the world and do absolutely nothing with their lives because making any effort is so anxiety-provoking. They give up going on dates, applying for jobs, or speaking in meetings.
Whilst I don't feel suicidal etc, I have in the last few years particularly (I had previously led a very sheltered life, meeting my ex at 17, and he was very possessive so we didn't do much, so I don't think I felt it) experienced really low moods that I thought were just anxiety/depression resulting from: the ending of a brief, 3 month relationship; another brief 4 month relationship during which I let him emotionally and verbally abuse me, because I thought he was right about my flaws, which shows obvious low self esteem; and over-ridingly, the fact that I feel like an utter failure of a human being because I didn't "do" anything when I was younger. And yet when I've had miscarriages before, or left my partner of 17 years, looking after 3 children (2 with significant needs) and the finances on my own, or other things that really should worry me, I've felt sad but not this pit of depression. It seems like my low mood is drastically linked to failing to meet my own (and others' perceived) standards.
I missed out on all the going out/partying/friendships (I was pushed out of my school friendship circle around the same time I met me ex-husband and found it hard to make friends outside of school/at uni/work partly because of my own fear of rejection meaning I don't like to "put myself out there" and partly due to being in a controlling relationship. I had kids at 24. I now wish I had had independence during my 20s and travelled (not helped by the fact I am currently having a relationship with a guy younger than me who has travelled for 7 months 2 years ago and wants to again at the end of the year, he also has a big group of friends to socialize with, has done the whole Aya Napa/Glasto/experimenting with substances thing - I feel very boring in comparison to most people.) The excerpts from the article describe me scarily. It's ridiculous as I am (by all accounts) attractive, funny, interesting, intelligent, I'm valued at work and have always often done well above what is expected of me, despite being largely administrative roles. My friends can get very frustrated with me as they think I'm wonderful, and objectively, so do I, but most of the time I feel utterly worthless and wonder why anyone likes me, when in fact, most people do once they get to know me. I'm also an overthinker, and have a constant monologue in my head (usually about how I've wasted my life).
It's got to the point where I'm wishing my children would hurry up and become adults so I can go and experience the world and put that constant nagging voice in my head to sleep.
I've been on antidepressants before which did help with the situation I was in at the time, post-break up, but I didn't want to stay on them as I didn't like the side effects. I also have no trouble sleeping unless my anxiety is playing up; if anything, I am a very heavy sleeper (if a night owl) and can't wake up, meaning I am nearly always late in the mornings, including getting the children to school late. I forget to bring in their PE kits, do their homework with them, reading, spellings etc. I really feel like I'm failing them and I just seem lazy.
Sorry for the waffle! Wondering if anyone can relate.