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Post by laura on Sept 24, 2009 10:06:02 GMT
i need to rant a bit today, i feel like im failing miserably as a parent ive only got my son to school on time once since the beggining of term, we usually get there before he goes to assembly at 9 so its not classed as technicaly late because he doesnt go in the late book. but now the headmistress is waiting on the school drive nearly every morning to ask why the children are late, today it was because we saw a hot air balloon flying quite low over the houses so we stood and watched for a bit, its usually because i cant find a matching pair of socks, his uniforms wet in the dryer because i forgot to turn it on the night before, havnt got anything for his luch box ect, or tae just doesnt want to go and i cant leave him to get dressed on his own for even a second because he just starts doing something else, or starts looking for something he neeeds to take to school. hes also got really low self esteem, is always saying how he cant write/read/do maths as well as the other children, saying nobody likes him, his best friend hits him. but i dont know what to beleive because the teachers say hes a lovely boy that gets on well with evryone and people do like him! he went to his 1st party yesterday for someone from school, but he would hardly join in spent most of the time clinging to my leg wanting to go because he was bored or didnt like dancing or playing games he thought couldnt do. i want him to be happy but his homelife isnt helping the house is a mess, most rooms half decorated, piles everywhere, mountains of washed clothes, we forget to eat sometimes, i get bored playing with him and he gets annoyed with me. how can i get bored playing with my son? surely i should be able to do that! i really want to but its like i have to force myself. i dont know how to play with turtles and power rangers, we do art and crafts together and we both like that but he has big ideas that he gets bored and frustrated with quickly and then we both get in a mood! i had post natal deppression when he was a baby, and didnt even want him sometimes, i used to beg my mum to take him and even the health visitor said he might have been better off living with his dad at the time (not a good thing to say to me at the time), now i love him so much but i cant help but feel like its my fault he is the way he is, all saw me do till he was 3 was cry every day i cant even remember most of his early years no first steps, words, nothing. and i still cant beleive im allowed to look after this little person and hes mine. i cant even look after myself! i feel a bit better now sorry its long
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Post by .... on Sept 24, 2009 10:43:06 GMT
First up - Big virtual hugs. I'd be very surprised if you weren't a far better parent than you think. Listening to you in your posts it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job. I tell myself daily that other households run differently yes, but not better. Just differently. If your son didn't adore and trust you, above all others, he'd be the opposite of clingy even in new places he wasn't comfortable at. Don't be so hard on yourself! Regard housekeeping... You are a busy mum, studying? working? I think you are doing an amazing job and not giving yourself credit for any of it. When your son is older he won't remember that you gave him odd socks lol, he might remember watching hot air balloons with you though? And yes he was late for school, but thats work in progress. I think your son is a very lucky little boy to have you as his mum.
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Post by laura on Sept 24, 2009 11:33:45 GMT
thank you chrys have you fed your rabbit?
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Post by forgetnotme on Sept 24, 2009 17:44:13 GMT
hi laura was it a lovely balloon. one day I'm going to a balloonfest i could watch them all day. would you like me to write a letter to your headmistress explaining the predicament you find yourself in. I well remember taking my son out of school one day to see the red arrows at their base. I was very polite and told her when i dropped the other two of at school that said son would not be in today .i was taking him somewhere more excitng. on being told that he couldn't miss school i said what he was doing would be more educational for my son than school, and I wasn't asking I was telling. I think she should cut you some slack. You would have loved getting out to school time in my house. seem to remember it involved lots of screeching like a banshee. I don't remember loads of things from when mine were little but it doesnt seem to have done them any harm. just remember the things that really matter and that is your son loves you and you love him. have a good time and blow the housework you'll have plenty of time for that when he's grown up. Don't let someone else's priorities take precedence over yours hugs and hugs and hugs
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Post by .... on Sept 24, 2009 18:55:18 GMT
Yes! Have fed the rabbit today ;D. The chickens are very pleased it isn't eating their pellets today lol. Poor creature has been living solely on carrots for a couple of days.
The banshee like screeching rings alot of bells forgetmenot! Living in an all female household doesn't especially help it I don't think lol. I don't know how you found it, but after a while I realised the difference between those days and the ones where I gave up yelling translated into approx 45 seconds at the school gate end?
So if its any consolation Laura we've gotten better over time, but my DD didn't get signed into school today until 9.03. (And when I filled out the late book, under the heading 'Reason for lateness?' I just wrote 'Yes'.)
