sdw3075
Member's not posted much yet
Posts: 1
|
Post by sdw3075 on Jun 15, 2022 22:08:14 GMT
Hi, I'm brand new here and excited to meet other people with ADHD.
To give a bit of background I'm a 46 year old woman who has recently been referred by my GP for ADHD diagnosis. It never occurred to me that I may have ADHD until a new friend who has already been diagnosed suggested that I displayed a lot of behaviours. I was of the understanding (as a lot of people, I'm sure) that ADHD was something that just "naughty boys" at school had. I did great at school, I was well advanced, surely this couldn't be me. My friend asked me to read up on ADHD and I did and it was literally as if someone had given me glasses for the first time. All of a sudden I could see and everything made sense. I was, and still am, so excited as to what the future may hold. I've lived my entire life so far thinking that I was somehow defective that to learn there are others like me and there is medication and strategies to help me cope fills me with hope.
I was given a questionnaire by my GP to complete and I decided to run it by my husband, who has issues of his own and has spent a long period on medication for depression and anxiety and who suffers with alcohol misuse problems. I scored moderate to high. His score was almost off the chart! I encouraged him to speak to his own GP, who promptly referred him for assessment too.
My husband however is dealing with this very differently to me. For me it's almost an epiphany and I understand so much more the reasons why my life may have played out as it has. For him it's much more complicated. He doesn't really want to talk about it. He's accepting of ADHD as maybe being the root cause of some of his issues, however for him it's completely overwhelming and he will talk about it with me for a while and then shut down, whereas I want to talk and talk because it's like there's finally an answer
Has anyone else been diagnosed as an adult at the same time as their significant other and how did you both work through it, as individuals but also as a couple?
|
|
|
Post by cassandro on Jun 16, 2022 10:34:51 GMT
Hi sdw. Thanks for your story and as an only-occasional poster myself, welcome.
I don't have a partner, but when got my own diagnosis a couple of years ago, several friends were going through the same process, and it is good to be able to discuss what it means and what we've found out. I've seen that 'epiphany' and sense of relief in people getting either ADHD or autism diagnoses - suddenly a lot of struggles make sense, you don't have to keep searching for an answer, and there is some hope of treatment. But later one can also experience regret or anger that one didn't know earlier, disappointment that it's essentially a permanent part of you and frustration when treatments aren't available or don't work - although in a video someone posted here ADHD is described as the most treatable disorder in psychiatry.
I wonder if your husband is just less interested in general explanations, sharing experience and uniting under a category defined by diagnosis, and more in the specific problems he faces which it sounds may have been quite complicated. This reminds me of MBTI personality types, where 'N' type means high 'openness to experience' and wanting to intellectualise about the big picture. 'N' people are a minority in the general population, but a majority of people you meet in a group to discuss MBTI, probably because they are just more interested in things like personality. Either way might need a lot of acceptance of oneself and one's relationships.
AADD has a calendar with some in-person meetups you might be interested in.
|
|
|
Post by Fluffy_unicorn on Jun 17, 2022 23:01:21 GMT
I was diagnosed as an adult when I went back to college. I really struggled with my life. I did a questionnaire with learning support and they thought I had adhd. They referred me to an educational psychologist. I took an IQ test and some other tests. They said I have adhd and mild dyspraxia. I was in my late twenties.
Now I can't believe nobody recognised sooner that I had adhd. There are a lot of misconceptions about adhd and how it manifests especially in adults and women.
|
|
ivanb
Member's not posted much yet
Looking for other middle aged males with a partner that has adhd, for general chat and discussion
Posts: 4
|
Post by ivanb on Aug 2, 2022 16:43:34 GMT
Hi sdw. Thanks for your story and as an only-occasional poster myself, welcome. I don't have a partner, but when got my own diagnosis a couple of years ago, several friends were going through the same process, and it is good to be able to discuss what it means and what we've found out. I've seen that 'epiphany' and sense of relief in people getting either ADHD or autism diagnoses - suddenly a lot of struggles make sense, you don't have to keep searching for an answer, and there is some hope of treatment. But later one can also experience regret or anger that one didn't know earlier, disappointment that it's essentially a permanent part of you and frustration when treatments aren't available or don't work - although in a video someone posted here ADHD is described as the most treatable disorder in psychiatry. I wonder if your husband is just less interested in general explanations, sharing experience and uniting under a category defined by diagnosis, and more in the specific problems he faces which it sounds may have been quite complicated. This reminds me of MBTI personality types, where 'N' type means high 'openness to experience' and wanting to intellectualise about the big picture. 'N' people are a minority in the general population, but a majority of people you meet in a group to discuss MBTI, probably because they are just more interested in things like personality. Either way might need a lot of acceptance of oneself and one's relationships. AADD has a calendar with some in-person meetups you might be interested in.
