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Post by magicnick1990 on Nov 7, 2009 0:44:01 GMT
Okay, I have a girl coming over my house to stay tomorrow.
We kissed etc. last Sunday when both drunk, out in town. Nothing else, she went home and... We met up once earlier this week and have been texting back n forth since.
We don't properly know each other but 'of' each other for years. Know each other by name and we're from the same sorta area so have seen each other through other people like... Before.
So that makes it a little easier. I emphasize little.
But when I met up with her earlier this week I actually drank six pints in two hours first before I met her. Just because I was so anxious of appearing boring, having nothing to say etc.
I have a quirky... Random sense of humour so can often compensate for lack of real conversational substance with that lmao.
But tomorrow... Just the two of us, in my room, watching a movie or two... Maybe drinking. I'm just fucking terrified of having nothing to say or looking like a cock lmao.
I struggle to be 'normal'. I see other guys with girls and the actions etc. It's like they just instinctively 'know' how to be around, touch, talk to and handle girls. I've no doubt deprived myself of this obviously taught set of skills by lack of actual girlfriends in school.
I mean, once we're tonguing each other or getting down to it I have no problem, but you know those... Subtle little kisses and touches etc. I just have no real concept of what I'm doing haha.
Also what if we just run out of things... Dead air... Aww, makes me cringe. I'm actually contemplating... Well, I am, going to get Vodka before I see her and get pretty drunk lol.
It's the only shortcut right now, I haven't got long enough to permanently overcome my anxiety and lack of true self-confidence.
I actually, not long ago, month or so was meeting up semi-regularly with this girl who I am... Was... Am... Maybe still in love with completely. We never were an item, but good friends, just used to go down to chat and get drunk.
A few times, before going, along with a few cans I actually... Tried to force my brain to be more interesting and funny before going down lmao. Literally, obsessively reading into human behaviour, women, interactions, exploring my sense of personal humour and continuously trying to affirm to myself that I'm fucking Bond lmao.
Not literally, he's a twat but you get the idea.
Any advice for tomorrow though, please tell me you're all like me too lmao. Also, girls, do you think like this too or do you just expect the guy to do most of the work because it's 'the guy' lmao?
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Post by andy12345 on Nov 7, 2009 2:44:25 GMT
I'm in a worse scenario than you, if that helps. You still have the lifeforce of a youngpup. Just let me find my walking stick..... Can't really say much more except for the cliched phrases.... 1) Be yourself - WHY? - well, if you try to be something you are not, what will happen further down the line? Of course, it depends what you want currently........and only you know that. 2) She is 1 woman out of many (well, barely I suppose, maturity wise..) Don't act like she is the only one on the planet...so stay cool (yeah right, easier said than done.......) Same goes for women looking for men.. No one really wants a sort of lapdog, unless it suits both parties... 3) Try and take a step by step approach (lol, again, easier said than done) a) meet b) talk c) do stuff d) food e) talk random shi$ and see how it's received.. You might find her so damn boring....... 4) Try to be consistent in your thoughts, but not too pig headed. 5) OR just be totally random, spontaneous, all over the place and if she does not like it.........tough, byeee. Of course, its always easier to type advice..in practice, groan, who knows what will happen?? Ps, are you sure you are not a cyborg trying to learn human protocols o.O Don't forget to watch Dexter....
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Post by magicnick1990 on Nov 7, 2009 4:24:47 GMT
Lmao. That's what it feels like most of the time.
I've actually joked that to my friends, that it's like I'm an Alien that they constantly have to pass off as a real human lmao. Because before we enter any social situation or w.e well, like my one friend will sometimes say something like "Okay be normal now" lmfao.
Because all of my friends act differently with me than they do around everyone else. Which is odd but sort of flattering and nice to think. And I know they act pretty much the same to other friends as they do around "everyone else" but not me. Odd lol.
On the advice, yeah, thanks. I was anticipating this sort of advice and I of course already know it but... Well I don't know what I'm expecting lmao.
As if anyone can just say to me: "Okay Nick, just flick your top eyelid four times, scratch your left leg and you'll be an instantly confident, funny, non-stop talking hero to her".
And yeah it's not really being myself I find too difficult. It's just having nothing to talk about. Like with close friends you can talk shit for hours and even if it's silent on occasion, it's not uncomfortable.
But with a girl, it's like the whole thing is a challenge to be cool, interesting etc. like it's a test you have to pass lmao. And I never have anything to say, normal conversations usually make cringe, I constantly have to inject some stupid piece of personal humour to freak them out or laugh or whatever.
Just to make myself feel more comfortable with the situation lmao. Ah whatever, I'll just get drunk before she comes.
