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Post by Easily_distrac on Jun 15, 2021 21:49:33 GMT
Two people close to me have ADHD and both display the same pattern of behaviour which I’m trying to get my head around (I also have ADHD but don't do this). They seem to Mask by being very critical of their partners and children. Often picking on things you can do nothing about, so I’m dyslexia and my mother merciless critise my spelling on what felt like a daily basis. Another example is saying “I hate people coming early and I hate people coming late.” Then critising them for being 3 minutes late (or 3 minutes early). In other words, manufacturing a criticism they can repeat over and over, not matter how you behave.
I’ve worked in Marketing, so I’m well aware of how effective this regular repetition is for making people believe whatever you want them to. Propaganda uses the same principle, the repetition has more effect than the message. The criticism sometimes comes as a barrage of character assassination. Both people I know that do this are female, and things like postnatal depression and the menopause seemed to magnify it, as does stress. If you ever attempt to defend or point the finger back the criticism intensifies and they become more argumentative. But to sit and take it slowly kills your self esteem.
Does anyone else recognise this behaviour ? Does anyone have any coping mechanisms ? From what I’ve read, encouraging us to be our authentic self will lift the mask, but this behaviours has run for many, many decades so that will be a tough ask. I know I mask, but in different ways. Is it even ADHD ?
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2021 23:01:31 GMT
What do you mean as a mask?
Excess is the hallmark of ADHD init? There are two possible causes that I can think of for this behaviour, though.
Saviour Complex - This is an excellent way to keep yourself amused, if you have ADHD. You appoint yourself the champion of all poor souls. You help them see the error of their ways like you wish someone would have helped you. They hate you for the unsolicited advice but you take this in your stride because you're doing god's work, kinda thing. Poor souls.
Twat Complex - This is the backup when all else fails. Words, subconsciously, fall out of your mouth which ignite reactions in the faces of others. You're just having fun. They hate you.
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Post by Northern Chaos on Jun 23, 2021 9:20:24 GMT
I'm undiagnosed but I find I am critical of others. My habit is for something not to be to my liking then I escalate it into something more important than it is. This often leads to a harsh telling off for someone in a snide comment. I don't realise I'm doing it just that x matter was so important that I raise it. It isn't but my brain acts like that.
Classic is keys not in the key basket. In our new house I've got a new one, garage door not padlocked."we've got bikes in there, can't leave it unlocked!!". Of course we live in a low crime area and often leave the garage completely open so it's not an issue. But it is to me. I know it's bad behaviour on my part but that doesn't stop me doing it.
I think there's a behavioural term for it. I read yesterday an article in The Conversation written by two academics in ADHD who have it themselves. They reference such behaviours really well. Learnt a few more I do.
If your family with ADHD are like this then i think you need to discuss such behaviour and also acknowledge it as part of ADHD for them. They need to make reasonable adjustments but you too.
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Post by Easily_distrac on Jun 23, 2021 22:46:00 GMT
@boost good point, might have nothing to do with masks, I think I panicked when I chose that word (good movie though). I love Jim Carrey. "Saviour Complex", didn’t Blair have a messiah complex ? He couldn’t sit still could he ? I think you’re onto something there. Thanks for your feedback, very interesting.
@northern Chaos Guest do you have a link to that article, it sound right up mi alley.
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