Post by magicnick1990 on Jun 30, 2009 22:42:01 GMT
I'm back in touch with a friend after three years.
I'm 18 now and she's 19. We used to hangout and drink a lot and also kiss a lot. Never a relationship though.
Anyway, she's had a baby now but split up with the dad for good.
I'm still crazily in love with her (as I always have been). I told her via txt like the first night I went down there but it was half-jokey and we laughed about it the next day.
Anyway, about a week later I did it again but seriously, like poured my every thought out to her. I know, it's cowardly via text messages but I really haven't got the balls to say it to her face. At least at this stage in my life, plus I kind of assumed she doesn't like me like that even though she's always flirty etc.
She basically said she only likes / loves me as a friend. I was and am still completely gutted. I think she used to have a thing for me but not anymore. I said I'm not sure I can stand to just be friends with her, she said not to be like that though and we would talk about it next time I was down. We didn't though.
I went down last night and sent her a txt when I got back basically saying the same thing. In so many words, I don't think I can remain friends with you because I love you too much and it's driving me crazy.
I still haven't had a txt back so maybe she hasn't got it or I don't know. I think I'll end up taking that back though as I don't think I could handle not seeing her for a long period again.
Anyway, point of this post, sorry for the first part but had to explain it lol. So, point of this post is that we've basically run out of things to say to one another.
First few times was comfortable and I've got a good sense of humour so can manage to turn some silences into laughter by saying odd / quirky things etc.
But we've talked about all the main stuff
- Where we've been past three years
- Who we still see
- Her turd of an ex-boyfriend
- Films
- Old times
- What we're doing for work / future
I mean. Half the time now it's just empty air lol, cringing.
Given that I have ADHD (95% sure, just waiting on referral still), I'd imagine I find it ten times more awkward than it actually is and inflate the situation in my mind. And probably feel more pressure on myself to be the interesting one.
What's annoying is, with some people you can talk forever.
Like, I went up my friends on Sunday. We've known each other for like five years. We've covered everything about each other yet can just talk all night easily lol. We have developed a rather in-depth odd sense of humour but topics just seem to pop up at will.
I also love having deep conversations / debates and I used to talk with this one guy literally every other night, all night.
Just hours and hours of debate on religion, psychology, philosophy, everything and anything. Never a dull moment, even when talking about dull things, it'd always end up going deeper.
To be fair though he is an incredibly intelligent guy. You wouldn't think it immediately, he's in no way pretentious, but I'm pretty sure he has ADHD or some type of anxiety disorder, he's just like me.
But with this girl now. I mean, she's not dumb or boring. She's pretty switched on but I couldn't exactly have a "deep" debate with her lol. Plus, I doubt girls actually like that, well, unless they do like that lmao. But I'm pretty sure she doesn't.
So, what the hell do we talk about. I'm awful at small talk and just find it mind-numbing but would be quite happy to do it with her because I just love looking at her and hearing her talk.
Problem is though, around her, my brain is literally empty. It's unbelievable. As I'm typing this now for example, I could type till Kingdom come and around certain people, I struggle NOT to talk.
Why can't I be like that with her! I feel so boring around her.
I mean. I'd imagine this is more of a generic human trait than specifically an ADHD trait but I'd still guess that ADHD doesn't help or at least amplifies the anxiety factor.
Or, due to the nature of ADHD does it literally make you only able to converse with people who are... Without meaning to sound condescending "on your level" and able to talk deeply and in detail?
Anyone else have this problem. If so, is anybody here on medication yet and does it help. I'd appreciate any advice on this.
BTW, I'm not shy or reserved around her. I just literally feel like I have ziltch to say.
Thanks.
I'm 18 now and she's 19. We used to hangout and drink a lot and also kiss a lot. Never a relationship though.
Anyway, she's had a baby now but split up with the dad for good.
I'm still crazily in love with her (as I always have been). I told her via txt like the first night I went down there but it was half-jokey and we laughed about it the next day.
Anyway, about a week later I did it again but seriously, like poured my every thought out to her. I know, it's cowardly via text messages but I really haven't got the balls to say it to her face. At least at this stage in my life, plus I kind of assumed she doesn't like me like that even though she's always flirty etc.
She basically said she only likes / loves me as a friend. I was and am still completely gutted. I think she used to have a thing for me but not anymore. I said I'm not sure I can stand to just be friends with her, she said not to be like that though and we would talk about it next time I was down. We didn't though.
I went down last night and sent her a txt when I got back basically saying the same thing. In so many words, I don't think I can remain friends with you because I love you too much and it's driving me crazy.
I still haven't had a txt back so maybe she hasn't got it or I don't know. I think I'll end up taking that back though as I don't think I could handle not seeing her for a long period again.
Anyway, point of this post, sorry for the first part but had to explain it lol. So, point of this post is that we've basically run out of things to say to one another.
First few times was comfortable and I've got a good sense of humour so can manage to turn some silences into laughter by saying odd / quirky things etc.
But we've talked about all the main stuff
- Where we've been past three years
- Who we still see
- Her turd of an ex-boyfriend
- Films
- Old times
- What we're doing for work / future
I mean. Half the time now it's just empty air lol, cringing.
Given that I have ADHD (95% sure, just waiting on referral still), I'd imagine I find it ten times more awkward than it actually is and inflate the situation in my mind. And probably feel more pressure on myself to be the interesting one.
What's annoying is, with some people you can talk forever.
Like, I went up my friends on Sunday. We've known each other for like five years. We've covered everything about each other yet can just talk all night easily lol. We have developed a rather in-depth odd sense of humour but topics just seem to pop up at will.
I also love having deep conversations / debates and I used to talk with this one guy literally every other night, all night.
Just hours and hours of debate on religion, psychology, philosophy, everything and anything. Never a dull moment, even when talking about dull things, it'd always end up going deeper.
To be fair though he is an incredibly intelligent guy. You wouldn't think it immediately, he's in no way pretentious, but I'm pretty sure he has ADHD or some type of anxiety disorder, he's just like me.
But with this girl now. I mean, she's not dumb or boring. She's pretty switched on but I couldn't exactly have a "deep" debate with her lol. Plus, I doubt girls actually like that, well, unless they do like that lmao. But I'm pretty sure she doesn't.
So, what the hell do we talk about. I'm awful at small talk and just find it mind-numbing but would be quite happy to do it with her because I just love looking at her and hearing her talk.
Problem is though, around her, my brain is literally empty. It's unbelievable. As I'm typing this now for example, I could type till Kingdom come and around certain people, I struggle NOT to talk.
Why can't I be like that with her! I feel so boring around her.
I mean. I'd imagine this is more of a generic human trait than specifically an ADHD trait but I'd still guess that ADHD doesn't help or at least amplifies the anxiety factor.
Or, due to the nature of ADHD does it literally make you only able to converse with people who are... Without meaning to sound condescending "on your level" and able to talk deeply and in detail?
Anyone else have this problem. If so, is anybody here on medication yet and does it help. I'd appreciate any advice on this.
BTW, I'm not shy or reserved around her. I just literally feel like I have ziltch to say.
Thanks.