Post by andyrharris on Sept 3, 2021 13:31:08 GMT
Hi everyone. As random as it might sound, I joined TikTok over the summer, and some videos related to adult ADHD came up and I found myself relating to a lot of the content. I'm not going to lie, some of it seemed more extreme than anything I've experienced, but there are a lot of things I do that drive my wife crazy, and have caused issues/arguments, which I've seen discussed or shown in these videos. I did a couple of online quizzes and they seem to suggest I might be onto something.
It's really come to a head since I became a father last summer and I've felt really overwhelmed and stressed at times. My wife says she feels I am not contributing enough, but I genuinely feel like I've been doing everything a can the majority of the time. My main issues are that I start tasks and struggle to finish, either through getting distracted by something else, over prioritising a small sub-task or at times I just feel like I've totally had enough and just want to walk away from the job/task. I also just don't notice all sorts of things around the house, or fail to take the initiative with something that needs doing, cos it simply just doesn't come to mind for me. She says she feels I've been in my own world for a few months.
I've never really seen myself as someone who has had mental health difficulties, but I've had a couple of breakdowns in the last few months, feeling like I can't cope. Kinda feeling like I'm not up to living this life I've landed in, with a career, wife and child. It's made me feel rather worthless and very low at times. When I look back at times in the past when I was dealing with tough situations (e.g. my wife suffering severe anxiety a couple of years before we got married), I have sort of unintentionally numbed myself and withdrawn a little - seeming all fine on the outside, but just feeling less 'there' and having much shallower highs and lows. I think it's been some kind of coping mechanism/self preservation. I also think the intensity of life since fatherhood, and the way my wife has challenged me and called me out on things a lot since we became parents, has forced me to not dip into my withdrawn state but face up to my feelings, and I have found myself feeling less and less confident in myself and more likely to feel depressed or stressed etc.
I've read quite a few articles and info on websites and I see that the idea of being diagnosed as an adult is only recently being taken seriously (and maybe still not seriously enough). But it's got me thinking back to when I was at school age. Looking back, here are a few things that (put very simply) could be seen as 'bad' behaviours or habits...
I never found school particularly hard, and I came out with decent grades, but I was utterly shocking at organising myself to, and ever begin to, revise. When I moved onto A level study, I struggled a great deal. The only thing I could do well with, was music (I quit college and went back to do full time music. Music has always been something that I can really care about, get motivated for and dedicate time to. I have had a career as a music educator for 16 years now, and I genuinely believe I can only stay 'in the zone' to do my job, because it relates to my passion). My room was very messy and my parents used to bug me about it. they would say "put things where they belong" and I remember always really struggling with that, and I would say I am happy to tidy, but I just don't know where things are meant to belong. It took until well into my adult life that I was able to organise my living space much at all, and I'm still not great - when I lived alone, between two long term relationships, I became very messy again.
I recognise that some behaviours I have displayed link to other adults experiences with ADHD, but I am wondering whether those few example from childhood resonate with anyone else?
It's really come to a head since I became a father last summer and I've felt really overwhelmed and stressed at times. My wife says she feels I am not contributing enough, but I genuinely feel like I've been doing everything a can the majority of the time. My main issues are that I start tasks and struggle to finish, either through getting distracted by something else, over prioritising a small sub-task or at times I just feel like I've totally had enough and just want to walk away from the job/task. I also just don't notice all sorts of things around the house, or fail to take the initiative with something that needs doing, cos it simply just doesn't come to mind for me. She says she feels I've been in my own world for a few months.
I've never really seen myself as someone who has had mental health difficulties, but I've had a couple of breakdowns in the last few months, feeling like I can't cope. Kinda feeling like I'm not up to living this life I've landed in, with a career, wife and child. It's made me feel rather worthless and very low at times. When I look back at times in the past when I was dealing with tough situations (e.g. my wife suffering severe anxiety a couple of years before we got married), I have sort of unintentionally numbed myself and withdrawn a little - seeming all fine on the outside, but just feeling less 'there' and having much shallower highs and lows. I think it's been some kind of coping mechanism/self preservation. I also think the intensity of life since fatherhood, and the way my wife has challenged me and called me out on things a lot since we became parents, has forced me to not dip into my withdrawn state but face up to my feelings, and I have found myself feeling less and less confident in myself and more likely to feel depressed or stressed etc.
I've read quite a few articles and info on websites and I see that the idea of being diagnosed as an adult is only recently being taken seriously (and maybe still not seriously enough). But it's got me thinking back to when I was at school age. Looking back, here are a few things that (put very simply) could be seen as 'bad' behaviours or habits...
I never found school particularly hard, and I came out with decent grades, but I was utterly shocking at organising myself to, and ever begin to, revise. When I moved onto A level study, I struggled a great deal. The only thing I could do well with, was music (I quit college and went back to do full time music. Music has always been something that I can really care about, get motivated for and dedicate time to. I have had a career as a music educator for 16 years now, and I genuinely believe I can only stay 'in the zone' to do my job, because it relates to my passion). My room was very messy and my parents used to bug me about it. they would say "put things where they belong" and I remember always really struggling with that, and I would say I am happy to tidy, but I just don't know where things are meant to belong. It took until well into my adult life that I was able to organise my living space much at all, and I'm still not great - when I lived alone, between two long term relationships, I became very messy again.
I recognise that some behaviours I have displayed link to other adults experiences with ADHD, but I am wondering whether those few example from childhood resonate with anyone else?