Post by Babble on Jul 15, 2020 11:19:00 GMT
So... haven't written anything here in literal years? Hi? Sorry about that XD
I've finally got to the point in my life where I'm seriously considering getting (or trying to get) an official diagnosis for inattentive ADHD. Between my forgetfulness and impatience I'm not willing to wait to go through the NHS, so I've found an adult ADHD specialist nearby. I've got the number ready to phone, I have a copy of the DSM-IV criteria annotated and ready to go. I just can't seem to pick up the phone.
For context - my reason for finally biting the bullet? I'm neck deep in a 5 year rut. I hate my (depression inducing, toxic, soul destroying (because I'm oversensitive to criticism, I'm aware - doesn't stop it from hurting though)) job, I still live at home, and I'm terrified to get behind the wheel of a car. It's holding me back.
I know diagnosis and meds won't solve all my problems, believe me. But I'm scared that no other workplace will have me or I'll just end up in a worse situation because of my forgetfulness, occasional inattention, hyperfocus etc p-ing people off. Despite having lived away from home before, I've never lived exclusively on my own and I seriously doubt my ability to run a functional household. I can barely remember to get through every stage of doing my wash in a 24 hour period, so life on my own is gonna get messy quickly. I hate driving because I get so overwhelmed it's panic-attack inducing, or I end up hyperfocusing on the road and ignoring hazards, or I'm constantly getting distracted by passing dogs and shiny cars (I wish that was a joke). It's horrible, and I'd hate it if someone got hurt because of my silly brain being silly.
I feel like I've got some pretty good reasons to at least give diagnosis and meds a try. I think??
Part of me - the annoying pre-ADHD-revelation mental voice - still insists I'm just stupid/pathetic/incomptant/lazy etc. My biggest fear is being told that I don't have it, or that it's not serious enough that I warrant help (this literally happened when I went to the doctors about depression. Apparently I'm high-functioning enough that all I need to stop me from walking in front of traffic is a leaflet on managing stress). Before I knew about ADHD I was in a really dark place, believing I was broken beyond repair and the reason I was apparently incapable of functioning like a normal human being was because there was something intrinsically wrong with me as a person. I really, really don't want to be sent back to that place.
I just keep asking myself, is it worth the risk? Will it actually change my life for the better? Do the meds really work? What do I do if the specialist tells me I'm wrong?
I hate being so indecisive
I've finally got to the point in my life where I'm seriously considering getting (or trying to get) an official diagnosis for inattentive ADHD. Between my forgetfulness and impatience I'm not willing to wait to go through the NHS, so I've found an adult ADHD specialist nearby. I've got the number ready to phone, I have a copy of the DSM-IV criteria annotated and ready to go. I just can't seem to pick up the phone.
For context - my reason for finally biting the bullet? I'm neck deep in a 5 year rut. I hate my (depression inducing, toxic, soul destroying (because I'm oversensitive to criticism, I'm aware - doesn't stop it from hurting though)) job, I still live at home, and I'm terrified to get behind the wheel of a car. It's holding me back.
I know diagnosis and meds won't solve all my problems, believe me. But I'm scared that no other workplace will have me or I'll just end up in a worse situation because of my forgetfulness, occasional inattention, hyperfocus etc p-ing people off. Despite having lived away from home before, I've never lived exclusively on my own and I seriously doubt my ability to run a functional household. I can barely remember to get through every stage of doing my wash in a 24 hour period, so life on my own is gonna get messy quickly. I hate driving because I get so overwhelmed it's panic-attack inducing, or I end up hyperfocusing on the road and ignoring hazards, or I'm constantly getting distracted by passing dogs and shiny cars (I wish that was a joke). It's horrible, and I'd hate it if someone got hurt because of my silly brain being silly.
I feel like I've got some pretty good reasons to at least give diagnosis and meds a try. I think??
Part of me - the annoying pre-ADHD-revelation mental voice - still insists I'm just stupid/pathetic/incomptant/lazy etc. My biggest fear is being told that I don't have it, or that it's not serious enough that I warrant help (this literally happened when I went to the doctors about depression. Apparently I'm high-functioning enough that all I need to stop me from walking in front of traffic is a leaflet on managing stress). Before I knew about ADHD I was in a really dark place, believing I was broken beyond repair and the reason I was apparently incapable of functioning like a normal human being was because there was something intrinsically wrong with me as a person. I really, really don't want to be sent back to that place.
I just keep asking myself, is it worth the risk? Will it actually change my life for the better? Do the meds really work? What do I do if the specialist tells me I'm wrong?
I hate being so indecisive