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Post by boo on Sept 24, 2009 20:30:38 GMT
laura laura laura please dont tell yourself you are not doing a good job, crikey, you are mum dad and everything in between to your little boy. as for socks, wait till he gets to my kids age and he'll be wearing odd socks through choice, both of mine do, just tell yourself he's ahead of his schoolmates by a few years, they'll catch up soon enough ;D ……..or you could get him all the same ones and you'll never need to pair them up ever again, every sock a match the more you focus on what you think are your failings the more they will overshadow all of the things you do well, and i am certain these far outweigh odd socks and running late. as for playing, you are his carer, his playmate, his cook, his cleaner, his nurse, his mentor, his companion, his storyteller, his comforter, his cheerer-upper (haha, ever such a word? I think not ;D). but now I reckon thats quite a lot of things to be for one person, and if anyone tells you they manage to do all of these things perfectly, then they’re lying Cut yourself some slack and enjoy your son and moments where you watch the hot air balloons, believe me, these years go far too quickly to waste them on worrying that you’re not good enough, and in whose book anyway, not your sons i bet ya that more hugs from me xx and i remember a few screeching banshee moments too and lots of running around in ever decreasing circles
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Post by forgetnotme on Sept 24, 2009 20:50:09 GMT
way to go chrysallis love your reason ;D ;D ;D and laura one of my raison d'etre for my kids' self esteem was that I was going to do things so that they wouldn't end up feeling like i did when I was growing up so enjoy your time with your son. and remember that the parent who worries about being no good isn't the one who is no good. and what's this with late books in primary??? Why stigmatise a child for something they have no control over. oh silly me this is the world were you're not allowed to have hidden disabilities only 'real ones like deafness and blindness and broken legs. It used to really upset me when my youngest said why can't I have a broken leg at least then 'they' could see there was something wrong. just remember some teachers are stupid and life is much easier for them if you just learn without any input. happy swan and balloon spotting to you all you're the best
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Post by laura on Sept 25, 2009 8:46:44 GMT
thankyou everyone, i feel alot better today ;D you helped me go from a potentially terrible day to one that wasnt that bad. just writing it all down helped, but your replies were invaluable and helped me put things into perspective. so thankyou! ;D it was non uniform today so tae went dressed as a power ranger! bless him he loves dressing up. and we were late but we had fun getting dressed apart from yesterday i had been trying not to worry about being late if i do it just makes me rush, get very stressed and start yelling and even later! love your reason chrys i might use that next time! ;D and boo what a great idea with the socks! i took him out of school for an afternoon last year to play in the snow! it was far more important than school, we had a great time and we dont get much hear, the school wasnt too happy but hey nevermind ;D i get frustrated too, for my son and myself, i dont like to mention ad/hd any more, peole were more accepting when they thought it was just the way i was, now they think im just trying to use excuses agrhhh! it gets me angry that people made your daughter feel like that forgetnotme, what kind of world are we living in ive got my assessment monday!!!! ;D (hopefully with someone that can help me) and should hear the results of my dyslexia screening from uni today. after mondays appointment im going to have to have a word with the headmistress shes usually nice but as usual is just getting fed up with me being persistantly late, so hopefully she'l be a bit more understanding and cut me some slack!
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Post by boo on Sept 25, 2009 18:23:11 GMT
glad to see ya feeling better today
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2009 19:41:16 GMT
hey laura, how did your assessment go? ;D
-m
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Post by laura on Sept 25, 2009 19:52:49 GMT
hi, my assesments not till monday but i got my dyslexia screening results this is what she said 'The results of the DAST on the day do indicate some characteristics of dyslexia although this was rather more to do with your speed of reading, writing and processing rather than specific errors. We will therefore be e mailing your Course Tutor and Registry to recommend that your receive 25% extra time in all examinations and timed assessments as without it I think you will be at a disadvantage. In addition we will put in place Enhanced Library Services which means that you can borrow items from the library for longer.' this is good i always find it hard to finish in the time set i dont quite get it tho, does this mean i could have dyslexia and whats proccessing? any insight would be great thanx ;D
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Post by boo on Sept 25, 2009 21:49:15 GMT
hey laura thats fantastic news about the extra time and enhanced library services. i dont know about dyslexia tests, but slow processing was one of the things that was noted in my cognitive tests during my dx. it was about me getting the answers right, so not unintelligent (apparantly ) but taking somewhat longer to get there than people that would be considered my peers ie, other females of a similar age etc
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Post by .... on Sept 25, 2009 22:03:44 GMT
Hey Laura. I was diagnosed with a dysgraphic type of dyslexia in the second year of Uni. (I was very cross! Struggled all my life and thought I must just be a numpty). Course when I say diagnosed. I was unsure if I WAS diagnosed till it came through in writing cause they like to say things like 'exhibit symptoms concurrent with dyslexia' when talking down the phone at you. Anyone else find that professionals do this whenever referring to invisible conditions? The uni paid for me to be assessed by an independent educational pyschologist. My IQ's for all things came out very high except for one relating to me symbolic processing/transferring information or something? etc, as with you this was a speed not accuracy thing. They seemed to be testing the speed at which I could decode symbols and write them down. I got a very detailed report a few weeks after the results/recommendations. I then had to do forms for disabled students allowance so the LEA would fund the recommendations - which were mostly technology like dictaphone, computer speech recog software etc. I was allowed to claim expenses for any extra printing n stuff as well. I got enhanced library services too - which was bloody useful! Cause I'm really bad at remembering to take books back ;D. The 25% extra time I was given in examinations would have been a godsend. But enforced sitting still makes me crazy and it just felt like increased torture so I think I might not have used it . Silly me! If I were to do it all over I'd use it for loo breaks/change of scenery lol. Sorry if tis too much insight, am rambling as usual . Good luck settling in and shout if you need anything.
