|
Post by laura on Jul 27, 2009 12:15:30 GMT
hello, i have undiagnosed ad/hd and im pretty sure my son has too!
now i have learnt more about adult and child ad/hd i feel a bit more able to be less hard on myself, but still his constant need for attetion, hyperactivity need for constant stimulation and mine too gets in the way and still causes problems most days.
any tips or tricks anyone has found to help wether its parenting an adhd child or parenting an ad/hd child while having ad/hd yourself would be great! ;D
how are you supposed to organise and look after someone else when you cant do it for yourself. ahhhg! ;D
thanx again everyone, i feel like ive been asking for so much help but not contributing in return, but i will, i will! ;D
|
|
|
Post by .... on Aug 27, 2009 22:33:55 GMT
It'll never entirely feel like it.............. But perhaps its a blessing to at least both be in the same boat? Neither of you will have unrealistic expectations of the other.
After that its a case of prioritising and choosing your battles carefully.
|
|
|
Post by Grey Heron on Aug 28, 2009 9:28:23 GMT
I came here looking to post a similar question, my eldest son is spirited as I have said elsewhere, being in his presence stresses me out. I have high expectations of others, 'everyone has to look after me because I am not capable.', that extends to my son being grateful for all that I provide and thus being instantly obedient.
We have been speaking to a help organisation who have reassured us that he is exhibiting normal behaviour and that we need to chill out somemore. I think that my wife caring for three boys ( ages 33, 6, 1.5) is feeling stressed despite my best back pedalling.
I am trying to be grateful for our son, to praise and reward desired behaviour and to give zero attention to the behaviour we can do without. We also give him space to calm down when he is too manic, can I have space to calm down when I need it?
|
|
|
Post by .... on Aug 28, 2009 13:57:55 GMT
Hi Grey Heron
My eldest daughter always had a good grasp on the whole dependence and obedience thing, tho I will say that that wears off a little once they get to age 7 lol. My youngest has always been too 'spirited' to respect it and I think it makes me react to any bad behaviour far more quickly, ironically.
If it eventually turns out that your son is not able to move closer to your expectations then 'Chilling out a bit more' is perhaps reasonable advice once you get past how horribly patronising it must have been to have someone say that!
It sounds like you are already making all the right moves to encourage good behaviour, and you HAVE to have space when you need to calm down! It is essential. It is just often difficult to get it.
One of the best parenting things I ever learned to do was to organise trips out once each week to somewhere that spirited behaviour didn't matter so much. Adventure playgrounds and country parks suit quite well.
My youngest gets to let off steam and my eldest gets a break from the noise of me having to handle her sisters unwanted behaviours. This works for me because getting a break from constant battles over behaviour gives me time to think about what issues I really need address and which can wait.
I've also always made it clear to my youngest, rightly or wrongly, that in doing this I've made a step in her direction and have given her a spell of compromise ( where some of the things I'd normally not tolerate have been accepted) and that I now expect her to compromise for me a little and make effort to work on the things she does that I really cannot tolerate.
Good luck with it all anyway.
|
|