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Post by andy12345 on Nov 7, 2009 5:30:46 GMT
I forgot to say good luck and all that stuff.
I always wondered if I was just the friend that should hang inside peoples wardrobes on a coat hanger ready to be taken out when amusement is required.....
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2009 10:45:21 GMT
Hi Nick or Jon, I just thought I'd throw in my thoughts, for what it's worth. Just remember that she is half of the equation too, you don't have to take everything onto your shoulders. She is feeling the same excitement and nervousness that you are and she is half responsible for the success of the evening. Just try to remember that you don't have to try to seem anything you are not, she already knows you and she already likes you - if not she wouldn't be coming round to yours. This means that you have already done the hardest part - without even noticing! It's good to be funny and full of jokes and stories, but remember with most women it's even more important to show that you are interested in their thoughts and their lives. Make sure that you ask her some questions about herself, family etc. and what she likes and what her dreams are and REALLY LISTEN!!! This doesn't have to go on for ever, since you will both probably end up being pretty drunk soon enough and your nerves will be a thing of the past. I think we often get it wrong by thinking that women want us to dazzle them with our anecdotes and adventures, actually most people just want to feel comfortable and interesting. Women actually talk a lot more than men in general (no honest...) they are communicators. So let her do her fair share of the conversation. Remember too that you have an excellent topic of conversation in terms of your mutual acquaintances over the years, that's really useful. It might be an idea to have a selection of films and music of different types at hand, so you can be sure to put on something that she likes. You don't have to make all the decisions, ask her do you want to watch a film now or listen to some more music? Would you prefer a comedy or a thriller? etc etc You could have some little bits and bobs around like sweets or biscuits or nuts (home-made popcorn is always a good one), just little things to wheel out at different moments to show that you have been thinking of her and that the evening is important to you. Don't imagine that you know how easy or difficult it is for other people just by looking at them - you don't, and they don't know if it is hard for you. You have no choice but to do what comes naturally to you, anything else seems forced. Don't worry about every little touch and kiss being perfect, all you have to do is listen out for the sounds and body reaction to what you do. Her reactions are a sort of guide/secret pathway for you to pick up and follow. If they are happy sounds and movements, do more of that, if she kicks you straight out of bed, you turned left when you should have done a right. You look like a handsome guy, you have a girl who likes you coming over to stay, you like her too - what more could you want? Everything is in place just enjoy yourself... If, at any point, you do feel your nerves jangling you could always try to imagine her naked.... Good Luck, I'm sure it'll work out perfectly.
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Post by andy12345 on Nov 7, 2009 12:00:59 GMT
"you could imagine her naked" rofl.
Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, also, I think that a person's response to another person's attitude/behaviour is down to their previous relationships. If they (man or woman) were with a person that was full on trying to achieve world records, always had a committed social life blah blah, then they may want a change from that. Some people are just too driven, aren't they? I personally could not handle being around someone (even friends) who are so driven that they go all around the planet etc or always active, argh, it's too much.
Similarly, if the person was a lifeless couch potato with a world record ambition of how many beers, how much tv they could watch and how many times they could break wind in 1 hour etc, then the partner may want a wind free partner with more activity potential than a snail going next door "be back in a week" etc.
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Post by forgetnotme on Nov 7, 2009 15:15:40 GMT
slow down nick or john. what makes you think everyone else "instinctively knows" how to be around girls. it just aint true. everybody and I mean everybody has felt like you. anyone who denies it aint telling the truth. we all have to learn. some start to learn earlier than others but lets face it we're all different. don't worry about having nothing to say. Have you ever thought maybe she likes your random sense of humour. she must fancy you else she wouldnt be coming round. my advice is just have a chill out and let things happen as and when. there is nothing wrong with a bit of silence it might even give her a chance to get a word in edgeways, or whatever. when you meet the right girl you'll know and things will just happen. till then it's just a lot of practice so enjoy. and if it doesnt go smoothly then you learn from it. you've already made a great start. just carry on the good work don't drink to get over it or you may never do so. laughter is a much better icebreakier.
anyway good luck and you can do it.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2009 15:25:10 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2009 17:50:35 GMT
Omg good luck!! Im off out so can't read properly!!
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Post by Atticus on Nov 9, 2009 20:22:52 GMT
Funny video. The message seems a little depressing though (or perhaps I'm just in a pessimistic mood).
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Post by magicnick1990 on Nov 9, 2009 22:56:09 GMT
Yeah that video actually made me laughed. Bookmarked it.
Especially the switching back to that guy as the other was talking and the ironic, stiff smile lmao.
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