Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2009 13:46:04 GMT
now i know from the offset yr going to say, get a professional clinician to assess me, I still do not have a diagnosis although i have been put on meds, but i'm wondering about bi polar's, purely ecause my grandfather had both.
I'm not sure of the symptoms of bi polars although i know i have the symptoms of ADHD wat concerns me is how i feel wen im low.
This week for instance is a week, where the funds have dried up and we're almost down to bread and water, now i know that's why im feeling low, but it seems to just magnify everything negative in my life, I'm on incapacity and sick of being poor, my place is a mess, my life seems pretty pointless and the world wudnt rlly miss me if i wasn't here, I mean wen im low? I'm so depressed if i had sleeping pills id take the lot, the fact is my prospects r low and my head is stuck so firmly up my backside lil things that used to satisfy my 'happiness' no longer do.
I used to get by on one good thing happening a day, i cud go on lolcats if depressed and it wud lift me, now? Now I jus see a pointless human eing whos articulately wasted has few friends and who's life has bin a mere blot on the landscape, I cant find the energy tto do anything, my life drastically improved wen first put on meds, but seems to have spiralled out of control, I have an appointment on monday to see a shrink about being assessed for the ADHD but i know in my heart its lip service and im SO depressed im not sure il last that long, at the sae time im afraid of dying to the point im having nightmares about the finality of it all.
I feel so wasted, my life has bin so wasted, everyone else seems to be in the fast lane and ive bin left behind on the hard shoulder.
To be honest i dont like my life anymore, i want it to end. I mean really, I've bin feeling this for so long now, i actually dont understand why im still here. I don't know wat to do, i mean im a nobody living on a council estate wiv the only prospect of livin this same old borin life forever, the thing i love to do is write but thas ruined coz i cant think straight and no body wants to read it, so wats the point? I've wasted years trying to keep my head above water i jus dont think its worth it anymore, my life is so hard, ALL the time wats the point? I see other people and theyre going to work acheiving their dreams and i aint got a chance in hell of acheiving ANYTHING, i mean, i sit in the same chair everyday all day do the same thing all the time and my mind is starved, im totally depressed deflated, yet starting a new seems pointless, im only 35 but feel like my life is totally over, i hate my house, i hate living here, i hate that everything in it is so cheep and crappy, i hate that no matter wat i do to it it isnt good enough, i jus wish i cud start again, from scratch, ive wasted so many oppertunities and im fed up wiv arrogant, superiour people making me feel like a scrounge even thou i get the disability for a stroke i suffered yrs ago, its like i have to justify eerything in my life, im a looser so why am i still here? I hate this world!
and this is incoherant babbling but i dont know wat else to do or say
I'm not sure of the symptoms of bi polars although i know i have the symptoms of ADHD wat concerns me is how i feel wen im low.
This week for instance is a week, where the funds have dried up and we're almost down to bread and water, now i know that's why im feeling low, but it seems to just magnify everything negative in my life, I'm on incapacity and sick of being poor, my place is a mess, my life seems pretty pointless and the world wudnt rlly miss me if i wasn't here, I mean wen im low? I'm so depressed if i had sleeping pills id take the lot, the fact is my prospects r low and my head is stuck so firmly up my backside lil things that used to satisfy my 'happiness' no longer do.
I used to get by on one good thing happening a day, i cud go on lolcats if depressed and it wud lift me, now? Now I jus see a pointless human eing whos articulately wasted has few friends and who's life has bin a mere blot on the landscape, I cant find the energy tto do anything, my life drastically improved wen first put on meds, but seems to have spiralled out of control, I have an appointment on monday to see a shrink about being assessed for the ADHD but i know in my heart its lip service and im SO depressed im not sure il last that long, at the sae time im afraid of dying to the point im having nightmares about the finality of it all.
I feel so wasted, my life has bin so wasted, everyone else seems to be in the fast lane and ive bin left behind on the hard shoulder.
To be honest i dont like my life anymore, i want it to end. I mean really, I've bin feeling this for so long now, i actually dont understand why im still here. I don't know wat to do, i mean im a nobody living on a council estate wiv the only prospect of livin this same old borin life forever, the thing i love to do is write but thas ruined coz i cant think straight and no body wants to read it, so wats the point? I've wasted years trying to keep my head above water i jus dont think its worth it anymore, my life is so hard, ALL the time wats the point? I see other people and theyre going to work acheiving their dreams and i aint got a chance in hell of acheiving ANYTHING, i mean, i sit in the same chair everyday all day do the same thing all the time and my mind is starved, im totally depressed deflated, yet starting a new seems pointless, im only 35 but feel like my life is totally over, i hate my house, i hate living here, i hate that everything in it is so cheep and crappy, i hate that no matter wat i do to it it isnt good enough, i jus wish i cud start again, from scratch, ive wasted so many oppertunities and im fed up wiv arrogant, superiour people making me feel like a scrounge even thou i get the disability for a stroke i suffered yrs ago, its like i have to justify eerything in my life, im a looser so why am i still here? I hate this world!
and this is incoherant babbling but i dont know wat else to do or say