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Post by .... on Sept 25, 2009 22:09:38 GMT
Lol. Just read your post boo. 'but taking somewhat longer to get there than people that would be considered my peers ie, other females of a similar age etc'.
Ironic really. Cause it sounds like your results would have come out pretty middle o the range if they had compared you to me or Laura ;D .
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Post by twix on Sept 29, 2009 23:38:15 GMT
Leisure
William Henry Davies
What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
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Post by boo on Sept 30, 2009 11:52:27 GMT
haha chrys, yeah i think you could be right there ;D twix, i love that poem, and reading it just then made me wanna take a nice stroll along a canalside and watch the swans take off to flight, the hot air balloons drift slowly by and just take time to sit back and enjoy all that we miss, instead i am stuck in an office with no external windows in the middle of an industrial estate and couldnt even tell you if its sunny or rainy outside. perhaps i should treat myself and go take a look, we have a view of the car park if i venture into the stairwell / front entrance, or a view of the yard if i go into the kitchen hmmmmmmmm decisions decisions ok, kitchen it is......... i get coffee that way too ;D
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Post by laura on Sept 30, 2009 13:12:40 GMT
thats a lovely poem thanx twix, ive jsut been on a school trip to wollaton hall which is near me, a huge beautiful hall, in pictureresque gardens, it was great there were deer and stuffed animals, i think i was more interested than the children! ;D
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Post by twix on Sept 30, 2009 17:01:43 GMT
I thought it could be a good one to write in the late book LOL
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Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2009 17:07:50 GMT
just thinking about that 'late book' makes me angry!!!
-i'm SO glad i don't have to deal with that kinda stuff right now!... ;D
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Post by laura on Sept 30, 2009 19:45:07 GMT
it really would itd take a while to write and would fill the page but be so worth it to see what they say lol ;D
i know matt the late book is horrible, hes 5! and he hates being in the late book
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Post by .... on Sept 30, 2009 19:56:51 GMT
I'm not sure if the Late book is to punish the kids, or to hold up the parents and make them even later to wherever they are going. Whichever way, we get a late letter once we've filled in the book. And I play a little game with myself to see if I can fold it into a decent paper airplane in the time it takes me to walk the 10 yrds to the gate. Was getting quite gd till the headteacher caught me doing it this morning. She did not look amused . I sooo need an attitude transplant!
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Post by laura on Sept 30, 2009 20:28:45 GMT
lmao ;D we dont get letters, i cant beleive you get letters! what a waste of paper, you should ask them if they are trying to kill the forests off a bit quicker ( although i am a sinner in saving the world, my house looks like blackpool illuminations and when the recyling bin is full because it hasnt been emptied for weeks it has to go in the normal one) a good game tho it sounds like a classic kodak (or is it poloriod) moment
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Post by boo on Sept 30, 2009 21:00:28 GMT
although i am a sinner in saving the world, my house looks like blackpool illuminations and when the recyling bin is full because it hasnt been emptied for weeks it has to go in the normal one ooops, me too laura, especially the blackpool illuminations ;D
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Post by haydreamer on Sept 30, 2009 21:54:18 GMT
Laura, big hugs ;D u did the right thing, spending time with your little boy watching hot air balloons, time goes by so quickly, and am sure these are precious memories that your son will remember, its your time he needs, whatever you do together Beautiful poem Twix, really calming xx
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Post by Deleted on Oct 1, 2009 13:54:01 GMT
well said haydreamer!
- i don't have any kids yet, but when i finally get around to it, i'm gonna be a right nuisance to their teachers!
my parents had a 'teacher knows best' mentality, and despite the fact that i had all sorts of trouble in school, i dont think they ever made 1 complaint, or wrote 1 letter to back me up!
so because of that, if a kid of mine gets grief off the teachers, i'm gonna get stuck in! ;D
for the mums & dads on here... it must be SO hard for you to have to leave your kids with those idiots (teachers) all day long!...
-no wonder they call parenting the hardest job in the world!
-matt
note- for some reason MarvelousMatt is in a very anti-authority mood today!
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Post by laura on Oct 1, 2009 20:57:18 GMT
i can just imagine, i feel sorry for your future childrens teachers ;D im sure ill get the hang of this assertivness and stupid teachers malarky. at least i havnt got the teachers know best mentality, but obviously ive got the customer knows best mentality when im a customer, bit off track but hey... ill be a pro by secondary school youd think they want to help the children tho wouldnt you? the whole things a muddle, and so is my brain it seems ive just read that back and it doesnt make much sense but im sure ull catch my drift i love the smily sunglasses face ;D
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