Post by addingtonbear on Jan 30, 2020 6:17:52 GMT
Hi everyone. I'm just checking here because I need to.
This morning is our first mediation meeting in our divorce. I'm divorcing my husband.
What is helpful is I have to fill in a form all about my circumstances. This has been one awful task. haha. The form looks like a series of traps, puzzles and exam questions. Fonts are variable. Some pages landscape, some portrait. It is a beast of a Word document.
The reality of my chaotic and inadequate finances is very frightening. It's only by filling in this form that I've faced it. It's brought up a ton of shame and guilt too.
I have been experiencing drifting into crisis a couple of times this last week. When my thinking gets very bad I usually call samaritans (UK calls: 116 123 free, day or night, 365 days a year).
No-one really knows though because I manage the front end of things very well.
Jolly good.
It's good because, I can't gloss over these things. I need to face things as they are and that's all the mediator is interested in.
I am grateful for being held to account, although it feels terrible and life threatening.
I notice that I used the same 'glossing over things' to stay in a marriage that was one sided, and I have allowed to dent my confidence a great deal.
I'm also more aware now that I put people on pedestals (and make myself less worthy at the same time). It's been a way of managing things.
Posting this, is me supporting myself by acknowledging these things and starting to take responsibility for them.
I'm going into the mediation with as much info as I can and an explanation of the things I will need more support with.
There are other areas of my life that require the same clarity, and purpose.
I realise I don't want rescuing. I want support so I do my best thinking and decision making.
Thanks for being a place where I can post this.
TBC = This Bear Can
This morning is our first mediation meeting in our divorce. I'm divorcing my husband.
What is helpful is I have to fill in a form all about my circumstances. This has been one awful task. haha. The form looks like a series of traps, puzzles and exam questions. Fonts are variable. Some pages landscape, some portrait. It is a beast of a Word document.
The reality of my chaotic and inadequate finances is very frightening. It's only by filling in this form that I've faced it. It's brought up a ton of shame and guilt too.
I have been experiencing drifting into crisis a couple of times this last week. When my thinking gets very bad I usually call samaritans (UK calls: 116 123 free, day or night, 365 days a year).
No-one really knows though because I manage the front end of things very well.
Jolly good.
It's good because, I can't gloss over these things. I need to face things as they are and that's all the mediator is interested in.
I am grateful for being held to account, although it feels terrible and life threatening.
I notice that I used the same 'glossing over things' to stay in a marriage that was one sided, and I have allowed to dent my confidence a great deal.
I'm also more aware now that I put people on pedestals (and make myself less worthy at the same time). It's been a way of managing things.
Posting this, is me supporting myself by acknowledging these things and starting to take responsibility for them.
I'm going into the mediation with as much info as I can and an explanation of the things I will need more support with.
There are other areas of my life that require the same clarity, and purpose.
I realise I don't want rescuing. I want support so I do my best thinking and decision making.
Thanks for being a place where I can post this.
TBC = This Bear Can