|
|
ivanb
Member's not posted much yet
Looking for other middle aged males with a partner that has adhd, for general chat and discussion
Posts: 4
|
Post by ivanb on Aug 2, 2022 17:31:23 GMT
Hi sdw. Thanks for your story and as an only-occasional poster myself, welcome. I don't have a partner, but when got my own diagnosis a couple of years ago, several friends were going through the same process, and it is good to be able to discuss what it means and what we've found out. I've seen that 'epiphany' and sense of relief in people getting either ADHD or autism diagnoses - suddenly a lot of struggles make sense, you don't have to keep searching for an answer, and there is some hope of treatment. But later one can also experience regret or anger that one didn't know earlier, disappointment that it's essentially a permanent part of you and frustration when treatments aren't available or don't work - although in a video someone posted here ADHD is described as the most treatable disorder in psychiatry. I wonder if your husband is just less interested in general explanations, sharing experience and uniting under a category defined by diagnosis, and more in the specific problems he faces which it sounds may have been quite complicated. This reminds me of MBTI personality types, where 'N' type means high 'openness to experience' and wanting to intellectualise about the big picture. 'N' people are a minority in the general population, but a majority of people you meet in a group to discuss MBTI, probably because they are just more interested in things like personality. Either way might need a lot of acceptance of oneself and one's relationships. AADD has a calendar with some in-person meetups you might be interested in.
|
|
ivanb
Member's not posted much yet
Looking for other middle aged males with a partner that has adhd, for general chat and discussion
Posts: 4
|
Post by ivanb on Aug 2, 2022 17:33:38 GMT
Hi sdw. Thanks for your story and as an only-occasional poster myself, welcome. I don't have a partner, but when got my own diagnosis a couple of years ago, several friends were going through the same process, and it is good to be able to discuss what it means and what we've found out. I've seen that 'epiphany' and sense of relief in people getting either ADHD or autism diagnoses - suddenly a lot of struggles make sense, you don't have to keep searching for an answer, and there is some hope of treatment. But later one can also experience regret or anger that one didn't know earlier, disappointment that it's essentially a permanent part of you and frustration when treatments aren't available or don't work - although in a video someone posted here ADHD is described as the most treatable disorder in psychiatry. I wonder if your husband is just less interested in general explanations, sharing experience and uniting under a category defined by diagnosis, and more in the specific problems he faces which it sounds may have been quite complicated. This reminds me of MBTI personality types, where 'N' type means high 'openness to experience' and wanting to intellectualise about the big picture. 'N' people are a minority in the general population, but a majority of people you meet in a group to discuss MBTI, probably because they are just more interested in things like personality. Either way might need a lot of acceptance of oneself and one's relationships. AADD has a calendar with some in-person meetups you might be interested in.
|
|
ivanb
Member's not posted much yet
Looking for other middle aged males with a partner that has adhd, for general chat and discussion
Posts: 4
|
Post by ivanb on Aug 2, 2022 17:34:40 GMT
Is this forum active, I'd like to reach out to exchange chat and discussion on how to better support my wife who has been diagnosed with adhd Thanks
|
|
|
Post by cassandro on Oct 4, 2022 7:18:25 GMT
Is this forum active, I'd like to reach out to exchange chat and discussion on how to better support my wife who has been diagnosed with adhd Thanks Not very active at the moment at all, and there is a spam problem that is offputting. It's been much more active in the past.
Have you checked the AADD calendar or Meetup for any local meetings? Not sure if a carers' group might be appropriate. I guess those things that help people accept themselves can also help understanding and support in a relationship - so the Jess McCabe 'How To ADHD' videos may be of interest.
|
|
|
Post by s4me4stm4n on Nov 6, 2022 18:04:11 GMT
Hi everyone.
I’m Samuel and I’m from Buckinghamshire, near London. I’m 31 years old and I got diagnosed with combined ADHD after a long battle in July 2022. I had issues since I was a little boy because I couldn’t socialise properly and had unusual habits. Then as a teenager I developed depression and started having suicidal tendencies because I struggled to fit in with my peers at school and college. I nearly took my own life at 25 years old but my friend, with me at the time, stopped me. I never felt so alone in my whole life until I got this diagnosis because people often ignore me and I feel like I’m invisible. Nice to meet you all here and I’m a good listener if anyone needs to talk. 🙂
|
|
|
Post by cassandro on Nov 24, 2022 15:10:06 GMT
Hi everyone. I’m Samuel and I’m from Buckinghamshire, near London. I’m 31 years old and I got diagnosed with combined ADHD after a long battle in July 2022. I had issues since I was a little boy because I couldn’t socialise properly and had unusual habits. Then as a teenager I developed depression and started having suicidal tendencies because I struggled to fit in with my peers at school and college. I nearly took my own life at 25 years old but my friend, with me at the time, stopped me. I never felt so alone in my whole life until I got this diagnosis because people often ignore me and I feel like I’m invisible. Nice to meet you all here and I’m a good listener if anyone needs to talk. 🙂 Thanks for the intro. I think the spam is making these forums practically unusable, unfortunately. (I don't know if there is anything the admin can do or if it's up to Proboards.)
Sorry to hear you've such a hard time, and I hope things are improving now. Have you also had an autism assessment?
|
|